


All the King's Horses

by N3kkra



Series: Once Upon a Mass Effect [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: But don't we all?, But from Hannah Shepard and Ashley Williams, But the slow burn isn't who you think it is, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Romance, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Infiltrator (Mass Effect), Mass Effect 1, Minor canon divergence, Nihlus Lives, Paragon Commander Shepard, Shepard totes has a turian fetish, Slow Burn, Smut, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), Spacer (Mass Effect), Xenophilia, Xenophobia, added original characters to keep things interesting, with a little bit of renegade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2018-10-29 23:57:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 19
Words: 85,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10864797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N3kkra/pseuds/N3kkra
Summary: Eden Prime: where it all started. But Xelvadora Shepard didn't know that; she didn't know just how far she would have to go to save the galaxy. She was going to lose friends, comrades, allies; but that's how war was. Only, no one was ready for this war. Not the Alliance, the Council, nor the crew of the Normandy.But if anyone can save the galaxy, it's Shepard and her team.





	1. Monday's child

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Acedovah (DragonoftheMidwest)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonoftheMidwest/gifts), [TheClumsyScribe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheClumsyScribe/gifts), [Lady_Trevelyan84](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Trevelyan84/gifts).



> Thank you to my Beta Readers (to whom this work is dedicated)!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A twelve year old Xel Shepard prepares for another move with her marine parents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monday's Child:
> 
> Monday's child is fair of face,  
> Tuesday's child is full of grace,  
> Wednesday's child is full of woe,  
> Thursday's child has far to go,  
> Friday's child is loving and giving,  
> Saturday's child works hard for a living,  
> But the child who is born on the Sabbath day  
> Is bonnie and blithe and good and gay.
> 
>  
> 
> So this is the reason why my other fics have sat dormant. I heard about Andromeda, and I figured I would play the other three before picking up the fourth, and then this started running through my head. SO! Here it is, I hope my readers can forgive the neglect my other fics have suffered from.

**17 Years Ago**

            Xel flipped through her book as her mother and father argued again. It wasn’t anything bad, just how to pack their things for their next move. She wasn’t a child anymore, she understood what moving meant now, even when her parents promised her it would be different.

            The book she had was an old one from her years in the Sol System. It was about dinosaurs, one of her favorite subjects. She had a favorite that was commonly overlooked, the utahraptor. It was larger than the velociraptor, and had all the qualities one enjoys from the smaller theropod.

            “Xelvadora, will you _please_ put that damned book away?” Hannah Shepard barked and stepped up to the girl, frowning down at the page she was looking at. Her nose wrinkled in disgust.

            “Let her be,” John sighed and crossed his arms.

            Xel closed the book and looked up at her mother, “You’re just upset because they remind you of the turians.”

            The disdain on her mother’s face was the only answer that she needed to know she was right. The woman continued anyway, “They’re an egotistical people who value military like a religion. The Council all but relies on them for their armies, fueling that mentality. They think they can do anything they wish if it falls under–”

            “Hannah, please,” John sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. She stopped and huffed, nodding as she turned away.

            “I’m going to finish packing,” she declared as she left.

            John knelt beside Xel and gave her a kind smile, “She’s just mad because you’re so open to the aliens.”

            “We’re all aliens to each other,” the girl said, the pale mauve eyes they shared locked on each other and he nodded.

            “Yeah, we are. The turians, asari, salarians… they’re more alien to us than to each other. Your mother… and a lot of humans, feel that means it’s us against them, but we can’t think that way, Nelwyn.”

            Xel snorted at the use of her middle name. It was almost arrogant of him, seeing as it meant ‘daughter of a champion’, but when asked he insisted it referred to her mother. She knew better, though. “I met one of the turians,” she said, keeping her voice low. “He was young, almost old enough to go into training for their army. We got along okay.”

            “Don’t tell your mother, and _please_ don’t grow up to bring one of those birds home… I don’t think I could keep her from disowning you,” he chuckled and Xel smirked.

            “No promises.”

            “Of course not. Now, finish packing and get on to bed,” he rustled the auburn hair her mother had given her and left her to her book.

            One more time, Xel flipped it open to the raptors. The turians were a lot like them, but more… human. She smiled at that thought, her mother would rage if she heard her say that out loud. That didn’t mean it wasn’t true. Get passed their face, and you had a humanoid physic. Two arms with shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands and fingers –though only three digits per– with a chest, hips, two legs, knees, and feet –again, a little different, walking on the balls of their feet with what looked like their heels raised.

            Xelvadora closed the picture book and slipped it into her box and grinned as she headed to her room to fold some more clothes before bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Xel might be more of a Thursday Child... or Wednesday.


	2. Jack and Jill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xel goes to Eden Prime accompanied by a Council Spectre. Shit hits the fan, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jack and Jill
> 
> Jack and Jill went up the hill  
> To fetch a pail of water  
> Jack fell down and broke his crown,  
> And Jill came tumbling after

**Present**

            Commander Xelvadora Shepard stepped into the conference room to meet with Captain Anderson, but rather, found the Spectre assigned to oversee their ‘simple’ shakedown mission. Most of the crew was wary of him, didn’t trust him on more than one front –namely his only answering to the council, which put him above the law, and the fact he was a turian.

            Xel didn’t much care either way, she was more concerned with his constant hovering. She couldn’t go anywhere without nearly running right into him. Earlier, for instance, when she’d come onto the bridge to speak with Navigator Pressley, he’d been there, waiting _too_ casually leaned up against a wall. So, coming here now to find him waiting for her didn’t surprise her in the least.

            “I was hoping you’d get here first, Shepard,” Nihlus Kryik’s two-toned voice sounded almost like an echo, but close together, and vibrated in his throat. He was darker than most of the turians she dealt with, his plates taking on a dark redish-brown tint, several shades deeper than her hair, with near white facial tattoos marking his home colony.

            “Oh? Something we need to talk about?” she stood with her back straight and her arms behind her. His bright green eyes stood out against the near black sockets they rested in, and contrasted against his hide, showing every movement they made.

            “I’m interested in this world we’re going to: Eden Prime. I’ve heard it’s quite beautiful.” He turned away from her, looking at the picture on the vid-screen of the planet in question. Her own pale gaze flitted over to it and she nodded.

            “I’ve never been there, but I’ve heard it’s similar to Earth,” she said easily and watched him turn back to look at her, pacing a few meters back and forth as he continued to speak. He had a different way of moving than the other turians she’d seen, looking more… predatory than like a soldier.

            “Yes, it’s become something of a symbol for your people, hasn’t it? Proof that humanity can not only establish colonies across the galaxy, but protect them,” his back was to her again, and she felt her body go stiff. “But how safe is it really?”

            Her gaze narrowed at the back of his head, where his fringe stretched back over the high collar of his armor. Xel stepped forward, “Do you know something?”

            “Your people are still newcomers, Shepard,” Nihlus turned back to her. She reexamined him quickly, he wasn’t armed, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t dangerous. “The galaxy can be a very dangerous place: is the Alliance _truly_ ready for this?”

            Xel stepped toward him, she had her pistol on her hip, shotgun, assault rifle, and sniper rifle on her back, and her omni-blade on her arm ready for activation. She could probably get a good strike in on him before he could get his talons on her throat…

            The door to the conference room hissed open and Shepard straightened up into her attention stance, looking back at Captain Anderson as he entered. “I think it’s about time we told the Commander what’s really going on,” he started saying as the door closed.

            Xel’s pale lavender eyes flicked over to Nihlus who had tilted his head toward her, allowing his arms to fall from where they’d been crossed over his broad chest. “This mission is far more than a simple shakedown run.”

            “I figured there was something you weren’t telling us,” Xel said, returning her attention to the Captain. The Spectre’s interest in Eden Prime made more sense now, he just… had an odd way of speaking. Obviously he didn’t spend much time around _people_. At least, not anymore, she had met him once before, and back then he was a member of a small, small crew on an even smaller ship than the Normandy they were currently occupying.

            “We’re making a covert pickup on Eden Prime,” Anderson continued. “That’s why we needed the stealth systems operational.”

            “What’re we picking up?”

            “A research team unearthed some sort of beacon during an excavation. It was prothean.”

            That caught Xel’s attention, and she looked over at the turian who was watching Anderson as he crossed the room and took his place beside the Spectre. The Citadel, the drive cores in their ships, the mass relays that slingshot those ships across the galaxy –all were traced back to prothean technology. The last time the humans made a discovery like this their understanding of tech jumped forward two hundred years. So naturally, that meant this was important, and no further delay could be allowed. “What’re the details?”

            “Eden Prime doesn’t have the facilities to deal with something like this,” Anderson’s creased face showed his concern as he kept his dark eyes on Xel. The way they both watched her was making her feel like there was even more she wasn’t being told. “We need to bring the beacon back to the Citadel for proper study.”

            Nihlus spoke now, “Obviously this goes beyond just human interest, Commander. This discovery could affect every species in council space.” Then he stepped forward, so that he was standing only mere feet in front of her. Xel was a tall woman, but even so, she only stood to look right into the turian’s throat. “The beacon is not the only reason I am here, Shepard.”

            “Nihlus wants to see you in action, Shepard,” Anderson said, and she felt her heart pick up. She didn’t need any more information passed that, but she wasn’t going to stop him from confirming her thoughts. There was only one reason that a decorated Spectre would want to witness an N7 marine’s tactics. “He’s here to evaluate you.”

            “I guess that explains why I bump into him every time I turn around,” she said and forced a smile. She tried to keep her eyes on the Captain, but she couldn’t help but look at the turian as he moved again, seeming unable to remain still. His arms crossed again, and his head bowed forward slightly.

            “The Alliance has been pushing for this for a long time. Humanity wants a larger role in shaping interstellar policy. We want more say with the Citadel council. The Spectres represent the council’s power and authority. If they accept a human into their ranks; it shows how far we’ve come.” Anderson always knew how to speak, using his hands only when he needed to drive a point home, like now, beating his fist once into his open palm.

            “You showed a strong will to live on Akuze, and a commendable calmness under pressure. Not many could stand seeing their entire unit taken out like you did.” Nihlus’s dark face showed he was being honest, and she cleared her throat, nodding to him. Akuze was a sore spot for her, even after six years. Most people thought it was a weakness, but he didn’t. “That’s why I put your name forward as a candidate for the Spectres.”

            This… surprised her. “Why would a turian want a human in the Spectres?” she asked before she could stop herself. It was… more polite than asking why _he_ had done it. She had only met Nihlus once before, between missions while both their ships were docked at a fuel depot. She hadn’t known he was a Spectre, and he hadn’t showed an interest in her military career. They’d ended up at a poker table with some drifters, where she lost her credits to the turian in the black and red armor that stood in front of her now, looking no different. When he came onto the Normandy she’d resisted bringing up the occurrence and joking about him buying something fancy with her credits.

            “Not all turians resent humanity,” he started, matter-of-factly, “some of us see the potential in your species. We see what you have to offer the rest of the galaxy and to the Spectres. We are an elite group, it is rare to find an individual with the skills we seek.” Then he flared his mandibles and tilted his head, “I don’t care that you’re human, Shepard, I only care you can get the job done.”

            She smiled privately, doing her best to hide it, but his emerald eyes tracked it. “Just tell me what I have to do.”

            “I need to see your skills for myself, Commander. Eden Prime will be the first of several missions together,” he said with his mandibles shifting. 

            “You’ll be in charge of the ground team, secure the beacon and get it onto the ship ASAP,” Anderson was saying, drawing Shepard away from her thoughts. “Nihlus will accompany you to observe the mission.”

            “Just give the word, Captain.”

            “We should be getting close to–”

            “ _Captain! We’ve got a problem_ ,” Joker’s voice came over the comms and Xel reflexively looked up despite not being able to see the pilot speaking.

            “What’s wrong, Joker?” Anderson turned away from them.

            “ _Transmission from Eden Prime, sir. You better see this!_ ”

            “Bring it up on screen,” Anderson stepped around Shepard and she looked at Nihlus as he turned around. She stood behind them, allowing them better views of the vid-screen. The moment gunfire filtered through the audio, though, she was beside her captain. The picture was by no means clear, but it was obviously what was happening.

            Battle.

            The camera looked like it was mounted to someone’s helmet, but they weren’t firing a weapon, or even looked armed. A soldier in Phoenix armor came forward and pushed the cameraman down shouting, at them before she turned and started firing on whatever was attacking them. The feed went to static as the person turned too quickly, and then settled on several soldiers before pausing as an officer came up to them and started speaking.

            “We are under attack! Taking heavy casualties!” He looked everywhere but at the camera, pausing only long enough to shoot. “I repeat: heavy casualties! We can’t–” he was cut off by something exploding, causing the speakers to pop. “–eed evac! They came out of nowhere. We need–”

            The cameraman fell away from the officer and looked around at the other soldiers who were frozen as they gawked at something off screen. Then the picture whipped around to face what they were looking at and Shepard involuntarily cocked her head, her eyes narrowed at the screen. Before she could make it out, though, the static took over with a blur of explosions, and the sound shot out again.

            “ _Everything cuts out after that. No comm traffic at all. Just goes dead. There’s nothing._ ”

            Anderson’s brows drew together. “Reverse and hold at thirty-eight point five.”

            Xel’s eyes were locked on the screen involuntarily. It was a… ship? It looked like a massive octopus? Or… tick. It was reaching for the ground like a hand in the frozen frame.

            She glanced sideways and noticed Nihlus’s mandibles pulse, his glowing eyes faint in the darkness as he took in the sight before him. The ship was huge, bigger than should have been allowed to land on the planet. Bright purple lightning was shooting out from the ship, adding to the eerie feel that shuddered down her spine.

            “Status report,” Anderson barked, breaking her from her trance.

            “Seventeen minutes out, Captain. No other Alliance ships in the area.”

            “Take us in, Joker. Fast and quiet.” His face was scrunched up, and his eyes narrowed before he looked over at Nihlus and added, “This mission just got a lot more complicated.”

            The turian kept his attention locked on the ship, studying it with narrowed eyes. “A small strike team can move quickly without drawing attention. It’s our best chance to secure the beacon.”

            The Captain nodded, “Grab your gear and meet us in the cargo hold.” Nihlus didn’t look at either of them as he left. “Tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up, Commander. You’re going in,” he turned to her as he spoke. But Xel’s attention was locked on the ship.

            On the _tick_.

 

 

 

 

            “Your team’s the muscle in this operation, Commander. Go in heavy and head straight for the dig site,” Anderson ordered.

            Xel looked over at the men behind her. Alenko spoke first, “What about survivors, Captain?”

            She didn’t know Jenkins well, but she had been on several missions with the lieutenant. Kaidan was all heart, sometimes, a little too much. He was a solid soldier, a biotic, and all around, good man. There wasn’t a cell in his body that could do wrong. So _of course_ he would be the first to ask about survivors.

            “Helping survivors is a secondary objective. The beacon is your top priority,” he had to raise his voice as the bay doors opened and wind started to rush in.

            “ _Approaching drop point one_.”

            Jenkins shifted, and Xel turned to see what he was looking at. “Nihlus? You’re coming with us?”

            The turian was armed now, his assault rifle and shotgun secured on his back, but she had a feeling he had more tricks up his sleeve. He lifted his omni-tool and tapped at it. “I move faster on my own,” he answered the soldier without looking up.

            “How can you ‘see me in action’ if you’re not with us?” Shepard asked. It wasn’t exactly supposed to come out. It was more a thought she was having. But he regarded her with a nod and splayed mandibles.

            “Catch up.” Then he jogged out the open cargo door, not even a breath’s hesitation before jumping right out into open air.

            The Captain started speaking, but Xel didn’t look at him, “Nihlus will scout out ahead. He’ll feed you status reports throughout the mission; otherwise, I want radio silence.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            “The mission’s yours now, Shepard. Good luck,” Anderson finished and turned to leave. Xel looked at the men behind her.

            “ _We are approaching drop point two_.”

            Her mind was racing. She had to catch up to the Spectre? Part of her evaluation maybe? That was easy enough…

            As soon as they were on the ground they secured the perimeter and Nihlus’s voice broke through the comm in her helmet. Xel paused to listen. “This place got hit hard, Commander. Hostiles everywhere. Keep your guard up.”

            He must have jumped from the Normandy into a hotter zone than her team because she didn’t so much as a _hear_ gunfire.

            “Come on, we have to get to the dig site and Nihlus,” Xel grabbed her sniper rifle and checked the scope, looking through it to get a feel for her surroundings before starting off at a comfortable jog.

            She didn’t make it far before she stopped short in front of scorched bodies.

            “Oh, God, what happened here?” Jenkins breathed behind her. She looked them over and shook her head. There was nothing they could do for them now, so she continued ahead without a word.

            Shepard hated doing that. Hated acting like she didn’t care. But she was supposed to be the leader, and that meant she had to set an example. If she got all teary eyed and broken hearted over dead civilians then Jenkins and Alenko would either lose respect or control over themselves. Neither was an option, so she held her head high and moved on. Until they reached an open area that immediately put her on edge.

            Shepard knelt and checked the hill through her scope. There was some cover, but if anything came over that rise, her squad would be caught fighting an uphill battle. Her nose wrinkled, but she waved Jenkins forward when she thought it was clear. Alenko hugged the wall when she gave him a similar, silent order. She planned to go up the middle once they were in position.

            The moment Alenko knelt beside the wall and Jenkins was about to duck down behind a rock, hovering drones flew into view, and Xel lifted her sniper rifle, catching one before it could fire. The other opened up on Jenkins and he went down. A hiss escaped her lips as she waited for her rifle to cool down for another shot. She almost wished she could just reload it. It would be faster than waiting for her weapon to cool off.

            Lieutenant Alenko fired, taking out the other drone, but when she turned to check through her scope more had arrived. A swear slipped from her lips and she fired, causing the small drone to pop and hit the ground. She switched out her sniper rifle for her assault rifle and charged toward Jenkins as Kaidan put down another drone.

            She knelt beside him and then looked up to track anymore hostiles. None.

            “Perimeter secured, ma’am.”

            Xel dropped her gun and grabbed Jenkins’ helmet, turning his face to see his bright blue eyes stuck wide in shock. She waved her omni-tool over him and tapped on it, but it didn’t pick up any vitals. “He’s gone,” she turned her gaze up to Alenko when he came to her side.

            “Ripped right through his shields,” he wrinkled his nose in anger. “Never had a chance.”

            She couldn’t let this affect her, not now, they needed to get to Nihlus –to the dig site. “We’ll see that he gets a proper service once the mission is complete. But I need you to stay focused,” Shepard gave the lieutenant a meaningful look.

            “Aye aye, ma’am,” he nodded and Xel paid the dead soldier one more glance before starting up the hill.

            There were more drones, and Nihlus checked in, telling her of burned out buildings and the sheer number of bodies there were. She couldn’t help but feel like they’d gotten here too late, that they should have been here sooner to help these people.

            But there was nothing they could do for them now besides finish their mission.

            “I’ll try to catch up with you at the dig site,” Nihlus said in her helmet after stating he was going to check the buildings. She confirmed and marched on, passed the drones that she and Alenko had downed.

            This planet was supposed to be a symbol of hope, and now it was destroyed, dead bodies littered the path they took through the forest toward the settlement. These people had been trying to get away from whatever was attacking, whatever came from that _tick._

            Rapid gunfire bounced off the trees and Xel tilted her head to listen, able to catch on to what sounded like drones, and the familiar pulse of friendly weapon. She charged forward, expecting Nihlus over the hill, but rather, saw the bright white and pink colors of Phoenix armor, probably the same woman from the video. She was pinned behind some rocks with two hostiles coming her way.

            Xel swapped guns again, and sniped one of the synthetics. Its head snapped back and it dropped. The woman looked her way, then stepped out, shooting down the other with her pistol. It was over quickly, the soldier below could have handled it, but there was something wrong, and Shepard had a bad feeling she knew what it was before she even spoke to her.

            When she and Alenko approached, the woman stood straight and introduced herself as Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams. She was the last of her unit, something that Xel could sympathize with –confirming her fear. “This isn’t your fault, Williams. You couldn’t have done anything more than you did.” They were the words that had been spoken to her after Akuze, and though they didn’t make the pain go away, it did help _some_.

            “Yes, ma’am. We held our position as long as we could,” she looked down at the ground between them, not totally convinced. “Until the geth overwhelmed us.”

            “The geth haven’t been seen outside the Veil in over two hundred years. Why are they here now?” Kaidan stepped forward and Xel glanced sideways at him. It was a good point, but one she didn’t think really mattered at the moment.

            Williams shrugged, obviously not caring about reasons with the deaths of her squad so fresh in her mind, “They must have come for the beacon. The dig site is close, just over that rise,” she pointed and Xel nodded.

            “We could use your help, Williams.” The last thing she wanted was to leave this soldier alone. She’d had too much time to think after she’d been rescued, and it had only made things worse. If she could help Williams keep distracted from her pain, then she would.

            “Aye aye, ma’am. It’s time for payback,” she narrowed her eyes and grabbed her gun from her back.

            Xel nodded and stepped forward, resting a hand on the woman’s shoulder. She gave her a meaningful look, telling her she didn’t have to think this way. That she _shouldn’t_ think this way. Williams looked away, her gun tight across her front. Then the Commander sighed and stepped back, inclining her head toward Alenko to get him to start on ahead.

            Apparently the geth hadn’t been after Ashley just to kill her: as they came over the hill, they were welcomed by the sight of metallic pikes stretching up toward the sky with human bodies pierced through the chest two thirds of the way up. Some were still moving, freshly slain.

            Xel’s stomach churned and she glared up at the body before her. “Is there any way to get them down?”

            “None that I can see, Commander,” Alenko replied, standing from where he’d been kneeling to see if there were controls.

            “They set these up all over the colony,” Williams said, her eyes locked on the man meters above them. She knew him.

            “Come on, we have to get to the dig site.”

            Without waiting for them, this time, she marched forward, her fingers curled tightly around her weapon. This wasn’t going to be like Akuze. She had been good since then, she hadn’t failed a mission since then. She wasn’t going to now.

            Ahead towering pillars of stone loomed over them, and one glance at Williams confirmed that was the dig site. Nihlus hadn’t checked in for some time, but that didn’t mean he was… it just meant he was busy. Xel pushed the thought of the turian aside and charged forward toward a rock face to take cover before checking the perimeter. Two geth were patrolling the site. Shepard signaled Alenko to take his position opposite her on the other wall. Once he was in place, he looked up at her and she gave him the hand signal saying she’d take the one on the left and he was to take the one on the right.

            He nodded and they both prepared their sniper rifles. Three breaths after eye contact was broken and they would fire as long as their target was in sight.

            One…

            The geth trooper was pacing back and forth, looking around itself with its weapon ready.

            Two…

            A soft, swift clicking could be heard from the synthetics below as they communicated.

            Three…

            Xel pulled the trigger and heard Alenko do the same. Both geth went stiff as their systems shut down, and they dropped to the ground in heavy heaps. With those two down, another came into view, and the Commander quickly shifted her weapon and took another breath, firing so that her shot went right into the center light in the face of the geth.

            Before anymore could show themselves, she charged forward and switched out her weapons, allowing for close combat. Behind her, Williams checked the path off to the right, her gun steady, while Alenko kept back, using his scope to cover them.

            One geth remained, and Xel’s shotgun opened up its face so that it was sparking and spitting white fluid out onto her black armor. Her nose wrinkled and she stepped back, looking down at it before turning to make sure it really was the last of them.

            “This is the dig site. The was beacon right here,” Williams rushed passed Shepard and stopped at the empty stone platform. “It must have been moved.”

            “By who? Our side? Or the geth?” Alenko came forward, watching their backs, before standing straighter and switching his weapon out for a pistol.

            “Hard to say, maybe we’ll know more after we check out the research camp,” she looked up at Xel who shifted. Nihlus was supposed to be here, and she didn’t see anything pointing to him having been here –living geth being the largest clue.

            “Come on, then.” Her body ached like something bad was about to happen, but she couldn’t tell what it was, and didn’t know who it affected. Then an increasingly familiar voice sounded off in her helmet.

            “Change of plans, Shepard. There’s a small spaceport up ahead. I want to check it out. I’ll wait for you there.”

            “No, don’t,” she said before she could stop herself, hand pressed to her helmet to activate her mic. There was a pause and she felt her heart pound against her ribcage.

            “Something wrong, Commander?”

            “I just… have a bad feeling,” she confessed awkwardly to the Spectre.

            “That’s a human thing,” he said dismissively. “We turians don’t rely on ‘gut feelings’. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll be careful.”

            She almost laughed, and looked back to see if Alenko and Williams were listening. Neither of them seemed to be on the same frequency, so they didn’t hear his end. “I’ll be right there,”

            “Copy that.”

            “The camp is just up those ramps,” Williams gestured and Xel nodded, taking the lead.

            _But if it makes you feel better, I’ll be careful_. What was that supposed to mean? Her attention drifted as she strode up the hill, following the worn path that the archeologists made traveling from the camp to the dig site. It didn’t last long before she was snapped back into the present though, her thoughts of the turian Spectre getting shot like the thralls rushing at her.

            Thralls rushing at her?

            Xel’s shotgun came up right in time to blow the head off of the humanoid being that came at her with flailing arms. She blinked and looked around. They were… the soldiers, the colonists that had been stuck up on the pikes, but something had happened to them. Their flesh was paled white and their veins now were lined with wires, glowing with an internal energy stemming from the hole in their chest. A shudder ran down her spine, and she looked over at Williams and Alenko who were both staring at the bodies before them just as she was.

            “What did the geth do to them?”

            “They’ve… they added some sort of cybernetics,” Alenko pushed at the face of one with the barrel of his gun.

            “Come on, we have to get to the spaceport,” Shepard started on again. There was too much happening. She didn’t like it. Geth. These… husks. And that _tick_.

            “Is that were Nihlus is?” Kaidan spoke up, and Xel nodded.

            “Who’s Nihlus?” Williams asked.

            “A turian Spectre that came here with us,” Shepard explained. “My… mentor I guess.” That was added mostly to herself as she got them moving again. Her concern for him was because of that fact alone. Without him, she had almost no chance of becoming a Spectre.

            “You have a turian Spectre here?”

            Xel looked back at the woman. The way she said ‘turian’ almost sounded like an insult. Williams was checking their surroundings, not seeming to have noticed what she said. “Where’s the spaceport, Chief?”

            “Just up the path and down the hill–” she answered, stopping at the sound of a single gunshot.

            It was… out of place, and it made Xel’s heart stop.

            She was running forward then, and came over the crest of the hill, able to see what looked like a port, but she was distracted by the geth. Where was Nihlus? Why weren’t there dead geth to show he’d come this way?

            Passed the port Xel could see the tick, but she couldn’t look at it long with the husks rushing her. A heavy glare plastered to her face as she readied her shotgun and blew open the cyber-enhanced skulls of the humanoids. Williams and Alenko took out the geth, so she could run up the stairs to a platform where a red suited figure was kneeling over a red and black armored turian. A pool of inky blue blood painted the ground under that armor, and Xel held the shotgun up to the back of the unfamiliar suit’s head.

            “Stand up slowly, or die.”

            “He’s bleeding out,” an accented voice filtered out of a masked helmet. It was male, and blue blood soaked hands lifted showing three digits each, like a turians, but his body looked more human in shape.

            “You did this?”

            “No, the other turian did,” the hooded helmet turned and she could see he was a quarian. She’d never met one, though she’d seen one or two from afar. “This one called him Saren. The silver one with cybernetic implants,” he explained and turned slightly to get a better look at the woman holding him at gunpoint.

            “Saren shot him?”

            “Yes, in the back. I… tripped over a box while watching, but I was cloaked so they did not see me. Saren missed his head, but he lost consciousness because he is _losing blood_. Do you have medigel?”

            “Yes,” Xel knelt down beside him and looked at Nihlus. He had hit the ground hard enough to break off one of the spines in his fringe and crack the thick one running down the center. His eyes were shut, but barely, and she could tell they were rolled back. The wound was in the back of his head, at an angle toward his throat and went right through the back of his left mandible, shattering the decorative flare of the corner at his jaw.

            “The, uh, medigel?” the quarian spoke and Xel cleared her throat, nodding.

            “Yes, of course,” she pulled it out of a compartment in her armor as she watched the man take some of his own materials to try to stanch the bleeding. “Why are you helping?”

            The quarian hesitated and took the medigel when she offered it. “I stood by and let him get shot to save myself. The other one heard you shooting and took off. I should have done something more, I could have killed the silver one, but I did not.” A sigh escaped his helmet and he applied the medigel with more skill than Xel would have been able to.

            “What’re you doing here?”

            “I was… acquiring supplies.”

            “More like stealing.”

            They both looked up at Williams as she stared down at them, her gaze flicking between the turian and the quarian. “What’re you talking about?”

            “He was stealing from the colony,” she nodded to a makeshift box of supplies nearby behind the crates. The Commander narrowed her gaze at the quarian who was now paying extra close attention to his work on Nihlus.

            “Is that what you were doing?”

            “I needed the supplies, I was only taking what the colony had an abundance of.”

            “That’s still stealing,” Xel shifted. He was almost done with Nihlus, they could handle him from here.

            “Listen, I’m helping you okay? Just consider it my fee,” he stood up and Xel followed, crossing her arms.

            “I don’t think so.”

            “He needs medical assistance, from a _doctor_ not a field medic,” he gestured to the turian. “He’s going to die. I can get him to your ship for you–”

            “You’re not leaving my sight,” Xel turned to the soldiers behind her. “Alenko, get Joker on the comm and tell him we need an emergency evac. Williams, you’re with me, we’re going after Saren.” Then she looked at the quarian who crossed his arms. “And you’re staying with me if you want those supplies.”

            “You’ll let me keep them?”

            “Once we catch Saren,” she promised and watched as the faint glow of his eyes narrowed under his faceplate. The glass was blue and thick enough that his features were skewed so that only his glowing eyes were visible, like all quarians –that she’d heard anyway _._

            “All right.” He wiped off his bloody hands on a cloth then held his hand out to her. “This is how you humans make a deal yes? To uphold your honor?”

            Williams snorted, but Xel took his hand. “I’m Commander Xelvadora Shepard.”

            “Vator’Tasi vas Nedas,” he replied and bowed his head once she released his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hah, get it? Jack and Jill... because Nihlus broke his crown... xD


	3. Poor Jenny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xel finds the beacon and shit hits the fan. Surprisingly the Council doesn't seem to be much help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Jenny
> 
> Poor Jenny is a-weeping,  
> A-weeping, a-weeping,  
> Poor Jenny is a-weeping  
> On a bright summer’s day.  
> Why are you weeping,  
> Weeping, weeping,  
> Why are you weeping,  
> On a bright summer's day?  
> I'm weeping for a loved one,  
> A loved one, a loved one,  
> I'm weeping for a loved one,  
> On a bright summer's day.  
> Stand up and choose your loved one,  
> Your loved one, your loved one,  
> Stand up and choose your loved one,  
> One a bright summer's day.  
> Shake hands before you leave 'er,  
> You leave 'er, you leave 'er,  
> Shake hands before you leave 'er,  
> On a bright summer's day.

            “There’s the beacon,” Williams charged ahead, shooting down another geth.

            This whole mission had been nothing but one unexpected inconvenience after another. After they’d secured Nihlus, Shepard had taken Vator and Williams deeper into the spaceport only to learn the geth had set up charges to blow the place sky high. Under constant fire, she and Williams covered the quarian as he disarmed the bombs. He worked quickly and quietly, and he knew how to shoot, making him an asset so far.

            Now the spaceport was secured and empty save for them. It wasn’t a pleasing sight, though. The sky was red tinted with dark clouds, and many fires sent black smoke up into the air. The smell of blood, synthetic gore, and _fear_ stung her nose. Xel followed behind Williams as they approached the strange pillar. It _looked_ like a beacon: tall and narrow with glowing blue marks up the sides while it fired a green projected stream into the air.

            “Normandy, the beacon is secure. Requesting immediate evac,” Shepard pressed her hand to her helmet to connect to Joker.

            Williams stepped closer to the device, Vator followed tilting his head. “Quite impressive: prothean technology that actually works.” The quarian’s accent pronounced his ‘r’s with a gentle roll and seemed to make him work harder to say his vowels.

            The Gunnery Chief looked at the alien with an expression that was obviously uncomfortable. “It wasn’t doing anything like that when we dug it up,” she said, looking back at it. “Something must have activated it.”

            Vator shrugged, giving it another once over, and then came to Shepard’s side. “I have helped you. I’ll be getting my supplies and leaving now.”

            “Oh no you won’t,” she folded her arms and watched his glowing eyes narrow.

            “We had a deal, Commander.”

            “I said you can have your supplies when we catch Saren. Where is he?” she looked around as if the silver turian would just materialize on the landing.

            “I–” Vator started and stepped toward her, the glow from his eyes were thin lines. “So you’re going to make me come with you? What about my ship?”

            “Where is it?”

            He tilted his head. “How about this? If you won’t let me go now, I want a new ship when we find Saren, don’t mind the supplies: a nice, new ship. That’s what I want.”

            “Those are expensive,” Shepard shook her head. “I’ll help you get a used ship.”

            “No. I want to be the first owner,” he stood his ground and Xel smirked.

            “I was being kind before, Vator. You were stealing from a human colony, and we’re going back to the Citadel. That means I can turn you over to C-Sec when we–” the Commander stopped, her eyes flicking passed the quarian to Williams as the beacon flashed brightly and the woman was pulled forward, toward it, by an unseen force. Xel pushed passed the quarian, and threw herself at Ashley as she was lifted into the air, her feet dangling, and her body tense as she tried to stop what was happening.

            Shepard’s arms wrapped around the other woman’s waist and used her momentum to throw her sideways, out of the grip of the beacon. This left her right there, though, and nothing to pull her out. She tried to fight it, but it felt like something had grabbed her directly in the chest and was pulling her by the heart. It ached and burned until she was lifted up, and her arms were wrenched out and her legs pinned together.

            She couldn’t hear anything over the scream inside her head. A high pitched note screeched and she swore her ears were bleeding, it burned her brain to hear it, and brought tears to her eyes. Those eyes were wide, but images in her mind’s eye flashed over her vision, keeping her from being able to see passed the pain, death, and _war_ that filled her thoughts.

            She couldn’t make any images out on their own, they were too fast, but she thought she saw… someone. People. Dying. No, being killed– hunted.

            A blast threw Shepard back and she hit the ground hard enough she heard a crack and everything went black.

 

 

            Xel’s temples pulsed, and she thought she’d die from the splitting headache that threatened to part the hemispheres of her brain. She pushed herself up onto her elbows and, despite recognizing it was a horrible idea, she sat the rest of the way up.

            “Doctor? Doctor Chakwas, I think she’s waking up.”

            Xelvadora grabbed her forehead and hissed, biting her lip as she swayed and fought to make herself sit still. Cool hands cupped her face and she opened her pale purple eyes to meet older, creased ones filled with a familiar concern. “You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?”

            “Minor throbbing, nothing serious. Where’s the quarian?” her gaze flicked around the medbay, passed Alenko and Williams and landed on Nihlus. “How is he?”

            “Stable, but the sooner we get to the Citadel, the better. He needs more than I can give him. The quarian did a phenomenal job for the supplies he had. I think he has some formal training,” Chakwas turned her head and checked her vision, then stepped back. “Vator is on the ship. He said you promised him a ship in return for his aid in catching Saren?”

            Ashley huffed, “Sounds like blackmail.”

            “It’s a deal, if anything, we’re blackmailing him,” Xel said, her brows drawing together as she looked at the Gunnery Chief who nodded once and looked at the ground. “How long was I out?”

            “About fifteen hours,” Chakwas answered and glanced at the soldiers standing beside them. “Something happened down there with the beacon, I think.”

            “It’s my fault,” Ashley spoke up. “I must have triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me out of the way.”

            A sigh escaped her lips and she pressed her hands to her forehead. It hurt to keep her eyes open. “You had no way of knowing what would happen,” she said and then added, “You should have just kept back.”

            “Yes, ma’am.”

            “Actually, we don’t even know if that’s what set it off. Unfortunately, we’ll never get the chance to find out,” Chakwas breathed and folded her arms comfortably.

            Williams came to stand beside the doctor. “The beacon exploded. A system overload maybe. The blast knocked you cold. I had to carry you back here to the ship.”

            “I believe it was a team effort,” an accented voice came from behind Shepard, but she didn’t think she could turn. Instead, she confirmed the identity of the quarian by the look on Williams’ face.

            “Barely,” she breathed and Xel sat straighter.

            “Excuse me, Chief, but do you have a problem with Vator?”

            “He’s an unknown, ma’am. We caught him stealing supplies and we invite him onto our ship?”

            “I could say the same for you: we don’t know you. You’re an unknown, and when we met you were defending yourself. Vator was saving Nihlus while under hostile fire,” Xel forced herself to stand so she looked down at the woman. “I trust you both equally, at the moment, Chief, but honestly, I think I like the quarian better.”

            Her lips parted as she stared up at Shepard and then she blinked and looked down, stepping back. Red and silver filled Xel’s peripheral, and she looked over at the quarian who was watching them carefully. When he settled on the Commander, he nodded once in what she thought might be thanks.

            Chakwas cleared her throat, “Physically, you’re fine, but I detected some unusual brain activity: abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement, signs typically associated with intense dreaming.”

            “I saw– I’m not sure what I saw,” Xel winced as she tried to recall the images and cleared her throat to hide a whimper. “It was all… _death_. Destruction. Nothing’s really clear.”

            “Hmm, I better add this to my report, it might– oh, Captain Anderson,” Chakwas straightened up and the soldiers in the room went to attention, though Xel lagged.

            “At ease,” he waved at them and looked Shepard over. “How’s our XO holding up, doctor?”

            “All the readings look normal. I’d say the Commander’s going to be fine,” she turned her silvery-blue gaze over to Xel.

            “Glad to hear it. Shepard, I need to speak with you –in private,” he added and looked at the four others.

            “Aye aye, Captain. We’ll be in the mess if you need us,” Alenko saluted and Williams followed. Vator hesitated and then followed along with Chakwas. Xel watched him, and noticed the doctor started up a conversation about his medical knowledge.

            When the door closed, Anderson gave her another once over. “Sounds like that beacon hit you pretty hard, Commander. You sure you’re okay?”

            “I don’t like soldiers dying under my command,” she frowned, thinking of Jenkins, hoping that he’d been taken care of. Then she looked up, passed the Captain to the unconscious Spectre. “He should have been with us.”

            “Jenkins wasn’t your fault. You did a good job, Shepard.” He also turned to give Nihlus his attention. “As for Kryik. Not even I can tell him what to do. If he didn’t want to travel with you, there was nothing either of us could have done.”

            She nodded and grabbed the bed she’d been lying on for support. “I see we brought Gunnery Chief Williams with us.”

            “And the quarian you struck a deal with. Whenever I try to speak with him he insists on only talking to you, unless I’m willing to buy him a ship.”

            “Yes, I’m sorry about that, sir, I meant to–”

            “It’s okay, Commander. He was an eyewitness, and that’s helpful.”

            “Thank you, sir.”

            “As for Williams, I figured we could use a soldier like her. She’s been reassigned to the Normandy.”

            Everything within her cringed, but Xel kept herself still. Had she known that, she would have been kinder to the woman, but xenophobia had always upset her. “Williams is a good soldier, she deserves it.”

            “Lieutenant Alenko agrees, that’s why I added her to our crew,” he seemed not to notice her hesitation, though, he was usually good about hiding his feelings.

            “You, uh, said you needed to see me in private, Captain?”

            He nodded and took a straight stance, his hands behind his back, falling into his formal address. She tried her best to straighten up and copy. “I won’t lie to you, Shepard, things look bad. The beacon was destroyed, the geth are invading, and Nihlus is…” they both looked back at the turian and he shook his head. “Unless he can confirm the quarian’s story, I doubt the council will believe any accusations against Saren, he’s their top agent,” he winced at his own words. “The Council’s going to want answers.”

            “I didn’t do anything wrong, Captain. Hopefully, the Council can see that,” she said professionally and he nodded.

            “I’ll stand behind you and your report, Shepard. You’re a damned hero in my book, but that’s not why I’m here.” He stepped away from her, pacing so that his back was to her. “It’s Saren. He’s a Spectre, one of the best: a living legend. But if he’s working with the geth, it means he’s gone rogue. A rogue Spectre’s trouble. Saren’s dangerous; and he hates humans.”

            “Why?”

            “He thinks we’re growing too fast, taking over the galaxy. A lot of aliens think that way, most of them don’t do anything about it.” Anderson was a large man, thick through the shoulders and chest with a shaved head that kept your eyes on his dark brown ones. His face was kind, even when he was angry he didn’t looks mean. No, Captain David Anderson was never _mean_. “But Saren has allied himself with the geth. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I only know it had something to do with that beacon. You were there just before that beacon self-destructed: did you see anything? Any clue that might tell us what Saren was after?”

            She wet her lips, looking down as she leaned against the bed. It was a sturdy thing that was permanently built into the floor with the head against the wall. Shepard gripped the pad that rested on top to give her some stability as she stared at the Captain’s boots. “Just before I lost consciousness, I had some kind of vision.”

            “A vision? A vision of what?” He paced in front of her thoughtfully, but it made it hard for her swimming thoughts to focus.

            Xel tried to rein in the images, to remember _anything_ that looked familiar. “I saw synthetics. Geth, maybe? Slaughtering people. Butchering them.”

            She met his eyes and he checked her face, confirming her honesty. “We need to report this to the Council, Shepard.”

            She scoffed, “What’re we going to tell them? I had a bad dream?”

            That was just what she needed. How hard had she worked to get to where she was? She was being considered to be the _first human Spectre_ , and she was going to testify against one of the top _,_ most well respected agents with a _vision_? No. She didn’t think that was wise, not at all, not if she wanted to be respected.

            “We don’t know what information was stored in that beacon. Lost prothean technology? Blueprints for some ancient weapon of mass destruction? Whatever it was, Saren took it.” He shook his head, “But I know Saren. I know his reputation, his politics. He believes humans are a blight on the galaxy,” his lip twitched and he looked away from her. Something was between them, something personal, she could tell by the way his nose wrinkled rightly on the bridge, and creased his dark skin. “This attack was an act of war!” Anderson paced and steadied his breathing. “He has the secrets from the beacon. He has an army of geth at his command. And he won’t stop until he’s wiped humanity from the face of the galaxy!”

            “I’ll find some way to take him down,” Xel straightened up, her brows coming together to show how serious she was. He shook his head, though.

            “It’s not that easy. He’s a Spectre: he can go anywhere, do almost anything. That’s why we need the Council on our side.”

            “We prove Saren’s gone rogue and the Council will revoke his Spectre status,” Xel concluded and Anderson nodded.

            “I’ll contact the ambassador and see if he can get us an audience with the Council. He’ll want to see us as soon as we reach the Citadel.” Anderson glanced over at Nihlus with a frown. “We should be getting close. Head up to the bridge and tell Joker to bring us in to dock.”

            “Yes, sir.”

            The Captain turned on his heels and left. Xel felt all of her strength go with him. She would need a moment before going up there. Chakwas came back in, and gave her another once over. “Here, take this, it should help,” she produced a small white pill and a glass of water.

            “Thank you, doctor,” her pale mauve eyes flicked to the turian. “Will he make it?”

            “If the doctor knows what they’re doing,” Chakwas said and crossed her arms. “I’ve done what I can for him.”

            “Comforting,” Shepard breathed and went to his side. He looked like he was sleeping, but his breathing was labored. The fractured spine at the back of his head was set so it would heal straight while the broken one had a cover to keep it from bleeding. His shattered mandible was wrapped, and she could only imagine how it would feel when he woke. Her nose wrinkled and she trailed her fingertips over the solid bone of his cheek. Turian faces were made of leathery or metallic plates, shifting in blocks rather than muscles moving under skin.

            “Do you know Agent Kryik?”

            Xel’s hand dropped and she looked over at the doctor who was politely looking at a datapad. “We’ve met before. But I can’t really afford for him to die now, right? Not with my position as a Spectre on the line –not with Saren on the loose.”

            “Of course, Commander,” Chakwas said and Xel cleared her throat.

            “I have to go to the bridge.”

            “Yes, Commander.”

            Shepard stepped out of the sickbay and noticed Alenko and Williams sitting at the mess hall’s table. The mess was basically the open area between the Captain’s quarters and the sickbay on this level with the path to the main battery leading off in the back. At the front was the double stairwell and elevator.

            “Glad to see you’re okay, Commander,” Kaidan spoke up, standing. Williams stayed where she was, looking at her hands as she sat still, lips pursed. Xel didn’t look at her.

            “Where is Vator?”

            “I believe he went to the main deck to speak with Pressley.”

            “Thank you, LT,” she nodded and he offered her a grin.

            “It’s good to see you up and moving, Commander,” he started, his thick black brows drawing together. “Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew, I’m happy we didn’t lose you as well.”

            “Or Nihlus,” she added and he nodded.

            “Of course, though,” he shifted and wet his lips, “I hope he makes it.”

            “Me too,” Xel looked over at Ashley. “He’s going to be on this ship a lot if he does. I won’t become a Spectre overnight.”

            “No, ma’am, but I believe you could do it without him.”

            “That means a lot, Kaidan,” she grabbed his shoulder and then nodded her departure from him. “I have to get to the bridge, we’re coming up on the Citadel.”

            “Yes, ma’am.”

            Xel sent a sideways glance at the Chief sitting at the mess table, her attention engulfed by the cup she was drinking from. Then she stepped around Alenko, allowing him to return to his seat.

            The double stairwell took her to the main deck, and she noticed Vator speaking with Navigator Pressley at one of the consoles. The quarian looked up, noticing her first. “Commander,” he nodded.

            “You can call me Xel, Vator, you’re not technically a member of the crew,” she stopped beside him. Pressley grinned.

            “I wouldn’t mind him joining the crew. He’s cleared our system delay, it now runs three percent faster, not to mention the help he gave Adams down in engineering.”

            “When you grow up on ships you learn a thing or two about them whether you want to or not,” Vator shrugged.

            “You don’t care for ships?”

            “I have other interests, my people are expected to be great mechanics, but not all of us share the drive. I found my calling elsewhere.”

            “Medical?” Xel lifted a brow and he nodded.

            “Yes, but I do not want to sit in an office or medbay filling out paperwork. I want to be in the field, fighting and healing there,” he explained and looked at Pressley. “I’ve helped you best I can, Navigator.”

            “More than enough.”

            The quarian nodded and turned to Xel. “We still need to clarify our deal.”

            She smirked and nodded, “Another time. We’re coming up on the Citadel.”

            “I’ve never seen the Citadel,” he breathed. There was a light at the bottom of his helmet that flashed when he spoke, following his breath, and stayed on when he spoke this time, instead of pulsing. It added to his facial expression in a subtle way, since you could only see his glowing eyes through the thick of his helmet.

            “Now you will. But you’ll understand if I don’t want you headed off on your own?”

            He blinked and tilted his head, “You promised me a ship, I plan to collect. I will not leave until I get it.”

            Shepard didn’t miss Pressley’s quizzical look. “Still, I insist you stay close to me.”

            The quarian lifted his hands and she noticed the royal blue staining the crimson cloth from fingertip, halfway up his forearms. The silver armor had been cleaned off, though. “You want me following you around just say so, Commander. You don’t have to make up excuses.”

            She laughed, but noticed how Pressley shifted uncomfortable. “Nice try, Vator.”

            “Worth a shot, no?” he chuckled, a deep, warm sound. “I will prepare to join you to the Citadel then.”

            The two humans watched the alien leave and then turned to each other. “He’s an odd one.”

            Xel shrugged, “Everyone’s a little odd.”

            “I suppose you’re right.”

            “I’ll see you around, Pressley.”

            “Ma’am,” he tipped his head and she headed up to the bridge and took her place behind Joker’s pilot’s chair.

            “Good timing, Commander,” the pilot grinned up at her with a patented smirk. “I was just about to bring us into the Citadel. See that taxpayer money at work,” he chuckled and Xel settled into a comfortable stance to the side, behind him with her hands behind her back.

            The Normandy approached the Mass Relay, coming out of the faster than light speed that had sent them across the galaxy. Footsteps behind her made her turn to see Alenko coming forward with Williams. Ashley quickly looked out the windows, obviously not having had the pleasure of coming to the Citadel quite like this before.

            “Look at the size of that ship!” she grinned at the asari war machine.

            Kaidan named it before anyone else, “The Ascension: flagship of the Citadel Fleet.” Though most of the Citadel’s fleet were turian ships, the command ships were asari. They always seemed like they were the top race in Council Space, looking down on the others. Xel pushed that thought aside and smirked at Joker’s reply.

            “Well, size isn’t everything.”

            “Why so touchy, Joker?” Ashley turned from the window to look at him.

            “Just saying you need firepower, too,” he said casually.

            She scoffed, “Look at that monster. Its main gun can rip through the barriers on any ship in the Alliance fleet.”

            “Good thing it’s on our side then,” Kaidan stepped in.

            Joker radioed in, “Citadel Control, this is SSV Normandy requesting permission to land.”

            “ _Stand by for clearance, Normandy_.”

            Joker weaved them into the arms of the Citadel as they waited for clearance, approaching the docks. The space station that acted as the center of government for the galaxy was the largest known to the sentient species that came to it. With five massive arms attached at a ring with a single tower built to mark the radius of that circle. Each of the arms could close to make the Citadel impregnable –a site that Xel hoped she’d never have to see.

            “ _Clearance granted, Normandy. You may begin your approach. Transferring you to an Alliance operator._ ”

            “Roger, Citadel Control. Normandy out.”

            “ _Normandy this is Alliance Tower. Please proceed to dock 422._ ”

            The Normandy pulled into dock and Xel turned to see Anderson and Vator coming onto the bridge to join her, Williams and Alenko.

            “Are you ready, Shepard?” Anderson stopped beside the door and the Commander came forward and paused, allowing him to lead the way.

            “As I’ll ever be, sir.”

 

 

            “This is an outrage! The Council would step in if the geth attacked a turian colony!” the ambassador yelled and Xel visually flinched.

            The three projections before them were the Council of the Citadel: a turian on the left, an asari in the middle, and a salarian on the right. She hadn’t seen them before, so she took a moment to look each over. Obviously they’d earned their positions and had held them for a while.

            Speaking first, her eyes were drawn to the salarian who was was the tallest, but that was just because of the horns on top of his head –though with the hood he wore. The robes draping from his shoulders gave his slight frame definition it couldn’t back up if questioned. His ovular eyes were mostly speckled pupil –like all of his people– and because of the orange tint of the projection, Xel couldn’t tell what color they were. Light paint lined his face along his chin and above his brows, and his upward blinking eyes were slow to the action while his words were quick to spill from his lips. “The turians don’t found colonies on the borders of the Terminus Systems, Ambassador.”

            Next the asari spoke. Xel’s least favorite race. They were an all-female people, though they don’t consider themselves ‘female’ how other races understand the sex. An asari requires a partner to reproduce and can mate with any species of any gender to produce a new asari child. The actual act was lost on Xel, and she’d never met an asari she could stand long enough to ask, so it was a mystery for now. Physically they didn’t look very different from human females in shape with two arms and legs with five fingers and toes (counting thumbs and big toes) as well as two breasts –that apparently grow with age. Unlike turians and salarians, they have straight legs like humans, allowing them to wear most human armor. Where the real differences came in were the skin colors –teal to blue to purple– with cartilage based, scalp crests that grow into a similar shape across the species with very little variability. Much like the two, thick based, stunted, curled horns of the salarians. The councilor was one of the more attractive asari Xel had met, with brightly contrasting markings on her face, following back onto her crest in short stripes. They may have been white, or close to it, but her skin color was impossible to tell with the orange of her hologram. “Humanity was well aware of the risks when you went into the Traverse.”

            “What about Saren? You can’t just ignore a rogue Spectre!” Ambassador Udina barked, stepping forward with a raised fist that pulled on his tan suit. Xel never cared for the human representative, but he did look out for humanity, and in times like this, that was their first priority. Udina himself was an old man, with dull brown eyes and greying, receding hair, heavy brows, and a creased face. His voice was like a tornado, harsh, swirling, and unattractive, bringing with it fear and distaste. “I demand action!”

            Now the turian councilor spoke. He was a dark man, like Nihlus, and even had similar markings, contrasting heavily with his plates and flesh. Turian faces didn’t vary much, to a human’s untrained eye their colony markings and eye color were the best way to tell them apart –along with that their voices and mannerisms of course. The councilor wore dress clothes, something she rarely saw on a turian –mostly because when she saw them they were soldiers or police in armored uniforms. It made him look smaller than the rest of his people, but still he was larger than an average human male. Turians stood at a minimum of six feet, and because of the natural collar that grew to circle their necks –from their chest over each shoulder to stand up about to the base of their skull behind their heads– they had broad looking torsos. “You don’t get to make demands of the Council, Ambassador,” the subharmonics of his voice resembled Nihlus’s, deep at first with a higher backing.

            “Citadel Security is investigating your charges against Saren. We will discuss the C-Sec findings at the hearing tomorrow, and not before,” the asari stated, and the holograms faded before Udina could so much as breathe.

            “Captain Anderson, I see you’ve brought half your crew with you,” Udina glared between the humans and then his gaze landed on the quarian who was standing by the balcony, looking out at the Presidium’s gardens below and the false-sky created above to hide the void of space. “This is the quarian that saw Saren attack the Spectre?”

            “Yes, this is Vator’Tasi vas Nedas, and the others are the ground team from Eden Prime. They’re here incase you had any questions,” Anderson stated.

            “I have the mission reports, I assume they’re accurate?”

            “They are,” Anderson promised, keeping his cool in a way that Xel didn’t think she ever would. The Ambassador’s voice was a cracking whip, begging to bite into her back the moment she stepped out of line. “Sounds like you convinced the Council to give us an audience.”

            “They were not happy about it. Saren’s their top agent. They don’t like him being accused of treason,” his dull eyes flicked over to Xel then. His arms were crossed and his face tilted to show he wasn’t happy with her, and he was _very clearly_ above her. She was the reason Eden Prime had been a bust, and she was the reason his job was difficult.

            “Saren’s a threat to every human colony out there. He needs to be stopped,” Xel stood still, her body falling into her comfortable military stance: feet shoulder width apart, hands behind her back with chin lifted ever so slightly. “The Council has to listen to us.”

            “Settle down, Commander. You’ve already done more than enough to jeopardize your candidacy for the Spectres.” At this his gaze flicked to the quarian, probably remembering that Nihlus would be dead if it hadn’t been for the suited man. “The mission on Eden Prime was a chance to prove you could get the job _done_. Instead, Nihlus is in critical care and the beacon was destroyed!”

            “That’s Saren’s fault, not hers,” Anderson stepped forward and pointed, all his fingers and thumb directed straight at the ambassador.

            “Without Vator, Nihlus would be dead,” Xel added.

            “And you would have _no_ hope of being a Spectre,” Udina stated and placed his hands behind his back as he looked down at her. Metaphorically, of course, because he was actually several inches shorter than her. Xel was tall, standing even with Alenko, and just an inch under Anderson. “We better hope the C-Sec investigation turns up evidence to support our accusations. Otherwise the Council might use this to keep you out of the Spectres.”

            “What about Nihlus?” Xel glared. “Vator said they talked, when he wakes–”

            “ _If_ ,” Udina corrected, but it felt like a stab right into her heart and she didn’t have the nerve to speak again, knowing her tone would give away her feelings.

            Anderson took the baton, drawing those harsh eyes off of her. “ _When_ Nihlus wakes, his word will be enough, no matter what C-Sec finds.”

            “If he remembers, we cannot lay all of our trust in him.” It was true, if they relied solely on Nihlus and something were to happen to him, then they had put all their eggs in one basket and gotten them crushed. Xel looked down and tried to keep her breathing even. “Stay here, Captain. I want to go over a few things before the hearing. Shepard –you and the others can meet us at the Citadel Tower, top level, tomorrow morning at eight hundred hours. I’ll make sure you have the clearance to get in.”

            Xel led her team out. The moment the door closed Xel felt her muscles relax and her thoughts drift.

            “And that’s why I hate politicians,” Ashley breathed behind her.

            “They’re just doing their job,” Kaidan offered and Vator scoffed, stepping up to Xel’s side.

            “On the flotilla you would not have been so quickly dismissed,” he offered.

            “Commander, did you want to return to the Normandy? Or check on Nihlus?” Alenko lifted a brow and she sighed.

            “Vator and I will go to the hospital. You two go back to the ship.”

            “Aye aye, Commander,” the humans saluted her and left. Vator tilted his head.

            “Still not going to let me out of your sight, Shepard?”

            “It’s Xel, please,” she started walking.

            “Xel.”


	4. Hickory Hickory Dock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hearing doesn't go well. Nor does gathering evidence. But hey, we meet some new people!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hickory, dickory, dock.  
> The mouse ran up the clock.  
> The clock struck one,  
> The mouse ran down,  
> Hickory, dickory, dock.

            “How was Nihlus?” Alenko asked.

            When Xel got back to the Normandy she’d gone right to her sleeping pod. Nihlus was stable, and his doctors were optimistic, but he didn’t show any signs of waking up anytime soon. She feared for the worst, and didn’t allow herself to hope for anything passed him living through till the morning. “Stable, for now,” the Commander answered as they climbed the stairs, approaching the Council’s court.

            The top level of Citadel Tower was dimly lit, or maybe it was the dark floors and accents on the walls that absorbed the light. It didn’t take away from the beauty of the area, though, and maybe that was the point. A pool with several fountains rested in the center of the lobby. Xel didn’t see much passed that because her attention was drawn to two male turians speaking in front of the water.

            “…Saren’s hiding something!” the armored one stepped toward the other. He was a pale male, with silver-grey plates and tan flesh. His colony markings were simple, blue, and crossed from his lowest fringe, over his nose, and mirrored on the other side –all turian markings she’d seen were symmetrical. His mandibles were also marked. All together, he looked fairly… simple, compared to the cloth wearing man he spoke to. “Give me more time –stall them.”

            “Stall the Council? Don’t be ridiculous!” This male’s voice was low and old sounding with a tired backing. He was darker than the younger turian wearing the blue C-Sec armor in front of him, but he stood with his arms folded and expression calm like he heavily outranked the other man. “Your investigation is over, Garrus,” he added and Xel watched him shake his head, noticing he had heavy white markings that were thick and covered almost as much of his face as Nihlus’, but looked far less decorative, and more intimidating.

            Xel watched the younger turian as his nose shifted upward. Turians had rather flat faces compared to a human, even compared to the birds and dinosaurs that humans related them to. Their noses did jut out from their face, but barely enough to match the thickness of her thumb. This with their sloped foreheads, and plated lips made their profiles rather boring until you got to their fringe. Their eyes were sunken deep in their plates with soft, dark flesh around them, and faced forward, adding to the apex-predator profiles humans had given them upon first meeting. Their noses, though, Xel had always found sort of… cute, for lack of a better word. They were a block on their face, and had splits down low by their nostrils –two holes that did not protrude from the bridge or tip– that moved with their facial expressions. It was very hard for humans to read turian expressions, but she had taken such an interest she thought she’d gotten a decent handle on it.

            Now the turian called Garrus balled his tri-fingered hands up, and turned to leave, pausing when he noticed her. His eyes shone in the darkness, catching the faint light and reflecting it so that she could track his attention. His left eye was covered by a targeting visor like none she’d seen before. He came a step forward and bowed his head, speaking with a voice that had a deeper subharmonic than she was expecting. “Commander Ex-salvadora Shepard?”

            She winced at the butcher of her name. “It’s Xelvadora.”

            “Of course, I apologize, I’ve only seen it written,” his mandibles pressed close to his mouth, hiding the razor teeth that showed when they flared. “I’m Investigator Garrus Vakarian. I was the officer in charge of the C-Sec investigation into Saren.”

            “Sounds like you really want to bring him down,” she stated and watched as he looked at the company behind her. The turian hissed, the sound nearly coming out to be a growl with his flanging voice.

            “I don’t trust him,” he crossed his arms. “Something about him rubs me the wrong way.” Xel wondered what this Saren even _looked_ like. She hadn’t seen him, and barely knew anything about him other than that he was a turian. “But he’s a _Spectre_ , everything he touches is classified. I can’t find any hard evidence,” he shook his head and growled, his mandibles twitching.

            “I think the Council’s ready for us,” Alenko said, clearing his throat in an attempt to be polite. Yes, they hadn’t planned to stop and talk to anyone along the way.

            Garrus stepped back and bowed his head again, letting her go, “Good luck, Shepard. Maybe they’ll listen to you.”

            “Hopefully,” she sighed and stepped around him. She had put on her dress uniform and had Alenko and Williams do the same, though they would probably not even reach the council’s line of sight unless asked for. Vator… was dressed in his suit, looking the same as he had yesterday.

            Captain Anderson was waiting for her, looking almost worried as he stood with his hands behind his back. She approached and he seemed to relax. “The hearing’s already started, come on.”

            Xel followed Anderson, leaving her squad behind at the foot of the stairs.

            “…The geth attack is a matter of some concern. But there is nothing to indicate Saren was involved in any way,” the asari councilor was saying. They were there in person this time, but Saren –or who Xel assumed was Saren– was a massive hologram standing tall and towering over them to the left of the Council, his arms crossed as he looked in front of him, probably at their equivalents projected before him.

            He was… terrifying. His left arm looked as if it had been replaced with a cybernetic one with armor plating. The rest of him was no better, with the distortion of the orange hologram, Xel couldn’t tell what part of him was organic, and what was synthetic.

            “The investigation by Citadel Security turned up no evidence to support your charge of treason,” the turian councilor added in.

            Udina stepped forward. “An eyewitness saw him shoot Nihlus!”

            The salarian answered this time, “We’ve read the Eden Prime reports, Ambassador. The testimony of one criminal quarian is hardly compelling proof.” That was low. She wondered who had mentioned his ‘thieving’. And before she finished that thought, she knew it had been Williams if anyone.

            “I resent these accusations,” the massive holographic turian growled. “Nihlus was a fellow Spectre, and a friend.”

            She didn’t like how he used ‘was’.

            “That just let you catch him off guard,” Anderson barked, showing for the first time in a long time a lack of restraint. His lips curled over his teeth and his brows hung heavy over his eyes. “When he wakes up he’ll tell us all what really happened.”

            “Captain Anderson,” Saren tilted his head as if to confirm who he was talking to. “You always seem to be involved when humanity makes false charges against me.” Then his face turned slightly, “And this must be your protégé: Commander Xelvadora Shepard. The one who let the beacon get destroyed.”

            This intrigued her. “The mission to Eden Prime was top secret. How did you know about the beacon?”

            “With Nihlus incapacitated, his files temporarily pass to me. I read the Eden Prime report: I was unimpressed.” Shepard didn’t buy that for a second. “But what can you expect from a human?” he chuckled, the sound reverberating in his chest.

            Her temper flared and she growled, “Saren despises humanity. That’s why he attacked Eden Prime.”

            Saren’s mandibles pulsed wide and quick, his glowing eyes narrowed. “Your species needs to learn its place, Shepard. You’re not ready to join the Council. You’re not even ready to join the Spectres!”

            A shudder ran down her spine and she stepped back. Something about Saren felt… _wrong_ and she suddenly felt like Garrus’ words –‘rubbed the wrong way’– had been an understatement. But Udina actually stepped forward and shouted in his aged voice, “He has no right to say that! That’s not his decision!”

            The asari councilor turned her face up to the turian towering over them. “Shepard’s admission into the Spectres is not the purpose of this meeting.”

            Saren scoffed, “This meeting has no purpose. The humans are wasting your time, Councilor. And mine.” He looked down, seeming to find her in the room, and she balled her hands up into fists.

            “You can’t hide behind the Council forever,” she hissed to herself, not letting the sound get passed her teeth.

            Anderson stepped in, putting himself close enough to her to keep her from continuing. “There is still one outstanding issue: Commander Shepard’s vision.” Xel cringed, having hoped that he wouldn’t bring it up. “It may have been triggered by the beacon.”

            Saren stared for a moment and then turned to look at the Council. “Are we allowing dreams into evidence now? How can I defend my innocence against this kind of testimony?”

            The turian councilor straightened up, hands behind his back. “I agree. Our judgment must be based on facts and evidence, not wild imaginings and reckless speculations.”

            “Do you have anything else to add, Commander Shepard?” the salarian asked.

            “No, councilors,” she stepped back and pinned her hands behind her. She tipped her chin up, but was very happy the Council was too far away to see the hate and disappointment in her eyes. She wasn’t going to cry or anything that dramatic, she just wished she had better control over her emotions, like Anderson. She was far too forthcoming with her opinions.

            She could see them turn to each other for silent voting before the asari spoke up. “The Council has found no evidence of any connection between Saren and the geth. Ambassador, your petition to have him disbarred from the Spectres is denied.” Udina bowed his head in defeat, and Anderson’s body went stiff.

            “I’m glad to see justice was served,” Saren’s growling voice echoed through the courtroom. Then he faded away.

            “This meeting is adjourned.”

            Shepard turned and marched back to her squad with Anderson beside her. Udina lingered before joining them. “It was a mistake bringing you into the hearing, Captain,” he growled, quick to find something to blame for the failure. “You and Saren have too much history: it made the Council question our motives.”

            That interested Xel, but Anderson spoke, “I know Saren. He’s working with the geth for one reason: to exterminate the entire human race.” That sounded like a delusion, and that was coming from someone who loved and respected the Captain. Xel shifted, shooting a glance at her team who was watching them with disappointed expressions. “Every colony we have is at risk. Every world we control is in danger. Even Earth isn’t safe.”

            “What’s this history between you and Saren?” Xel turned to the Captain and narrowed her eyes and brows at him.

            To her surprise he turned away, wringing his hands and paced a few steps as he spoke, “I worked with him on a mission a long time ago. It went bad. Real bad.” He looked at her for the last two words, and she could see the intensity behind those dark eyes. “We shouldn’t talk about this here, but I know what he’s like. And he has to be stopped.”

            She nodded once, curt and understanding –she had no place to make demands of him. “What’s our next step?”

            “As a Spectre, he’s virtually untouchable. We need to find some way to expose him,” Udina pressed his fingers to his lips and rubbed his shaved chin in thought.

            Xel shifted, wishing she wasn’t dressed in her blues and unarmed. The Citadel was probably the safest place in Council Space. It didn’t make her feel any less naked.

            “Hey, what about Garrus, that C-Sec investigator? We saw him arguing with someone, the executor maybe?” Kaidan spoke up and all eyes turned to him.

            Vator nodded while Ashley folded her arms. “Yes, he was asking for more time to finish his report. He seemed close to finding something on Saren,” the quarian shifted his weight, and gestured.

            “Finding a turian C-Sec officer on the Citadel?” Ashley snorted.

            “We have his name,” Xel gave the other woman a warning look. Turians were the most common race in Citadel Security, just as they were in the army. As a race, they were nearly entirely military. The only species that rivaled them were the krogan who were more of mercenaries than armies. She turned to Udina and Anderson, “Any idea where I can find him?”

            Udina thought for a moment, “I have a contact in C-Sec who can help us track down this Investigator. His name is Harkin.”

            “Forget it,” Anderson shook his head the moment the name was spoken. “They suspended Harkin last month: drinking on the job. I won’t waste my time with that loser.” Xel’s brows lifted at that. Not often did Anderson openly dislike someone so –well, other than Saren, but this seemed completely different.

            The Ambassador crossed his arms. “You won’t have to. I don’t want the Council using your past history with Saren as an excuse to ignore anything we turn up. Shepard will handle this,” he looked at her expectantly.

            Her loyalty was to Anderson first, though. “You can’t just cut the Captain out of this investigation.”

            But the taller man sighed and lowered his eyes. “The Ambassador’s right, I need to step aside.”

            “I need to take care of some business. Captain, meet me in my office later,” Udina excused himself and left without paying her another glance.

            Anderson didn’t watch him leave and took a breath before sighing. “Harkin’s probably getting drunk at Chora’s Den. It’s a dingy little club in the lower section of the wards. I suggest you change into something more… comfortable if you’re going there,” he looked over her blues.

            “Yes, sir. I’ll head back to the Normandy now.”

            “Check on Nihlus again if you have time, I don’t think Saren is done with him just yet,” Anderson added and took his leave.

            “The Captain is right,” Vator came forward. “Saren will send someone to finish the job. A hospital is not equipped to protect patients against assassinations.” Xel’s spine crawled, the thought of someone making it into his room…

            “I want one of you to stay with him, keep an eye on him and keep him alive.” She turned and knew immediately only one of them could be sent. “Kaidan?”

            “Of course, ma’am. I’ll get my gear and head straight to the hospital.”

            “Thank you.”

 

 

            The wards were the arms of the Citadel, where people lived, worked, and non-government activities happened. Chora’s Den was a gentleman’s club, which shouldn’t have surprised Xel, but for some reason she’d hoped it would have been a normal bar like Flux with a dance floor and bar. Instead, asari dancers spun around poles on a platform above the circular bar in the center of the room.

            Ashley made a disgusted sound and Vator chuckled. “What is it, Williams? Jealous?” the quarian leaned over to speak low and the other woman grunted.

            “Keep away from me.”

            “Awe, you strike my heart.” Xel glanced over at him when he came to her side, “I’ll be at that table speaking with that asari.”

            “Why?” her brows drew together.

            “Not the reason you’re thinking, Xel. The dancers know more than you’d think. If you can’t get what you need from Harkin, I might be able to get something from one of them.”

            “Why do you think you’re so special?” Ashley folded her arms and lifted a skeptical brow.

            “See any other quarians here? Humans and turians mostly,” he gave the room another scan. “At most a volus in a back room. I’ll meet you back here?”

            “All right,” Xel narrowed her eyes at him, resisting the urge to threaten him. While they were checking on Nihlus last night they’d decided on the terms of their deal. He got a ship worth twice the credits he had when they brought Saren down and there was no threat of him getting away. As for supplies, that was up to him. In exchange, he would refrain from committing crimes while working on her ship, as well as aid her to the best of his abilities.

            “Don’t worry, Commander,” he added as he backed away. “I only have eyes for you.”

            Xel shot him a lifted brow and resisted snorting as he turned around, chuckling. Ashley didn’t find it so amusing. “He’s disgusting.”

            “He’s harmless, Williams. I’m starting to get the feeling you don’t like aliens,” she added and started down into the club.

            “Never really had to work with them honestly, ma’am,” Ashley said and Xel paused, looking back at her.

            “How’d you manage that?”

            “Can we, uh, talk about that another time, ma’am?” she shifted uncomfortably and Shepard nodded.

            “Yeah.”

            “Hey there, sweetheart. You looking for some fun?” Shepard’s body stiffened as she passed a table with a lone human man sitting at it. She’d intended on going to the bar and seeing if the tender knew Harkin, but it appeared that the man had found her. “I gotta say, that soldier get up looks real good on that bod of yours.”

            Xel had exchanged her blues for some light armor and her pistol. Nothing like what she’d wear out in the field, but it told whoever saw her that she wasn’t to be messed with. Williams let out a disgusted sound and Harkin waved a hand at her, not tearing his eyes from the Commander.

            “Why don’t you sit your sweet little ass down next to old Harkin? Have a drink and we’ll see where things go,” he smiled. It wasn’t an attractive thing, nor was he. High cheekbones with sunken cheeks were topped with creased, dark, bloodshot eyes, under pale brows. His hair was missing from the top of his head, but there was plenty growing on the sides.

            “Hah, maybe later,” Xel shifted, putting a hand on her hip.

            “Suit yourself, princess. You know, if more marines looked like you, I might have joined the Alliance instead of C-Sec,” he chuckled and Xel stepped forward, waving Ashley off.

            “You’re Harkin, right? I was told you could help me find someone. A turian C-Sec investigator: Garrus Valarian?”

            “I believe it’s Va _k_ arian,” he sighed and shifted in his seat, looking her up and down. “Hah, if you’re trying to find Garrus then you must be one of Captain Anderson’s crew. Poor bastard’s still trying to bring Saren down, eh?” A sly smile pulled his lips wide and creased his cheeks. “I know where Garrus is, but you gotta tell me something first. Did the Captain let you in on his big secret?”

            “That’s none of my concern, I only care about Vakarian’s location.”

            “It’s all connected, though, princess. You see, the Captain used to be a Spectre. Didn’t know that did you? It was all very hush-hush. The first human ever given that honor: and he blew it,” Harkin chuckled, tossing his head back so it echoed through the room. Xel glanced over her shoulder. The music was loud enough to drown him out, but Ashley was close enough to hear. She could just make out Vator on the other side of the room, reclined in a comfortable seat with a foot up on his knee as he watched the asari dancer in front of him. She looked slightly different from the others, her body not as lean, and her movements looked more predatory than provocative. Xel could see the light of his mask flash, meaning he was speaking, but she had no way of knowing what they were talking about. Harkin continued, his laughter dying down. “Screwed up his mission so bad they kicked him out. Of course, he blames Saren. Says the turian set him up.”

            “You said it got covered up, how did you hear about it?” she folded her arms.

            “I spent twenty years working cases here on the Citadel.” His gaze flicked up to a passing asari and he wiggled his brow. Shepard crossed her arms and he smirked at her. “People on the station love to talk. Secrets are like herpes: if you got ‘em, might as well spread ‘em around,” he laughed again.

            Her nose wrinkled immediately and Xel stepped back, her brows drawing together. She honestly thought she might gag. “You’re disgusting.”

            “Ah,” he waved a hand at her, “We can’t all be saints, princess, otherwise wouldn’t be any of those either.”

            “Just tell me where Vakarian is,” she folded her arms and gripped her bicep tightly.

            “Garrus was sniffing around Doctor Michel’s office. She runs a clinic deep in this ward. Last I heard, he was going back there,” Harkin flicked his wrist as if to toss the subject away. “Damn hothead that one,” he snorted and kicked his feet up onto the table, leaning back so he could look behind Xel. She glanced back to see the dancer there was leaning over the bar, talking to the turian tender, showing the assless chaps and thong she wore. Harkin continued though, “Still figures he can change the world –always bucking heads with the executor.” Then he sighed and looked back up at her, his dark eyes on her breastplate. “He’ll pay for it soon enough. The executor loves putting us lowly field agents in our place. Just look at what happened to me.”

            “Look in a mirror and take some responsibility for yourself,” she stepped back, turning to Ashley.

            “Ah,” he threw his hand at her and leaned back, deeper into his chair. “Stuff the sermon, this ain’t a church.”

            Xel shot him a glare and then started over to Vator with Ashley close. “Why didn’t Anderson tell us he was a Spectre?”

            Shepard paused and looked back at her. “It might not be true, I’m not just going to take his word for it. We’ll talk to the Captain when we get to the turian.”

            “He better have something good,” she sighed.

            “Vator,” Xel stepped up to the table and looked at the asari. She was purple with darker markings and lighter eyes. She paid Shepard a glance, and Xel knew she wasn’t just any dancer. “We need to go.”

            “Of course, Commander,” he stood and pulled out his credit chit and she smirked.

            “Keep your credits, Wanderer,” she climbed off the table fluidly and looked him over, her lilac eyes not hiding anything before she smiled and strode off. Vator tipped his head to watch and then looked back at Xel.

            “Did you find the information you were looking for?”

            “Did you?”

            He chuckled and crossed his arms, “Our turian is looking into a medical clinic nearby, following a lead. It has to do with a quarian.”

            “Damn, that asari told you that without you even having to pay?” Ashley breathed in surprise.

            “She’s not a dancer, I could tell, I’m sure you did too, Xel,” he said lowly.

            “What’s she doing here?”

            “I _believe_ it has something to do with the krogan over there causing trouble for the owner of the club, Fist,” he nodded his head to point without drawing attention.

            Xel turned only enough to get a view of two very big krogans getting into each other’s faces. “Well, before that turns into a problem C-Sec will have to clean up, we should get out of here.”

            “Agreed,” the quarian hummed and they left the club. “She gave me directions if you’d follow me.”

            The med clinic was a straight shot, but it was by no means close. Vator looked around when they arrived, and tilted his head. “She said there are always patients here…”

            Xel felt the hair on the back of her neck stand up. There wasn’t a soul in the street. She opened the door and stepped inside, quickly grabbing her pistol when she heard an accented woman’s voice pleading.

            “–I didn’t tell anyone! I swear!”

            “That was smart, doc,” a human male’s voice sent a cold chill down Xel’s spine, but her eye was drawn to the sneaking turian.

            Garrus was kneeling below the wall that separated the waiting room from the office behind it, a large glass window had been shattered turning it into a half-wall, and gave her a clear view of the three armed men and scared woman in a doctor’s coat.

            “Now if that nosy turian Inspector comes around, you stay smart. Keep your mouth shut or we’ll–” the man stopped, noticing Xel in the doorway with her pistol drawn. He grabbed the doctor and held her against his front. “Who’re you?”

            “Let her go,” Shepard warned, her voice low as she pointed her weapon. Ashley stepped up beside her with her rifle also raised. Vator kept back from her peripheral, but she could hear his pistol activate.

            Before the thug could say anything, Garrus stood from his unseen point and fired, striking the man with a well-place headshot. He stiffened and dropped, letting go of the doctor, and Xel squeezed her trigger, hitting the closer man as he lifted his weapon. The other scrambled to pick a target while his team went down, and Garrus fired again just as Ashley did. His head snapped back and his chest popped, tossing him back into the wall.

            The doctor had dropped to her knees and was covering her head. The turian went to her, and knelt, offering her a hand to get her back on her feet. She nodded to him, swallowing hard. Then Garrus turned to her, his mandibles splayed. “Perfect timing, Shepard. Gave me a clear shot at the bastard.”

            “That was a nice shot, but you could have hit the hostage,” she looked at the woman, her face plastered with concern. The turian shifted, and looked down at the woman, seeming to fully realize what he’d done.

            “There wasn’t time to think. I just reacted. I didn’t mean to– Doctor Michel, are you hurt?” he stepped back to give her a once over and she touched her forehead.

            “No, I’m okay. Thanks to you” she reassured him, then looked at Xel. “All of you.”

            “I know those men threatened you, but if you tell us who they were working for we can protect you.” Xel’s gaze flicked to the blue-eyed turian whose mandibles were pressed against his mouth tightly.

            “They work for Fist. They wanted to shut me up, keep me from telling Garrus about the quarian,” she said, and her green eyes moved to Vator and she shifted. “Uh, other quarian.”

            “Does the quarian have anything to do with the investigation into Saren?”

            Garrus shifted, blinking out of his thoughts and nodded once. “I think it might. Doctor Michel, tell us what happened.”

            Immediately her fingers tangled and she looked down, avoiding the eyes locked on her. “A few days ago, a quarian came by my office. She’d been shot, but she wouldn’t tell me who did it.” Michel’s eyes flitted up to Xel and then over to Garrus. “I could tell she was scared, probably on the run. She asked me about the Shadow Broker. She wanted to trade information for a safe place to hide.”

            “Where is she now?” Xel had only heard stories of the Shadow Broker, none of them good. He was an information broker with his fingers in everyone’s pie –unbeknownst to them– and no one had anything on him.

            “I put her in contact with Fist: he’s an agent for the Shadow Broker,” she looked like she regretted it. She ran her fingers through her red hair and shook her head.

            “Not anymore,” Garrus sighed. “Now he works for Saren, and the Shadow Broker isn’t too happy about it.” This surprised the doctor.

            “Fist betrayed the Shadow Broker? That’s stupid, even for him. Saren must have made him quite the offer.”

            “That quarian must have something Saren wants. Something worth crossing the Shadow Broker to get,” the turian said. As he spoke his head tilted slightly, something turians did, rather than expressed emotions with their eyes and mouths, how they moved their heads and shifted their weight could tell you more than if you simply focused on their faces.

            “Did she say anything about geth?” Xel turned back to Michel.

            “Yes!” the doctor nodded and waved her hand. “Her information had something to do with the geth!”

            Garrus rumbled. “She must be able to link Saren to the geth.” His face tipped down so he looked at her just under his brow. “There’s no way the Council can ignore this,” his flanging voice wasn’t as deep as Nihlus’ but it was sharper, especially now when it rose with his fervor.

            “Time we paid Fist a visit,” she turned to Ashley and Vator. The other woman was eyeing the turian, though, while the quarian folded his arms.

            Xel looked back at Vakarian and he shifted his weight back and forth, looking at her squarely with his mandibles relaxed beside his mouth. “This is your show, Shepard. But I want to bring Saren down as much as you do. I’m coming with you.” His voice and stance told her he wasn’t going to just let her go without him.

            “You’re a turian, why do you want to bring him down?” Ashley snapped.

            Xel turned a harsh look over at her, but he answered, stepping forward. His head turning slightly so he looked at her at an angle, then his blue eyes pierced Shepard. “I couldn’t find the proof I needed in my investigation, but I knew what was going on.” He gestured to Ashley at that, with heavy brow plates. “Saren’s a traitor to the Council, and a disgrace to my people!” This time his mandibles widened and the plates in front of his mouth shifted up to bare his needle teeth. He waved his hand at the Gunnery Chief, expressing his disdain for the other turian.

            “Welcome aboard, Vakarian,” Xel said, deciding not to check with her squad first.

            But Vator let out a pleasant chuckle. “It will be good not to be the only non-human on the Normandy.”

            “You know, we aren’t the only ones going after Fist. The Shadow Broker hired a krogan bounty hunter named Wrex to take him out,” Garrus added, having calmed down with her acceptance of his help. His arms were crossed, though, his hands tucked into the insides of his elbows.

            “Perhaps that was the krogan we saw?” Vator offered.

            Xel smiled, “A krogan might come in handy.”

            “Before I turned my comm off and came in I heard C-Sec brought him in. Fist accused him of making threats –of which I’m sure he confessed to.” Xel didn’t put it passed a krogan to own up to threats made. They weren’t necessarily honor bound like turians, but more so didn’t give a damn about the opinions of others.

            “We should grab him before he gets himself locked up.”

            “Agreed,” Vator breathed and Ashley shifted.

            “Ma’am, should I check on LT and the Spectre?”

            The Gunnery Chief wouldn’t look at anyone, instead she found the smooth floor interesting. Williams was young, twenty-five or so, with dark eyes and darker hair that was probably shoulder length, but was twisted up into a low bun, countering the one that Xel had pinned to the top of her head. Ashley also was the kind of pretty that men usually were drawn to quickly with thick, round lips that rested well on her face so that she didn’t look unhappy while lost in thought. Her brown eyes were outlined with dense lashes, and rested under fine brows that suited her. Hell, her skin had a deeper natural tan and was far clearer than Shepard’s as well. It seemed like the woman had won the genetic lottery and didn’t even know it.

            “Yes, Williams. We’ll catch back up with you on the Normandy.”

            “Aye aye, ma’am.”


	5. Ring-A-Round the Rosie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those new friends I mentioned? Yeah...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ring-a-round the rosie,  
> A pocket full of posies,  
> Ashes! Ashes!  
> We all fall down.

            “Yikes…” Xel’s thin brows arched high and she stopped to watch the display in front of her. Garrus rushed forward while Vator took his place at her side with folded arms and chuckled.

            “Wasn’t expecting a show, next you’ll be taking me out to dinner.”

            “Nice try.”

            “Remember, I can eat turian food, as long as it’s been purified,” he turned his head toward her before returning his attention to the commotion in front of them.

            The krogan from Chora’s Den was trying to charge the asari dancer that Vator had spoken to. The asari was also in the process of being restrained as she swore at the top of her lungs and tried to throw herself right back at the mercenary. Garrus ran up right in time to grab her around the waist and turn her, keeping her from taking down one of the turian officers holding onto the krogan.

            “Let her try!” he roared and broke a hand free to beat his chest. “I’ll break her in half.”

            “Fist is _mine_ , pyjak dung!” the asari kicked her legs around Garrus’ and wrenched her body, forcing them both to the ground as another officer came forward. It was odd that she wasn’t using her biotics. Most asari fighters were excellent biotics with powerful abilities. This woman’s purple skin didn’t show any hint of the tell tale blue glow. Instead, she was throwing her fists and feet with skillful precision and one of the turians let out a cry when his head snapped back against the ground and cracked his fringe.

            Suddenly, Vator’s body lit up, taking on the lightning glow that she’d expected from the asari. He stepped forward and reached out and the purple woman was lifted off the ground with a yelp just as an officer was about to use a stun weapon on her. She kicked and swore and the krogan laughed.

            “Put me down!” she screamed and lashed.

            “Very well,” he relaxed and the static that had covered him faded away and his arm dropped. And the asari followed suit, hitting the ground with a hard thud that made Xel wince.

            “Ah! Damn the Goddess!” she swore and got several stares. Never before had Xel heard someone curse the asari deity, and it was even stranger coming from the ‘noble’ species.

            Vator tilted his head over to Xel and let out a happy chuckle, “Got a mouth on that one.”

            “What’s going on here?” she stepped forward, ignoring the quarian.

            A human officer turned to her, gave her a quick once over to see if she was worth his time, and then sighed. “We brought Wrex in when Fist filed a complaint. The asari just came out of nowhere attacking him. Honestly we were going to let him go and then this happened…”

            The asari started to stand up and Vator held his hand out with his palm down. A blue field fanned out over her and pressed her into the ground enough to keep her from crawling. “Bosh’tet!” the woman growled. An asari using a quarian swear was almost stranger than her cursing the Goddess.

            “Oh don’t start that with me, Kaeli’steiz. I’ll toss you in the air again,” Vator stated, and Xel looked between them before regarding the krogan.

            “The name’s Shepard. I have an interesting proposal for you.”

            With the asari pinned he wasn’t pulling against the guards anymore and they released him so he could come closer to her. “Shepard? Commander Shepard? I’ve heard a lot about you.” He approached her and Vator turned to look at her, keeping his barrier on the asari. Garrus was behind him, blue eyes narrowed as he watched the krogan carefully. “I’m Urdnot Wrex,” he grinned as if it should mean something to her. He was a bright krogan, his flesh a pale tan but the plate on his head was red like the cloth of Vator’s armor. He also had scarlet eyes with a long, thin, black slit for a pupil running down the middle. These eyes were set wide, though, meaning he couldn’t see very well directly in front of him, but gave him a better view of his surroundings than she could ever hope –better than any sapient race she’d met, really. “We’re both warrior, Shepard. Out of respect, I’ll give you fair warning. I’m going to kill Fist.”

            “The Void you are!” the asari screeched, pressing against the field above her. Vator grunted and his biotics flared as he stepped forward and pressed the barrier down.

            Garrus circled the krogan, seeming to have relaxed now that he didn’t seem to be a threat. He turned to the other officers and waved them off. Now they turned to the asari. Vator let her go when they had her surrounded and they started to drag her away. Xel frowned, watching as she tossed officers around like toys.

            “Do you know her?” Xel asked Wrex who turned his head to look over the purple asari.

            “A worthy adversary. Ganar Nisyrta T’kanis, shame she is so small, had she the weight of a krogan she might actually have stood a chance to get out of here.”

            Vator tilted his head, “She has a krogan clan name?”

            “The only asari to complete a krogan Rite of Passage. Her _father_ let her.” Wrex grunted, shifting his jaw so that his under-bite ground his lips together. “She would not have lasted Urdnot’s Rite of Passage.”

            “What’s her interest in Fist?”

            Wrex shrugged, “Something about killing her sister.”

            “We could probably use her,” Vator turned to face them more squarely. Wrex growled, his scarred face scrunching up.

            “You have me, you don’t need some weak asari.”

            “The only reason she’s not free is because she’s not trying to kill anyone,” the quarian folded his arms and everyone looked at him. “I could tell, the moves she used. They’re defensive, not offensive.” He shrugged.

            “Garrus think you can get her out and calmed down? Maybe she and Wrex can share Fist?” Xel looked at the krogan. “He knows you’re coming. I think we’d all stand a better chance if we worked together.”

            “My people have a saying: seek the enemy of your enemy, and you will find a friend,” Wrex straightened up and looked at her with a tilted head so he could see her clearly. He was over seven feet tall with the massive shoulder hump on his back.

            “We have a similar saying,” Xel stuck her hand out. “Glad to have you on the team, Wrex.” The krogan took it and gave her a firm shake.

            “I _will_ be the one to kill Fist. The asari can have whatever fun she wants with him first, though.”

            Xel nodded once and then looked at the blue-eyed turian. Garrus’ mandibles twitched, “I’ll get her out.”

 

 

            “It’s like trying to deal with _children_!” Xel sighed and settled down behind the tipped over table. Gunfire and screaming patrons filled her ears, and it was giving her a headache. Chora’s Den was a miniature warzone. Everyone who worked there seemed to be armed and shooting at her.

            Garrus knelt beside her, ducking his head as a shot caught the end of the table. He splayed his mandibles at her. “It was a good idea bringing Nis, though, she’s tearing through them just as fast as Wrex.”

            “You’re not going to get in trouble for this?” Xel asked, turning so she could shoot the bartender. “You know, being with C-Sec and all?”

            The turian’s chest rumbled with a deep, subharmonic chuckle. “Next chance I get I’m dropping my resignation papers at the office. Probably a good idea to do that _before_ they find out I was here with you shooting up a club, though.” He swung his sniper rifle over the table quickly as he took expert aim and downed a charging krogan bodyguard headed their way. “Brace yourself,” he warned and she pressed against the table with him right as the heavy body tumbled forward and collided with their shield.

            Xel grinned. “So you’re a pretty good shot with that, hmm?”

            “Best I know,” the turian panted, and looked at her sideways. “You?”

            “I was going to say the same thing.”

            Garrus’ brow perked. “Is that so?”

            Xel shifted the rifle around and lay on her stomach, peering through her scope across the room to a human who was ducking behind the bar, trying to get the nerve to shoot someone. The asari, Nis, was using her omni-blade as she jumped over tables and chairs, onto the bar, and swung from the dance platform above. Wrex had biotic abilities, but nothing like what Vator demonstrated earlier –though now he seemed to be content with sitting back, watching something on his omni-tool. Xel didn’t have time to chide him, and focused on the man who peeked above the bar to his eyes just to look around.

            Her strike split his head and he flopped back onto the ground in a pool of crimson. Nis hit the ground beside him and turned to look back at Xel with narrowed eyes. “I had him.”

            “Well I got him,” she shrugged and stood up, watching as Wrex charged the last man right into a wall and he popped like a balloon. Her nose wrinkled and she even heard Garrus clear his throat uncomfortably. “Come on, Fist’s in the back, right?”

            “Through that door there,” Nis skipped forward and cleaned off her forearms. She wasn’t wearing armor, rather, she was still in the dancer’s uniform leaving little to the imagination as the black, shiny leather contoured her curves and made her purple cleavage and butt-cheeks stand out. Curiously, she glanced sideways at Wrex and Garrus as they joined her behind the asari. The turian didn’t even look her way, rather he was adjusting the scope on his sniper rifle. Wrex, on the other hand was eyeing her, though it seemed to be in suspicion.

            Vator came up behind her and heaved a breath. As Nis opened the door, Xel turned to him. “What were you doing?”

            “Research,” he held his omni-tool up to show a how-to vid.

            “In the middle of a fire fight?” she nearly gaped at him.

            “I’ve always wanted one of those drones…” he held his hands out in front of him as if to hold an orb. “I was seeing how to make one, but I’ll need to further modify my omni-tool first.”

            Garrus turned to the quarian, “You have outstanding biotics, why bother?”

            “Do you not try to better yourself when you know you are the best?”

            Xel and Garrus paused while the masked man stared at them, waiting for an answer. Wrex barked a laugh. “Let him watch vids while we fight: more for us.”

            The door hissed open and shots fired, Nis leapt to the side, taking cover by the wall. Wrex looked up and charged forward. Before any of them made it into the next room the krogan stood on the corpse of a human and shotgunned the other in the face, painting the wall behind him. A happy rumbled shook the beast and he turned to look at the team behind him before nodding for someone to open the door.

            Nis skipped on passed him, her hips swaying as she strode and Xel shifted, forcing herself to look away from her. Weren’t they an odd bunch? A turian C-Sec officer, an Alliance marine, a krogan mercenary, a biotic quarian, and an asari dancer. It sounded like the beginning of a bad joke.

            “Turrets ahead, I can hear them,” Nis held her omni-blade up and stepped aside, letting those with guns pass her.

            “Shepard take the turret and I’ll handle Fist,” the krogan smiled, his wide lips curling up at the corners as his eyes narrowed.

            “We need to talk to him first,” she warned. The last thing she needed was for him to get all excited and kill Fist before they had a chance to find out the quarian’s location.

            “And I need some alone time with him,” the asari growled, coming up to put her face in Wrex’s. His smile faded and he rumbled at her. Her lips drew back over her teeth and she balled her fists up. It was a time bomb, having the two of them around. Or like toting children along –the constant bickering was getting old. Since they left the C-Sec offices the two were threatening each other.

            “You two need to calm down,” Xel stepped around them.

            “Good luck with that,” Garrus huffed, following behind her.

            “We should have left the asari,” Wrex sighed and just as Xel turned around to reply to him Nis bucked forward, her head smashing hard against the krogan’s plated forehead. He actually staggered back a step, but it seemed mostly out of surprise. Vator laughed, his crossed arms falling to his side as he looked the purple alien over. “I underestimated you. It won’t happen again,” the mercenary conceded. Nis lifted her chin, a spot between the markings on her forehead starting to darken, but she didn’t show any other sign of pain. Her lilac eyes were locked on the krogan.

            “Don’t treat me like asari. I was born to a krogan –raised by him. I did not see another asari until I was already grown. By that time they were nothing to me but weakness. My people will forever be the krogan –my loyalties to Tuchanka,” her face was an inch from the krogan’s, her gaze narrowed to slits, and her magenta lips curled back.

            Surprising everyone, Wrex took a step back and bowed his head slightly.

            Xel wasn’t quite sure how to react to that, so she cleared her throat and turned back around, noticing Garrus was also distracted by the scene. She lifted a brow at him and his mandibles twitched. “Never thought I’d see a krogan back down to an asari,” he said softly so no one could hear him. Her lip twitched and she stepped around him, lifting her sniper rifle so she could check the scope and find the turrets that Nis had mentioned.

            The turian came up behind her, she could feel him even though she didn’t hear him. The next room was empty, save two heavy turrets sitting on either side of a doorway. They didn’t target her yet, so she turned back to Garrus. “I’ll take the one of the right, you get the one on the left.”

            “Yes, Commander.”

            At her angle, she could get hers, but he needed to cross the doorway, which would draw fire, letting her get her turret. And when she fired, she would become the target, and he could get his. It was a good plan, and surprisingly it worked perfectly.

            “Good shot, Shepard,” the turian’s compliment brought a grin to her lips, and she continued into the room, changing out her long ranged weapon for one better suited for close quarters. She smacked the pad that opened the door, and a man with a crew cut and wide eyes jumped, flopping backward onto the desk he’d been standing in front of.

            Xel and her squad lifted their weapons, trained on the man. He lifted his arms. “Wait! Don’t kill me! I surrender!”

            Shepard marched forward before someone else could, and held her pistol to the man’s face, her head tilting slightly as she glared down at him. “Where’s the quarian?”

            “She’s not here. I don’t know where she is –that’s the truth!” he squeaked when the barrel was pressed to his temple. He could easily kick her away, he was laying down on the desk with his legs dangling and his hands raised, submissively looking up at her, and then back at the four aliens behind her. His crystal blue eyes were wide enough she could see nearly the whole iris.

            “He’s lying,” Vakarian stepped forward, his mandibles hovering beside his mouth with his head tilted in a predatory way. Like an animal starting to show its teeth.

            “You’d better start explaining before I lose my temper,” she growled, leaning down so her face was closer to his. She could hear Wrex move behind her, his heavy steps telling her he was pacing. She imagined that Nis was doing the same. And, well Vator was probably standing by the door watching everything.

            “The quarian isn’t here,” Fist started, his scared lips moving quickly. “Said she’d only deal with the Shadow Broker himself.”

            “Face to face? Impossible, even I was hired through an agent,” Wrex came forward, his scaled brow heavy. Nis appeared in her peripheral also, probably to make sure Wrex didn’t just shoot him before she could get her hands on him. Fist could tell he was in deep, but there was a tiny fleck of hope in those blue eyes that seemed to think he could get out of this if he gave Shepard the information she wanted.

            “No one meets the Shadow Broker. Ever. Even I don’t know his true identity, but she didn’t know that,” he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “I told her I’d set a meeting up. But when she shows up, it’ll be Saren’s men waiting for her.”

            Xel nodded and slipped her pistol back into place on her hip. He seemed to relax some and then she grabbed him with both hands at the collar of his shirt and lifted him off the desk and onto his feet, though he stood on his toes. She didn’t have the strength to do this long, but her point had been made. Then she swept her foot under him, knocking his legs sideways and released him, causing him to hit the ground hard. “Give me the location. _Now_.”

            “Here on the wards. In the back alley by the markets. Three days from today at dusk. I–I don’t know where she is now, I swear,” he lifted his hands again.

            “I believe that’s all I need from you,” she stepped back and his gaze flicked over to the asari and krogan.

            “So I can–”

            “I don’t think so,” Nis growled and was on him, her omni-blade drawn out. Xel put her back to him and left the room with Garrus and Vator in tow.

            Back in the bar they waited for the other two, listening to the cry of the man who Xel was severely disappointed in. Fist had the _look_ : strong, wide, square jaw with wide shoulders, the crew cut, hard face, and scars. But he was _weak_ , and his screams received no sympathy from Shepard.

            Vator hopped over the bar and pushed aside the dead turian bartender. “Want something to drink while we wait?”

            Xel smirked and looked at Garrus who shrugged and they both took a seat. “Water only, we’re on _duty_ ,” she smiled and the quarian nodded. “What do you think Fist did to piss off Nis?” she asked the C-Sec investigator. “Wrex said something about him killing her sister, but it… seemed like more than that.”

            His mandibles pulsed a couple times, how Nihlus’ had when he studied the tick like ship that landed on Eden Prime. Then Vator pushed two glasses their way. Another scream sounded off, but this time it was cut off with a gurgle. The quarian folded his arms and tilted his head, and the other two turned to see the asari come out with a human tongue dangling between her fingers. It wasn’t just a short piece, though, it was long, and dripping.

            Nis tossed it aside and looked at them, her lips set in a satisfied smile. “You can’t imagine how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

            “What did Fist do to–” Xel paused when a gunshot rang out “–piss you off?”

            “Airlocked my father after refusing to pay him,” she said with a shrug and came forward, looking between the glasses of water before grabbing Garrus’ and drinking it. He watched her, piercing blue eyes barely annoyed. Then she sat it down and turned to Xel. “My father was my only family. Fist took that from me. My clan won’t even accept me back –even though I have completed my Rite of Passage.”

            “I’m sorry,” Shepard frowned and Nis rolled her shoulders and cleared her throat.

            “Whatever, I’ll show them. I’ll go back to Tuchanka soon.”

            “They don’t respect you because you’re small,” Wrex marched in, his scarlet eyes rolling over the asari. She turned to look at him, and tilted her head.

            “You’ve seen what I can do,” she grinned and lifted her red stained fingers. A smile actually crossed the krogan’s lips and he looked away.

            “Ganar is a witless clan,” he brushed it off with a wave of the hand.

            “Well, now that you two are getting along just fine,” Xel stood up and grabbed her water, drinking it. “We have to get what information we can back to Anderson and Udina before C-Sec swarms us,” she looked over at Garrus whose mandibles were pressed tightly against his mouth. “Want to drop off those resignation papers now?”

            “Probably a good idea,” he said lightly, standing as his right mandible swung out. It seemed like a smirk.

 

 

            Paperwork. Xel hated paperwork.

            Shepard rubbed her face, feeling the familiar scar over her right cheek and down the left side of her lips. The scars were old, she’d gotten them six years ago on Akuze. That thought brought with it flashes, and she winced, her pale mauve eyes squeezing shut.

            “You all right, Commander?”

            Kaidan’s soft, gravelly voice was comforting, and she looked up to meet his concerned gaze. She was sitting in the mess trying to finish up the files and reports on her datapad before heading to bed. It was late, and most of the human crew had already gone to bed. Hell, even Anderson was asleep. She was actually surprise to see Alenko up.

            “I’m fine, LT, just…” she gestured to the tablet in front of her and he pursed his lips.

            “I understand.”

            “How was Nihlus today?” She hated she hadn’t stopped in to check on him –by the time she and her squad had gotten to the human embassy, they were swarmed by C-Sec for the shootout at Chora’s Den and spent the next five hours in questioning. And they were at a stand still now until the meeting with the quarian was to happen. She was worried that the girl would be frightened off by learning Fist was dead, but so far that hadn’t been leaked to the media, so they should be fine.

            “Same as before, he is doing fine, but he hasn’t woken up.”

            “I’m going to see him in the morning,” she decided and picked up the datapad again.

            Kaidan stood there for a moment and then took the seat across from her. “Commander… I, uh, was wondering something,” he breathed, looking down at his hands as his fingers tangled together on the table. She glanced up from her tablet and lifted a thin brow at him.

            “What is it?”

            “We’re acquiring quite the crew,” he stated and his thick brows drew together before he looked up at the sleeping pods down the hall. “I think it’s making Chief Williams uncomfortable.”

            “She mentioned briefly that she hasn’t had the chance to work with aliens,” she said and he nodded.

            “She told me about some of her assignments while we were at the hospital,” he waved a hand and shook his head. “I was going to ask. You seem quite comfortable around them…”

            “Are you asking me something in particular, LT?”

            “Did you grow up with them?” he winced and sat up straighter, leaning back in his chair.

            “I grew up on starships, bouncing from post to post, wherever my parents were assigned. I met a lot of aliens in passing,” she put the tablet down and mimicked him, sitting back in her own seat. A smirk played on her mouth, curling the corners up. Normally she had what appeared to be an ever-present frown because of this disproportion between her lips and the curve of the upper. “My first kiss was with a turian,” she admitted and laughed at the shock on his face.

            “Is that so? I bet that was an experience,” a subharmonic voice sent a shock through her, and Xel looked up as Garrus came around the wall from the stairs. His mandibles were splayed wide and she chuckled.

            “It’s definitely not something your people are used to.”

            “How did you talk a poor turian into doing something so embarrassing?” Vakarian asked and stood behind the chair beside her. She pushed it with her boot to encourage him to sit and he did.

            “I was… two? Three? When the First Contact War happened,” she recalled, tipping back with her fingers locked together, her gaze flicking between the men. “My parents had been marines all their lives, and were grown back when we thought we were the only ones in the universe,” she almost snorted and watched Garrus’ facial expression closely. “Needless to say they had a bit of a bias against turians after you guys tore into us.”

            The alien lifted his hands in surrender, “Not the wisest call, but you were breaking laws.”

            “Laws we didn’t know about,” she pointed out and he nodded.

            “Well, had it been police that found you and not a military, then maybe you would have just been fined,” he chuckled, the deep sounds resonating in his chest. Xel grinned and looked over at Kaidan.

            “Anyway, so I grew up going from station to station, right? And my mom just… _hates_ turians. She can barely stand the others, but ‘the birds are the worst’,” she lifted her fingers to quote and Garrus tipped his head at the term.

            Kaidan leaned forward, “‘Hates’? As in still?”

            “Yeah,” Xel stood up and walked over to the counter and cooling unit to get something to drink. “I, on the other hand, took an interest in dinosaurs when I was little. So when I met my first turian,” she glanced over at Garrus who was watching her, piercing blue eyes intense. “The only thing I felt was excitement.”

            “And that led to a kiss?” Kaidan lifted a brow and chuckled.

            “No, that was later.” She settled on a red alcoholic liquid since she wasn’t technically on duty, and she planned on going to bed soon. “His name was… Tiran?” she thought for a second and lifted another as an offer to Kaidan who shook his head. “Did you want anything, Vakarian? I’m not sure if we have anything dextro yet…”

            “I’m fine, Shepard.”

            “Anyway, Tiran was sweet,” she came back and sat down, opening her drink and scrolled her datapad. “White plates, and blue colony markings,” she pursed her lips trying to remember more about him, but it was so long ago. “He wanted to do something different. His sibling and cousin didn’t join the military so he was sort of expect to?” she shrugged and Garrus nodded.

            “All turians join, but he would have been expected to remain after his required years of service.”

            “Ah,” she nodded. “We didn’t know each other long, but I considered him my first boyfriend,” Xel smirked as she took a sip. “Though I don’t think ten year olds really know how to commit like that.”

            Garrus and Kaidan laughed and the lieutenant picked up the baton with a story from when he was ‘Brain Camp’ where he learned to use his biotics. After some laughable instances Garrus admitted to having an embarrassing childhood before he joined the military. He got into _everything_ , and drove his parents wild.

            Needless to say, she didn’t finish her reports. Vator and Nis joined their table halfway through Xel explaining how one time she and a young salarian girl had rigged the VI on a lunar station to speak backwards. The salarian had done all the work, but Xel had been the eyes and guard to keep people off of her while she worked.

            She turned in as Vator started to tell everyone about his favorite prank to pull on the captain of his birthship. Before she climbed into her sleeping pod, though, Shepard looked back and watched Wrex join them. A smile spread her lips wide. That right there was just what she liked to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dropped a name that maybe some Andromeda fans may enjoy... for shits and giggles because why not.


	6. Rock-a-By Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to check in on our Spectre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rock-a-by baby  
> On the tree top,  
> When the wind blows  
> The cradle will rock.  
> When the bough breaks,  
> The cradle will fall,  
> And down will fall baby  
> Cradle and all.

            _Xel’s body was frozen and she stared at the scene before her with wide eyes and parted lips. Tears streamed down her cheeks and wet her neck, causing her uniform to grow uncomfortable. Paralyzed by more than fear, she couldn’t so much as blink to rid the image from her brain._

_Thresher maws tore out of the ground, looking like massive worms the size of buildings with tentacles, mandibles, and a thick, glowing blue tongue that drew your attention. No matter how hard you tried to look away from it, to focus on the other parts of the beast that were attacking, you couldn’t look away from that bright, florescent tongue._

_Even now, she didn’t watch her team get swallowed up. She watched the tongues lash around, throwing over Makos and tossing marines. The pale blue, almost teal, long and thick at the base, then came to a point that looked as if it could spear prey, but instead, it just flew through the air like a whip._

_The ground shook, and Xel tried to turn around, but she couldn’t. Her feet were stuck on the evacuation platform. They’d sent out an SOS when the first maw burst from the ground. Comms went down right after confirmation. She had no idea what their ETA was, or if they had understood that the threat wasn’t just_ one _maw coming their way._

_Shepard couldn’t stagger as the platform lifted, bowing to the force pushed against it from below. Concrete and steel did not give like low atmosphere dirt, and the maw had to try harder than it was prepared to to get through._

_It was then that she heard the engines and turned her face up, her salvation in the form of landing lights._

 

            Xel pressed against the door of the pod and nearly fell out. Her breathing was quick and ragged and she thought she was going to throw up.

            Cool hands touched her, and she flinched away before meeting glowing eyes. “Oh, Vator, I’m sorry,” she cleared her throat and looked passed him seeing some people in the mess staring. When her brows drew together they looked away.

            “I was coming to wake you. It appears you have overslept, Xel,” he stepped back from her to give her space.

            Over slept? She never overslept. Xel checked her omni-tool and frowned at it. Her alarm hadn’t woken her and timed out. “Oh.”

            “The Captain has set up a lunch meeting with you. The rest of the day is yours,” he informed her and she nodded.

            “Where are the others?”

            “Nisyrta and Wrex were called back to C-Sec for follow up questioning. Garrus went with them to make sure they were not detained. Apparently his paperwork is still going through, so he is still an officer, officially,” Vator tipped his head and she thought he might be smiling some. “The Captain sent Lieutenant Alenko and Chief Williams to get supplies for the alien crew.”

            “And you’re just… here?” she lifted a brow at him.

            “I refused to leave without you,” he shrugged.

            “How sweet,” Shepard stepped around him and went to the mess to get something quick to eat. “When is my meeting with Anderson?”

            “At midday, there is a restaurant he said you knew about…?”

            “Ah, I know where he’s referring to. Was there something you wanted to do today?” she lifted a brow as she opened her nutrient paste and squeezed it into her mouth. They didn’t have a large enough crew to have a cook, so it was just rations and paste with variant liquids to drink. Lunch on the Citadel would be nice.

            Vator looked away from her, over at the crewmembers finishing their breakfasts before getting to work. “I have no preference,” he said and sounded honest. “I just do not want to be left alone on the ship.”

            “Because you’re the last alien?” she smirked. His helmet swayed side to side. “Come on, I don’t like the idea of Nihlus being alone…” Xel placed a hand on his shoulder and then stepped around him to get washed up and changed.

 

 

            “Yes, actually, there was a turian who stopped by asking to see him,” the nurse shifted, his mandibles pulsing in thought while his brown eyes locked on Nihlus’ stats. “He said he knew Agent Kryik, but at your order we kept him back.”

            “Can you tell me anything about the turian?” Xel asked, folding her arms.

            “His colony markings looking like a skull,” the nurse’s mandibles pressed against his mouth and he rumbled a growl. “The bareface probably made it up to keep from being looked at too closely in a crowd.”

            “A skull would go unnoticed?” Vator crossed his arms skeptically.

            “Which stands out more? A turian with markings or without?” the nurse shifted, lifting his chin as he looked down at the shorter male.

            “Point made.”

            Xel approached Nihlus’ bed and looked him over. His head was propped up so that his fringe rested without strain behind him while he lied on his back. He didn’t have his armor on, and was only covered from the waist down.

            His body was slender with deep, red-brown plates and softer, sand colored scaled flesh between. He had many scars, the ones marking his skin were easier to see, but more than one had broken through plates on his chest and stomach. Her pale eyes flicked up to his face, following the paths of his tattoos.

            Straight from the bridge of his nose in to converging lines that came to a point on his chin. Both eyes were set in black flesh with red-brown plate surrounding them and steady accents to contour them. His brows were lined as well, connecting to the outline of his eyes, both continued back to mark his fringe with gaps breaking the broad lines. His mandibles were more simply marked, but matched the flow of the rest.

            The most intriguing part of his face was the double line on his forehead creating a dark marquise that’s outer streak following his center spine.

            His mandibles twitched and she narrowed her eyes, turning her head as his vitals picked up. The nurse stepped around the bed and picked up the datapad connected to his stats. “It appears he’s waking up. You have good timing, Commander.”

            Her heart leapt and she swallowed hard, looking at each movement of his facial plates. The slits of his nose flexed, and his brows fell, pushing down, while his lips parted with flaring mandibles. It almost looked like a yawn.

            Then his eyes snapped open, flickering shut quickly. His pupil had been wide, but when he reopened them they shrunk down and he looked from her to the nurse, and then around. She forgot how _bright_ those irises were, seeming to give off their own light. Like she’d held a gem up to the sun and let the rays pass through it.

            Nihlus cut off her view to those brilliant stones and took a deep breath. “How long have I been out?”

            “Around three days,” she answered before the nurse could.

            He looked at her then, his painted brows heavy as he studied her. “Commander Shepard…” his deep voice shook her in a way she wasn’t expecting. “Something obviously happened to me. The last thing I remember I was being briefed on the mission I was to accompany you on.” He cleared his throat and winced, the subharmonics making the sounds he made almost musical despite the obvious discomfort.

            Vator shifted, “The mission failed when you were shot.”

            Before he could continue, she cut in. “Eden Prime’s led us to a new mission, though. We can fill you in once the doctors have a look at you.”

            “Who shot me?” he turned to the nurse when prompted, but his green gaze flicked back to her.

            There was a question she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer right now. The last thing she wanted to do was upset him right now, and if Saren had been right about their friendship, then she didn’t want to hurt him. “I’m not sure, I wasn’t there. But Vator here found you and stopped your bleeding,” she gestured to the quarian and met his glowing eyes. He shifted at her, his arms crossing and she knew she was going to have to talk to him about what not to tell him, but he played along.

            “Yes. I was able to stop the bleeding, saved your life according to the doctor on the Normandy,” Vator came forward and Nihlus started to sit up. The nurse waved for him to stop.

            “Slow down,” he warned.

            “I know my limits,” he lifted a hand armed with sharp talons. The Spectre sat up and kicked his legs over the side. He was dressed in a pair of hospital pants, baggy so they could fit any species, and were short on his long legs. When he placed his feet on the ground she looked down, noticing the spur on his right calf was half missing along with the left talon on his left foot. She wondered what had happened: he had so many outstanding scars and she knew each was a story.

            The turian lifted his hand to the quarian, his head bowed. Vator stepped forward and took his offer.

            “Thank you, Vator. I owe you my life.”

            “No please,” he shook his head. “None of that. It was Shepard and her men that truly saved you. No matter what I did, they’re the reason you survived.” The quarian stepped back and sort of behind Xel.

            Nihlus looked her over, “It appears the debt falls to you, Commander. Were you informed as to why I was assigned to the Normandy?”

            “I was,” she straightened, hands pinning behind her back. He watched the movement, his shining eyes tracking her. “You were to observe me,” a smile threatened to show, “For candidacy to the Spectres.”

            This was something Vator hadn’t known, and she felt his gaze burning into the back of her head. Nihlus nodded and took a partial step back, his hand resting on the bed. “Good, and you know who put your name forward?”

            She turned to Vator, “Can you give us a moment?” The quarian hesitated and then nodded leaving the room with the nurse close behind with the promise he’d return with a doctor.

            Once it was just the two of them, Nihlus sat down, and let out a long breath. He looked tired suddenly and she stepped closer, looking at him with more objectivity. His plates were scarred, yes, but she could see the strain in the soft flesh around his eyes, and the way his mandibles were pressed against his mouth while he looked down at his feet.

            “You recommended me,” she stated and he nodded. “Why?”

            “Did I not tell you before?” he didn’t look up.

            “Remind me,” she breathed. Nihlus straightened up and she took in his thick chest and narrow waist. It was always something she had found attractive in human men. He looked strong, thickly muscled for a turian. Even from what little she’s seen of Garrus she knew that the blue-eyed turian was leaner than the one that stood before her now. And when she looked up to his gaze, she realized he was watching her appreciate him.

            “Not many could have survived what you went through on Akuze,” he started, his voice low as he bowed his head to look at her from under his brow. “You showed a remarkable will to live: a particularly useful talent,” he added and cocked his head to the side.

            “Is that all?” she found herself asking, wondering if he remembered their little poker game on the fuel depot. If he remembered that he’d met her before at all.

            “No.”

            The door opened and a salarian doctor came in with the nurse from before. Xel stepped back and let them work, watching as Nihlus answered their questions or did the menial tasks they asked of him. The whole time his eyes would flick back to her and her breath would hitch.

            Why was she acting this way? Like she and Nihlus had something? All he did was win her credits seven years ago, recommend her for the Spectres, nearly get killed on her watch, and say things all along the way she couldn’t be sure if he meant flirtatiously….

            Yeah. _All_ he did…

            “I’m awake. I feel fine. I’m leaving,” Nihlus said, standing so that he looked down at the salarian.

            “You were unconscious for three days, Agent Kryik–” she started and the turian lifted a hand to stop her.

            “You aren’t keeping me here.”

            “Very well, but I have to advise you make regular visits to your preferred medical officer until you feel normal. Also to track your memory progress,” the salarian sighed, appearing frustrated. “I cannot recommend you return to combat missions for at least a week, though.”

            “Thank you, doctor,” Nihlus stood, looking sturdier this time. “I imagine the sickbay on the Normandy can accommodate me?” he turned to Xel who blinked at him.

            “Of course. You’re… staying with us?”

            “I have yet to see you in action,” he strode passed her to the table where his armor was resting. He picked up the chest plate and noticed the dried blood on the collar. His mandibles pressed hard against his mouth. The doctor and nurse left them again and for a long time things were quiet. Then she heard a thick rumble from his chest and looked at his plated back. “I went alone didn’t I?”

            “You said you ‘move faster on your own’.”

            “Something caught me off guard…. You’re sure you don’t know what happened?” He didn’t look back at her. He didn’t move, just held his armor, staring at it.

            “I have a theory,” she said, “But nothing solid yet.”

            “What is your theory?”

            “I’ll tell you when I have evidence,” she decided and now he turned, twisting at the waist to look at her with narrowed eyes.

            “Don’t forget, Commander. I’m a Spectre. You have to do as I say.”

            She lifted her chin and pinned her hands behind her back with her feet shoulder width apart. “Don’t forget, Agent Kryik. I’m human, we’re notorious for not following the rules.”

            Nihlus set his armor down and turned to her. His head shifted to the side, tilting as he looked over her face. “Your poker face has gotten better, Commander.”

            “You remember…”

            “How could I forget who gave me the credits I needed to buy my favorite shotgun: Shepard.” Her heart skipped and she looked passed him at the weapon lying beside his armor. It was an M-11 Wraith, a Spectre’s weapon. The metal of the barrel was light, standing out against the tactical green and black of the rest of the weapon. The pale metal was every nearly the same color as her eyes.

            “You… named it Shepard?” Her cheeks warmed and she couldn’t meet his gaze.

            “I thought it was fitting. You did pay for it after all,” he turned back to his armor. “May I have a moment to get dressed?”

            She cleared her throat and nodded. “Of course,” Xel left him and closed the door behind her as she stepped into the hallway.

            Vator was sitting on a bench with his arms and legs crossed, head tipped back against the wall. When he noticed her he stood with his head tipped slightly to the side. “Everything all right, Xel?”

            “Yeah,” she shook her head. “He’s getting ready and then we’re going back to the Normandy.”

            “Why didn’t you tell him Saren’s the one that shot him?” Vator came forward.

            “We don’t have evidence–” she started.

            “I told you what happened,” he cut her off and she saw the glow of his eyes narrow. “I told you he shot him in the back. The only reason he’s alive is because I tripped over my box and startled Saren. Do you not believe me?”

            Xel winced. “It’s not like that, Vator. It’s your word until we have proof–”

            “And I’m just a thieving quarian,” he crossed his arms.

            “I never saw Saren,” she glared at him. “All I saw was you there helping Nihlus who had been _shot_ after I’d talked to him minutes before. I believe you, but I can’t vouch for anything other than what I saw. I didn’t see Saren shoot him, I didn’t even see him there. The first time I saw him was in the hearing where I was accusing him of attacking a human colony and fellow Spectre.”

            The quarian nodded and shifted, his arms tightly folded over his chest. Her eyes locked on the royal blue stain on his crimson cloth. “Of course, Commander.”

            “No, Vator,” she stepped toward him and he backed up, his helmet shaking back side to side.

            “No, Commander. I’ll be returning to the ship if you don’t mind. Don’t worry, we have a deal, I won’t be going anywhere, I just need some time to think.”

            He stepped around her, giving her a wide berth he’d never used before. Xel started to go after him, but Nihlus’ door opened and he stepped out, dressed in his black and red armor. “I have to fill out some paper work, Shepard,” he approached her and then took notice of the quarian. “Is everything okay?”

            “A misunderstanding I’ll deal with when we get back to the ship,” she replied and watched Vator step into the elevator, the others occupying it giving him too much space. Her jaw tightened and her fingers curled into fists.

            How stupid was she? Why did she doubt him? She hadn’t seen Saren do it, but how would Vator even know to blame Saren? _Why_ would Vator make it up? The only thing that made sense was what he’d said.

            Nihlus approached the dock while Vator was cloaked –stealing supplies unseen– and let his guard down when he saw Saren, a fellow Spectre. Saren took that opportunity to shoot Nihlus in the back, but his aim was thrown off when he was startled by the sound of Vator tripping and spilling his supplies. The shot was the sound Xel heard, and she came over the hill and was distracted by the _tick_ in the distance and the horde of husks and geth coming at her. Of course she didn’t see Saren get away. And if Saren wanted to remain unseen, he couldn’t take the time to find who messed up his shot. He thought Nihlus was dead –and he would have been had it not been for Vator’s quick hands and experience– so he retreated.

            Xel needed to apologize to Vator.

 

 

            “Glad to see you up and moving, Nihlus,” Anderson held his hand out and the turian took it, shaking it firmly.

            “Good to be on my feet. I can feel the stillness I’ve suffered,” he gave his head a quick shake.

            “I hope it’s all right that I brought him, Captain. His memory fails after his briefing of the mission to Eden Prime. I told him we don’t have evidence on his shooter yet,” she added, hoping to be subtle enough to keep Nihlus from suspecting her, but also to hint to Anderson not to mention Saren.

            He didn’t show any sign that he got what she was saying, instead, he looked at Nihlus. “Of course I don’t mind. I trust the Commander has given you all the information you need to get caught up?”

            “She has withheld her suspicions of who my shooter was,” the turian looked over at her. His crystal eyes bore into her, but she held her ground.

            “I told you, when I have evidence, you’ll be the first to know.”

            “That makes me rather suspicious, Commander.” Anderson cleared his throat and they both glanced his way, noticing he was sitting down at the table lifting a brow at them. “What was the original purpose of this meeting before I was invited?” the Spectre shifted and dragged out the chair in front of Xel. She half expected him to sit down in it, but he tipped his head in a way to tell her to take it. She couldn’t hide the surprise that flashed across her face and he didn’t even try to contain the flare of his mandibles. Her pale gaze flicked down to look at the way the left side couldn’t stretch as far as the right, making it crooked, almost a smirk.

            Xel sat down as Anderson answered. “It was going to be about you, actually, Nihlus. With you awake… well you’ve sort of rendered the meeting pointless.”

            “Is that so?” The red turian seated himself in a way that almost seemed like he was sitting closer to her than the Captain, but it could just be the angle.

            “Hello, my name’s Krix, can I start you off with something to drink?” a turian waitress stepped up to their table between the men and held her small datapad ready to place orders. Her green eyes flicked between them and Nihlus picked up the small menu to decide.

            “I’ll have a water with a bowl of lemons,” the Captain smiled up at her and she nodded, tapping a talon against the screen. Then she looked up to Xel.

            “Extra sweet, sweet tea, please,” she grinned and the woman nodded. Then the Commander added, “Like, it should be grainy…”

            Both turians glanced up at her and she shifted, looking down at the menu even though she knew what she was going to get. Nihlus chuckled, “I’ll have a lisk with jer fruit.”

            “I’ll get those right out,” she turned and headed back toward the counter. Xel looked her over unconsciously, noting her thin waist and long legs with delicately curved spurs. The colony markings she sported were thin and pale blue, lighter than Garrus’, and looked like wisps along her facial markers. Her plates where a light beige and her scales a deep sandy brown.

            “Do you think you’re well enough to continue mentoring Shepard?” Anderson drew her attention.

            Nihlus nodded. “Of course. If I didn’t have a reason to before, I have one now. I owe my life to the Commander and your crew. The least I can do is continue my original plan. It will take several missions for me to be sure,” he rumbled after that, sounding like a deep chuckle and Xel watched him. Was he saying he was already sure?

            “I’m sure we’ll have a whole list coming your way soon,” Anderson shifted and Nihlus tilted his head. “The attack on Eden Prime has some… interesting factors that you might find shocking.”

            “I’m sure I can handle it, Captain.”

            “The geth were there, in force,” he started and Xel watched Nihlus’ expression. His brows grew heavy and his mandibles pulsed once. Anderson continued, keeping eye contact. “They had these… pikes they would put our colonists on, spear them through the chest, and convert them into synthetics. The organs, skin, and water in their bodies are all changed,” he looked down when the waitress returned and put their drinks down.

            “Are we ready to order?” Krix asked with splayed mandibles and her hands behind her back, looking between them. Then she noticed the somber looks and lowered eyes. “I’ll, uh, come back.”

            Xel cleared her throat and picked up her drink, stirring it with her straw to test it. She could see the sugar, that was a good sign. “It happens quickly,” she continued, “By the time we got there they had quite the number…”

            Nihlus nodded, flipping through the menu with a hand as he picked up one of his jer fruit slices to squeeze it into the pale purple drink he had. “Just the humans?” he asked. “No pets or wildlife?”

            “Just human from what I saw,” Xel confirmed, her brows drawing together with the thought. She hadn’t considered that.

            “Children?” he sat the menu down and regarded her.

            “I don’t think I saw any,” she shook her head. “They were adults. Gunnery Chief Williams would be better to ask about the status of children before the geth attack.”

            Nihlus nodded and looked down at her untouched menu, then to Anderson’s. “You know what you’re getting?”

            “Yes, we’ve been here a few times,” she nodded.

            “Ah,” he glanced up and found the waitress quickly, with a raised hand, she came over. “We’re ready to order,” he gestured to the Captain.

      Anderson got an Earth Burger with everything on it and fries. Xel wasn’t feeling very hungry after her argument with Vator, so she ordered a clam chowder. She figured it would be easy enough to eat without embarrassing herself in front of Nihlus and Anderson –though she wasn’t really worried about the Captain’s opinion since they’d known each other for too many years. Nihlus ordered a rack of ribs from an animal she’d never learned without sauce. The female turian repeated back the order, and flared her mandibles, resting her hand on Nihlus’ shoulder. Xel resisted the urge to glare, but found comfort when his mandibles pressed against his mouth and relaxed when she released him.

            _Found comfort?_

            Xel cleared her throat and grabbed her sweet tea, paying intense attention to Anderson as he reined conversation back in. “Did you have any more questions?”

            “Yes, actually, can you describe the pikes?” Nihlus lifted his drink and poured it back into his mouth. His black tongue shifted so that the liquid would fall back to his throat instead of out the sides.

            “They stand on tripods for mobility and the spikes retract when not in use,” she tried to recall all the details. “They appear to be reusable.”

            “I think I’ve seen what you’re talking about,” the Spectre shifted and crossed his legs, propping up his heel and resting it on his knee. “I was collecting Insignias from the turian colonies that were destroyed in the Unification War. I found the Nimines Colony insignia on Trebin. There was a cache of these odd spikes I’d never seen before,” his mandibles pulsed and he looked at her. “Communication on the planet was–” he growled and shook his head, appearing frustrated. “I found an abandoned survey team’s base.”

            “We lost a team out in the Hades Gamma Cluster…” Anderson breathed.

            “I found them,” Nihlus shifted. “Turned into those zombie like husks you mentioned. Glowing with synthetics in their veins.”

            Xel shook her head. “And since you haven’t mentioned it yet, I’m assuming there were no geth there?”

            “There were not,” he confirmed. “No trace of them in fact. No one but the colonists –er, husks,” he corrected, “and the pikes.”

            Xel leaned back in her seat and rubbed her chin thoughtfully, her brows drawn together. Nihlus’ gaze was locked on her, flicking over her face. “So… they aren’t a geth creation?”

            “Or they left Trebin,” Anderson offered.

            “That would be wishful thinking,” the Spectre said and straightened up as their food came. Krix placed their plates in front of them and then flared her mandibles at Nihlus who didn’t look up as he removed his gloves and placed them in his lap. A small smirk danced on Xel’s lips, and she thanked the woman, drawing her attention. The waitress nodded and strutted off.

            Anderson dressed his burger and sighed. “Another matter we’ll have to bring up with the Council then. Maybe they’ll actually take us seriously this time,” he said offhandedly and Xel frowned, spooning some of the white chowder into her mouth.

            “The word of a Spectre will get you far,” Nihlus said and pulled two bones apart, showing white meat with a faint blue hue.

            “Could have used that at the hearing yesterday,” the Captain was obviously upset, but Xel didn’t want him bringing up Saren so she butted in before Nihlus could start asking questions.

            “When we get the quarian we’ll have the evidence we need,” she took a bite of her food and gestured loosely with her spoon. “In the meantime, we need to fit the Normandy for the aliens staying on it. We’ve run out of places to sleep, and even so, turians and krogan don’t fit in human sleeping pods very well,” she smiled a little over at Nihlus whose mandibles pulsed thoughtfully.

            “Krogan you say?” Xel watched his lip plates drawn back while he opened his mouth and expanded his mandibles, his razor teeth catching and ripping right through the meat on the rib.

            “Yes, we have quite the crew now. You met Vator’Tasi vas Nedas. We also have Urdnot Wrex, Ganar Nisyrta T’kanis, Garrus Vakarian–”

            “Vakarian?” Nihlus shifted, tilting his head some with pulsating mandibles.

            “Yeah, he was a C-Sec investigator assigned to our case,” she said.

            “He was a candidate for the Spectres,” Nihlus stated and picked up another bone. “His father, Castis, talked him out of it. Said we had too much power.” When he finished speaking he picked at the bone and Xel thought about that.

            Garrus seemed like he would make a great Spectre from what she’d seen of him, and from the personality he freely expressed. He wanted to make life better, safer. He wanted to make a difference, and wasn’t that the point of the Spectres? Her gaze flicked to Nihlus as he finished another rib and commented on the quality of the food. Anderson admitted this was his favorite place on the Citadel.

            She wondered how Nihlus came to join the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance. Turians were quite popular in their ranks like they were in C-Sec and the military, so it wasn’t so much _surprising_ as left her purely curious.

            “I’m afraid I must leave,” Anderson said abruptly, taking his napkin and wiping his mouth before cleaning his hands. “The Ambassador has requested my presence. I have to brief him on the quarian, and our discussion here.” He started to dig into his pocket.

            “Don’t, Captain,” Nihlus lifted a hand. “I’ll pay.”

            “Oh, thank you, Kryik. I’ll get you back.”

            Both Nihlus and Xel stood to see him off, and both waited for a moment before returning to their seats, silence settled over them. She had many things she wanted to say, but she didn’t know what to start with. She didn’t know if she should pick up a topic they’d already begun or start something new.

            “How have you been these passed seven years?” Nihlus said suddenly, pushing a bare bone over on his place. She swallowed her mouthful and looked up at his face, surprised he would start the conversation with that. “Other… than Akuze,” he added and his mandibles pushed up against his mouth.

            “I’ve…” she didn’t really know how to answer him. “I’ve been busy.” Shepard straightened up and drug her spoon around the side of the cup to clean up some of the thick white liquid. “Got myself promoted to Commander. I’m XO on the most advanced ship in the Alliance Fleet,” she grinned and locking her eyes on her chowder. “I have an amazing career, and I’m on the fast track to become a Spectre,” Xel let her smile part her lips fully and show her teeth. Then she felt her heart pick up and she added, “With you as a mentor…”

            Nihlus’ mandibles stretched out, and he looked away, seeming to try to hide it. “That pleases you?” he finally said, his flanging voice rough.

            “Well,” she finished her food and stacked her cup on top of the plate Anderson had left. “I don’t know any other Spectres, so I guess I got lucky with one that I’ve at least had the pleasure of meeting.”

            “It was a pleasure to lose your credits to me?” he asked, allowing that uneven spread of his mouth settle unrestricted.

            “There are worse things,” she admitted and he nodded.

            “That there are.”

            “I’ve gotten better at reading turians, though. A rematch might not be in your best interest, if that was where you were hoping this was going.” The Spectre laughed and stood up, pushing his plate to rest beside the others. Then he stepped behind her chair and gripped the back, leaning down so his mouth was beside her ear.

            “I was hoping it would go elsewhere. But I’m patient, Commander.” His voice this close to her sent vibrations down her spine and she fought a losing battle in an attempt to stop it.

            “Why me, Nihlus?” she whispered, her eyes locked on her hands.

            There was a pause from him and then a rumble deep in his chest, shocking her heart. “I know how to read people, Shepard, and when I read you at that poker table, I knew you were going to go on to do great things. So far, you haven’t disappointed.” She turned her face up to look at him. His expression was serious as his glowing green stones bore into her. “Besides, whenever I look into your eyes, I get to see my favorite color.”

            He straightened and grabbed his glass, finishing his drink, of which she just realized was the same color as her irises. “Your favorite color, hmm?” Xel stood up and eyed the turian.

            “Yes. Shall we return to your ship?” Nihlus supplied a credit chit and gave it to the waitress when she approached to offer the bill. He didn’t look at the cost, instead, he just watched Xel.

            “Yes, I have to speak with Vator,” she frowned at that and Nihlus cocked his head to the side. “While you get reacquainted with the layout of the ship, I’ll settle things with him.”

            “You think he went back to the Normandy?”

            Her back stiffened some at that. If he didn’t she had no idea where he would be and they would have lost their witness. A witness she’d basically said she didn’t believe. She had forced him into coming with her, granted, with the promise of a ship, but he had left everything but the suit on his back and come with her. No matter how little he had, that wasn’t something a lot of people could do without regret.

            “I hope so.”


	7. What are Little Boys Made of?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to get to know the crew a little bit better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What are little boys made of?  
> What are little boys made of?  
> Snips and snails  
> And puppy-dogs' tails  
> That's what little boys are made of
> 
> What are little girls made of?  
> What are little girls made of?  
> Sugar and spice  
> And everything nice  
> That's what little girls are made of

            Much to Xel’s surprise and relief, Vator was in the sickbay of the Normandy. She and Nihlus went there first so Chakwas could get an update on his condition and was briefed on the information the hospital had given him to pass along to his new medical caretaker.

            While he did that, Xel approached the quarian who was sorting medical supplies recently bought while they’d been docked.

            “Vator?”

            “Commander.”

            Her lips turned down and Xel stepped into his peripheral. “I wanted to apologize.”

            “Acknowledged. You have nothing to worry about from me. Once I finish unpacking these supplies, I’m going to look for the quarian.”

            This surprised her. “Would you mind me coming?”

            “Yes, actually,” he looked over at her. “I’m a quarian, and she is a quarian. If I seek out my own kind on a place like the Citadel it raises little suspicion, but if I go with an Alliance Commander…”

            “Ah, I… understand,” she nodded and then smiled a little. “Thank you, Vator. For everything you’re doing.”

            “It’s… good to have a purpose again,” he said offhandedly and pushed some vials into a cabinet and closed the door.

            “Why did you so willingly leave your ship behind?” Xel asked when he opened a box of medigel packages.

            “My ship was a one man cruiser that was barely able to jump from planet to moon,” he looked at her sideways. “Not exactly the kind of vessel you want taking you across the galaxy or through Mass Relays. If there’s even a chance that I can have a better ship, I had to take it.”

            “Did you get the ship from the flotilla?”

            “No,” he shook his head. “I won it in a gamble on Illium, and caught a ride on a freighter. I didn’t realize where the freighter was going… and ended up on Eden Prime some weeks later. I had used up all my supplies, and… well you know what happened after that,” he sighed and finished storing the medigels.

            “Why did you leave the Migrant Fleet?”

            “I… don’t want to talk about it.”

            “Are you on the run?”

            His head whipped up and his glowing eyes searched her. “No, nothing quite that dramatic. I simply don’t want to talk about it.”

            Xel lifted her hands and nodded. “All right. Listen, Vator. I’m really sorry, for back at the hospital. Nothing was coming out right.”

            “No, Shepard, it was not just you. While I waited in the hall…” he looked away and she thought she heard his voice grow thick. “Not everyone on the Citadel is so kind to my people as you and your crew are.” Suddenly she felt horrible for leaving him out there alone. “Even the most honest quarian is assumed a thief. You know I am one, but it is different to watch those you do not know assume. Right or wrong, to matter the quarian they see they assume as such.”

            “I’m sorry, Vator.”

            “Don’t,” he lifted his hand. “I was upset and your words were taken wrongly. Without the context of your intent, and that is on me. You said you believe me, Xel, and that means more to me than the acknowledgement of a Council who would so easily brush you off.”

            A soft smile graced her lips and she nodded. “So we’re good?”

            “Yes,” he nodded and looked at another box. “Now, I must get these unpacked so I can find that quarian.”

            “Doctor Michel might be able to give you more information on her,” Xel offered and he nodded.

            “I simply hope we can locate her before she walks into that trap.”

 

 

            The elevator opened to the cargo bay and Xel was bombarded by the sound of fighting. She stepped out and looked passed the thick krogan and Ashley who were watching Nis and Nihlus throw each other around. Now, this might have worried Xel more if there hadn’t been a sparring mat under them and Garrus wasn’t pacing around, watching the two.

            “Watch his spur, Nis, that’s a no zone,” the former C-Sec investigator warned, crossing his arms over his bare chest. He and Nihlus both wore matching workout uniforms that were obviously tailored for turians as they fit their odd hips well and clung to their thighs, cutting off at their knees to keep from catching on the horn that stuck out of their calves.

            “In a real fight there are no ‘no zones’,” she snarled and wrapped her legs around the turian, twisting her body so that they both hit the ground. The Spectre grunted and then rolled them over so he had her pinned with her face in the mat. Nis was wearing an Alliance issue physical training uniform. The PT clothes fit her asari form fine, but she’d cut them up higher so they left nearly her whole leg bare, down to her purple toes which were flushed from beating against the mat. The shirt’s sleeves were also torn off and the throat cut so she didn’t have it pressing against her neck. Xel sympathized with that, remembering how often she wished she could do that same thing. She hated anything that touched her throat…

            “Talk less while you fight,” Nihlus growled, his knee in Nis’ back and his forearm at her neck. She pushed hard against the ground but he applied a little more force and she grunted, relaxing.

            When her hand tapped the mat thrice, he stood up and offered her assistance. Nis wrapped her fingers around his wrist and pulled herself up. “There will be a rematch,” she informed him.

            “Of course,” he looked passed her to Xel. “Commander. Care to take a turn?”

            All eyes shifted to her and she laughed, her arms crossed. “Against who?”

            Wrex rumbled, “Take your pick. It’s been too long since we’ve had a good fight.”

            Xel wasn’t very good at hand-to-hand sparring, and after watching Nihlus and Nis go at it, she didn’t think either was a very wise idea if she wanted to retain some respect. Picking Wrex wasn’t any better. The krogan was two tons of muscle, plate, and thick bones, not to mention the armor he was wearing. It would be like fighting an elephant bare handed.

            That left Ashley and Garrus, and between the two, the turian seemed more willing. Williams stood with her arms folded, her face expressionless save a lifted brow, and her heel looking as if it _really_ wanted to tap impatiently.

            “All right, come on, Vakarian,” she kicked her boots off and stepped onto the mat. Garrus’ mandibles splayed wide.

            “You sure about this, Shepard?”

            Her pale gaze landed on him as he adjusted the gloves he was wearing. They stretched up almost to his elbows and had padding on the knuckles as well as guarded his talons. To keep _her_ safe most likely. Nihlus also had a pair, but he took them off now that he wasn’t on the mat.

            With them in similar clothing and close together, Xel could compare the two turians a lot easier now. Garrus was taller and lighter, his plates grey with scales that were nearly the same color as her skin. Nihlus was broader, thicker in the chest and shoulders with a heavier looking carapace protecting his back. His darker scales and plates also made him look more menacing than Garrus. The more severe colony marks no doubt contributed to it as well.

            “Don’t chicken out on me now, Garrus.”

            “I don’t know what that is, other than that half the galaxy tastes like it,” he confessed and stepped onto the mat. “Have you ever sparred a turian before, Commander?”

            “I have not,” she answered and readied herself. Garrus also slipped into a crouch, his taking on a far more predatory look that hers. Everything in her brain told her he was dangerous. Yes, he wasn’t some wild animal, but her primal instincts were hardwired to get her _away_ from things that looked like him.

            “Should be interesting then.”

            Garrus was on her in a blink and had her down on the mat before she could breathe. Nihlus was there, though, kneeling beside them on the side. “Inner elbow, Shepard.”

            She didn’t have time to think about anything but what he’d said. Her palm whipped out and smacked the elbow of the arm Garrus was using the support himself. With that he crumpled and she was able to roll onto him.

            “On your feet, you can’t get him from there,” Nihlus instructed.

            Nis let out a hiss, “Hey, stop helping her.”

            Garrus was back on his toes before Xel had collected herself. The lighter turian was younger than the other, hell, he might even be younger than her, but he obviously didn’t lack experience.

            “Arms up, Shepard.”

            She did just as the grey turian came forward, bouncing back and forth before sending in a quick strike to her ribs from the side. He had reach, his wingspan far greater than hers meaning she had to get in and out _faster_ to keep him from catching her. Damn why didn’t she just pick Ashley?

            “Move your feet, don’t stand still.”

            She let Nihlus’ words guide her and she watched everything Garrus did, or tried. He was fast, probably faster than Nihlus, but she could be faster. The only problem was hitting the plates guarding his stomach hurt her _far_ more than it hurt him.

            “Get the sides, ribs and lower torso,” Nihlus growled. Of course she shouldn’t go right for the hard rocks over his chest and abdomen, but she couldn’t help in, having fallen into the old habit that got her through basic and her N7 training. That move would have worked on a human. She wasn’t sparring a human though.

            Garrus got her down again and this time he twisted her arm up behind her back and drove her face into the mat. “Damn it,” she growled and huffed, tapping the mat with her free hand.

            “It’s okay, Commander,” he chuckled and stood, offering her his hand. She took it and lifted a brow at him. “You’re good at other things I’m sure.”

            “I want to see the Spectre down the krogan!” Nis butted in and Xel looked away from Garrus to Nihlus who was looking over the asari before thoughtfully beating his mandibles while eyeing Wrex.

            “He can try. I don’t go down easy,” the krogan stepped forward and beat his chest.

            “All right, shouldn’t be too difficult,” Nihlus pulled his gloves back on and as he passed Garrus, the two clapped each other’s carapaces.

            “Take him down a notch,” the lighter turian said and received a confirming nod from the other.

            Xel backed off the mat and placed her hands on her hips, moving her arm some from how Garrus had pinned it. Ashley leaned over and whispered, “I thought you had him there for a second.”

            “Oh? When was that?” she glanced over at the other woman with a grin. “You were watching _me_ fighting, right?”

            “Yes, Commander,” she chuckled and looked back at the mat as Nihlus watched the krogan’s every sway. He was keeping low, his mandibles pressed tightly to his mouth with his arms tucked elbows close with his hands relaxed and ready to strike. In this moment, with him bent this way as he watched Wrex, Xel could _truly_ see the resemblance to the raptors she’d grown up loving. “They’re a little creepy when they do that.”

            Xel blinked and looked at Ashley. “What?”

            “When they… go all,” she gestured to Nihlus. All he was missing was the balance keeping tail meaning he wasn’t bent over the same as her illustrations.

            “Prehistory?” Shepard supplied and Williams shifted her head, tipping it side to side.

            “Yeah…”

            Wrex charged forward and threw his arms out to catch Nihlus if he tried to dodge. Nihlus hissed, his mandibles jumping wide while his lips drew back and his mouth opened wide showing off his teeth. Then he stepped forward into a rush of his own and leapt up onto his attacker, getting his arms around his neck, between his head and hump. Then his feet hooked the krogan’s hips and he wrenched his body to drive the beast’s head downward. Wrex stumbled and his feet caught, sending him down into a dive. Nihlus let go just as the krogan grabbed him and pinned him against his chest.

            The first point of contact was Wrex’s hump and it shook the ship. They rolled onto his back, and Nihlus broke the krogan’s hold, freeing himself. This allowed him to get up and throw a hard punch into the soft between his neck and collarbone. The massive man shudder and halted, his breathing labored and Nihlus straightened up, looking down at his opponent.

            “Shit,” Williams breathed and Xel nodded.

            “I think that’s enough for today,” she called and heard Nis grumble before trotting over and pushing Wrex onto his side so he could get up better. Nihlus offered him a hand but the krogan either didn’t see it, or ignored it and got up on his own.

            “I’ll get you next time, turian.”

            “I’m sure you will,” Nihlus nodded once and watched the krogan march off.

            Williams shifted, drawing Xel’s eye. “What is it?”

            Her brows drew together and she shook her head, “Nothing, ma’am, just…”

            “Aliens?” Shepard supplied. Ashley sighed.

            “Listen, Commander. I’ll follow orders. I’ll work with them. Hell, I’ll kill for them. Just… don’t ask me to like or die for them,” she said simply. Xel didn’t miss how Nihlus and Garrus were watching them from the other side of the mat. She figured that Nis and Wrex were over by the armory and lockers meaning that they could probably hear her as well. Bold, saying something like that in a room where she was severely outnumbered. She didn’t blink though, and held Xel’s stare with confidence.

            “Noted, Chief.”

            Williams nodded and waited for Xel to turn away from her before taking off, heading for the elevator at a brisk pace, her back stiff and her arms at her sides. She needed to talk to her alone. In front of the crew was a highly inappropriate place to have such conversations.

 

 

            Dinner was nutrient paste. It wasn’t the lunch she’d had on the Citadel –which made her wish she would have eaten a little bit more food– but it was filling. Instead of putting it in a bowl and eating it like soup after warming it up like some soldiers, Xel just tore the corner of the packet and squeezed it into her mouth. This one was roast beef flavored, and faintly she could taste what she thought was supposed to be potatoes and carrots.

            “Hey, Shepard,” a subharmonic voice made her turn from the fridge as she shifted through the new beverages –for the quarian and turians– to get something for herself. Garrus was approaching, dressed more causally now with a belted shirt and pants tucked into turian boots. “I wanted to say thanks for bringing me aboard,” he continued and dipped down, grabbing the light purple liquid that looked to be the same as what Nihlus had at lunch.

            “Thanking me already? We haven’t done anything…” she chuckled and he twisted open his drink.

            “And already it beats life at C-Sec,” he sighed and took a drink, then added, “Working with two Spectres will definitely be an adventure.” Garrus pressed the back of his hand to his mouth and looked down at her.

            “I’m not a Spectre yet,” she raised her hands to slow him down.

            “But you will be. And with Nihlus training you?” he shook his head and started to back to toward the elevator. “You couldn’t have asked for a better mentor, Shepard.”

            When he turned around the turian in question stepped around the wall from the elevator and they regarded each other before parting. Xel felt her cheeks grow hot for some reason and she fished out a drink so she could go to the table and maybe get some work done.

            “Taking an early meal, Commander?”

            “Vator hasn’t come back yet with news on the quarian, I’m worried,” she said and plopped down. “I stress eat.”

            “Noted,” the turian’s deep voice rumbled lower as he bent to get his own drink. Then he joined her at the table, taking the seat beside her. His clothing was similar to Garrus’ but he had cut off sleeves and his pants were looser. Her own uniform was simple: boots, pants, and a three quarter sleeve shirt.

            Xel tried to distract herself from his glowing eyes by scrolling through her datapad. It had all the Eden Prime reports, as well as the ones for the shootout in Chora’s Den. Wrex’s account was rather comical to read. As was Nis’. Garrus knew what he was doing, though, so his mirrored her own. And then there was Vator who openly admitted to paying little attention to what was happening, but that he was close to figuring out how to calibrate his omni-tool to make a drone.

            “Is there more on your mind, Shepard?”

            “How did you become a Spectre?” she asked and turned the display off on the pad, crossing her legs so she could look at him more squarely.

            “An interesting question,” he sat back and mimicked her. “Would you like the long or short version?”

            “I have time,” she squeezed some of her packet into her mouth. “Give me the details.”

            He nodded and looked at his drink, turning it around and watched the liquid move. “I’m… not a good turian,” he started off, his nose sliding up to close the slits, similar to when a human wrinkles theirs. “I blame my childhood, frankly. But it prepared me for life as a Spectre –I just didn’t know it.” Then his mandibles spread in that lopsided way. “I met Saren several years into my military career. I’d… sort of stagnated. I didn’t have a good reputation for following orders, but everything I did saved lives and finished the mission,” he turned to look at her. “Saren was a Spectre, and he appreciated what he saw in me.”

            Here it was, the connection she’d hoped was a lie.

            The smile on his face reached his eyes and she felt her heart sink further to the ground. “Saren was the only one to encourage me in my natural way. We were… fast friends,” he chuckled and looked away from her. “He offered to mentor me to become a Spectre. It… wasn’t a long mentorship for him. Less than a year and I was asked by the Council to join up.”

            “Wow, they went to you?” Xel lifted her brows and he nodded.

            “It was a good feeling,” he let his foot return to the ground from where it’d been resting on his knee. “I… feel like I was born for this,” he said, looking almost uncomfortable as he stared at the table and shifted in his seat. “I stepped out of Saren’s shadow quickly, I wasn’t the Spectre he trained but for my first year. I was… Agent Kryik. I got to pick my missions, my methods…. A freedom I never had in the military, but I had the support I never would have if I followed in my parents’ footsteps.” Nihlus’ mandibles were relaxed beside his mouth, but swayed ever so slightly, in and out with his breath, something she’d not really seen him do yet.

            “Seems like you found your calling,” she smiled at him, creasing her eyes.

            “What about you, Shepard?” he turned his head to face her and she perked a brow.

            “What?”

            “Is this your ‘calling’?” Nihlus asked. “Or are you simply joining the Spectres because your superiors expect it?”

            Xel looked over his face. She hadn’t really thought of if she _wanted_ to or not. She’d simply looked at it like another promotion. It was expected to climb the ranks. It was move up or move out in the marines. You couldn’t stagnate in your position. She never had the desire to either.

            “I want to move forward in my career, and if that’s what joining the Spectres will do, then…” she shrugged but he shook his head.

            “If you weren’t a candidate, what would you want?”

            She frowned and looked at her drink. After she squeezed the rest of her paste in her mouth she started to speak. “Um. Well, eventually I wanted to be promoted to Captain and get my own ship and crew,” she breathed, her gaze flicking up and around the mess. They were alone and the deck was quiet save for their speech and the soft hum of the engines below them. Nihlus was staring at her, though, and she finally returned her eyes to him, watching as he studied her.

            “You’ll get your own ship and crew when you become a Spectre.”

            “‘When’?”

            “You’ll be one very soon,” he nodded, sounding so sure it made her heart hammer in her chest.

            “Not sure I can beat your record,” she joked and shifted in her seat. “Less than a year of training?”

            “I was being honest when I said I would only need a couple missions to know if you’re ready,” Nihlus stood then and she felt her heart fall a little. She didn’t want him to go just yet.

            “A few missions and you think they’ll let me be a Spectre?” she lifted a brow at him, standing also. This put her right in front of him.

            “If I tell them you’re ready, then they will.” His voice sent shudders down her spine –deep and reverberating in his chest. She didn’t think she would ever get used to it. She _hoped_ she never would. “For now, though, I should let you return to your duties.”

            “You could stay,” she said before she could stop herself. As soon as the words left her lips she winced inwardly. “You’re not distracting me,” she insisted, though they both knew it was a lie. And she knew she couldn’t go through the reports that had to do with Saren with him right there. It… surprised her he hadn’t insisted more on reading them. Or asked her about his shooter. Had she been in his position she wouldn’t have stopped asking until she got her answer. But that was the difference between them, she supposed.

            “What would I do if I stayed?” he asked, his voice too low. The turian was messing with her. He knew what he did to her and he was doing it on purpose.

            “I’m not sure. You’re a Spectre, you do what you want,” she stated, pulling out the confidence that had gotten her to this position. She was Commander Xelvadora Nelwyn Shepard for Christ’s sake. She wasn’t going to blush like a schoolgirl and be shy when a man came onto her.

            Because that’s what was happening right now.

            Nihlus was taking a step closer to her, causing her to naturally back up, her leg bumping into the table. His luminescent green eyes searched her face, as his mandibles lay relaxed beside his mouth, hanging low –as opposed to how they pressed against his teeth when he was upset or angry. When he leaned in a little closer she swallowed and she tried to hold fast. Her butt involuntarily lowered to the table when his face drew even nearer to hers.

            Xel’s mouth went dry and her lips parted as she tried to reliably get air to her lungs. His own breath was faint against her skin, but even, as its warmth colored her cheeks and clouded her mind. Blazing green eyes tracked each of the subtle movements of her face, making her shift under his gaze as if she had something to hide.

            Nihlus bowed down, tilting his head so that his face passed hers and he rested his hands on either side of her on the table. She heard the distinct sound of rumbling subharmonics from somewhere deep inside him and felt her knees shake. Hot, moist air washed over her bare neck and she resisted making a noise, but the shudder that ran down her spine slipped passed her control.

            The Commander’s eyes closed as they rolled back and she tipped her head back without another thought, exposing her soft flesh to the Spectre with razor sharp teeth. She trusted him, more than she probably should, but she didn’t regret it.

            The hot air traced her throat, her teeth snagging her lower lip. Her spine arched and threatened to press against him. He had yet to physically touch her, but damn if she wasn’t all but begging for it. Never had she _needed_ the touch of a man so bad.

            Not a man’s.

            She needed _him_.

            Nihlus.

            The turian’s talons dragged heavily over the tabletop and she imagined them raking across her back or up her legs. The rumble turned to something more, a purr or a growl, she couldn’t quite be sure, but she felt it in her bones. Everything weighted heavy in the heat between her legs and her thighs rubbed together.

            The softest groan left her lips, slipping out from under her pinning teeth.

            Her reply was a deep chuckle from his throat as he straightened up, leaving her feel cold. “It doesn’t appear you’re getting any work done. I think I am in fact distracting you, Shepard.” His face hung in front of hers, close enough their breathing mixed.

            “Seemed like you were going to do a little more than that,” she barely got the words out.

            “When we have some privacy…” his eyes burned brightly as they bore into hers.

            The promise was marked with him straightening up and stepping away from her. Xel watched him leave, her breathing slowly coming back to a normal pace once he disappeared around the wall to the elevator.

            She slid off the table and smoothed down her shirt, trying to get a hold of herself. Her hands brushed her neck and she shivered remembering the feeling of his breath. Lightly, her tongue drew a damp line over her lips.

            Then she cleared her throat and shook her head, grabbing the elastic band to let down her hair. As the auburn locks spilled over her shoulders she looked at her forgotten items. The empty nutrient packet beside her drink, and her datapad, which sat with the display lit up.

            Her brows drew together and she picked it up. It was on her report from Eden Prime. Running her fingers through her hair she turned the screen off and sat it back down so she could rein her hair back in and pile it in her neat bun at the top of her head.

            Xel’s gaze locked on the datapad, a frown plastered to her lips.

            But the aching in her sex wasn’t soothed by her suspicions.


	8. I Love Little Pussy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little bit shorter chapter about how Xel deals with frustration induced by Nihlus.  
> And we see a little bit of Hannah Shepard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love little pussy,  
> Her coat is so warm,  
> And if I don't hurt her,  
> She'll do me no harm.  
> So I'll not pull her tail,  
> Nor drive her away,  
> But pussy and I,  
> Very gently will play.

Xel had never been so _frustrated_ in her damn life.

            Never had a man had this sort of effect on her. Turian or not. She had always been able to resist their charms, or brush them off and ignore them. Not Nihlus, though.

            Fasius Proion was the first turian to give her anything close to this sort of feeling and was the next relationship after Tiran she entered in. He was a turian soldier on the Citadel when she freshly turned eighteen. Her parents were stationed on two different ships, so she was moved into an apartment on the station and sent to one of the best schools they could afford. Fasius was several years older than her, putting him in his early twenties, and had been wounded in a batarian attack on his ship. This left him blind in his left eye and unfit for duty, so after he had been relieved, he looked for work on the Citadel, trying his hand at C-Sec.

            Xel met him at a café when she’d bumped right into him, spilling both their drinks down their fronts. She apologized over and over, not noticing his milky eye until she looked up at him. He seemed surprised that she was helping him clean up, and that when she looked at him there was no judgment.

            Fasius took responsibility for the collision and bought them both new drinks, and she stayed as conversation grew into something more. He eventually told her what happened to his eye, but by that time they’d become somewhat exclusive. She had all the time to see him when she wasn’t in school, and he often came over to her apartment, spending the night in her living room until one night they’d fallen asleep holding each other.

            Xel asked him to stay with her more, and their relationship blossomed. He was her first, and the whole experience had been awkward and almost difficult. They’d managed, though, and were happy by night’s end. The next morning ruined it all when her mother came home unannounced and found the two of them naked and holding each other in her bed.

            Hannah Shepard had marched in and grabbed her by the arm, dragging her from her bed. Fasius was a large turian, and being military, he was going to react, until her mother pulled a pistol on him and made it clear who she was and what she was going to do to a bird who was unwelcome in her home. Still he seemed like he was going to get up and risk getting shot to free her from her mother, but she begged him not to.

            Then her mother slammed her door shut, locking him in her room. Xel didn’t know what to say or do, and her mother simply put her gun away and started packing. Tears filled her eyes as she realized this meant she wouldn’t get to see Fasius anymore. In the near year they’d been together he had gotten to the point he could function almost as he had before without his left eye. C-Sec would allow him in if he could complete their training with the others and have no additional aid.

            Shepard punched the elevator button on the Normandy and tried not to think about the dark turian with bright red colony markings. Tried not to think about the ‘I love yous’ they’d exchanged. Instead, she thought about how he’d felt their first time, once they got over the difference in anatomy.

            The elevator was painfully slow, it always was, and she gripped the side rail to lean against it. Closing her eyes as she imagined Nihlus standing in front of her, his hot breath on her neck, his taloned hands gripping her hips and holding her against him. A groan left her lips and she snapped her eyes open.

            Xel had stopped by her locker and gotten a toy to play with, but there was never privacy on this damn ship, so she had to find a place where she could… be alone.

            The only location she could be sure she wouldn’t be caught was the Mako in the cargo bay. It was late, after dinner –a meal she’d suffered through as Nihlus gave her burning stares from across the room, but never came within ten meters of her– so the aliens who couldn’t fit in the human sleeping pods would be down here. When the elevator opened she peered around and saw the cots off to the left of her. Two turians and a krogan were sleeping with plenty of distance between them. Primarily between Garrus and Wrex, who were side by side, while Nihlus had the end and his fellow turian on his right side.

            The Spectre slept on his back with his head turned to the side to keep his fringe from hitting the hard cot. One of his legs was drawn up slightly, and his hands rested on his stomach. Honestly, he looked like he was just taking a nap, not settling down for the night. That didn’t surprise her though.

            Garrus was sleeping on his side with a bedroll under his head for a pillow. His back was to the krogan. This surprised her. In theory, his back would be to who he trusted more.

            Xel turned away from them and stiffly approached the Mako, feeling horribly embarrassed and dirty. She knew she wasn’t the only one who came to the tank for this reason –for Christ sake it was the only bit of privacy on the damn ship– but it didn’t make her feel any better. This memory would be burned into her mind every time she got into the damn thing now.

            As quietly as she could, Xel opened the hatch and climbed in, pulling it closed and locked slowly rather than slamming it as you were supposed to, to make sure it was sealed. Slamming it was a good way to draw unwanted attention to herself.

            The great thing about the Mako was that it had a thick enough exterior and padding on the inside, to sustain missile strikes and gunfire, meaning that it was _relatively_ soundproof to anything that wasn’t competing against the speed of sound. The cramped interior soothed her some as she looked around the dark space. Safety lights lined the bench seats and gave of a faint red light she was quickly adjusting to.

            Xel’s mind drifted as she stood there, thinking about the turian Spectre who was toying with her. The root of the problem had to be she’d not been with a man in… years. Not since Akuze.

            Shepard cleared her throat and wet her lips as she pushed that thought away. She wanted to think of something _good_ now, not something that had to do with her career. Fasius’ face came to mind and she grinned remembering his golden eye that gleamed against the dark plates of his face. The milky white one had a gnarly scar running over his brow from his fringe, down to his chin. Men with scars had always been a weakness to her.

            The two times she’d been with human men they’d been marines with impressive service records and the scars to show it. But they did little for her. It felt… weird to be with them. They were soft –harder than her, but their muscles couldn’t hold a candle to the sturdy frame and chitin of a turian.

            The toy she had was based on turian anatomy with a powerful vibrator. She’d been red-faced embarrassed when she bought it from the asari who just gave her knowing smiles. Thankfully little conversation had been exchanged, and she hadn’t been pressured to get anything else. Honestly, at first glance, the difference between a human and turian dick was trivial. The alien had more of a point, making them look horn like, and had a smooth shaft with a couple of natural, soft hooks along a spine that ran the length of the top from base to head. These knobs differed greatly from male to male, some being short with a softer ripple, or others that were long and dangerous looking. The overall size had just the same range as human, but with a greater average since the turians were, in fact, larger than humans.

            Size didn’t interest Xel so much. Her toy was a simple one, a crystal blue that was near transparent, and from base to tip seven inches long with a soft curve to the head and a thicker base. The ribs were long and narrowly spaced, and hardened when the vibration was activated.

            Xel ran her fingers along the length of the toy and tried to keep her breathing down. She’d picked a model that resembled Fasius, since that was what she’d had and enjoyed. Immediately her imagination took over and she wondered what Nihlus looked like. How long and thick he was, and what kind of hooks he had on his spine.

            Shepard ended up on her back, her uniform worked mostly off so that her right leg was free and hiked up onto the backrest of the bench she lied on. Her blouse was open and she toyed with a hardening nipple as she ran the length of her blue crystal along her lower lips. Already she was slick, and she didn’t even have the mind to curse herself or the turian with those killer green eyes.

            The vibration kicked on as she pressed the horn against her clit. The change made her jump and bite her lip, her eyes squeezed shut tight as she imagined a turian over her. Fasius, Nihlus, hell, Garrus, she didn’t care right now, she just needed this. How much she wanted the toy to be attached to those flared hips and operated by a male with a flanging voice and subharmonic growl.

            Her toes curled as the horn slipped down into her and slowly worked deep. Her mind filled in the missing components: hot breath on her neck with pointed tongue drawing lines, razor teeth teasing her throat, showing the trust between them, talons holding her a hip and shoulder as he eased into her.

            Nihlus’s colony markings painted the face she saw when he lifted his head from her neck with crookedly splayed mandibles. It was his growl that shook her, rather than the vibrating toy, causing her back to arch against the bench and press into the imaginary Spectre.

            She could almost hear his chuckle as he gave her a thrust enough to scoot her on the seat. Xel whined as he rotated his hips and pressed the horn against her walls before dragging out heavily and slowly. Even in her mind he toyed with her.

            Her jaw tightened and she brought her knees up, toes curled as she forced herself to pick up the pace, ignoring the knowledge that Nihlus would make her wait, make her _beg._ As the toy filled her and withdrew, soft cries and whimpers left her and the hand that had been messing with her tit now acted as a gag, her teeth sinking into her knuckles to keep her from outright saying the Spectre’s name.

            It should have taken longer for her to get the heat in her core to burn this hot, but after only a few minutes she was sweating and panting. Her free hand ran up into her hair and pulled out her bun, dropping the tie onto the floor. A deep groan fought to leave her clenched teeth. Mocking the hand of a turian, she pulled at her roots, drawing her head back and her spine up off the seat. Her dominant arm was strong from years of use, but wasn’t in the habit of this sort of movement, leaving her left arm near exhausted by the time she peaked.

            Xel’s body tensed and she let out a strangled cry, muted by closed lips and her fist pressing hard against her mouth. The toy worked her through the orgasm as she turned and tried to keep from falling out of the bench.

            Green eyes filled her mind’s eye, and the memory of a subharmonic chuckle warmed her right back up. It wasn’t nearly as bad now that she was panting and letting her body relax, coming down from the high she hadn’t experienced in months. Last time she’d broken out the blue crystal had been on leave when she had a hotel room and all the privacy she could ask for.

            Now she was in desperate need of a shower and fresh uniform. But the shaking in her legs was from a more satisfying reason that Nihlus’ blazing stare, and she took that as a triumph.

            Once she had her hair thrown up in a ponytail and her uniform back in place, she quietly stepped out of the Mako, tucking her crystal into her blouse before rebuttoning it and closing the door.

            As she turned, she nearly tripped over the long, outstretched legs on the ground, and a yelp jumped up from her throat as she stumbled back and looked down at the turian. Her hands clapped over her mouth to keep any more noise from escaping, and shielded the gaping mouth she gave Garrus as he sat up.

            Her gaze flicked passed him to see his cot had been moved closer to the Mako, and that he’d left it in favor of working on one of the jets under the tank. When she looked back at him he was spreading his mandibles as his piercing blue eyes took her in from unlaced boots to messy hair.

            “Shepard.”

            She gulped, “Vakarian. How… long have you been there?”

            He looked over at the others and then back up to her. “Long enough. Enjoy yourself?”

            Xel’s heart skipped and she stood a little straighter. “Would have been better if you’d have joined,” she fired back before she could stop herself. Garrus’ brows shot up and she forced her face to remain unreadable. The turian’s mandibles pulsed and he tipped his head, totally taken off guard.

            “I–uh,” he cleared his throat and Xel pulled out a smirk.

            “Next time just knock instead of waiting on the outside,” she said and started to back away, watching as he stared at her, his face obviously mixed with confusion and something else. Then she turned around to face the direction she was walking and strode with new confidence to the elevator and stepped inside, punching the button without looking.

            The doors closed, and she didn’t look back at the turian on the ground watching her, or the one on the cot that surely had woken.

 

 

            “What do you mean you don’t know where Nihlus is?” Shepard growled at the Flight Lieutenant.

            “Honestly, Commander, he’s a Spectre, I couldn’t have stopped him if I had the mind to,” Joker lifted his arms in a shrug and Xel slapped her forehead with the palm of her hand. “Also, you have a vidcom waiting on you.”

            “What?” her head snapped up and she narrowed her eyes at him. She could count on one hand the number of people who would call her instead of sending vidmail. Honestly, she only needed one of her fingers to do it.

            “Yeah, from…” he smirked a little, “Commander Shepard.” Xel’s spine went stiff and she eyed the Flight Lieutenant. His hands lifted, but that smirk stuck in place, “Sorry, Commander, it’s too funny.”

            “It’s not _funny_ ,” she marched off the bridge to the CIC and then into the conference room that was normally used only to talk to the Council or Alliance Officials. Well, at least Commander Hannah Shepard was an Alliance Official. She wondered what she’d done to deserve a call from her mother. It couldn’t be good if it was so sudden and _early_ in the day cycle.

            Xel tapped the console and the center platform lit up with a woman dressed in armor, her helmet tucked under her arm. She wore her hair in a style that her daughter had been trying to match for years, but somehow it never compared. Hannah Shepard was beautiful, her shape –even covered in thick plates– demanded attention. Her face was regal with thick lashed, wide, blue eyes and pout lips with a pretty, straight nose, and narrow jaw. She always stood, even now, at an angle to whom she was speaking to with her chin lifted.

            In the moment that Xel looked her mother over, she saw several things had changed since the last time she saw her. She had bangs covering her forehead now, brushing against the high arching brows they shared, and she had a new scar running from her left ear to her chin. If the vid was better quality then Xel might have been able to see the age lines beside her eyes or the grey strands in the auburn hair she’d given her. Her mother didn’t hide her age, instead, she wore it proudly.

            “Mother.”

            “Xelvadora,” her voice hadn’t changed at all since the last time she heard her. “You appear well. Have I caught you at a bad time?”

            “I just woke up,” she said and forced a small smile. “I’m on the Citadel’s day cycles currently.”

            “Ah,” she nodded once and didn’t apologize. “I am about to clear a Cerberus base. There are many hostiles,” she paused and looked back as voices could faintly be heard behind her. Xel’s heart started to pick up. Hannah turned back to her and lifted a brow casually, “I thought I should speak with my daughter before I go.”

            She would never add the ‘in case something were to happen to me’ at the end, but Xel knew that was why. However cold or disconnected she was, Hannah Shepard was her mother and she loved her.

            “You’ll do great. If there’s one thing Commander Hannah Shepard is good at, it’s taking down Cerberus bases,” Xel grinned and her mother glanced away, the smallest curve of her lips visible.

            “I’m up for promotion,” she said and turned back. “After this mission I’ll be a Captain.”

            “Hah, then maybe I’ll stop getting your mail,” the joke made both women laugh and Xel felt better. Sometimes these calls went south fast.

            “What’s this I hear about you being nominated for becoming a Spectre?” Hannah asked suddenly, but a proud smile curled her lips.

            “Just nominated until the Council is told I’m ready,” she said. Her mother looked so happy, she didn’t want to bring up that her mentor was a turian. She didn’t want to bring up that that turian put her name forward. Or that she may –or may not– have feelings for said turian. But, she should have known better.

            “Who will be sponsoring you?”

            Xel shifted and immediately her mother’s smile fell. Damn it, this was just what Nihlus meant about her poker face sucking. “Agent Kryik,” she started, hoping her mother wouldn’t know the name.

            “A _turian_.” And the hope drifted away like a balloon on Earth.

            The word sounded like a swear, and even made Xel wince ever so slightly.

            “What is a  _turian_ doing mentoring a human into the Spectres?” Hannah asked, her brows drawn down heavily. The orange of the hologram made the light reflecting off her eyes white and gave her glare a more sinister edge.

            “He doesn’t hate–”

            “The first human Spectre being brought in by a _turian_? It’s a power play,” she interrupted as if Xel hadn’t started talking. Hannah’s attention was drawn away from her daughter so she was looking off as she spoke. “It’ll be seen that we need them to get positions of power –or that we’ll only get them if the turians help. You don’t see asari or salarians coming to display their power over us. Only the turians are so egotistical,” she shook her head ever so slightly and Xel opened her mouth, trying to get a word in. “They’re threatened by us because we share such similarities when it comes to spacefaring and population. Soon C-Sec will be just as populous with humans as it is with turians, and they don’t want the fleets and Spectres to follow suit.”

            “Mother, please,” Shepard started again but a gloved hand came up to silence her.

            “Remember what they are, Xelvadora. They’re nothing more than those dinosaurs in your books. They just learned how to use a gun and fly a ship,” she looked over at Xel, their eyes meeting evenly as they stood the same height. Xel was going to defend them, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Not when her mother was about to go into a Cerberus base that she might not come back from. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to be distracted from her current objective. “I have to go.”

            “I understand.”

            “Don’t let that turian hold you back. You don’t need it to become a Spectre,” she said and stepped forward to end the call.

            “Love you…” Xel said just as the hologram faded.


	9. Little Bo Peep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to find that quarian!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NO SHAME. I totally skipped this chapter (somehow) when I was posting them. I have no idea how I managed it, but it happened. I'm sorry about the delay for a new chapter, but this is a long one, and a bit important? So now maybe references to this chapter will make sense. I'm ssssssoooooo sorry I skipped it. You may need to go back and read to see what happened right before this.

            “Commander.”

            Xel glanced over her shoulder at Garrus who was armored and ready. Beside him were Wrex and Nis –the latter of whom now wore standard issue Alliance human armor. Nihlus was nowhere to be seen, having disappeared early that morning without so much as a word. Vator hadn’t come back either, and she was _hoping_ it was because he had a lead on the quarian female.

            “The Ambassador needs us in his office,” she said and let her lips settle into their natural frown. Udina had wanted all of the aliens on the ship, but that wasn’t going to happen.

            “Right behind you, Shepard,” the turian breathed and she nodded, keeping from looking at him too long. He was acting… normal, so there was no reason she shouldn’t.

            Walking through the Citadel with N7 armor plating you and a squad of three different kinds of alien behind you drew eyes –especially when each of them was armed well enough to take on a small army. Had they been walking around the Wards it might have been more ‘acceptable’, but the Presidium was all politicians and C-Sec.

            “Was there a particular reason you wanted us… combat ready, Shepard?” Vakarian asked and she glanced sideways at him. His sniper rifle and assault rifle sat compact on his back, ready to be grabbed and activated in a moment. His blue C-Sec armor had been changed out for slightly heavier _Predator_ camouflage that she had to admit, she rather liked on him. The snowy-tan color suited mountainous terrain as well as desert and cityscapes. Honestly, almost anything outside of green forests.

            “If I wear my dress blues to see the Ambassador every time he calls me, then he may forget what my real job is,” she said simply. “I don’t expect to have to use any of this, but he needs to see that we aren’t all here just to come running at his beck and call. As soon as we get the quarian, we’re leaving the Citadel and we’re getting Saren.”

            Garrus nodded and spread his mandibles slightly. “I like it.”

            “Thought you might.”

            Udina’s office was among the other ambassador’s, but Xel detoured when they reached the elevator, _accidently_ hitting the higher floor where the councilor’s offices were. The turian beside her noticed, but the other two were preoccupied with a quiet conversation on varren pit fight bets. Xel tried her best to ignore them.

            When the elevator stopped, they stepped out and Xel went toward the councilor’s offices, but rather than following the hall down to anyone in particular, she paused in front of the door that read:

            _Special Tactics and Reconnaissance_

            Only Spectres could go in, she wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but if Nihlus had run off anywhere, it would _probably_ be here. Of course, she couldn’t wait here all day just to have him come out. The doors were biologically locked, meaning they would only open if she had the clearance –which she didn’t. And there wasn’t so much as a window to tell her who was inside.

            But, if Commander Xelvadora Nelwyn Shepard was one thing.

            She was lucky.

            The door slid open and her arms folded across her chest. The large, red turian stepped out, placing his shotgun on his back as he looked up at her, pausing. Surprise flashed over his face, lifting his brow and dropping his mandibles, but then it was quickly hidden away.

            “Shepard.”

            “Kryik,” she stated, her tone even. “We’re needed in the human Ambassador’s office. If you would,” she turned and started walking without making sure he was following. This had been extremely lucky. Now she was only missing Vator; but he had a decent reason to be gone, and for her to not go looking for him.

            When she stepped up to the elevator, she waited outside for her squad to go ahead of her. Nihlus had followed, his green eyes locked on her, but they didn’t make her feel weak like before. Instead, she simply stepped in beside him and turned to face the door. This ride was quick, making the walk that followed feel sluggish. Nihlus was behind her, she couldn’t hear his boots on the ground, not like she could hear the krogan or asari.

            In fact, even Garrus was quiet. She had to resist looking back to make sure the turians were there.

            Udina’s office was large and plain, without décor passed the plants in the corners –most likely fake so they didn’t have to be maintained– and the natural architecture of the room. His desk sat in the middle facing the door with a sitting area off to the far side, and a room-length balcony that was open to the gardens below. There wasn’t ‘weather’ on the Presidium, and they never turned the artificial sunlight off, so it was always midday here.

            Udina himself was reclined on one of his couches, looking at a datapad with a cup of hot liquid in one hand. The door had slid open when she stepped up to it, so he had to be expecting her and set it to do so. Her training kicked in, though, and she stepped in less than a foot before knocking on the doorframe.

            “Ambassador?”

            “Ah, Commander,” he tossed the datapad onto the table and stood up, setting his drink down more carefully. “Good, you brought Agent Kryik. Anderson informed me you were up and walking around. How are you, agent?”

            “Better with each breath, Ambassador.”

            “Have you read the Eden Prime reports?”

            Xel watched the turian’s expression carefully and noticed it had gone from relaxed to guarded. Now his mandibles were pressed close to his face, and his brows settled over his eyes so the curve of his tattoos made him appear to be glaring –she knew he wasn’t though. “I have, Ambassador,” the turian said and Xel’s jaw clenched. She’d known he read her datapad while distracting her, she just _hoped_ she’d been wrong. “The report read Agent Arterius was the one who shot me. No allied ships were located in Eden Prime’s air space, meaning he was not using a registered vessel. With the heavy presence of geth, and the outcome of most of the colonists, the logical conclusion would be he’s allied himself against the Council, making him a traitor.”

            Xel had gotten to know that voice well enough now she could tell he was forcing that deep tone. They’d been friends, collogues, and now they were enemies. She suddenly wondered what he had thought when he read it. He left her and had gone to bed. How does one wake up without the last week’s worth of memory only to learn that their friend was the reason they’d been injured?

            She wasn’t sure how she would feel in the situation, but ‘devastated’ was the first word to come to mind.

            “Yes, but the C-Sec investigation into the case came up… short,” Udina’s dull eyes flicked to Garrus and Xel instinctively stepped between them, her body defensive. The turian was a member of her team now, a part of Anderson’s crew, so she wasn’t going to allow him to be treated as anything less.

            “Saren’s being a Spectre severely hindered Vakarian’s search. I’m sure Nihlus would have better luck finding information, if he so wished,” she gestured to the red turian, her gaze locked on the human ambassador. “And we cannot forget we have the quarian still.”

            “Yes,” Udina frowned, rubbing his chin, and narrowed his eyes. “That meeting is happening tomorrow night, correct?”

            “Yes, Ambassador.”

            He nodded. “I take it you have a plan in order? What if she doesn’t want to speak with you?”

            “Vator is going to be the one to make contact. Hopefully she’ll speak with another quarian if she’s not comfortable with us.”

            “Very good,” he crossed his arms and she relaxed some, standing with her hands behind her back. Now he was going to get to the part they’d been called here for. “Commander, I wanted to clarify with the alien crew members of the Normandy that while under Anderson and yourself, they are more than Alliance allies, and have high expectations.” His gaze had flicked from Nihlus quickly to the other three so that he could give them a meaningful look.

            The ambassador droned on for a good hour or so about what they would be expected to do, how to act, and what information could and could not be shared with outside parties. By the time he was done even Xel was feeling drowsy, and her stomach promptly reminded her she hadn’t eaten that morning.

            “I believe we’re done here, Commander,” he lifted his hand to dismiss them. “If you get any new information I or my assistant will be here,” his tone told her they were done, and she and Nihlus lead the others out.

            “Shepard, you should accompany me. I have an idea on how to find information on Saren,” the red turian said, his voice low. There was more. They were going to talk about the information she’d kept from him.

            “We’ll go back to the Normandy, Commander,” Garrus spoke up and she nodded to him. Xel and the Spectre watched as they left, Nis quietly mocking the Ambassador’s voice as she recited what they’d been told in a way to make the other two laugh.

            “If you’ll follow me, Shepard.”

            They walked quickly, mostly because of the turian’s long legs. She was able to keep up, though, and tried to think of something to say as they climbed the stairs to the floor she’d snagged him from. It wasn’t until they approached the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance Head Quarters that she realized their destination.

            “I can’t go in there,” she frowned and stopped as the door slid open for him.

            Nihlus paused just passed the threshold and glanced back at her. “I’m escorting you, and you’re a candidate. Besides, I need your help with information because,” he tapped his temple with a gloved talon and she nodded, following him forward.

            The Spectre HQ was impressive, the long hallway leading into had enough scanners to shame C-Sec checkpoints. An alarm sounded off the moment she stepped in but Nihlus said something quickly and sidestepped to a terminal on the wall. His talons tapped and the siren silenced as quickly as it’d started.

            “Keep close to me, if you wander it’ll start up again and all available Spectres and C-Sec officers will be on that door in seconds.” Xel didn’t doubt that and took her place beside him as they strode up the hall to an open area with screens displaying lengths of information, vidcom receivers, and requisition terminals hooked up to armories. “Here,” he stepped up to a monitor and tapped at the projected keyboard under it.

            “So you read my Eden Prime report.” His posture went still and she circled him to look at his face. His attention was locked on his talons dancing over the commands he gave the computer.

            “Don’t over think this, Shepard,” he said and tilted his face up to the screen as Saren’s profile came up.

            “You were just doing what you had to,” she shrugged. It shouldn’t hurt, she should understand that he was a _Spectre_ and he didn’t care about her feelings if he could further his mission. He played her. Her poker face had gotten better but it wasn’t good enough to completely hide the pain at the thought.

            The turian turned to her and looked her over. Instead of letting it distract her, she forced herself to skim over Saren Arterius’ profile. It said his last known location was the Citadel five weeks ago. Since then he’s just bounced from system to system without a known objective.

            Hot air warmed her neck, and Xel closed her eyes, trying to resist the temptation to lean into it. Subharmonics growled, rumbling deep in Nihlus’ chest before it touched her ear. Her breathing picked up and she bit her lip. “You’re over thinking it, Shepard. If I only wanted to read your report you never would have known I did it.”

            “Why do you keep doing this?” she stepped away from him and glared up into his crystal like green eyes. Hard lines were drawn from his pupils out through the iris to the dark ring circling them.

            “Do you want me to stop?”

            “If it doesn’t mean anything, yes,” she said clearly, her voice low. They stared at each other for a long moment, and then she stepped up to the keyboard and started to scroll down, looking for more information.

            “And if it means something?” his flanging voice was beside her right ear. A shudder threatened her spine, but she resisted.

            “Then I expect you to do something about it, Agent Kryik,” she breathed and looked up at the screen. He was right behind her, his heat obvious despite her armor.

            “Is that so, Commander Shepard?”

            Her pale mauve eyes flicked around the room the best they could without moving. No one else occupied the space. Spectres were pretty rare; this facility probably didn’t get as much use as the public would like to think. Hell, Nihlus was probably the only Spectre on the Citadel.

            “What do you want me to do, Shepard?”

            A lot of things came to mind, but she didn’t say anything and simply closed her eyes, focusing on his heat. He was probably six and a half feet tall, putting his head six inches above hers and with the broad shoulders he had it wasn’t very difficult for him to reach forward and place his hands on either side of the keyboard in front of her. Still he didn’t touch her, and she had to focus harder on his heat to track his movements.

            Hot breath down the side of her neck as her head tilted to the side. He enjoyed this, she could tell, but she liked it too. His subharmonics hummed and she leaned back, her armor hitting the wall of his chest plate. Too much metal sat between them, and her imagination drifted.

            “I won’t touch you, Shepard. Not yet,” Kryik snarled beside her ear so that it shook with the deep purr of his voice.

            “When?” Xel let out through clenched teeth. She was able to resist him all of ten minutes. Now she was right back to being putty in his hands, and he knew it. Damn her lack of control.

            No, damn him and his ability to get right by her defenses.

            “When you reach Spectre,” he promised and her breath left her in a rush. She just wanted him to touch her. Somehow. Any way. Hold her hips. Nip her neck. Press his face against hers. Anything.

            “You’re going to pay for making me wait,” she warned and his growl spiked, picking up. Damn she wanted him so bad.

            “I look forward to it.” Then he pulled away and transferred the information on the terminal to his omni-tool. “Come, Shepard. We have research to do.”

 

 

            “Vakarian, do you have a visual?”

            “Affirmative.”

            “Shepard?”

            “You’re in my sights.”

            “Williams?”

            “Yes, Spectre.”

            Xel shifted on her stomach, her scope gliding over the scene in front of her. Dusk was approaching, and her team was strategically placed up the alleys behind the markets. Williams, she, and Garrus were good with sniper rifles, so they were perched at key check points, scanning for quarians while the others walked along among the crowds in front of the stores.

            Nihlus was traveling the length of their view, making sure that they were all able to see if a target was located. They didn’t know who was coming to meet the quarian, only that they were with Saren. Xel had a feeling it might be the turian that went after Nihlus while he was out, but she didn’t have any proof, so she kept the thought to herself. Anyone who came down this back alley would have three snipers on them in a blink.

            The Spectre readied his assault rifle and found a crevice, melting into the shadow so that even Xel couldn’t see him.

            After a few moments, music played softly in her ear, and Shepard blinked, trying to figure out where it came from before she fully realized it was the mic and that someone on her team was playing it. It sounded like the turian imperial anthem, but she couldn’t be sure.

            “Vakarian, your headset’s on,” Nihlus’ subharmonics hummed.

            “Ah, sh–apologies,” Garrus growled back and Xel shook her head, a smirk spreading her lips.

            The music shut off and the alley was left too quiet. It felt wrong, just waiting here for the quarian to show up. She hadn’t heard from Vator since he left two days ago, and she didn’t have a way to contact him. For all she knew he’d jumped on a ship and was half way across the galaxy by now. Or something worse had happened, he could be lying dead in one of these back alleys or the morgue.

            “Shepard, I see a quarian headed your way. Female. Purple armor,” Nis’ voice was low as if she were hiding it from view.

            “I have her in my sights,” Williams breathed.

            Xel moved so she was looking down toward the Chief. The small alien was timidly looking up and down the alley. Her right hand ran up and down her left arm, showing she was nervous. She wasn’t comfortable with what she was about to do, but the way she strode forward, her feet steady despite her fidgeting hands, she was determined.

            About fifteen minutes passed before anything else happened. “I have three targets approaching from the south,” Vakarian’s low voice purred. “Turian and two salarians. Armed and armored.”

            The quarian stopped below Xel, taking her out of her sight, but putting her in easy view of her naked eye. Nihlus would be able to see her also from his hidden spot not twenty meters away.

            Xel wet her lips and tracked the turian coming her way, toward the girl below her. His faceplates were white, so he had dark pain on his lips, eyes, and nose to make what looked like a skull with gnarly teeth. He was dressed from head to toe in armor with the face of his helmet removed so he could speak with the quarian. She stood her ground and placed her hands behind her back so he couldn’t see her nerves. Smart girl.

            Faintly, Xel could ear the exchange as the turian stopped right in front of her. “Did you bring it?” His voice was guttural, lacking the musical touch that Nihlus and Garrus had, but still it flanged and was very _turian_.

            The quarian looked up as the mercenary left little room between them. “Where’s the Shadow Broker?” she asked, her voice strong despite her situation. The salarians behind him positioned themselves so that they could look around and cover the distracted turian, but they weren’t looking up. “Where’s Fist?”

            The merc traced a line down from her hood to her arm and tilted his head in a predatory way. “They’ll be here, where’s the evidence?” he droned, just before she whipped her hand out and slapped his away.

            “No way, the deal’s off,” she barked and stepped back as he jerked his head up to look down at her squarely. Through her scope, with the cross hairs on the turian’s head, she took in a slow breath and readied for the shot.

            The quarian took a step back and Xel noticed the hand behind her back now gripped something. She tossed it behind the turian, to the salarians, and it exploded. The blast shocked Xel enough that she fired, striking the turian in the forehead as another shot got him in the back of the head. This caused his helmeted skull to pop and he dropped heavily to the ground. The two salarians were recovering from the blast, but one was taken out before he finished getting to his feet by a third sniper.

            The last seemed not to realize his partner was downed and lifted his pistol at the quarian who was running down the alley away. So he didn’t notice the orange drone float up behind him. The orb bumped right into him and then detonated so that his body was split in two and sent flying. Xel swung her rifle around to check on the girl and noticed she had been stopped by a red quarian.

            “Finally,” Xel breathed and straightened up.

            “Vator’s on scene.”

            “I see him.”

            “Any more hostiles? The streets didn’t catch the gunfire,” Kaidan’s gruff voice cracked through the comm as Xel made her way down to the alley.

            “Negative contact,” Garrus confirmed.

            Nihlus was beside Shepard the moment she touched ground. His green gaze was locked on the dead merc. “Good shot.”

            “Thanks, looks like Vakarian got him too,” she grinned. The red turian twitched his mandibles into a flashed smirk.

            “Fist set me up!” the quarian was yelling as Vator held his hands up, trying to calm her. “I knew I couldn’t trust him!”

            “I told you that you wouldn’t be harmed,” the male said and looked passed her to Xel.

            “Why didn’t you bring her to the Normandy? Or to C-Sec?” Shepard crossed her arms at the pair.

            Vator stepped away from her and came up to the Commander. “Then that assassin would still be alive, and she wouldn’t trust us,” he said simply and turned back to look at his fellow quarian. “This is Commander Shepard and Spectre Agent Kryik,” he added, gesturing.

            The female came forward and looked them over as Xel asked, “Are you hurt?”

            “I’m fine, I know how to look out for myself,” she started and then shifted seeming to regret those words. “I appreciate the help, though.”

            “We’re looking for evidence to prove Saren is a traitor,” Nihlus stepped forward, even with Xel. The way he stood, he looked similar to the mercenary: predatory. The quarian noticed.

            “Then I can repay you for saving me,” she said, shifting back some casually. “This isn’t the place, we need to go somewhere safe… away from prying eyes.”

            “Your ambassador’s office is as safe as we’ll get,” the red turian turned to Shepard. “He’ll want to see the evidence himself anyway.”

            She nodded and offered the quarian a reassuring smile, “What’s your name?”

            “Tali’Zorah nar Rayya,” she said and looked at Vator. He stood with his arms crossed. Xel wondered how long it took him to find Tali, and how much they’d told each other. She seemed at least _somewhat_ at ease with him here.

            “Let’s head out, people,” Xel hit her comm. “We’re going to the Ambassador’s office.”

 

 

            “Do you have any idea what time it is, Commander?” Udina growled, gripping his balcony’s half wall. Honestly, she didn’t though, the Presidium was always lit and it threw her off greatly because it wasn’t just light, it was artificial sunlight, and it tricked you into thinking it was daytime. “You’re not making my life easy, Shepard. First an all-out assault on Chora’s Den. Now a firefight in the wards! Do you know how many–” he turned around and stopped, frowning at Nihlus first, and then at the female quarian. Xel had left everyone else behind but Garrus and Williams since they hadn’t participated in the actual fight.

            “It wasn’t so much of a firefight as it was an execution, Ambassador,” Nihlus purred and crossed his arms. Udina’s dull eyes flicked back to him. There wasn’t much that he could say to a Spectre –especially a turian one with a reputation like Nihlus.

            “Is this the quarian, then?” he asked, waving to her. “The one with evidence against Saren?”

            “Yes, sir,” she breathed, standing straighter and pinning her hands behind her back to mirror Anderson who stood silently near by, looking over their newest party.

            “Perhaps you should start at the beginning, Miss…?”

            “Tali. Tali’Zorah nar Rayya,” she said and he nodded respectfully, but didn’t appear he’d retain much passed ‘Tali’.

            “We don’t see many quarians here. Why did you leave the flotilla?” Udina asked. She noticed the creases beside his eyes strain slightly. He knew of Vator’s actions on Eden Prime, and no doubt it was affecting his opinion of Tali already.

            “I was on my Pilgrimage, my rite of passage into adulthood,” she answered and turned to face him more squarely.

            Vator hadn’t mentioned a Pilgrimage, leaving Xel confused. “I’ve never heard of this before,” she said, trying not to be rude.

            “It is a tradition among my people. When we reach maturity, we leave the ships of our parents and our people behind. Alone, we search the stars, only returning to the flotilla once we have found something of value. In this way we prove ourselves worthy of adulthood.” As Tali spoke, Xel’s thoughts flicked to Vator. He didn’t want to talk about why he left the Migrant Fleet, but he said it wasn’t as ‘dramatic’ as being on the run. Perhaps he was also on his Pilgrimage and simply did not want to share his people’s customs.

            “What kinds of things do you look for?” Xel wondered aloud. Maybe he’d also been looking for something on Eden Prime to bring back.

            “Resources, like food and fuel. Or some type of technology,” Tali said, thinking. “Or even knowledge that would make life easier on the flotilla. Through our Pilgrimage we prove that we will contribute to the community, rather than be a burden on our limited resources.”

            Her mind tracked all that Vator did. Constantly doing _something_ he rarely was still. He helped around the Normandy, he was useful even if it was in small ways.

            “Tell us what you found about Saren,” Nihlus said, drawing Xel back from her thoughts.

            “During my travels I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people into exile, the geth have not traveled beyond the Veil.” She shifted and the way her faintly glowing eyes squinted she seemed to smile, “I was curious. I tracked a patrol of geth to an uncharted world. I waited for one to become separated from its unit, then I disabled it and removed its memory core.” Xel tried to imagine ‘disabling’ a geth without destroying it.

            Anderson spoke up for the first time, appearing very tired around the eyes. “I thought the geth fried their memory cores when they died. Some kind of defense mechanism…”

            “My people created the geth,” she said with a little bit of a shrug, “If you’re quick, careful, and lucky small caches of data can sometimes be saved. Most of the core was wiped clean, but I salvaged something from its audio banks.” She lifted her left arm, activating her omni-tool. The orange hologram lit up and she tapped at the keys.

            Low, growling subharmonics filtered through, a voice that Xel had only heard once, and recently, _“Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit…”_

            Anderson stepped forward and Tali tapped the tool to quiet it. “That’s Saren’s voice, clear as day,” he tired eyes seemed to light up now and he looked at Udina. “This proves he was involved in the attack!”

            “He said Eden Prime brought him closer to finding the Conduit…?” Xel lifted a brow and eyed the omni-tool on the quarian’s arm. “Any idea what that means?”

            “The Conduit has something to do with the beacon,” Anderson ran his hand over his dark forehead in thought. “Maybe it’s some kind of Prothean Technology –like a weapon?”

            Xel was about to speak up, she hated the near wild look in her Captain’s eye. He wasn’t the same when Saren was involved. She still didn’t have the whole story between them, but she knew he would tell her in his own time.

            “Wait,” Tali cut in and tapped her omni-tool, “There’s more. Saren wasn’t working alone.”

            _“Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit…”_

_“And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.”_

            The second voice was a low, feminine one with a light accent, but totally unfamiliar to Xel’s ears.

            Udina folded his fingers in front of him, “I don’t recognize that other voice. The one talking about Reapers.”

            “Why do they sound familiar?” Shepard’s nose wrinkled. This whole situation wasn’t right. _Return_ of the Reapers? It didn’t sound good at all.

            Tali shifted as all eyes fell on her. “According to the memory core, the Reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed fifty thousand years ago. The Reapers hunted the Protheans to total extinction, and then they vanished,” she slid her hands along an invisible plain to punctuate the statement, then cleared her throat. “At least, that’s what the geth believe.”

            Xel felt sick suddenly and shifted slightly. The visions that flashed before her eyes from the beacon returned. It split her skull in half and her tongue suddenly felt like she’d licked a metal surface. The ship that Saren had flashed in her mind’s eye over and over accompanied by the screams of a million souls. The sound tore at her ears and she would have sworn they were bleeding by how badly they burned. The faces were blurred by her lack of understanding or by the tears welling up in her eyes, but she knew what they were, that they weren’t from this time.

            Wincing, she looked down away from the bright light coming from outside Udina’s office –it was always bright enough no artificial lights were needed inside. The subtle movement sent her world spinning and she thought she was going to tumble right to the ground in a pathetic heap of armor and pain.

            A strong hand grabbed her waist, supporting her enough to keep her straight. It felt far worse than it appeared. She barely moved, but if Nihlus hadn’t steadied her, she would have went right over. Blinking, Shepard glanced down at the three gloved talons resting on her hip.

            Turian fingers were proportional to a human’s, even though they had fewer. This meant the three digits they did have were thicker than a human’s –roughly the size of two or three depending on the persons being compared. Quarians shared the same number of digits, but had smaller builds than humans normally, so their hands were closer to her species’ than the raptors.

            Steadying her breath, Xel looked up at the Ambassador. The pain drifted off with the images, but it left a lingering headache that she knew would not go away for a long time.

            Udina was crossing his arms as his brows settled heavily over his eyes. “Sounds a little far-fetched,” he grunted, not noticing the Commander or Spectre. Anderson did, though, and his face twisted in concern.

            “The vision–from, uh, Eden Prime,” Xel spoke up, clearing her throat before continuing. “I understand it –I think. I saw the Protheans being wiped out by the Reapers.”

            Tali stepped forward, “The geth revere the Reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren knows how to bring the Reapers back.”

            Udina shook his head and huffed, “The Council’s just going to _love_ this.” He turned his back and paced a few steps away to his desk. His terminal was powered up and he started to tap on it –probably to set up an appointment.

            “The Reapers are a threat to every species in Citadel Space. We have to tell them,” Xel stepped out of Nihlus’ touch and Anderson immediately came forward as her right foot didn’t quite comply with the order she gave it. Before he could reach her she corrected herself and grunted. “I’m fine, sir.”

            He nodded and stepped back, turning his attention to Udina now, “No matter what they think of the rest of this, those audio files prove Saren’s a traitor.”

            “I will confirm the authenticity of the recording so it will not be questioned,” Nihlus stated and Xel nodded. It wouldn’t be too difficult to fabricate the recording and make it sound like Saren, but Tali didn’t have any reason to incriminate him. A Spectre’s word to the Council usually won or lost cases, but even Spectres could be ignored and turned away by the Council. Of course, the more respected the Spectre, the harder it would be for them to refute their account. Nihlus wasn’t as experienced as Saren, but he was among their top agents.

            “We’ll present this to the Council in the morning. We have an appointment at eight. I suggest you all get some rest and make sure you’re presentable,” Udina gave Shepard a pointed look. She just stared at him.

            Ashley spoke up then, nodding her head in indication. “What about her? The quarian?”

            “My _name_ is Tali,” she growled, her voice had a slight… bubble or gurgle to it, because of her suit’s filter. Like she was speaking through shallow water. Part of it could also be her accent, which was different from Vator’s slightly while r’s were soft, her vowels were harder. “Commander,” she turned to Xel, “I can be an asset to your crew. Let me come with you.”

            Her brows drew together. “I thought you were on your Pilgrimage?”

            “Our Pilgrimage proves we are willing to give of ourselves for the greater good. What does it say about me if I turn my back on this?” she asked. Her voice was high, young, but not completely lacking in experience. “Saren is a danger to the entire galaxy. My Pilgrimage can wait.”

            “I’ll take all the help I can get,” Xel looked over to the Captain for his opinion and he nodded once.

            “Thanks, you won’t regret this,” Tali said, sounding relieved.

            “Great, now we’re all friends,” Udina’s smile didn’t touch his eyes and frankly looked as forced as it probably was. “I need you three,” he gestured to Tali, Shepard, and Nihlus, “To be there in the morning. Don’t bring your whole crew this time,” he sighed and his gaze flitted to the door where the others were waiting outside. Xel nodded.

            “Yes, Ambassador.”

            “Now, let me get some rest before this meeting,” he waved at them to leave and Shepard walked beside Anderson in front of the others to the door.

            “This is it,” Xel summoned up a smile, “We’ve got him.”

            “Not just yet,” Anderson stopped outside of Udina’s office and looked over the faces around them. An asari and krogan, two turians, two quarians, and four humans, they were acquiring quite the crew for this mission. “Tomorrow Saren loses his Spectre status and the real hunt begins,” the Captain looked over at the Commander.

            “Yes, sir. Saren’s going to regret the day he stepped foot on Eden Prime.”

            “That he will, Shepard,” Anderson nodded, “That he will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again... I don't know how I skipped this chapter, but it happened, and... here you go.


	10. Little Jack Horner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xel's past isn't staying behind her, but she can't afford to let it rule her life. The Council has come to a decision on Saren, and that puts Shepard on the path to change the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Jack Horner 
> 
> Little Jack Horner  
> Sat in the corner,  
> Eating a Christmas pie;  
> He put in his thumb,  
> And pulled out a plum,  
> And said 'What a good boy am I!

            “She’ll be better for the ship than me,” Vator sighed and Xel lifted a brow at him, stirring her liquefied nutrient paste-soup.

            “What makes you say that?”

            “She actually cares about ships,” he chuckled and looked down at the dextro-nutrient packet he was toying with. With four crewmembers in need of the special diet, it became increasingly important to have not only a quantity of it, but a variety. “She’s down in engineering giving Adams an ear full. She probably knows more than most of the men down there, and give her time –she’ll pass him as well.”

            The head engineer was a smart man, and Xel thought it hard to believe that Tali could be so knowledgeable of ships, but Vator didn’t seem phased. Pursing her lips, she spooned some of the red liquid into her mouth and frowned at the chalky texture. “So… are you on your Pilgrimage, too?”

            Vator’s helmet snapped up and she could faintly see his eyes. They squinted when a chuckle filtered out. “No, Xel, I am not on my Pilgrimage. I completed it years ago.”

            She frowned and ran her tongue along the inside of her mouth before taking another bite. “Still don’t want to tell me why you left the flotilla?”

            “It’s not a good time,” he said simply and straightened up from where he’d been leaning against the counter. “If you need me, I’ll be in the medbay, Commander.” She nodded and watched him cross the mess and join Doctor Chakwas.

            The bits in the nutrient paste annoyed her so she added some more water and stuck it back in the heating unit.

            “Smells good, that tomato soup?”

            Xel glanced over her shoulder as Nisyrta walked in, a smile on her magenta lips. “Uh, yeah, want one?”

            “Sure,” the asari leapt up onto the bar and crossed her legs.

            Shepard knelt and grabbed two drinks and handed one over before acquiring another tomato soup packet. “Did you want anything with it?”

            “Nah.”

            Silence fell on them quickly, as Xel pulled hers from the unit and readied the asari’s. As the fresh bowl heated, the other woman turned to look off toward the sickbay.

            “How much do you know about Vator?”

            “He’s a quarian who doesn’t want to talk about why he’s not with his people,” Xel shrugged. “Good with biotics…” a smirk danced on her lips and Nis offered a glare at the Commander. “Um, he’s got formal medical training I think. Doesn’t really care about ships, which I guess is weird for quarians. Oh, and he _really_ wants a drone,” she added and remembered the one in the alley.

            “Yeah, I think he was planning on talking to Nihlus about the modifications it takes to make one,” Nis supplied and the heating unit beeped.

            Xel opened it up and handed the bowl over to the asari. “Nihlus can make a drone?”

            “Yeah, he apparently makes his into little suicide bombers. Tali talked about hers some earlier when I asked about her fighting style –not a really good show in the alley you know?” She paused long enough to take a bite and nod her head. “Anyway, Tali’s can be a pest, shock you and shit, as they hover up behind you while you’re trying to shoot her. Bring your shields down and then _bam_ , she shoots you with her shotgun or something,” the asari grinned at the image in her head.

            “I prefer to shoot my targets from long range,” Xel said, prompting a laugh from the other woman.

            “You and the cop both,” Nis’ lips curled and she kicked her leg out and pushed off the counter, landing heavily, but steadily. “You two got a thing going on?”

            Xel choked, the mouth full of soup she had dribbling onto her lip as she tried to swallow. “What?” she coughed and the asari lifted a brow line with a dark stripe. Her lips were curled into a smirk and she shook her head at the Commander. “No, Vakarian and I don’t–” she cleared her throat. The soup had been hot and it burned some at the back of her mouth.

            Nis nodded sarcastically, her eyes locked wide on Xel’s face with that smirk stuck in place. “Oh, yeah, totally. Same with the Spectre, right?”

            “What’re you getting at?” Xel asked and grabbed a napkin so she could cough into it.

            “You just have a type, Commander, and some of us don’t fit into it,” she leaned over and propped her elbow up on the counter, her lavender gaze locking on Xel’s mauve eyes. “Alenko has too many toes and Vator’s feet just aren’t bit enough to fill those turian boots.”

            Xel’s attention flicked to the window of the medbay. The quarian was nodding as Chakwas laughed, her head tipping back and she held her stomach. It’d been a while since she saw the doctor laugh like that. Then she blinked. “Wait, Alenko? And Vator…?”

            Nis straightened up and stirred her soup, licking her spoon when she swallowed her bite. “Alenko is painfully obvious, I’m sorry, Shepard, but if you haven’t seen it, you need to get your eyes checked. As for the quarian,” she shrugged. “I don’t know him well enough to know for sure, but he doesn’t talk to others like he does you. Could be that he just _doesn’t_ talk to the rest of us. The good doctor seems to be on his short list though.” Nis licked her lips and took a couple more bites, allowing Xel to think. She’d never really thought of Vator as anything but a harmless flirt. He never seemed serious.

            “I don’t think Vator–” Xel cut herself off by shaking her head. “He just wants a ship. I promised him one, that’s why he’s latched onto me.”

            Nis lifted her hands and shrugged. “No judgment from me, Commander.”

            “Okay, so what’s this with you and Wrex then?” Xel threw her hand in a gesture at the other woman. “At each others throats to inseparable?”

            She smiled widely at that and nodded as if she saw the question coming. “I don’t think it’s quite… affection. More like mutual respect. My father was a krogan, and because of the genophage, I was his only child. When my mother was killed in a ship accident, he took me into the clan and raised me like a krogan. The chief let me go through the rite _only_ because of my father’s standing.”

            “What was the rite?”

            Her eyes were far away now as she spoke, “I had to leave the clan with nothing but the armor I was wearing and track down an alpha verren. To prove my worth I had to bring back the alpha and kill it at my chief’s feet. It wasn’t easy. The alpha I found had a big pack,” she blinked and straightened up. “Missing a chunk in my left ass cheek now, but,” she shrugged, “I got that varren back to clan Ganar and killed him in front of my chief. My father boasted how my varren was the largest brought back in centuries, that he’d killed many of our scouts and I’d managed to not only slay him, but bring him back alive first. He was called Red Saber and weighed almost as much as I do.” Then she held up her hands, “His fangs were this long, I swear to the Goddess.”

            Xel smirked, “The Goddess, hmm?”

            “Sorry, there are some asari customs that even a krogan-born can’t shake. Every asari I spend five minutes with will bring up _the Goddess_ at least twice,” she rolled her eyes playfully and straightened up. “Good talk, Shep, but I have to get down to the big guy. I said I’d only be a few minutes.” The asari stepped around her and grabbed a few drinks from the fridge.

            “So, nothing’s between you two?”

            “If anything…” Nis looked up, “He reminds me of my dad. And he doesn’t have any children of his own, so…”

            “I’m happy you two are getting along,” Xel nodded. Nis waved and took the drinks as she left. Shepard glanced over at the bowl she left and sighed as she picked it up and put it with her own to be cleaned.

            It was late and her mind drifted off to think about what Nis had said about Alenko and Vator. She and Kaidan had tossed around battlefield flirts in the past, but she never thought much of it, and now she thought Vator was doing the same. Maybe she was misreading it? Nis said Alenko was painfully obvious, but she really hadn’t spent much time with him recently, not since Eden Prime.

            Xel ran her fingers through her hair and pulled her bun out, deciding she was going to check her mail and go to bed. Across the room, she sorted through her locker and found her datapad. Leaning against the white metal storage, she scrolled through the spam and found her mother had sent her a message.

_Xelvadora,_

_The Cerberus base fell with no casualties on our side. We had two prisoners, but they were lost to suicide en route back to the ship. Captain Haydenson said it will not affect my promotion. If you wish to attend the ceremony, it will be held on Earth in Philadelphia next week. I can forward you the address if you wish. I understand if you won’t be able to make it –it’s all for show anyway, I would opt out if I could._

_I’ll be getting my own ship and crew. It’s all very exciting, and has been a long time coming. I idled too long as a Commander. I expect you to rise quickly in the Alliance ranks if you make Spectre._

_Don’t allow that turian to hold you back. You don’t require a mentor to be a Spectre, at the first chance you get: drop it. That’s all I have to say on the matter._

_I must be going now; I have reports to write._

_Commander Shepard, H._

            Xel sighed and rubbed her forehead. If she didn’t go to the ceremony she was sure to hear about it. But she knew she would not have fun, or even a decent time, if she went. Lesser of two evils? Going to the ceremony.

            Tapping quickly, she asked her mother for the address and time. It was best to keep mail short, and she didn’t feel like opening the can of worms that mentioning her Spectre status –or lack there of… or progression of– would initiate. Once sent, she pushed the datapad back into the locker and took a deep, slow breath.

            If she became a Spectre what would happen next? She wouldn’t be allowed to serve under Anderson anymore –Spectres _only_ answered to the Council, they don’t even have ranks among themselves. Nihlus made it seem like he’d stick around, but she found that unlikely. Spectres worked alone, and _rarely_ in small groups.

            She liked the idea of pairing up with him though. But she wasn’t sure how a ship between them would work unless they took equal control and the crew answered to them both. That seemed like it would be difficult to make happen. Or they had two ships? That was a waste of resources.

            Two ships might come in handy if they had to split up to cover more ground…

            Xel ran her fingers roughly through her hair again and decided a shower would be needed before she retired. At this rate, she’d get less than five hours of sleep before she had to be running up the steps of Citadel Tower to the Council.

            And that was if she could fall asleep right away –which never happened.

 

 

            _Fire._

_Screaming._

_Blood._

            _Her body was frozen: eyes stuck wide while hot tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped from her jaw. Her lips were pressed together and her teeth clenched hard enough it hurt._

_No amount of effort could move her, no amount of focus could tear her eyes away from the scene before her._

_Again she watched fifty marines scramble around and over themselves._

_Again she watched countless thresher maws erupt from the ground and descend on her unit._

_Again she did nothing._

_Again she stood at the evac-point and waited safely for extraction._

_Again she let her men die._

_Again she was the only one saved._

 

 

            Sweat coated Xel’s body. Her hand slipped as she pushed open her pod and tried to stay up right. It sent her to the ground despite her efforts and she growled in pain. How badly she just wanted a _bed,_ these pods were going to kill her.

            A quick look around showed no one was awake. It was still early, she’d probably only slept a couple hours. Another shower was in order, and she figured she might as well get ready for the day –she wasn’t going to sleep again for a long time.

            There were two restrooms on the Normandy, neither marked, and there was no difference between them. Most women gravitated toward the starboard side, though, but Xel went to the port side now. On such a small ship, the restrooms comprised of two open stalled toilets, one showerhead in an open shower, and one sink opposite the shower.

            Xel stripped out of her uniform tapped the holographic controls of the shower to get the water where she wanted it. She knew the codes to bypass the hot water ration as well as increase the pressure of the water –of course she didn’t use them often, but right now she wanted a couple hours alone with scalding water beating down on her sweaty, worn muscles.

            No, she didn’t want to be alone.

            Her mind drifted, imagining the door opening and that damned red turian to come in. His thick fingers gliding over her dripping skin. His splayed mandibles as he hummed in her ear. His _heat_ radiating against her back as he pulled her close up to his front.

            She would move her hair out of the way, pull the soaked locks over her shoulder and give him her neck. How badly she wanted him to touch her, anything more than sending his hot breath over her sensitive skin and growling behind her ear. She’d come to enjoy that, though.

            Xel pressed her hands against the shower wall and imagined the turian standing behind her, his hands sliding up and down her sides as he pressed against her ass, teasing her as he always did. A pathetic whimper left her and she bit her lip. His hands at her hip and breast for stability, pulling her against him. His tongue drawing lines up her back and shoulder to her neck where he let his teeth drag over her skin.

            How badly she wanted him to bite her. To grip her hard enough to leave bruises.

            To _fuck_ her.

            Xel coughed and straightened up, clearing her throat. This was getting out of hand.

            She turned the water off and started drying off, she had plenty of time to get dressed and prepare for the meeting with the Council.

 

 

            _“Eden Prime was a major victory! The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit.”_

_“And one step closer to the return of the Reapers.”_

            Ambassador Udina stepped forward and pointed an accusing finger, not high enough to actually direct it at the Council, but to show he meant it for them. “You wanted proof,” he growled, his elder voice shaking some. “There it is. With one of your Spectres backing its legitimacy.”

            The turian Councilor bowed his head and shook it, obviously unhappy as well as ashamed. “This evidence is irrefutable, Ambassador. Saren will be stripped of his Spectre status and all efforts will be made to bring him in to answer for his crimes.”

            “I recognize the other voice, the one speaking with Saren,” the asari Councilor said, her face twisted in pain and sadness. “Matriarch Benezia.”

            The name didn’t mean anything to Xel, but the way Nihlus shifted put her on edge. Xel knew Matriarchs were powerful asari who had entered the last stage of their lives. They were revered for their wisdom and experience, and served as guides and mentors for their people. The asari Councilor was a Matriarch.

            “Matriarch Benezia is a powerful biotic,” the Councilor continued, “and she had many followers. She will make a formidable ally for Saren.”

            “I’m more interested in the Reapers,” the salarian Councilor spoke up then. “What do you know about them?”

            “Only what was extracted from the geth’s memory core,” Captain Anderson answered, gesturing politely to Tali who awkwardly stood on Xel’s left side. Nihlus was to her right while Anderson and Udina stood in front of her. “The Reapers were an ancient race of machines that wiped out the Protheans. Then they vanished.”

            Tali spoke up then, “The geth believe the Reapers are gods –and Saren is the prophet for their return.” The looks on the Councilors’ faces made Xel wince slightly.

            Anderson continued, “We think the Conduit is the key to bringing them back. Saren’s searching for it. That’s why he attacked Eden Prime.” Xel’s pale gaze was locked on the Captain, he was far calmer now, and he even looked a little better than before –not as tired. She wondered if Udina had said something or if he’d just gotten a good night’s rest. At breakfast in the mess he’d been chipper, cracking jokes with Vator and Garrus as the other two compared notes on dextro recipe they wanted to try when the Normandy got ‘real’ food. She’d been quiet mostly, forcing smiles and commenting only when spoken to. Nihlus hadn’t appeared until right before they were leaving, but up to that point she’d noticed what Nis meant about Kaidan’s interest.

            The Lieutenant sat beside her right after he got his breakfast and kindly asked how she’d slept. When she gave short answers he’d caught the hint she didn’t want to talk and simply sat there. It was when Garrus took the seat next to her and leaned in to ask her opinion on the scope he was looking to get for his rifle, that Kaidan’s interest was revealed. Normally kind brown eyes hardened and locked on every movement the turian made that came closer to her. When she genuinely smiled at the sniper and asked him to order her one as well, the look on Kaidan’s face was almost obvious jealousy.

            She wouldn’t have noticed it if Nis wouldn’t have said anything. Now she was hyperaware of the Lieutenant’s feelings and attention.

            “Do we even know what this Conduit is?” the salarian Councilor was asking, bringing Xel back from her drifting thoughts.

            “Saren thinks it can bring back the Reapers, that’s bad enough,” Xel said, cutting in as Udina sucked in a breath to say something. She didn’t know what it would have been, but she didn’t want the Council to get the wrong idea, and she definitely didn’t want Anderson bringing up his theory on it being a weapon.

            The turian Councilor growled, “Listen to what you’re saying! Saren wants to bring back the machines that wiped out all life in the galaxy?” Impossible,” the word was almost a bark, but then was followed by a quieter, more uncertain, “It has to be.” He looked over at his fellow Councilors who glanced his way in unison. They stood high above Xel and her party with a glass floor below the platform they stood on, underneath of which, was a garden. “Where did the Reapers go? Why did they vanish? How come we’ve found no trace of their existence? If they were real, we’d have found something,” he folded his arms by the end and was looking directly at Xel.

            Nihlus stepped forward this time, having kept quiet until now. “You were warned about Saren, and refused the evidence given, even without my memory I can see that he is guilty. Don’t discredit valuable information based on the fact it is not understood.”

            The asari Councilor shook her head. “This is different, Nihlus. Saren has been proven a traitor to the Council –we all agree he’s using the geth to search for the Conduit, but we don’t _really_ know why.”

            The salarian to the asari’s left nodded, “The Reapers are _obviously_ just a myth, Commander. A convenient lie to cover Saren’s true purpose. A legend he is using to bend the geth to his will.”

            Her vision went white as he spoke and Xel tried to blink it away but the pain that fired through her frontal lobe was like getting struck by lightning. She took a step back and her hand whipped up to press against her temple. The ringing in her ears drowned out the end of what he said, replaced by the distinct sound of screams.

            The ship that looked like a tick, a Reaper ship, they were crawling over planets and slaughtering everything. She couldn’t make out any more than that, and the vision faded away, leaving her breathless and she noticed Nihlus’ hand at the small of her back to keep her from falling.

            Shepard stepped out of his touch and stood between Udina and Anderson, “Fifty thousand years ago, the Reapers wiped out all of galactic civilization. If Saren finds the Conduit, it will happen again!”

            The turian Councilor lifted his head. “Saren is a rogue agent on the run for his life. He no longer has the rights or resources of a Spectre. The Council has stripped him of his position.”

            Udina put a hand in front of her to get the Commander to step back and growled at the aliens before him, “That’s not good enough! You know he’s hiding somewhere in the Traverse. Send your fleet in!” he raised his fist as he shouted.

            The salarian Councilor shook his head, unfazed, “A fleet cannot track down one man.”

            Xel agreed with that and by how Nihlus folded his arms, he did too. But the Ambassador continued, “A Citadel fleet could secure the entire region: keep the geth from attack anymore of our colonies!” His hands punctuated his statement.

            “Or it could trigger a war with the Terminus Systems!” the turian Councilor snarled, his mandibles splaying low as his lip plates lifted. “We won’t be dragged into a galactic confrontation over a few dozen human colonies!” he waved his hand dismissively.

            Damn that was like a slap in the face. The fact he pointed out the race was enough to make it personal and Xel pinned her hands behind her back and lifted her chin to summon the last on her control before she said something that would get her court marshaled.

            Udina shook his head, “Every time we come to the Council for support we’re ignored. I’m sick of this Council and its anti-human bull–”

            “Ambassador!” the asari Councilor lifted her hand, but not her voice, keeping the man from embarrassing himself. But honestly, he’d won a few points with Xel for this. “There is another solution. A way to stop Saren that does not require fleets or armies,” she looked to her right to the turian Councilor.

            Shepard’s body stiffened.

            “No! It’s too soon. Humanity is not ready for the responsibilities that come with joining the Spectres,” he nodded his head toward Nihlus. “Besides what little her mentor _did_ witness has been lost.”

            Nihlus was about to say something, but Xel stepped forward, “You don’t have to send a fleet into the Traverse, the Ambassador gets his human Spectre, and Saren gets two Council Spectres tracking him down. Everybody’s happy.”

            “Nihlus?” the turian Councilor shifted his attention over to the red male beside Shepard.

            “Commander Xelvadora Shepard has my recommendation to join the Council’s Special Tactics and Reconnaissance force,” Kryik spoke clearly, and kept his green eyes locked on his fellow turian, his mandibles hanging relaxed beside his mouth.

            The asari gave the turian beside her the slightest nod when they met eyes and he looked down, his low hanging mandibles coming up to press against his mouth and he reluctantly nodded once. Then she turned to the salarian who bowed his head. Xel’s heart hiccupped and she trapped her hands back behind her back as her breathing picked up. _Now_ it settled in what was about to happen.

            The Councilors typed into their podiums and then the asari lifted a polite smile to those below her. “Commander Shepard –step forward.” Immediately she looked over to Anderson, his lips were _almost_ straight, but they had the _smallest_ curve. His eyes gave away how much pride and happiness was swelling within him, though. The Captain gave her a single nod, and Xel bowed her head back, coming forward to the end of the platform while Udina stepped to the side, allowing her to be before the Council alone.

            Now she looked around, suddenly aware of all the people in the balconies that overlooked them. Ambassadors, diplomats, and assistants of all races paused to watch what was about to happen –if they hadn’t been watching already.

            “It is the decision of the council that you, Commander Xelvadora Nelwyn Shepard, be granted all the powers and privileges of the Special Tactics and Reconnaissance branch of the Citadel,” the asari Councilor started.

            “Spectres are not trained, but chosen. Individuals forged in the fire of service and battle; those whose actions elevate them above the rank and file,” the salarian continued with his arms folded over his chest.

            “Spectres are an ideal, a symbol,” the asari said with a lifted chin. “The embodiment of courage, determination, and self-reliance. They are the right hand of the Council, instruments of our will.”

            Now the turian spoke, his hands behind his back much like Xel’s, “Spectres bear a great burden. They are protectors of galactic peace, both our first and last line of defense. The safety of the galaxy is theirs to uphold.”

            And the asari finished, “You are the first human Spectre, Commander. This is a great accomplishment for you and your entire species.”

            “I’m honored, Councilors,” she said, bowing her head to them. Her heart raced, pounding in her ears so that she could barely hear what they were saying. She felt sick, but with excitement. She’d done it, she’d done it _quickly._ Her name had been put forward a while ago she was sure, as were other humans –there was no way she was the only one– but events had dictated she be accepted sooner.

            “We’re sending you into the Traverse after Saren,” the salarian spoke, his hands returning to his side now. “He’s a fugitive from justice, so you and Agent Kryik are authorized to use any means necessary to apprehend or eliminate him.”

            “Of course, Councilors,” Nihlus breathed and Xel nodded.

            “This meeting of the Council is adjourned,” the asari Councilor declared.

            When she turned around Anderson came forward with a reserved smile, “Congratulations, Commander.”

            Udina crossed his arms and rubbed his chin, “We’ve got a lot of work to do, Shepard. You’re going to need a ship, a crew, supplies…” his gaze flitted to Anderson and then to Nihlus.

            “You have access to special equipment and training now,” the turian said. She looked up at him, meeting his green eyes. “You should accompany me to HQ so we can get you some… better armor and weapons,” he tried not to be attacking, and resisted looking sideways at the Alliance officer beside him that _may_ take offense to the special N7 armor she wore being questioned.

            Before anymore was said Udina dropped his arms and spoke, “Anderson, come with me. I’ll need your help to set all this up.”

            He paid Xel another glance and then left with the Captain. Her brows drew together as she watched him leave. Tali spoke up, her voice soft, “Not even a thank you from your ambassador?”

            Xel offered her a forced smile and shrug, “Until I find Saren, I haven’t done anything. Come on,” she nodded for the quarian to start walking. “You should head back to the ship. Do you know the way?”

            “I can get there on my own if you two were going to stop at Spectre HQ.”

            “Thank you, for everything you’ve done, Tali,” Xel said and the quarian nodded, her shoulders picking up slightly, and her glowing eyes narrowed. Maybe she was smiling.

            “I’ll be back at the Normandy, Commander.”

            Xel nodded and they went to the elevator together, but she and Nihlus stepped off before the quarian. Something about being alone with him now made her heart pound against her ribcage. Her gaze was locked forward, but her attention was on her peripheral. He wasn’t looking at her, but his movements had returned to the predator stride she’d seen back in the conference room on the Normandy when they went to Eden Prime, and every time he was making a move on her sense.

            Kryik allowed her to activate the door to HQ and she couldn’t hide the stupid smile that spread her lips. “It’s a good feeling,” he said from behind her as she led the way inside. She’d just been here, but it felt different now. No alarms. No restraint. She belonged here now just as much as Nihlus did.

            “I’m a Spectre,” she stated and rested her fingers on the requisitions terminal.

            “I said you would become one soon,” he growled behind her right ear.

            They were in their armor, but she knew that wasn’t going to last long. No, not now that his hands were on her hips and his subharmonics were sending shutters down her spine. Her full lips curled and she pressed back against him.

            “You have a promise to keep.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We all know what's coming next...


	11. Ride a Cock Horse to Banbury Cross

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hah, smut, finally, that was a pretty fast slow burn xD  
> Also! Xel gets her ship! and her crew. Who will they be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ride a Cock Horse to Banbury Cross
> 
> Ride a cock horse to Banbury Cross,  
> To see a fine lady upon a white horse;  
> With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,  
> She shall have music wherever she goes.
> 
> I TOTALLY named this chapter after this Nursery Rhyme only because 'cock' was in the name...  
> No shame... there should be shame.

            The N7 armor fell to the ground with heavy thuds, forgotten the moment they left the hands that removed them. Shepard’s breathing threatened to lighten her head, but she kept her thoughts on the hard, turian hands that roamed her flesh. He was quick getting her plates off and then let his touch slip beneath the under-armor cloth that protected her skin.

            Xel turned around to face him, picking at his armor now that she was down to almost a single layer. He lifted his chin, looking down at her with splayed mandibles while she worked the clasps around his throat to get the shoulders and chest loosened. Now that she was looking at him, she could see he was trying to keep his face even, but he was failing.

            She affected him just as much as he did her.

            Nihlus grabbed her up by her thighs and lifted, carrying her to a wall now that they were nearly free. When her back hit, a cold shudder shook her, but she couldn’t think about that. The turian’s face was right in front of hers, green eyes locked hard on her bright mauve gaze. Her fingers instinctively rounded his neck, gliding over scales and plate to the soft area under his fringe. A purr rumbled deep in his chest, and with her legs wrapped around his narrow waist, pressing their bodies close, she could feel it.

            Her teeth snagged her lower lip and she tilted her head, watching his face. “Have you had a human before?”

            Her answer was Nihlus leaning forward, the plates of his mouth pressed to her lips and shifted slightly, encouraging the kiss. It was very different from kissing someone who had soft skin where the turian had plate, but she didn’t mind in the least. Xel let her tongue slip in when an opening presented itself, and his long, narrow tongue circled her shorter, flat one.

            He tasted primal, something she’d never imagined. It wasn’t bad, but surprising, and encouraged her to want more. One of her hands came back to his front, her fingers sliding under his mandible to caress the normally protected jaw. They were the two points on a turian that summoned up pleasure –like the neck and ears of a human. Though the skin of the alien’s throat was softer than the plate, it didn’t have the same sexual association as it did on Xel.

            Whether he knew what he was doing or not, Nihlus didn’t stand there, idly holding her up to the wall. With her pinned, he used one hand to support her –with her legs and arms clinging to him as aid– and allowed the other to free himself from his armor.

            A shocked yelp left her when she felt the point of a sharp talon trace her soaked lower lips. Nihlus chuckled and tilted his head away from her lips to look at her. “Do you trust me?” his subharmonics were too deep and his voice was almost… hoarse.

            Xel’s breath left her and she nodded once, not trusting her own speech. Nihlus lowered his face to her neck and his hot breath washed right over her, causing her to arch her back, pressing her chest right up against his. Then the back of his talon circled her clit and she moaned, her fingers digging her stubby nails into the soft skin under his fringe and mandibles.

            “No, I’ve never had a human before,” he growled and she thought she felt his teeth touch her skin. A soft tongue traced the tendon up her neck and she shuddered, tipping her head back as she moved her hand from his face to his shoulder, grabbing onto him tightly. “But you’ve had a turian…. Does your kind do anything for you?”

            “Hard to go back to something so soft,” Xel reached down between them and wrapped her fingers around the stiff horn that came from his sheath.

            Nihlus’ breath hitched and he rested his razor teeth on her skin again, causing her to moan. “Is that all?"

            “Maybe I have a thing for scars,” she whispered and the hand that lied beneath his fringe moved to the broken spine, then down to the corner of his mandible.

            “I have plenty of those,” he assured her.

            The talon withdrew and he hooked his arm under her knee to hike it up higher and place his hand on the wall. Xel turned her face down as she moved her hand along his length, feeling the spines along the top. His head was thick and pointed upward proudly, she smiled down at it as she wet her fingers on her slick and ran the gloss over him. Nihlus hummed and the hand holding her thigh slid to her ass so he could hold her tighter without his talons tearing her skin.

            “Ready?” she whispered, holding the head at her entrance so he could feel her heat and need. Nihlus lifted his face to hers, pressing their foreheads together while closing his eyes. Her breath caught at that, knowing what this kind of touch meant.

            “Yes,” he breathed, tilting his lips to hers as he arched his hips, spearing her with his horn.

            “Ah–Nihlus,” she gripped him as she gasped against his mouth. He held fast, sheathed to the hilt in a single thrust. He didn’t move, allowing her to get used to the feeling of him inside her. He was longer than the toy she was used to, but about the same heft. The bristles were different, hard, so they were more noticeable as they brushed her clit.

            “You’re so soft,” he shook his head and shifted the arm holding her leg up. “And you are anything but fragile.”

            She smirked at him and pulled him into another kiss, letting their tongues dance as he slowly withdrew his horn to the point. Her breathing sped with his pace as he started slow, gradually picking up until their foreheads were pressed together again and she was gripping the hard carapace around his shoulders for stability.

            Sweat slicked her skin, her teeth clenched tight with determination. Xel was holding her hips up so that the hooks along his shaft would catch on her clit and drive her pleasure higher. He knew what she was doing, and helped the angle with a hand on her ass and back.

            Nihlus was pushing her higher and higher with each thrust, and all the sounds she could manage were incoherent noises. The turian was also at a loss for words, settling for flanging growls and purrs when she tightened around him or shifted her hips or dragged her nails over his sensitive, fleshy parts.

            Xel shook, her toes curling as she felt her release coil in the pit of her stomach, not too far from the probing head of Nihlus’ horn. Her features contorted and she squeezed her eyes shut to focus on everything about him.

            His hands on her, talons threatening to break the skin.

            Her sweaty forehead pressed against the plate with the dark marquise centered above his eyes.

            His hot breath mixing with hers, making her head spin.

            The smell of her sweat mixing the intoxicating pheromone turians gave off while mating.

            The lingering tang he left in her mouth. If _danger_ could be tasted, this would be its flavor.

            And of course the tantalizing song of his subharmonic growls.

            “Open your eyes.”

            She did and met the bright green irises that seemed to give off their own light. Surrounded by black, they stood out, unchecked, and bore right into her. She couldn’t see anything but his face, he took up all of her senses, and she loved it.

            “Nihlus–” she choked out and her fingers curled on him, the first wave of her orgasm causing her back to arch.

            “Xelvadora.”

            Her name fell from his lips accompanied by snares and she felt him pull out just as he reached his own climax. A whimper left her. Had he asked, she would have had him stay inside. Turians and humans couldn’t have children if they wanted it, and she didn’t suffer from the allergic reaction some humans had to the turian bodily fluids. Next time she’d tell him he didn’t have to pull out.

            Nihlus let her legs down and she winced, realizing how much strain had been on them. They exchanged a chuckle and she ran her fingers through her hair, trying to work the knots out so she could remake the bun. As she did this, the turian adjusted his armor and then looked at the mess they’d made. “As tempting as it is to leave it,” his nose wrinkled and he looked for something to wipe up the thick, tinted liquid dripping down the wall she’d been pinned against.

            “Here, I don’t think you’re going to find a rag,” she said and stripped her shirt off. Female turians didn’t have breasts, so it made sense that he hadn’t been interested in hers, especially during their first time. And honestly, she hadn’t even thought of them until she stripped them bare for his view. Nihlus’ gaze locked on them as they swayed, and then he nodded, taking the shirt.

            “You’re sure? It will stain…”

            “It’s under-armor, not meant to be seen, and I have others,” she flicked her wrist and he went to work cleaning as she picked up their armor.

            Slipping her boots on after she had the pants fitted right, Xel turned to see if the shirt was still fine to wear under the armor. When the turian handed it over she frowned and sighed, tossing it into a waste bin. “I’m sorry about that,” he said softly and she handed him his breastplate.

            She met his eyes and smiled, “Next time let’s make less of a mess.”

            “‘Next time’?” he lifted a brow and she secured her armor.

            “I’m not sure about you, but I was hoping there would be more of that.”

            A pleased hum resonated in his chest and Nihlus chuckled, splaying his mandibles. “Much more.”

 

 

            “I’ve got big news for you, Shepard,” Udina said, his voice sounding more pleased than the expression on his face. “Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy. The ship is yours now.”

            Xel blinked several times and stared at the Captain, her brows crooked and her lips threatening to part in surprise. Nihlus at her side folded his arms, and she could feel him tense up. Anderson nodded, his own arms crossing, but no anger touched his face. “She’s quick and quiet and you know the crew. Perfect ship for a Spectre –or two,” his dark brown eyes flicked to Nihlus who bowed his head in a polite nod. “Treat her well, Commander,” the Captain said, a kind smile pulling one side of his lips up.

            When she didn’t say anything, the Ambassador cleared his throat. Xel shook her head and looked between them, “I want the truth. Why are you stepping down, sir.”

            That smile grew a little, “You needed your own ship –a Spectre can’t answer to anyone but the Council. Having me on board is a conflict of interest. And it’s time for me to step down,” he added looking down.

            “There’s more to this,” she shot a look over at Udina who was eyeing Nihlus’ close proximity to her and how she stood with her legs farther apart than normal.

            Anderson sighed, his smile vanishing, “I was in your shoes twenty years ago, Shepard. They were considering me for the Spectres.”

            “Why didn’t you ever mention this?” Harkin had been _somewhat_ right. Considered and officially becoming, were two different things.

            “What was I supposed to say?” he asked, his voice lifting from something like anger, but not quite. “‘I could’ve been a Spectre but I blew it’? I failed, Commander. It’s not something I’m proud of,” he winced and she closed her eyes, nodding once. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. “Maybe sometime I’ll give you the whole story. For now, all you need to know is I was sent on a mission with Saren, and he made sure the council rejected me.”

            “Saren hates humanity,” Nihlus spoke up, his arms falling back to his side. “It doesn’t surprise me he would do his best to delay the first human Spectre. Perhaps it was another reason he shot me: I’m helping you, as well as I saw him on Eden Prime and my testimony could have had him disbarred without a formal meeting with the Council.”

            “We’re lucky Vator was there, otherwise you wouldn’t be standing here with us,” Anderson refolded his arms. “Shepard, I had my shot. It came and went. Now you have a chance to make up for my mistakes.”

            “I won’t let you down, sir.”

            “Saren’s gone. Don’t even try to find him. But we know what he’s after: the Conduit. He’s got his geth scouring the Traverse looking for clues.”

            Udina gestured a casual hand, reentering the conversation. “We had reports of geth in the Feros system shortly before our colony there dropped out of contact. And there have been sightings around Noveria.”

            Xel wrinkled her nose at the latter name and nodded as Anderson continued, “Find out what Saren was after on Feros and Noveria. Maybe you can figure out where the Conduit is before he does.”

            “The Reapers are the real threat,” she pointed out and watched Udina cross his arms and rub his chin. Nihlus immediately stiffened in her peripheral.

            “I’m with the Council on this one, Shepard. I’m not sure they even exist,” he said it in a way she knew was pointed at her.

            “But if they do exist,” Anderson cut in, “the Conduit’s the key to bringing them back. Stop Saren from getting the Conduit and we stop the Reapers from returning.”

            “We’ll stop him,” Xel looked over to Nihlus who nodded once, his chin lifted high as he looked down on the aliens in front of him. Anderson bowed his head in acknowledgment as Udina spoke up again.

            “We have one more lead. Matriarch Benezia, the other voice in that recording? She has a daughter, a scientist who specializes in the Protheans,” the Ambassador started, his arms relaxed at his side. “We don’t know if she’s involved but it might be a good idea to try and find her. See what she knows. Her name’s Liara. Doctor Liara T’Soni.” Anderson narrowed his eyes, not seeming to like the idea of the asari, and Xel had to admit she agreed. “We have reports she was exploring an archeological dig on one of the uncharted worlds in the Artemis Tau cluster.”

            “The colonists on Feros might be best to start, get to them before something happens,” she glanced at Nihlus whose face was unreadable.

            “It’s your decision, Commander, Nihlus,” he nodded to them. “You don’t answer to us,” he gave her a reserved smile. “You’re a Spectre now.”

            “But your actions still reflect on humanity as a whole,” Udina cut in and drew all eyes back to him. “You make a mess and I get stuck cleaning it up,” his nose wrinkled.

            “I’ll try not to make things any harder on you, Ambassador,” she said and didn’t miss the subharmonic huff beside her.

            Udina ignored the turian. “Glad to hear it, Commander. Remember: you were a human long before you were a Spectre.” The pointed look he gave her made her feel like she was no longer truly considered human. Something in his coat pinged and he nodded, “I have a meeting to get to. Captain Anderson can answer any questions you might have.”

            They all watched him leave and Nihlus placed a hand on her shoulder, “I’ll head onto the ship.”

            Xel nodded and let her eyes follow him as he boarded. When they were alone, she looked up at the Captain who folded his arms and lifted a brow at her. She cleared her throat, “How are you holding up, sir?”

            “Now don’t be going all formal on me when we’re alone,” he sighed and shook his head. “Honestly? This isn’t how I pictured my career coming to an end. Pushing papers really isn’t my thing,” he said and she looked him over, noting the Alliance Navy blue and gold dress uniform he wore. “But you’re the one who can stop Saren. I believe in you, Shepard. If that means I have to step aside, so be it.” His eyes turned down and she nodded.

            “Now a good time to tell me what happened with you an Saren twenty years ago, Anderson?” she asked and he met her gaze with a sigh and pursed lips.

            “Ambassador Goyle was our representative here on the Citadel. Like Udina, she wanted to get a human into the Spectres. She chose me,” he took a deep breath and she almost told him he didn’t have to continue but he lifted his chin. “The Council sent Saren to keep an eye on me and evaluate my performance. Just like they sent Nihlus to keep tabs on you.”

            “Anderson, I’ve worked with you for years, why haven’t you ever told me about this?” she frowned at him and stepped forward, looking up at him. He ran his hands over his dark face and shook his head.

            “It’s not something I’m proud of, Shepard. I had a chance to become the first human Spectre and I failed. Saren made sure of that,” his breath left him and he looked out passed the docks toward the outstretched Wards acting as arms of the Citadel.

            “What happened, David? What kind of man am I dealing with?”

            Anderson walked over to the railing and gripped it tightly. Xel stepped up to his side. “We had intel on a rogue scientist being funded by batarian interests,” he started and her nose immediately wrinkled at the mention of the outcast aliens. “He was trying to set up a facility to develop illegal AI technology out in the Verge. Alliance intel had done all the work, but the Council wanted a Spectre involved. We compromised: I was assigned to help Saren in his investigation.” They both looked down at the closest Ward and watched the skyway cars glide as little more than illuminated dots lined up, crisscrossing around buildings of all shapes and sizes. “We tracked the scientist to a refining facility on Camala. He was hidden away somewhere inside, protected by an army of batarian mercenaries,” Anderson sighed and turned around, leaning against the rail, but Xel kept her gaze locked on the racing cars below. “The plan was simple: sneak into the plan, capture the scientist, sneak back out. Quick, quiet, and a minimum of bloodshed.”

            “That’s not what happened though,” Shepard inserted and Anderson’s shoulders fell from their normally high stature.

            “Saren and I split up to cover more ground. Then, about halfway through the mission, there was a massive explosion in the refinery core.” Anderson turned to her then and she straightened up to face him squarely. “Officially, it was ruled an accident. But I think Saren detonated it on purpose to draw off the enemy guards.”

            Based on the expression twisting his black brows over his dark eyes, and the curl of his lip, she didn’t think it went over as cleanly as it should have. “How many casualties?”

            “The explosion tore the refinery to shreds. The whole place was on fire. Black chemical clouds poured out into the atmosphere.” He shook his head slightly, pinning his hands behind his back, “Nobody inside survived. There was a camp for the workers and their families nearby. Between the fires and the toxic fumes, the final death count was over five hundred –mostly civilians.” He bowed his head and winced, Xel’s face twisted, imagining the burned bodies on Eden Prime, her most recent encounter with the death of innocence. “Saren didn’t care. The target was eliminated. Mission accomplished,” Anderson spat the last two words, and turned away from her abruptly. “And I ended up taking the blame. That ended all talk of me joining the Spectres.”

            “Saren caused the explosion –how’d he pin it on you?” Xel couldn’t see it, her brows creased the space between them as her lips frowned heavily.

            His fingers were white-knuckled around the railing and she could see his jaw tighten. “In his report, Saren accused me of blowing his cover. He said it was my fault the guards were ready for us. He claimed that’s why it turned into a massacre. Saren’s report was all the proof the council needed to kill my chances of becoming a Spectre.”

            “Of course,” she glared off with him into the space between the Wards, her nose wrinkled and her brow creased. “Don’t blame yourself, David.”

            “I don’t, Xel, I blame Saren. I think he wanted things to go bad. He was looking for an excuse to blow that refinery.” The Captain turned his eyes over to her and she met his glare for its intensity, remembering the half synthetic looking turian projected in the meeting days ago. “Maybe he just likes the violence. Maybe he was just trying to make me look bad to keep humans out of the Spectres. If so, he pulled it off.”

            “Well,” she forced up a smile that had a bit of an edge thanks to her heavy brow, “Now we have a human in the Spectres. We’ll stop him, Captain.”

            “You’re right, Commander,” he straightened up and took a deep breath, closing his eyes to bring back his regularly calm demeanor. “It’s no good living in the past.”

            “So, got any last minute advice for me, sir?” she lifted a brow, feeling the tentacles of fear starting to crawl up her spine to grip her heart. She’d taken on missions before as CO of his ships when he was ashore, but this was different. She wouldn’t come reporting back to him or checking in with him to make sure she’s doing things as he wants them done. She… probably wasn’t going to talk to him again for a long, long time. At least, not like this.

            “You said you were going to secure Feros first? The entire planet used to be one giant Prothean city. Mostly ruins now, but some of the infrastructure is still intact. The colony tried to build on what the Protheans left behind. We lost all contact with them when the geth attacked,” he frowned. Feros was on the other side of the galaxy, she knew it would take at least two days at faster than light travel to get there from the Citadel. She also had to think about how long she’d spend there before going to the Local Cluster for a visit to Earth and her mother’s ceremony. Six days, two days there, two days back if there were no troubles, that gave her two days to solve Feros’ problem.

            “What can you tell me about Noveria?” she didn’t want to leave them to the geth if they were seriously threatened, no matter how many bad things she heard about the planet. “Think they can hold out a week or so?”

            “Noveria’s trouble. Always has been. The whole planet’s basically a center for corporations to conduct illegal research. Watch your back there, Shepard. Spectres are about the only form of Citadel authority Noveria respects, but they aren’t popular,” he looked her over, his dark brows creasing his coffee skin. “It’s going to be… odd, not looking forward to your reports.”

            Xel felt a thick lump in her throat and she stepped closer, resting her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t get all emotional on me now, sir. I might just cry.”

            “That’d be a sight.” He chuckled and she smiled at him, letting it reach her purple eyes. They let silence settle over them and both leaned against the bar to look down at the Ward below the deck. “I heard your mother is being promoted,” the Captain said softly.

            “Yes. There’s a ceremony in Philadelphia next week,” she breathed and straightened up.

            “Are you going?”

            “Yeah, at least I don’t have to request leave now,” she smirked and Anderson chuckled, shaking his head.

            “Are you going to tell her you made Spectre?”

            “If she doesn’t hear about it beforehand, I’m going to tell her when I see her in person.” Xel hated sending emails, her mother always read into every little word she said and had the uncanny ability to pick her apart, knowing exactly what Xel was trying not to say. “Safer that way I think.”

            “She still the stubborn Hannah Shepard that told me on your promotion day that she’d skin me and feed me to a back of verren if I let you die under my command?” he grinned and Xel laughed, grabbing the railing as she remembered the day.

            “Damn she was so happy when I got assigned to your crew, sir.”

            “She didn’t look happy… I would say stoic… she didn’t smile once that I saw.”

            “It’s pretty rare, but if she’s not frowning then usually she’s content,” Xel straightened up and cleared her throat. “I should be going. The longer we wait the more devastation on Feros and the farther ahead of us Saren gets.”

            “I’ll be here if you need anything, Commander. Don’t be afraid to write if you need to,” he offered his hand and Xel took it in a strong shake.

            “Of course. Keep well and busy,” she lifted an arched brow at him and he nodded.

            “Good luck out there, Shepard. And keep an eye on Nihlus. He and Saren were close, I don’t want you to get blindsided if his loyalties shift.”

            This made her frown, “Saren _shot_ him.”

            “And he doesn’t remember any of that,” Anderson pointed out. “I’m not saying you can’t trust him, I’m not saying he’s going to turn on you. _All_ I’m saying is to keep an eye on him. He has a different way of operating, not as intense as Saren, but he’s not afraid to put innocents in danger to complete his mission.”

            Xel nodded once, not wanting to get into this. This last thing she wanted was for her and Nihlus’ relationship to get brought up and questioned before she even fully understood what it was. “Yes, sir.”

            Commander Shepard headed toward the Normandy, her ship, and boarded. She stood alone in the decontamination scanner as the VI walked her through the process despite her having done it enough to quote the program word for word. When the door opened Nihlus was standing with his hands behind his back and his attention forward, toward the cockpit where Joker was getting clearance to leave.

            She stepped around the turian to stand behind Joker at her place as CO.

            “I heard what happened to Captain Anderson. Survives a hundred battles, and gets taken down by backroom politics,” the flight lieutenant shook his head and sighed. “Just watch your back, Commander. Things go bad on this mission, you’re next on their chopping block.”

            “This feels wrong…” she narrowed her eyes and looked over her shoulder at Nihlus who was watching her. “Captain Anderson should be the one in charge. It’s like I’m stealing the ship from him.”

            Joker sighed, “Yeah, the captain got screwed. But it’s not like you could’ve stopped it. Nobody’s blaming you.” She rubbed the back over her neck as she looked back ahead, out the windows to view the dock they were locked in on. “Everyone on this ship is behind you, Commander. One hundred perfect.”

            “Thanks, Joker,” she said and rested a hand on the back of his tall chair. He tilted his head up but she couldn’t see his face passed the ball cap’s bill. She could just see his long, pointed nose and scruff jaw though. He was an attractive man, but she’d never really looked twice at him. Probably for the same reasons Kaidan’s interests had gone unnoticed.

            “Intercom’s open, if you’ve got anything you want to say to the crew, now’s the time,” Joker said and she leaned forward, placing her hands on the dash so she could steady herself.

            “This is Commander Shepard speaking,” she started, trying to ignore the sound of her voice echoing behind her down the ship. “We have our orders: find Saren before he finds the Conduit. I won’t lie to you, crew. This mission isn’t going to be easy.” She couldn’t let herself pause, keeping her voice even, she continued, “For too long our species has stood apart from the others. Now it’s time for us to step up and do our part for the rest of the galaxy! Time to show them what humans are made of!” She closed her eyes, thinking about the aliens on the crew. “Our enemy knows we’re coming. When we go into the Traverse, Saren’s followers will be waiting for us. But we’ll be ready for them, too. Humanity needs to do this.” She straightened up, keeping her body straight, “Not just for our own sake, but for the sake of every other species in Citadel Space. Saren must be stopped, and I promise you all… we _will_ stop him,” her determination came out in the form of a growl at the end.

            “Well said, Commander,” Joker tipped his head back to look at her, allowing her to see his green eyes. She’d never actually seen him outside of his chair. Normally food was brought to him and he was just… always on the ship. “Captain would be proud.”

            “The Captain gave up everything so I could have this chance. We can’t fail,” she shook her head and held her hands behind her back. “I refuse to let him down.”

            “Yes, ma’am.”


	12. Roses are Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xel speaks with a few crew members to understand their points of view better, and then gets a welcoming distraction to finish off her night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No shame.
> 
> Roses are red  
> Grass is green  
> Open your legs  
> And I'll fill you with cream
> 
> None. You can't shame me.

            Xel looked at the bed and absently reached down to touch the sheets. Brand new, of course, and military issue, which meant she’d need to buy a blanket unless she wanted to use the scratchy wool one that the Alliance gave out. Her nose wrinkled at that idea and a sigh slipped out of her lips.

            This was Anderson’s room, not hers. That was his bed, his desk with his terminal, and his chair with a guest’s beside it. Xel wandered over and sat in the guest chair, where she’d sat every time she came in here to talk to the Captain. So far this was the only thing that she’d done all day that felt right.

            She’d made her rounds, talking to each of the crewmembers to get their feedback on her being in charge and get a feel for their opinions on the matter. A few seemed intimidated, knowing that she was not as kind hearted as the Captain, but no one seemed totally opposed. And the aliens had all been more than accepting.

            Tali down in engineering had been overjoyed to see the drive core in the ship, complimenting the engineer’s ability to fit it in a ship this small. She also complemented Normandy on how advanced she was. Xel was quick to tell her the engineering had been a co-op with turians, to which she made a long, understanding noise of realization, as if some previous thoughts finally made sense. She was young, obviously, but not totally naïve, as she soon explained her love for ships came from growing up on them and having to constantly fix and help repair them. She then went into some details about her Pilgrimage and Xel was intrigued to learn so much about quarian society, since Vator had spoken very little about it.

            When the Commander asked the female quarian about the male, she said he found her in a turian shelter in the Wards on the Citadel and promised to help her through her trouble but she didn’t catch much more on him. She didn’t trust him enough to tell him much about herself, and he seemed to play by the same rule. This didn’t surprise Xel, but she hoped the two of them would get along.

            From Tali, Xel moved on to the sparring mats put out in the cargo bay. This time Ashley was nowhere to be seen, but Kaidan was sitting on the sidelines, watching Nis grappling Wrex to the ground. She’d sat down beside him and struck up conversation, asking him about the migraines from his biotic implant. He explained they hadn’t been as frequent lately and she asked if he thought it had to do with his inactivity. Alenko gave a shrug and simply replied that hopefully he wouldn’t remain inactive for much longer.

            At that, she left the aliens to their sparring to head up to the mess. Ashley was there so Xel took the chance to talk to her without company.

            “Commander,” Williams stood up and she waved her down. “I was just listening to some vidmail–”

            _“…saw Lieutenant Alenko on the news, he’s cute, Ash–”_

The Gunnery Chief slapped the datapad and cleared her throat. “Um, wa-was there something I could do for you, ma’am?”

            “Just thought we might talk,” she said and took the seat across from the other human. “Not really had a chance to, just you and me.”

            “I’m sorry for…”

            Xel lifted her hand and shook her head. “Just help me understand, Williams.”

            “I’m just… concerned about the aliens,” she rubbed at her forehead and looked at the table.

            “What’s the concern, Williams?”

            “This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don’t think they should be given free reign to poke around the vital systems,” she said and Xel tried to keep her face even.

            “I’m not going to lock them in sleeper pods –hell, they won’t fit,” she tried to smile but the other woman’s full lips were curved down.

            “I’d be more comfortable if they didn’t have access to engineering and the CIC,” she breathed and Xel felt her brows draw together. Quickly, she smoothed them out and tried to keep from narrowing her eyes at the Chief. Then she lifted her chin and met the Commander’s stare, “We –humanity, I mean– have to learn to rely on ourselves.”

            “By mistreating our allies?” Xel lifted a brow.

            Her eyes widened slightly. “I don’t mean that we should mistreat them, Commander. I just think we should be prepared to go it without them,” she leaned forward, keeping her eyes locked on her CO. “As noble as the Council members seem now, if their backs are against a wall, they’ll abandon us.”

            “I don’t see that as inevitable.” This time she didn’t stop her brows from drawing together.

            “Look,” she placed her hands on the table as she spoke, to illustrate her analogy. “If you’re fighting a bear, and the only way for you to survive is to sic your dog on it and run, you’ll do it. As much as you love your dog, it isn’t human.” Her brows arched upward _almost_ pleading for Xel to understand. “It’s not racism. Not really. Members of their species will always be more important to them than humans are.” Her pretty features were clearly uncomfortable, but not with her beliefs.

            “You sound like one of those Terra Firma Party pamphlets, Chief,” Xel breathed, shaking her head with arched brows.

            “Terra Firma is a pack of jackals. The founders had ideals –these days they just play off xenophobia and bigotry.” Xel almost snorted. “I _hope_ my reasons are more rational. My father, grandfather, and great-grandmother –they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of earth’s interests as our own.”

            “Is that why you won’t ‘like or die’ for one of them?” The Chief’s lips parted and she swallowed, looking down. “I can see where you get your concerns, Williams. But this is a multilateral mission. You’re going to have to work with aliens, like it or not.”

            “It won’t be a problem, Commander. You say ‘jump,’ I say ‘how high?’ You tell me to kiss a turian…” she looked down and shook her head once, her lips spreading wide as if she couldn’t believe she was going to say it, “I’ll ask which cheek.”

            Xel smirked at that and stood up. “They don’t have cheeks, Williams, they have mandibles.” The Chief nodded, pursing her lips.

            “Don’t remind me…”

            “They’re really not that bad, maybe you should try it,” Xel pushed her chair back in and Ashley lifted her brows before a coy grin curled the corners of her mouth.

            “I’ll leave you to that, Commander.”

            “Maybe visit with Alenko,” Xel nodded toward the Chief’s datapad. “Sounds like you have some approval.”

            Her cheeks went pink and Xel left the other woman then to go to the Captain’s quarters– her… quarters.

            Where she was now, trying to set up her meager supplies. Anderson had packed and removed everything he owned in the room before they left port. It’d taken him about twenty minutes. Xel could see why. Despite the room, the army had taught them to travel light. She had drawers and space to pack clothes, but she only had two under-armor uniforms and a couple civilian outfits. Of course she had two physical training outfits as well, but they got less and less use as she got more and more busy.

            She also had art supplies and a model ship –a hobby she sinfully enjoyed, but never had the time or space to work on and display them– and a picture frame of her parents and her when she was young. Xel picked up the portrait and the screen flicked on to show her father standing in the back with a big enough smile his eyes were squeezed shut. In front of him stood a twelve-year-old Xel, grinning to match, and her mother. Hannah’s smile was the largest that she could remember, but it was nothing compared to hers and her father’s.

            “Happy family.”

            Xel jumped and looked over her shoulder at the turian in her doorway. “Garrus,” she cleared her throat and put the picture down, letting the screen flick to black. “Is there something I can do for you?”

            “I just thought I’d stop by. Nihlus and I were busy when you checked in earlier.”

            “You make a habit of running that many calibrations?”

            He shrugged, “It’s hard on a ship this small, but I like to keep busy.” He stood lax with a shoulder to the wall, his arms crossed over his pointed chest, and his legs crossed. That was when she realized he was barefoot, his feet looking like the raptor’s save the infamous arched claw they were known for. How much more dangerous would a turian be if they had that third toe?

            “You really shouldn’t walk around without foot protection,” she said and stood up from the chair to offer it to him.

            “I’m not worried about stepping on something sharp, Shepard,” he chuckled, his mandibles pulsing with the action. “I grew up on Palaven, I’ve stepped on more dangerous things than I’ll find laying around on this ship.”

            “Yeah, but there _are_ rules, albeit fewer with Spectres in charge,” she grinned and stood beside the chair Anderson normally took while the turian settled into the one she left. He was wearing the workout uniform she’d seen him in before.

            “I won’t make a habit of it, Commander,” he promised. “I tore the heel in my boots, when I get my hand on some adhesive, I’ll have some foot protection that’s not twenty pounds of combat ready armor.”

            She smiled and finally sat down. “Was there anything you wanted to talk about specifically?”

            “Specifically?” he shook his head, and kept his piercing blue eyes on her. “I already thanked you for bringing me along but I don’t think I explained why I was so grateful.”

            “Nihlus mentioned you were in line to be a Spectre,” she said and the silver turian let out a breath that was somewhere between a huff and a laugh.

            “Me and about a thousand other turians. But no, that doesn’t have much to do with it, Commander,” he said, letting those ocean like eyes flick down to the space between them. “Just like you said a moment ago, Spectres don’t have as many rules. At C-Sec, you’re buried by them. The damned bureaucrats are always at your back.”

            Shepard nodded, trying to relax into the unfamiliar seat without looking uncomfortable. Garrus’ attention returned to her and she didn’t miss how he gave her a once over, noticing just what she was attempting to hide. He didn’t say anything, though, and met her pale mauve gaze. “I can understand that, being a Spectre comes with advantages.”

            “That’s what I’m saying,” he seemed to relax some in the shoulders, crossing his legs so his heel rested on his knee. “If I’m bringing in a suspect, then it shouldn’t matter how I do it as long as I do it, but C-Sec wants it done their way. Protocol and procedure come first. That’s why I left.”

            “It doesn’t matter how you do it? As long as you get it done?” she clarified and the turian’s pale face tilted, sensing a trap.

            “Commander?”

            “That sounds dangerously close to how Saren operated as a Spectre.”

            Garrus’ nose wrinkle, the slits closing as the bridge contracted and his brows drew together heavily. But his blue eyes flicked away from her for a moment, and he nodded. “Of course…”

            “I know you’re not like him, Vakarian, but we can’t just let anyone go around doing whatever they feel is right by any means they deem necessary.” She leaned forward, elbows on her knees. He looked at her and she offered him a smile, “I know you’d do right, and that’s why you’re with me isn’t it?”

            “As I rose through the ranks I got saddled with more and more red tape. C-Sec’s handling of Saren was typical. I just couldn’t take it anymore,” he let out a breath that growled with subharmonics. “I hate leaving…”

            “You did the right thing, I think. Life’s too short to sit around thinking what could have happened.”

            His mandibles splayed and he nodded once, his ocean eyes looking over her face. “Yeah, you’re right. This is my chance to see how things are done outside of the Citadel,” he tilted his head and she looked at the long fringe that sloped back from his face. He was young, his plates smooth compared to Nihlus’, and he had next to no scarring, which didn’t surprise her. The plates of his lips and chin were paler than the silver-grey of the rest of his face, making the dark blue colony markings richer. Dark talons rose to drag over the tan flesh of his neck, and her eyes were drawn down to the thick skin there, it was nearly the same color as the Spectre’s but with less of a red tint. “And without C-Sec headquarters looking over my shoulder, well, maybe I can get the job done my way for a change.”

            Xel smirked at him, and he spread his mandibles with a lifted brow plate. “As long as you do your job well, you’re welcome to go about it however you see fit, Vakarian. I trust you won’t disappoint me,” she added as she stood up. The turian followed, and she looked up at him, standing near chest to chest, but he was a whole head taller, several inches over even Nihlus.

            “Thank you, Shepard.” He took a step back and shifted, “And you can call me Garrus.”

            “Then call me Xel,” she said with a grin. He looked away and let out a short chuckle.

            “You sure? I thought it was pronounced ‘Excel’.”

            The laugh bubbled up before she was ready for it and a snort ripped through her nasal bridge along with the exhalation. The turian cocked his head at her with pride and amusement widening his mouth into that alien smile. “Go,” she pointed at the door and covered her mouth and nose with her other hand.

            “Good talk, Commander,” he chuckled and stepped up to the open door, then paused, looking back at her. “Xel.”

            “Garrus,” she nodded and he left, leaving her feeling flushed and exhausted. When was the last time she’d snorted when laughing? Not since…

            Akuze.

            Xel cleared her throat and picked up her datapad then went to her bed, moving the pillow so it rested against the wall, and she sat down with a leg tucked under her. She had access to the Akuze reports, and she’d read them almost every time she had a nightmare about the events.

            The nightmares were so different than what actually happened, but they seemed to be replacing the events in her mind. She could no longer remember real images, only flashes from her terrors that woke her drenched in sweat.

            “With how intently you’re furrowing your brow, you may wish to close the door,” low subharmonics touched Xel’s ears and she looked up from the report in her lap to look at the red turian in the door. “Might scare away the crew with that face.”

            She lifted a brow at him and then looked down at the datapad again before closing the page and turning off the display. “You don’t look scared.”

            “Takes more than an angry face to make me think twice,” Nihlus came forward and let the door close behind him. He wore turian pants tucked into tall boots, and a belted shirt. “What’s troubling you?”

            “Ghosts,” she answered and sat the device on her nightstand. “How has your day been? We haven’t spoken much since take off.”

            “I spent most of my time with Vakarian, he’s young and interested –a good listener,” he added and stood at the foot of her bed, looking her over. “Then I went to speak with Vator to ask him for more details on what Saren was doing before he shot me –what I’d done, and how I got myself into a situation where my back was to him.”

            “You trusted him,” she said and shrugged. His nose contracted and his pale marked plates fell heavily over his bright eyes.

            “I like to think I would have been more suspicious of him appearing in a human colony while I was on a secret mission.”

            “When it was brought up in court he said with you incapacitated in the hospital your files transferred to him –is that true?”

            Nihlus lifted his chin and looked down at her, coming forward so that he lowered himself onto his knees on the bed and then lower still onto his hands. Crawling the few steps it took to reach her, he hovered over her legs and kept his face in front of hers. “Spectres don’t have ranks, but there are… some who demand more respect. Saren was their top agent, and I close behind him, so if something were to happen to me, my intel, supplies –my resources would go to him.”

            “What if something happened to me?” she asked, lifting a brow. His eyes darkened and she watched his mandibles press against his mouth.

            “You’ve only just joined us, so the only connection you have is me. Right now, if something were to happen to you, your resources would go to me.”

            Xel wet her lips, “Including Normandy and her crew?”

            “Not the crew, the human Alliances ones at least. Normandy is more complicated but as she was turian and human design –even though she was built for the Alliance– I could be persuasive enough to keep her for myself.” Then he tilted his head at her and added, “If I felt the need.”

            “Was that your plan all along, Agent Kryik? Get me to become a Spectre so I could take over control of the Normandy and then let something happen to me so you could have the most dangerous ship in her class under your control?”

            They stared at each other for a moment and she let her lips curl into a smile to show she wasn’t serious. His gaze softened some, and his mandibles began to relax. “You give me too much credit, Agent Shepard.”

            Her cheeks went pink at that and Xel swallowed, looking down at the heated space between them. “Will you be keeping me company for much longer?”

            “Were the reports you were reading in need of evaluation?” She shook her head. “Then if you’ll have me, I’m here.”

            “I think I’d like that.”

            The turian’s mandibles flared and he leaned in, pressing his forehead to hers and her hands lifted to cup his face. Her thumb brushed over the broken corner of his jaw, and then traced up to the cracked and missing fringe. When his face tipped, her lips went to his plates and he parted them so their tongues could dance.

            The texture of his was more pronounced than hers, and near completely dry. Since their mandibles covered the open sides of their mouths leaving only their exposed teeth and gums, it made sense. It was also shaped like the tongues of her dinosaurs, long and thin with a point. The royal blue blood in the turian veins made their mouths dark to match in contrast to the soft pink of a human’s.

            One of his hands lifted to her face and pressed this thumb to her chin, tilting her face. Her lips closed and his teeth grazed over the lower one, catching it enough to ease a gentle tug. He was careful not to hurt her, and for that she was more than grateful.

            The talon on his thumb drew a light line over the edge of her chin to her throat and his mouth dipped to follow it. Xel tipped her head back and let him have her neck, her fingers brushing at the soft skin below his fringe. Her lips parted to let out a soft moan at the pleasure created by his hot breath and dragging tongue.

            “This is your favorite part isn’t it?” her voice was breathy, almost panting. “You like getting me all worked up first…”

            There was a purr from deep in his chest and he lifted his face to press their foreheads together again. Her breath caught and she met his eyes. “I’m a hunter, the fun is in the hunt, Shepard, not the feast after.”

            “What about the killing?”

            “That’s a different sort of fun,” he growled and pressed his mouth to hers so their tongues could reunite. Now his hand slipped under her shirt, pulling it from where it’d been tucked into her pants. She let him work to remove it, only parting their mouths when it was necessary.

            She was stripped down to the black thong she’d spontaneously decided to wear when changing out of her armor. Nihlus noticed the different cloth and separated from her to look down at it.

            “Humans wear such strange things.”

            “It’s supposed to excite males,” she chuckled and felt her cheeks go pink. Why had she thought it would work on a turian? Female turians were shaped almost identically to males, just with different waists, and shifted hips for live birthing.

            “Why does this excite your males?”

            Her teeth snagged her lower lip and she turned over under him. “They like the sight of this…” her hand slid back to run over her exposed ass and gave the thong strap a tug.

            Nihlus’ hand cupped the other cheek and gave it a squeeze, making her smile into the arm she was using as a pillow. “So soft…. Now I understand the asari dancers’ uniforms,” he breathed and Xel let out a long laugh.

            “You’ve never gone to a strip club?”

            “Never had to,” he came forward and she felt him rest over her as he brought his mouth to her ear. “I like this view of you, Commander… under me…”

            She bit her lip as his hand slid down her side a then gripped her hip and pulled her up against him. A gasp left her when she felt him stiff against her ass. “You like being in charge?”

            “I like being able to protect,” he corrected and he ground against her as he removed his shirt and kicked off his boots.

            When he pulled away, Xel frowned and looked back at him. Nihlus was quick to return and settled over her, a hand sliding under to lift her even with him, while the other tucked under her shoulder to support his weight over her. His knees were between hers, his hand propping her up to get the desired angle before going back to adjust himself and pull her thong to the side.

            “I think I’ll leave this here…” he growled deep behind her ear and she shuddered, grinning when the fabric’s elastic stretched and then slapped against her.

            The head of his horn brushed through her lips, picking up the slick that already wet her. Then he pushed it low, making the spines drag heavily over her sensitive nub as he swayed his hips. A groan left her and she tilted her face down into the bedding, but the turian quickly shifted and cupped her face, turning her to look at him over her shoulder.

            “I want to see those eyes, Xelvadora,” he growled and she nodded, grinning.

            When his hips arched this time, he slid along her clit and then the head of his horn rose to find her heat, parting her dripping lips so that all he had to do was push. Her breathing was picking up as she anticipated his entry, her fingers gripped tightly at the wool blanket covering the bed, and she bit down on her lip to keep herself quite.

            Nihlus eased in this time, taking it slow as he filled her. Humming subharmonics sang in her ear, and she rolled her eyes back at the feeling of him inside of her, and wrapped around her. The hard plates of his chest and stomach were pressed into her back, and she could feel his spurs on her Achilles heels when she brought her feet closer to him, brushing his ankles with her toes.

            The slow pace lasted a couple thrusts before he withdrew nearly completely and then gave a hard push that plunged his horn deep into her. A yelp ripped out of her and he locked his fingers in with hers, crowding her as he strived for a good angle and continued to slam his hips into ass. The hand he was using for stability shifted between resting on the bed and holding onto her.

            The hormone he gave off made her head light, and her eyes roll back. A growl forced her gaze back on him and she panted out moans with each thrust he drove into her, his horn pressing against her walls as she grew in her excitement. Nothing like before when the spines of his length brushed her clit though. This was different.

            Her high came from his dominance, taking over the control and keeping her pinned to the bed as he mated her hard and quick. His eyes moved over her, from her face to her back, down between them, and then closed when she clamped around him, tightening the space wrapping his horn. A hiss filtered out of his throat, flanging so it sounded musical, and she could tell he was getting close.

            “I think you like fucking humans,” she growled out of clenched teeth and the turian purred.

            This wasn’t the kind of purring that one could associate with a house cat, though. This was the sort of purring that the massive, king-of-the-jungle-cats did. It was a noise of pleasure, but it came from a creature that was dangerous and not meant to be underestimated. A predator. And that only excited her more.

            “I think I like fucking _you_ ,” the other Spectre corrected and held her waist, pressing her so she tilted her hip and he pushed hard against her wall with the bottom of his horn, getting her favorite spot.

            “Ah–” her breath cut off with a gasp and she clamped around him.

            “And I think,” his mouth was right beside her ear, his spread mandible tracing her skin, “You like _me_ fucking you.”

            Her fingers gripped the bedding tighter and she let out a thick moan. “I’m–” a pant broke off her sentence “–not disappointed.”

            A snarl vibrated her ear and she looked back at him to see his painted brow heavy over his glowing eyes and his wide mandibles hanging low. The plates of his lips were drawn back to show those razor teeth of his.

            “Uh-oh,” she breathed as his talons pressed to her flesh with his tightening grip on her waist. Nihlus lowered his face to her back and pressed his forehead into her spine between her shoulder blades and jerked his hips twice more before pushing deep into her and halting. Both of his hands grabbed her hips and secured her to him and she gasped, feeling him pulse within her, filling her so that she could feel it leak. “Ah… Nihlus,” his name left her lips in a sigh of contentment, but then she gasped.

            His arms wrapped around her and pulled her into a sudden roll. The turian held her until she settled into place, sitting in his lap with his horn still very much inside her. She looked down to her spread legs and gaped at the sight of his powerful thighs under hers.

            “But you–”

            “We’re not done,” he growled in her ear, the vibrations from his chest shaking her spine. “I didn’t come here simply not to disappoint.” His hands cupped her breast and throat, tilting her face to look back at him. “I never do anything less than impress.”

            Before she could speak his mouth was on hers, tongue finding hers immediately so she could share his taste. Her mind screamed _danger_ , but she _loved_ it. The heat coming off of him made her sweat more, but that only made his skin gliding over hers easier. He had positioned himself so that he could hold her and still thrust up into her with his alien hips, this time, though, he let one hand explore her while the other held her neck and face, keeping hers close to his.

            “I want to hear you scream for me,” Nihlus snarled in her ear and let his teeth catch the lobe, a little more roughly than he’d been her yet. “I want you to sway when you walk because of me.”

            Talons grazed over her sensitive stomach and her body tried to arch. Her toes pressed into the mattress and he took that to work up more speed, ending each of his thrusts with a loud slap of skin-to-skin contact. Her groans grew into cries then pitched higher when his adventurous hand found that bundle of nerves above her heat. Using the mixing of their juices, he wet his thick fingers and then drew circles around it, pressing it and dragging across it, occasionally letting a talon glide over like a whisper.

            Her thighs started shaking first.

            The heat in her stomach coiled deep, feeling like writhing snakes trying to find a way out. Between his piercing horn and his exciting fingers, she couldn’t even focus on the hypnotizing hormone washing over her or the taste of his tongue on hers.

            She did try to listen to the song his flanging voice sang as he growled and groaned into her neck, cheek, and mouth. That was what sent her over. Not the pleasure he was giving her, but the enjoyment he was getting from it.

            Her body shook, and he held her tight. The hand from her neck going down to secure her to his chest as his other hand continued its job and he pounded her through her orgasm. She cried out his name, completely forgetting the walls were not soundproof on the Normandy.

            The tightening around his length and the sound of his name screamed with an ecstatic high must have been enough for him to reach his second climax. His hands on her became possessive and he held her tightly as he buried as deeply as he could and shot what seed he had left into her.

            Panting, they lied back on the bed and she shifted so that the point of his chest wasn’t directly in her spine. When her breathing started to slow, she shifted and rolled over, tucking herself under his arm so that she could see his face from where her head rested on his shoulder.

            “Wow,” her voice was hoarse and her cheeks immediately flushed. Her entire body screamed at her. Her legs and arms were weak from the work of supporting her, and her stomach muscles tired after bending over and over. It was like she’d just completed her first PT test in a year without having worked out beforehand.

            The purring coming from his chest made her smile and her fingers grazed over the metallic plates and then traced the leathery skin between them, damp from her sweat and the light secretion that turians excreted that was similar.

            Nihlus tightened his arm around her, pulling her tighter to his side so he could touch their foreheads together. “That’s a much better reaction.”

            “I never imagined you being the sweet, cuddling type,” she joked and crossed a leg over him to keep him there incase he made to leave because of the comment.

            Instead he spread his mandibles, his green eyes closed. “I have a heart, I’m just careful who knows about it.”

            “That’s why you keep doing this,” she whispered, her fingers brushing over the marquise on his frontal plate still resting against hers. “I know what this means to turians, Nihlus.”

            “I trust you.”

            She smiled, “I trust you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know! We're all sick of Ashley! She should get better after this... maybe a little bit of a wake up call or something.


	13. Good Morning to All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, I don’t really have a preference, other than stick me with Williams.”
> 
> Garrus lifted his head at that. “You want to team up with the Chief?”
> 
> “I think it’s fun to act all alien around her,” she smirked and flailed her arms playfully. “Oh look, what am I doing? I’m being weird, and different!”
> 
> Both turians grunted similar sounds of mild amusement and Xel frowned at the asari. “I don’t think that will help, Nis…”
> 
> “So? She needs to… oh, what’s that thing you humans say? ‘Get off her high horse’?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good Morning to All
> 
> Good Morning To You,   
> Good Morning To You,   
> Good Morning, dear squadmates,   
> Good Morning To All!

Xel poured the oatmeal looking packet into a bowl and rubbed at her eyes. She hadn’t slept well again. Nihlus left in the middle of the night without a word and she’d pretended to be asleep. The nightmares came after he was gone. Turians didn’t need as much sleep, and she had a feeling he was trying to keep from too much of the crew learning about them until she was ready to make it public.

            Adding some water, she blinked slowly at the contents that were her breakfast, and then pushed them into the heating unit.

            The dream had been worse. This time her unit wasn’t the original one she’d been with on Akuze, but rather the crew of the Normandy. It made her sick to think about, but the different people broke the spell of the nightmare and helped her wake up faster than she ever had.

            The moment she saw Garrus’ face, as he turned around to yell for the others to get to the evac area, she’d blinked and woken up. There hadn’t been but human souls on that mission, and the silver turian quickly kicked the nightmare in the balls and set her free. The only problem with that, was she couldn’t get back to sleep. So she just lied in the bed, staring at the ceiling, before she grabbed her datapad and reread the mission report for the n’th time.

            “You all right, Commander?”

            Xel stiffened at the subharmonics and tilted her head to look over her shoulder at the blue-eyed turian. “Oh, yeah, just didn’t sleep well.”

            He nodded and stepped up to her side, searching her face before his mandibles lowered into what might have been a frown. “If you need to talk about it…”

            “Thanks, but I’m okay.”

            Garrus nodded and slipped around her to get himself something to eat while her food finished and she took it out of the heating unit to stir.

            At the table, she took the seat that gave her the best view of the room, and pulled up her datapad. They were going to arrive at Ferros today, and she needed to figure out how the teams were going to get split up. It made the most sense to have herself and Nihlus lead small units through, but she didn’t know the situation yet, and if they would need more…

            “Xel…”

            A warm hand rested on her shoulder and she looked up just in time for the dark turian to press his forehead to hers lightly as he passed, heading for the food storage. She smiled at the contact and felt the gloom that had been edging her mind drift away some. Just by being close, Nihlus made her feel better.

            “Nihlus,” she breathed back and watched him silently coordinate positioning in the kitchenette with Garrus as both got their day started with similar meals. The sniper simply had a larger portion. He was younger, meaning he had a higher metabolism than the turian Spectre, and he appeared larger, but that was his height and reach more than his actual bulk. “We need to discuss teams….”

            “I agree,” Nihlus spoke without looking up from mixing his breakfast. He used the heating unit when Garrus finished with it, and the sniper took his usual seat to her right. It was the second best spot in the room, and given he was a sniper, it made sense he’d go for it when she already had the best. “I’ll assume the humans will be in your squad.”

            “Alenko can go with you, he’s a biotic, I’ll take Vator, unless you think you’d prefer him?”

            Garrus glanced between them and then let his gaze flick up to Nis as she strode in, hips swaying. “What’re we talking about?”

            “Teams for Ferros. We’re most likely going to need to split up between two at least.”

            Her purple eyes fell on Nihlus as he turned toward her, holding his breakfast up. She looked at it and then up at him with a curling grin. “Like your food hot, huh?”

            “Like I like my women,” he breathed and started for the table. Xel tried to keep her face straight at she stirred her breakfast and kept her eyes locked on her datapad. Nis let out a loud laugh and bent at the waist to get into the fridge.

            “Who am I with?”

            “We haven’t placed everyone yet, we just started talking about it.”

            Nihlus took the seat on Xel’s other side, but it was on the corner, giving some space between them. She didn’t look at him, instead, she pulled up her crew roster and an assignment’s sheet to start moving people around. The weight of someone’s stare was painfully noticeable, though and she couldn’t keep down the blush anymore.

            “Well, I don’t really have a preference, other than stick me with Williams.”

            Garrus lifted his head at that. “You want to team up with the Chief?”

            “I think it’s fun to act all alien around her,” she smirked and flailed her arms playfully. “Oh look, what am I doing? I’m being _weird_ , and _different_!”

            Both turians grunted similar sounds of mild amusement and Xel frowned at the asari. “I don’t think that will help, Nis…”

            “So? She needs to… oh, what’s that thing you humans say? ‘Get off her high horse’?”

            “Yeah…”

            “That, she acts like we’re all the aliens, and that’s not how shit works. She’s just as alien to me as Agent Badass over there,” she flicked her spoon toward them and it bounced harmlessly off of the turian Spectre who barely looked up. Xel sighed.

            “She’ll be fine. You going out of your way to make her uncomfortable, will only make her take longer.”

            Garrus nodded, “I would say be yourself, but let’s face it, we need an asari who isn’t just a krogan in the wrong body.”

            Nis laughed and grabbed her plate from the heating unit and skipped over to the table, grabbing her spoon from the ground. “Keep talking, Blue, and we might have to go to the mat.” She sat on the table, blew on her spoon, and crossed her legs as she took a bite.

            “I’d rather not, I just woke up,” he tilted his head up and splayed his mandibles.

            “What about you, Green?” her foot came up and kicked the back of Nihlus’ chair.

            “The Commander and I have to make sure everything is in order for our landing on Feros. We don’t know what to expect when we get there.” He looked up at her with hard, gem like eyes. “Another time, perhaps.”

            She sighed and jumped off the table. “Fine, I’ll be down with the big guy.”

            “Do you want to be on the same team as him?” Xel offered and Nis paused, her eyes narrowing in thought.

            “Two krogan on the same side leaves one squad kind of short, doesn’t it, Commander?” Garrus asked, perking a brow.

            The asari laughed and waved her spoon at him after pulling it from her mouth with a pop, “Good one, Blue.” She sauntered off, letting her hips sway heavily with each stride.

            “Okay,” Shepard breathed and rubbed her face with her empty hand while the other continued stirring her food. It was getting cold, and she’d only taken maybe two bites.

            “I should go with Nihlus,” Garrus said suddenly and Xel looked up at him with a lifted brow.

            “Oh?”

            “You’re a sniper,” he shrugged and took a bite, “I’m a sniper…”

            “Williams is also a sniper, or can do well as one,” Nihlus stated. They both looked at him. “Send her with me, I’ll also take Vator for his biotics, so you take Alenko and Tali. Give me Nis –I’ll keep her from antagonizing Williams, and I’ll keep the Chief from embarrassing herself– and you can have the real krogan.” Nihlus shifted back in his seat, allowing Xel to play through the team in her head.

            It split the skill sets up, but it seemed like she was getting the better deal for some reason. Xel nodded once and took a bite of her food. “All right, then those are our teams. If we need to divide them further?”

            Nihlus’ nose contracted and his head tilted at the thought, seeming to try to decide between his team members who would work well split off, and who would take command. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

            Garrus coughed and finished his breakfast, “Careful, Nihlus, you almost sound worried.” The young turian stood up and circled the table to go clean his dish. Nihlus followed him with his eyes until he was out of sight, then let his gaze flit up to Shepard’s face.

            “If all goes well, we won’t even need the two teams. I say you and I go down alone to begin, check the situation, see if we need all the troops we’re hauling in.”

            “Probably for the best,” she agreed with a nod, keeping her eyes down. Nihlus reached over, his talons brushing over the back of the hand resting beside her datapad.

            “How did you sleep?” his voice was soft so she barely heard –probably so that Garrus couldn’t hear on the other side of the room.

            She met his green eyes and let her mouth fall at the corner. She knew she just had to say one thing and he would understand. He knew all about it already, and she could almost read it in his eyes that he suspected it. But she needed to get better about opening up about it. Constantly she was told talking would help, but she just hadn’t found anyone she was comfortable enough with that wasn’t busy with their own thing.

            Anderson would have listened, and he would have been there for her, she knew, but he was her CO and he had his own stress to worry about. Her breaking down to him wouldn’t have done anything but complicate things. And as great as Chakwas was, the good Doctor always seemed like a mother, and this wasn’t something she felt she could share with her mother. Which also knocked Hannah Shepard off the list.

            Nihlus already knew all the details. It was part of why he put her name forward for the Spectres in the first place. She could open up a little about it. But right now wasn’t the time, so she simply said, “Akuze.”

 

 

            _“Equalizing interior pressure with exterior atmosphere…. Logged: the Commanding Officer is ashore. XO Pressly has the deck.”_

            Xel checked her weapon again and ignored the look from the turian beside her. She didn’t need any more stress piled onto what she was already experiencing. When they came into the atmosphere no one had given them clearance to dock, so she’d told Joker to go in anyway. There wasn’t a soul in sight, and she was starting to get sick until she and the other Spectre stepped out and saw a person down the dock.

            “What is he…?” her brows drew together. He was running toward them.

            “We saw your ship!” he huffed. “Fai Dan wants to speak with you –immediately.”

            “Who?” Nihlus lifted his head to look down at the dark skinned human. His short hair was bushy, black coils clinging together in a fixed position.

            “He’s our leader. He needs your help to prepare for the geth. They’re making another push,” he panted and looked between the Spectres. “Please. Up the stairs past the freighter–”

            Nihlus shoved Xel to the side and she hit the guardrail that kept her from falling down into the deep harbor holding the Normandy in place. An explosion smacked into the back of the human and threw his bits right into Nihlus, knocking the red and black armored turian onto his ass, rolling into a backward summersault.

            The blast also threw Xel harder against the rail, and had she not been gripping it so tightly, she would have gone right over.

            Xel’s heart leapt, and she grabbed her assault rifle from over her shoulder, hitting her back against the side of a storage box to avoid catching fire. Before she could worry, Nihlus was back on his feet and beside her.

            “Geth, three of them, dead ahead,” he tapped on his omni-tool as he spoke and she turned around the corner to shoot toward the synthetic with the missile launcher. The poor accuracy at the range made her frown, and she quickly swapped out for her sniper rifle.

            An orange orb floated passed her and jetted on toward the geth as she readied to fire. The drone was on them and distracting long enough that she could get the front one down.

            A hand touched her hip and she looked up just long enough to confirm it was Nihlus. He growled lowly, “I’ll give this right back.”

            Then he lifted her pistol over her shoulder and fired at his drone. The explosion blew the other two geth into a wall. He holstered the gun back in place and slipped around her, grabbing his shotgun as he approached the downed hostiles. Resting his heavy boot on one’s chest, its face was blow own with a spray of white fluid up onto the black armored Spectre. The other attempted to crawl toward its weapon, but the turian lifted his firearm with one hand and blew that one’s head as well.

            Her brows arched as he came back her way. “We need the teams,” he stated and she nodded her agreement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little shorter, but I think I know how I'm going to do this Feros quest, and I thought it best to give the whole thing it's own chapter. Sorry for the delay, by the way, I just finished Andromeda, and I have classes, so I've not been writing all that consistently!   
> /wags finger at self/ shame on me


	14. Rat-a-tat Tat, Tin Soldiers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Invaders!” the asari growled, her green lips pulling back over stained-to-match teeth. “Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decom–” The asari’s green head exploded, shooting dark liquid and bits all over.
> 
> “We might have been able to reason with it,” Xel started and Nihlus threw his mandibles wide and fired his shotgun at a thrall’s head.
> 
> “Do you really think you could reason with a plant?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rat-a-tat tat, tin soldiers,  
> Lead sailors, boom-boom-boom,  
> Look right, look left,  
> The whole regiment turns around.
> 
> Now it is getting late,  
> Now we must get home  
> Or else our mother will be scared,  
> The whole regiment turns again.

            Xel was done with this day. After a quick credit chit flip to see whose squad did what, Nihlus’ team was to stick close to the colony, Zhu’s Hope, and go down into the tunnels under it to get their systems back up and running. Shepard and her team went up on the Skyway and headed into the ExoGeni building. Then they cleared it of geth, saved the workers there, and learned that a giant plant was taking over people’s minds in the colony. And ExoGeni was studying its effects on the colonists rather than actually helping them.

            Fan-fucking-tastic.

            Once comms were up, Joker broke through with a status report, telling her that settlers surrounded the Normandy and were trying to break in. Of course, being built for space travel meant that small arms and fists would do next to nothing to the frigate. An order to sit tight and a sarcastic reply from the Flight Lieutenant ended that conversation, and she moved on to her next priority: Zhu’s Hope, and Nihlus.

            “Kryik, we’re on our way back. What’s your status?” Xel waited, her fingers hovering over her omni-tool. No response came back. They had just settled things with the workers of ExoGeni, leaving one man dead –waving a gun at Commander Shepard with accompanying threats can be hazardous to one’s health– and were getting back to the rover to get back to the colony where the giant plant was. “Nihlus? Do you read me?”

            “That’s not good,” Wrex huffed and climbed into the Mako. Tali followed behind him wordlessly, but Garrus and Alenko stood beside her.

            “Agent Kryik, report,” Shepard tried again. There was no telling what was happening in the colony now if they were attacking Normandy.

            Scratching static came through her comm, and then gunfire. “Shepard. Whatever you did, you woke something here, the colonists turned on us,” Nihlus’ flanging voice was not the least bit amused. A shotgun blasted right before the comm-link ended for her to speak.

            “They’re not of their own minds, don’t kill them,” she barked suddenly, taking an urgent leap into the Mako. “Keep as many alive as you can –I have grenades that will paralyze them safely.”

            The static came back with the weapon discharges accompanied by a flanging growl, “What’re you talking about?”

            “There’s an alien, a Thorian, it’s controlling them, using them to defend it,” she pushed Wrex into the driver’s seat and the krogan laughed wickedly before kicking the gas pedal to the ground. The Mako jerked forward as the hatch closed, throwing Shepard right into Alenko who grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down into the seat beside him. She allowed herself a brief look up from her omni-tool, to make sure her whole squad was in the tank. Garrus was strapped in across from her while Tali took the turret, firing the secondary, rapid-fire gun on targets as they made themselves known.

            “Shepard,” the other Spectre snarled, sounding like he was taking cover from some heavy fire. “Respectfully, they’re shooting at me, and I don’t let people live once they’ve pointed a gun at me.”

            “I’ll be pointing a gun at you if I get back to that colony to find its only occupants bleeding out on the ground!” Xel snapped, causing Kaidan at her side to wince in sympathy for the man on the other end.

            “Then you better get here quickly,” was his simple reply before another shotgun blast ended the comm-link.

            “Damn it, Kryik!” she yelled into the tool, not caring if he replied. Unable to sit still, Shepard tapped Tali’s shoulder and took her place on the gun. The last of the geth were on the wrecked Skyway, and proved to be a decent distraction from the anger boiling inside her.

            The colonists had no idea what they were doing, and Nihlus was killing them. She understood when he didn’t know, but now he was aware, and he was doing it away.

            Was she really surprised? Nihlus was one of the best Spectres the Citadel had to offer, and that didn’t come from ‘letting people shoot at him’. He wasn’t as cold as Saren, but he wasn’t out here to save the colonists.

            So, Xel would have to do it for the both of them.

            “Hey, Shepard… what’s that?”

            The Commander blinked, narrowing her gaze through the sight on the turret to see what Wrex was questioning. It was curled up, a person with their arms tucked up behind folded legs. Xel climbed out of the chair and pushed the hatch open on the Mako. Descending the ramp, she grabbed her pistol, narrowing her eyes as she slowly approached it. Behind her, muted footsteps along with less quiet told her Garrus and Alenko were following. She lifted her fist to stop them, and she pointed her gun cautiously at the being. The door for Zhu’s Hope’s garage was just ahead, but the keypad to open it was behind this… thing.

            Another step forward, and she watched the muscles in its back tense and it stood up, slowly, as if it took effort. It had once been human, she could tell that much, and she thought she might faintly be able to see what features he’d once had, but he no longer was the man he was born.

            Husks were one thing, paled corpses with cybernetics running through them, replacing them, but this looked more like a zombie from one of the old earth vids. The flesh was torn to show rotting insides, and the eyes were gone. His mouth was black as if he’d torn into something and it stained his chin. Whatever clothes he’d once worn were tattered and lost, leaving him nude.

            His body shook, like he was cold, and he looked up toward Shepard with his void eyes. Without another moment’s hesitation, she fired, the blast striking the creature in the head. With that, its head snapped back and popped in an explosion of green ooze. Her nose wrinkled, and she glanced back at Alenko and Garrus.

            “What was that thing? It certainly wasn’t human,” the turian lowered his sniper rifle, and Kaidan let his biotic field fall away. She hadn’t realized they were both ready.

            “Don’t fire on the colonists, I want as many of them alive as we can,” she ordered and marched over to the keypad to open the door for the Mako.

            “Of course, Commander,” Alenko breathed, and Garrus nodded. Both stepped aside so the Mako could pull forward when the door opened.

            And when it did, a mess of the rotting beings fell through, tumbling forward, just as the Mako leapt forward, barely clearing the concrete door, and ran the horde over. “So that’s how this is going to be,” Xel breathed and fired on another thrall rushing at her. “Come on, let’s go find Nihlus before the colony’s population hits zero.”

            Leading the way, her squad followed behind, covering her as she threw the grenades to keep the colonists alive, but out of the way. The first dead settler was closer to the middle of the settlement, far from where they’d come in from the garage. The slash across her stomach and neck told Xel an omni-blade had caused the wounds. A few more bodies showed other causes of death.

            The colony center was a horrible display of violence. Gunfire rang out from both sides while the thralls ran around, getting bits blown off in the crossfire. Xel growled under her breath and hurled grenade after grenade into the mess, letting it blow away whoever they hit, knowing her crew would get out with little damage from her.

            Garrus settled beside her, taking shots at any thralls getting to close with his assault rifle while Kaidan threw them around with his biotics. Wrex charged right in, mowing them down with his head turned toward the ground and an evil laugh erupting from his mouth. Tali stayed back, deploying her drone to let it draw interest, and then explode when several thralls surrounded it.

            Across the arena was the other team. Nis ran through the middle with her omni-blade out and a pistol in one hand, meeting Wrex in the middle, and used him to swing around without losing her momentum. Williams had taken a sniping position on a roof and was taking down mostly thralls, but if a colonist popped their head up, she quickly fired. A flash of crimson filled Xel’s peripheral, and she grabbed her pistol, aiming it at Vator’s throat as he held his hands up.

            “Whoa, whoa, Shepard,” he sounded like he was smiling, but still nervous she’d pull the trigger.

            “Where’s Nihlus?”

            “There,” he gestured and Xel saw the other Spectre lift his shotgun and blow away two thralls with the blast. The easiest way to get across the field to him would be to run through the building complex to her left.

            “Cover me,” she growled and raced off, as she did, the quarian threw a biotic wall at the thralls that hurled themselves at her. Nearly hitting the door, Xel barely tripped through as it opened for her. Inside the complex were colonists, glaring and pointing small guns or raising fists. It was actually quite pathetic as they fired on her, her shields barely feeling the discharge of the small arms.

            As she came out on the other side she tossed a grenade into the closing door and barely waited for the blast as she sprinted over to Nihlus. At the angle, she was in his blind spot, but she wasn’t quiet, and her footfalls alerted him. Quickly, he spun around and lifted his shotgun, pausing only long enough to identify his target, in this hesitation, she shoved the gun to the side, away from her, and he pulled the trigger, blowing the head of a thrall off. His mandibles flared. “I was wondering when you’d join the party.”

            “No more colonists die,” she ordered, and then lifted her omni-tool, repeating the command so that the squad could hear. Nihlus barely looked away from her as he shot something over her shoulder, and Xel met his gaze. “They don’t know what they’re doing, you’re killing innocents.”

            His brows sunk low, and his mandibles pressed into the sides of his mouth, “If they shoot, I shoot.”

            Her glare would have made a lesser man at least blink, but not Nihlus. He simply turned around and threw his fist into the face of a screeching thrall. There were fewer now, the others having taken most of them down, but there were a number of armed settlers still spitting curses and projectiles.

            Garrus came up behind one, smacking him with the butt of his sniper rifle. Shepard tossed a grenade and called Kaidan, he used his biotics to push it toward a cluster. Nis grappled the last to the ground out of sight of Xel, but she trusted the asari to follow orders… barely.

            “I tried to fight it, but it gets in your head. You can’t imagine the pain,” an old voice came from behind her, and Xel spun around, lifting her gun. Fai Dan was limping toward her, a gun in his hand, pointed stiffly at the ground. “I was supposed to be a leader. These people trusted me.” He had been so kind and helpful when she and Nihlus finally found him in the colony. His old face was creased from smiles and age, but was worn and tired from the stresses of the geth having invaded. Xel promised him she and Nihlus would make his colony safe again, and here she was, killing the things most of them turned into, while she barely managed to keep those not yet lost alive. “It wants me to stop you…”

            Fai Dan struggled with the weapon, trying to point it at her, but his other hand yanked it to the side. Nihlus was close to her then, laying his hand on her raised weapon. She didn’t look at him, instead, just kept watching the man struggle, pain seeping into her heart.

            “But I… I won’t…. I won’t!” he breathed and pulled the pistol up to his head and squeezed the trigger. Xel flinched, but her mauve gaze was locked on him as he fell to the ground in a pool of his own blood.

            Her teeth seized her lower lip briefly, and then she turned away from him. “Come on, let’s go kill this thing.”

            “Right behind you, Commander.”

 

 

            “This wasn’t covered by my training manuals.”

            “Good thing you aren’t a ‘by the book’ kinda guy, huh, Vakarian?” Nis chuckled, but it died when the massive plant started moving.

            “We’re going to need bigger guns…” Xel breathed, the grip on her pistol tightening. The other Spectre at her side lifted his shotgun and narrowed his green eyes.

            The Thorian was easily the size of a small spaceship, bigger than the Mako by three or four times, and that only counted the mass in front of them that took on the shape of a giant insect with a tentacle mouth. From it were massive tendrils that stretched out to the walls of the cavern it hung in. All around, Xel could see the huddled up forms of the thralls, just waiting to stand, but some appeared stuck, as if they’d sat there, still, for so long they could no longer move.

            A groan escaped the Thorian and it convulsed as if it were about to explode. Only Xel and Nihlus stood still as the tentacles at the front of it started to move, looking as if it was hurling something up. The dangling vines supported it, giving it an easy landing.

            An asari dropped onto her knee, dripping something foul as she turned her green head side to side, and then lifted it, looking at the large party in front of her. Standing, her silver eyes flicked between each of them. She was nude, but didn’t appear completely aware of herself. Her chin tucked so she looked between each of them from under heavy brows. “Invaders!” she growled, her green lips pulling back over stained-to-match teeth. “Your every step is a transgression. A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decom–”

            The asari’s green head exploded, shooting dark liquid and bits all over. Her body dropped and Xel’s gaze flicked sideways to Nihlus before she switched out her pistol for her sniper rifle. The Thorian let out a low growl and started to convulse again. Xel stepped back and knelt down to aim her sight at the mouth, firing at the clone as it fell from the vines. Behind her more shooting started.

            “We might have been able to reason with it,” Xel started and Nihlus threw his mandibles wide and fired his shotgun at a thrall’s head.

            “Do you really think you could reason with a _plant_?”

            “Saren may have,” Xel sighed and turned around, firing another shot to pop a thrall rushing at Garrus. “Either way, how do you kill a sentient plant?” she asked the other Spectre.

            “You cut off its roots,” he nodded his head to the tendrils stretching to the walls. “We’ll split up. One team stays here and handles these clones, the other takes out those anchors.”

            “Commander!”

            Xel turned in time to throw her rifle up and crack the skull of a thrall. She nodded toward Ashley who gave a grin and returned her assault rifle fire to the mess of thralls. “I can take a small team and sneak past them,” she turned to Nihlus. “Your fire will draw them down here. Can you handle it?”

            “Of course,” he grinned and tipped his head at her, “Now go, take Vakarian and Vator, they’re the lightest steppers.”

            Xel nodded and called for the two men, both following her order immediately.

            The anchors ended up being nerve bundles of some kind, and every time they cut into one with their omni-blades to sever the connection, the Thorian cried out. And with each cut, the Thorian hung lower and lower.

            Xel kicked a thrall over the cliff’s edge and watched it fall passed the Thorian below into the darkness below. It was so deep she didn’t hear an impact and the screaming simply faded instead of being cut off. Weapon discharge from below had slowed down, but she couldn’t see her team from where she was.

            “Commander?”

            Shepard spun around and met ocean blue eyes. “Is it ready?”

            “This should be the last one, based on the strain put on it,” Vator supplied from behind the tall turian. Xel nodded. “When we cut this one, the weight will tear all the remaining nodes, and the beast will fall.”

            “Then let’s sever it,” she walked over to a doorway and knelt down, beside her, Garrus copied, taking his sniper rifle from his back. They aimed together and Vator stepped back behind them. “I’ll take just below center, you take just above, together, it should tear right through.”

            “On it, Shepard.”

            Xel took aim and a slow breath, her eye focused through the scope on the bundle of nerves filling her vision. Her sniper rifle was more powerful than Garrus’, but together it should be enough to sever the connection and drop the Thorian’s last anchor. “Fire.”

            Both triggers pulled and the plant cried out. Concrete cracked and the ground shuttered as the Thorian’s weight became too much on the remaining nodes. In a breath, the anchors were ripping, tearing like flesh as the beast jerked lower and lower into the abyss with each lost tendril. And when only a few remained, they broke together and the creature fell, crying out loud enough that Xel’s spine crawled with the echo resonating in her ear canals.

            Below the gunfire ceased and her comm clicked before a flanging voice spoke, “You did it, Commander.”

            Shepard stood up, and grinned over at Garrus and then Vator. She touched her helmet to return the message, “ _We_ did it.”

            “Xel,” the quarian grunted and pointed passed her. Something popped and the sound of rushing fluid made her spin around and lift her rifle. On the walls were many sacks that looked like blisters, swollen and red with something within, she hadn’t realized they were people. This one broke and an asari fell out. Her skin was almost the same shade of purple as Nis’ and she had similar markings. Her eyes were green, though, and her face was more circular than their asari.

            “I’m free…” she breathed, her voice high but thick with emotion. “I’m free. I–I suppose I should thank you for releasing me,” she said, looking at Xel with a careful expression.

            “I’m Commander Shepard. Are you okay? How did you end up inside that… thing?”

            “My name is Shiala. I serve…” she paused and cleared her throat, “I _served_ Matriarch Benezia. When she allied herself with Saren, so did I.” Her voice grew in confidence, deepening slightly as she went on. “Benezia foresaw the influence Saren would have. She joined him to guide him down a gentler path… but Saren is compelling and Benezia lost her way.”

            Garrus shifted and Vator made a disbelieving noise. “The only way you could make a Matriarch lose her way is if you controlled her mind,” the quarian said, folding his arms.

            “Benezia underestimated Saren. As I did. We came to believe in his cause and his goals. The strength of his influence is troubling.” She looked away, at the ground and placed her hands on her hips. Her body was dripping with the same green liquid that had dripped from the Thorian’s mouth when it deposited the clone –that Xel now saw was of Shiala– and that had spilled from the pod she was trapped in. Her body was dressed in thick leather looking armor that Shepard had only seen asari Commandos use.

            “She tried to manipulate Saren. But in the end, her plan backfired,” Garrus sighed. Xel glanced back at him and nodded before looking over Shiala.

            “Asari Matriarchs are among the most intelligent and powerful beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren’s control?”

            Shiala frowned, her marked brows lifting, “Saren has a vessel –an enormous warship unlike anything I’ve ever seen. He calls it Sovereign. It can dominate the minds of his followers. They become indoctrinated to Saren’s will. The process is subtle –it can take days, weeks– but in the end, it is absolute.” The asari paced, touching at her head as if she was coming to realize this all now. “I was a willing slave when Saren brought me to this world. He needed my biotics to communicate with the Thorian, to learn its secrets. Saren offered my in trade. I was sacrificed to secure an alliance between Saren and the Thorian.”

            “Saren’s pretty quick to betray his own,” Shepard placed her weapon on her back and folded her arms, anger starting to set in.

            “He was quick to betray the Thorian, too. After he had what he wanted, he ordered the geth to destroy all evidence of its existence.” She shook her head, “Saren knows you are searching for the Conduit. He knows you are following his steps. He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher.”

            “Cipher?” Garrus breathed.

            “What’s the Cipher? Why did Saren need it?” Xel asked, her arms falling back to her sides. It made sense. If he didn’t want her to get what he had, turning on the Thorian would make it distrustful of her. Of course, she’ll never know if she could have reasoned with it because Nihlus fired on it’s clone before she could finish speaking. She doubted it would have liked to be told she wasn’t letting it keep its thralls though….

            “The beacon on Eden Prime gave you visions. But the visions are unclear, confusing. They were meant for a Prothean mind,” Shiala was saying. To truly comprehend them, you must think like a Prothean. You must understand their culture, their history, their very existence. The Thorian was here long before the Protheans built this city. It watched and studied them. When they died, it consumed them. They became a part of it.”

            “Where is the Cipher? How do I get it?” Xel stepped closer to the asari.

            Shiala’s lips quirked slightly. “The Cipher is the very essense of being a Prothean. It cannot be described or explained. It would be like describing color to a creature without eyes.” She lifted her hands, “To understand, you must have access to endemic ancestral memory. A viewpoint spanning thousands of Prothean generations. I sensed this ancestral memory –the Cipher– when I melded with the Thorian,” she gestured to the pod on the wall behind her. “Our identities merged, our minds intertwined. Such knowledge cannot be taught; it simply exists.”

            A frustrated huff left Xel. “I need that knowledge to stop Saren.” She couldn’t think of a way that she could get it, or how Saren had gotten it.

            “There is a way…” Shiala said, tilting her head forward to looking at Xel carefully. “I can transfer the knowledge from my mind to yours, as I did with Saren.”

            “All right,” she nodded once and stood straighter. “Do it.”

            “Are you sure, Commander? When asari meld…” Vator shifted and folded his arms, his glowing eyes locked on the woman before them.

            “There’s no other way,” Garrus growled, his resonating voice low.

            “Vator, go tell Nihlus what’s happening here, Garrus and I will be there in a moment.”

            “Aye aye…” the quarian left, his footfalls near silent.

            Shiala spoke, her voice low, “Try to relax, Commander. Slow, deep breaths. Let go of your physical shell. Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another.” Xel’s eyes narrowed, but she followed the instructions. “Every action sends ripples across the galazy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Each emotion must mark another’s spirit.” The asari stood before Shepard, just inches shorter, but met her eyes evenly. “We are all connected –every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander.” Shiala’s head tipped back and her eyes closed, when they opened again, she stared right into Xel’s being. “Embrace eternity!”

            _Synthetics._

_Killing._

_Screams so far and near they got lost in her ears._

_Two stars…_

_Two dark planets…._

            _And the_ tick _…_

            Xel shifted, blinking as she tried to steady herself. Shiala stepped back, her eyes narrowing as if she had a headache. “I have given you the Sipher, just as it was given to Saren. The ancestral memories of the Protheans are a part of you now.” Xel ran the back of her hand over her helmet’s forehead as if it could work out the pounding she felt.

            Garrus touched her shoulder, “Are you all right, Shepard?”

            “I saw… something. It still didn’t make any sense,” she coughed, not realizing her throat was so dry.

            “You have been given a great gift: the experience of an entire people. It will take time for your mind to process this information,” the asari said.

            “You look pale. We should get you back to the Normandy and let medical take a look at you,” the turian insisted.

            “I am sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way. You needed the Cipher. In time, it will help you understand the vision from the beacon.”

            “Now that you’re free of the Thorian, what are you planning to do next?” Xel breathed, brows narrowing.

            “If you allow it, I would like to stay here with the colonists. They have suffered greatly, and I played a role in their suffering. I would like to make amends.” Shiala looked down, her face torn with regret.

            “The colonists will need all the help they can get. They’ll be happy to have you on their side,” Shepard tried to smile, but it felt forced as the pain in her head grew.

            “Thank you, Commander. May fortune smile upon you.”

 

 

            “I just need a moment, that’s all,” Xel breathed and sat down on her bed, putting her face in her hands. Nihlus stood a few feet away and waited until she looked at him to speak.

            “I know I upset you back there on Feros,” he started and she shook her head.

            “You just operate differently than I do.” A sigh slipped from her lips. The colonists were alive, mostly, they had enough to keep going, and with Shiala’s help, they will make it along just fine. Before they turned against the Normandy’s crew, Nihlus’ team had gotten their supplies secured, energy, water, and food. It was all taken care of.

            “I don’t have your moral compass,” he stated and moved to stand in front of her. Her gaze flicked up to his face and she sighed.

            “Was it easy for you? To kill those colonists after I told you they weren’t in their right minds?”

            His green eyes held her pale mauve ones, and he gave her a single nod. “I looked at them no differently. They were shooting at me and my team, your people. I wasn’t going to risk them for faces I have never seen and never will again.”

            Xel nodded and wet her lips. “I wish I could think like that sometimes.”

            “No you don’t,” he stated confidently and knelt in front of her, demanding she meet his stare. “Don’t try to be like me, Shepard. Don’t want to be like me. I am how I am because of the life I have lived, just as you are you.”

            Then he straightened up and went to her desk to grab the bottle of liquor he’d brought with him. She watched him poor a glass and she said softly, “How were you raised?”

            The other Spectre didn’t speak for a long time, but the silence wasn’t uncomfortable. He seemed to simply be planning out his words. “I didn’t grow up on Palaven, or, really any of our… honorable colonies,” his green gaze flicked up to look at her face. “I was born on a mercenary outpost independent from the Hierarchy. My parents were hired guns –I don’t think my mother ever really wanted me,” he sighed and looked back at the drink, placing it on her desk without having taken a drink. “My father was good to me, though. Gave me his colony markings before he died. I was just sixteen, but I would never be more thankful for anything that my father did for me than give me a… _home_ ,” Nihlus shifted and cleared his throat. “He wasn’t dead for a week before my mother shipped me off to Palaven and forced me to join the army. I suppose I thought since I wasn’t born to the Hierarchy I wouldn’t have to serve in their army.” His brow plates rose and fell quickly as he grabbed the drink up and finished his words before taking a long gulp, “I was wrong.”

            “I’m so sorry,” Xel stood and came forward, but he shook his head.

            “I was top of my class, every class,” he ran a finger over the rim of the drink, seeming to get lost in the memories. “But no one trusted me, and my methods were… frowned upon, as you humans say. Growing up surrounded by mercenaries gives you a certain view of the world. I wasn’t expecting to get handed anything in the military, and I wasn’t. But my attitude and near constant disobeying orders got on my superiors nerves,” he chuckled, an honest sound, not forced like she would have thought.

            “Shocking,” Xel stated with a smirk threatening her lips. He rolled his shoulders and splayed his mandibles, straightening up.

            “You know the rest,” he lifted his luminescent gaze to her and tilted his head for her to come closer. “Saren found me, trained me, and I was shot into the Spectres at FTL speed.”

            She rested a hand on his chest, “So what does that make my speed?”

            The turian chuckled and wrapped an arm around her. “I think we need a new word for it. Hmm,” the thoughtful noise was nearly a purr. “Could just call it Shepard speed.”

            Xel snorted and relaxed against the turian, her head resting on his shoulder as he tightened his arm around her. They were quiet for a long time, and Xel felt the aching in her head start to subside. “I have to go to Earth,” she realized, speaking her mind out loud. Nihlus made questioning sound and she lifted her head. “My mother is getting promoted to Captain and invited me to the ceremony. It’s on Earth.”

            “We still have to find Doctor T’Soni and find the geth near Noveria,” he spoke lowly.

            “I know,” she stepped back from him and sat on the bed, rubbing at her forehead.

            “Take two with you to Earth, and I’ll take the rest to get the asari,” Nihlus said suddenly, and Xel glanced up at him. “Unless you don’t want me commanding the Normandy.”

            Her brows shot up, “No, I don’t….” Xel shook her head, turning to face him more squarely but she didn’t stand. “It’s fine, Navigator Pressley will take command of the Alliance crew, and you take charge of the aliens. When you go to get the doctor, then you can take whoever you wish down with you. I’ll speak with Joker and Pressley.”

            “Who will you take to Earth?” Nihlus asked and Xel pursed her lips, brows furrowing.

            “I really _should_ bring Ash and Kaidan…”

            “Williams did good work under my command. I think she’s finally starting to look at aliens like she does a human she dislikes rather than scat on her boots.” Xel winced and nodded.

            “All right, so… who would handle being on Earth at a party well? Kaidan and…?”

            Nihlus looked like he was about to speak, but there was a crack from a speaker in the ceiling and Joker’s voice came through. _“Have an urgent message, Commander. It’s from Admiral Hackett.”_

            Xel shot up and went to the wall, pressing the button there to radio back, “Can you patch it through here?”

            _“Yes, ma’am, patching it through now.”_

_“Commander.”_

“Admiral, I am in the company of Spectre Agent Kryik at the moment,” Xel replied and straightened up as if the man could see her. “If that’s fine, what can I do for you, sir?”

            _“As long as the Spectre keeps this information to himself, I have no problem with him staying.”_

“Of course, Admiral, I wouldn’t disclose Alliance information but to the Council anyhow,” Nihlus spoke clearly.

            _“This isn’t a matter that needs to bother the Council. There’s an Alliance training ground on Luna where we test weapons and technology in live-fire simulations. One of the VIs we use to simulate enemy tactics in the drills is no longer responding to our override commands…. It’s gone rogue.”_

            This made both Spectres stiffen and looked at each other. “How many casualties so far?” Nihlus couldn’t hide the smile and the shake of his head at her first question.

            _“Seventeen marines were killed in the simulation exercise before we realized what had happened. That’s when we contacted you.”_ Xel felt a wave of nausea wash over her and she frowned up at the ceiling. _“Vi support is critical to our military success. They process thousands of status reports and react in nanoseconds. No human can do that. But as advanced as this thing is at military strategy, it’s still just a VI. It’s not self-aware, and it’s completely disengaged from any networks. That’s where you come in.”_

            Xel nodded and rubbed her forehead, happy the admiral wasn’t here.

            _“We need you to fight your way through the training ground to the VI core, and manually disable it.”_

            “Yes, sir, I was on my way to Earth right now anyway.”

            _“Yes, I thought that was the case, that’s why I decided you were the most qualified to deal with this. I know you can do this, Shepard.”_ The compliment meant a lot coming from the admiral, but she could only think this meant she would have to clear the Luna Base before she saw her mother. _“Good luck, Commander.”_

            Hackett ended the link and Xel looked at Nihlus. “I think I want the krogan with me if I’m going to be fighting through a human training ground. It’ll be close quarters, and whatever I’m up against won’t be counting on a turian and krogan coming through.”

            Nihlus nodded his understanding and then stepped a little closer, tilting his head so that he gazed down at her with that predatory look she’d seen drawn so many ways in her old children’s books. “There’s one thing we need to do before you go off toward the Sol System.”

            “Oh?” she arched a brow and the turian purred, dipping his head to press his forehead to hers as he slid his hands down her sides. “Oh…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is going to be fun!


	15. I've Got a Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I have someone right now, thank you, mother.”  
> Her brows immediately fell and the smile on her lips disappeared. “The turian? It makes me curious as to if you want children or not. At least with an asari you could make… something.” Her mother closed her eyes and sighed before frowning deeper and flicking her icy stare up to Xel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got a question I’ve got something to say  
> I’ve got it in my head I made it up that way  
> I’ve got a question I’ve got my question planned  
> I’m looking at my teacher now I’ll raise my hand

            “I’ve never been to Earth…” Garrus looked out the window. “It’s so… blue.”

            Xel grinned and folded her arms at the turian. “How does it compare to Palaven?”

            “Well, it’s not as green, and from what I heard it’s cooler.” Garrus splayed his mandibles and looked at her. “Rather similar though, from the pictures. Water, forests, that sort of thing.”

            “Unlike Tuchanka,” Wrex breathed drawing both sets of eyes his way. “My homeworld is nothing but a dusty ball from space, no color… bigger than earth, almost as big as Palaven.” He turned his head to look past them at the window.

            “Was it always like that? I heard you had a lot of wars…”

            “We destroyed our planet,” he nodded and settled back in his seat, folding his arms as he stared at the wall in front of him. Xel frowned and tried not clear her throat uncomfortably. Garrus turned his blue eyes back over to the blue planet below.

            “Where are we going?”

            “To Philadelphia, it’s close to the North American East Coast.”

            “Is that where you were born?”

            “Oh no, I was born in Texas,” she grinned and looked out at the dark reaches of space. “I spent the first three years of my life on this planet, and I haven’t been back since.”

            “Why not?”

            “I never had a reason,” Xel shrugged and sighed. “My parents were marines, they belonged in space after the First Contact War, and that meant I went with them. I lived on the Citadel for a time, but…” she shook her head and bit her lower lip, thinking. “It sort of made me want to get a house on a planet somewhere and just… make it home. Somewhere stable.”

            “I can understand that, somewhere in the mountains, away from people,” the turian breathed and thoughtfully pulsed his mandibles.

            “Yeah, where I can see waterfalls and jungles. Safe from all… this,” she sighed and gestured around. Blue eyes fell on her and he nodded.

            “Soldiers don’t usually make good colonists.”

            “No… we don’t.”

            _“Entering atmo in three… two… one…”_

            The shuttle shook and the window turned red as their speed against the sudden presence of air fought for dominance. A smile split her lips. “Time to visit my mother…. Once we land we’ll need to find a hotel and I need to report to Admiral Hackett about Luna Base.”

            “Yes, Commander,” Garrus straightened up, adjusting himself so the sniper rifle on his back lay comfortably between him and the backrest. Wrex just nodded once, looking half asleep as the shuttle bobbed, jerked, and shuddered.

 

 

            Xel checked the time on her omni-tool again and frowned, biting her bottom lip with an impatient thought. She’d left Garrus and Wrex at the hotel to figure out who got which bed and what they would do for the night while she was out at her mother’s promotion ceremony. Xel had just finished her meeting with Admiral Hackett who would be at her mother’s promotion ceremony that night and had just barely made it to her lunch meeting on time.

            A meeting with her mother that was supposed to start ten minutes ago. Hannah Shepard was usually quite punctual. It was one of the things she prided herself in.

            “Can I get you a refill, ma’am?”

            Xel nearly jumped at the waiter’s voice. She grinned up at the young man politely. “Yes, please,” she held her glass up so that the man could pour the tea into it. Then he sat down a cup of sugar cubes.

            “I thought the cubes might be nicer,” he said softly as if he didn’t want someone to hear. She lifted her brows at him and his green eyes flicked away to look for another employee before he grinned at her. “We aren’t supposed to bring them out until we start serving dinner, but I don’t see why that matters.”

            “Thank you… William,” she said after catching his name tag.

            “Of course,” he tipped his head. “I’ll return in a moment if you like.”

            She nodded and watched him go before relaxing in her chair some and dropping several cubes into her tea. Hunger was finally starting to settle in, so she picked up the menu and let her mauve gaze fall over it. Almost everything would be better than the paste she had on the Normandy….

            “Xelvadora.”

            Immediately, Xel was on her feet, standing at attention with the menu back on the table. “Mother.”

            Hannah was dressed in her uniform, just as her daughter was. Her regal face was beautiful, as always –blue eyes contoured, lashes thickened, cheeks flushed, and lips painted. The gray streaks in her auburn hair were worn proudly, not taking away from her beauty. The cool calm settled on her face made it easy to look at her, the creases beside her eyes gave the false impression she smiled a lot, while the curve of her lips hinted at a near constant frown that her daughter shared as well.

            Hannah waved for her daughter to sit so she did. “I am so busy today. I still have so much to prepare for tonight,” her mother explained her tardiness.

            Xel nodded her understanding, and barely noticed the lack of apology for being late. “Of course, tonight will be outstanding, I’m sure.”

            “It will –if it goes according to plan. I don’t expect everything to go off without a hitch, but I am quite optimistic about the event overall.” She sat down across from Xel and picked up her menu, flipping it over to look at the drink options. William showed back up with a smile, and before he could say anything she told him, “Water with lemon. A cup of lemon slices on the side and I don’t mean one or two,” she glanced up at him and lifted her brows. “I mean a cup of lemon slices.”

            “Yes, ma’am,” he nodded, completely unfazed and smiled as he went off to get the beverage.

            “Tell me how you have been, Xelvadora.”

            “I’ve been well,” she smiled, busying her hands and eyes with the menu despite not actually reading it. “I made Spectre.”

            “So I’ve heard,” Hannah pursed her lips and placed her menu down, looking at her daughter. “What became of the turian?”

            Xel wet her lips and looked over the holographic tablet in her hands. Hannah was her mother, but she made her feel so small. “He is assisting me on my current mission: stopping former Spectre Agent Saren Arterius.”

            “Another turian,” she sighed and leaned back in her chair, her downturned lips more prominently frowning now. “What is it that this one’s done?”

            William returned with Hannah’s water and lemons. Placing them in front of her, he grinned between them, “Are we ready to order?”

            “I’ll have the chicken salad,” Hannah said, adding her preferred dressing, and then handed the man the menu. He took it and looked over to Xel. She wasn’t hungry anymore and tried to just pick something on the screen that looked good, but her mother’s stare made the second delay feel like an hour.

            “The same, thank you…” she frowned and handed the menu back to him.

            “Of course, I’ll get those out to you quickly,” he promised with a smile at her she barely noticed, but Hannah stared at him as he walked away.

            “How old do you think he is?”

            “I don’t know, mother,” she lifted her brows and sipped on her tea. “He’s probably in college.”

            “He’s a fine looking boy.”

            “I haven’t noticed,” she said honestly, her brows drawing together as she eyed her mother. “Should I be preparing myself to call him father?”

            Hannah laughed, a light sound that was practiced and just as beautiful as she was. “No, Xelvadora. I could be his mother,” she shook her head and looked over her daughter, those blue eyes turning icy in a way. “He may be good for you though.”

            “I have someone right now, thank you, mother.”

            Her brows immediately fell and the smile on her lips disappeared. “The turian? It makes me curious as to if you want children or not. At least with an asari you could make… something.” Her mother closed her eyes and sighed before frowning deeper and flicking her icy stare up to Xel.

            Xel’s heart leapt into her throat and she did her best to keep her gaze locked on her mother’s face. She couldn’t look away, if she did, she lost, just like every other time. But her mother was sitting across from her, in person, back straight, arms folded gently, and features twisted into the closest thing one could call disappointment without being sure. Xel couldn’t get a word out. She’d gone from trying to keep her thoughts straight to being frozen in place by that icy blue stare.

            “Here we are,” William grinned, placing two salads down, breaking the spell.

            “Thank you,” Hannah spoke up, looking away from her daughter. Xel felt a wash of relief and relaxed some as she looked down at her food and then at her mother.

            “Thank you,” she repeated to the waiter, making a point to look at him. He had to be several years younger than her, in his early twenties rather than approaching thirty. She had grown up with the intention of starting a family, probably with a turian and probably adopting, but she didn’t mind that at all. Then Akuze happened and her life became her work, and the dream of settling down in the mountains with a man and child faded.

            “Is there anything else?” William asked, holding her stare with mossy green eyes.

            “No,” Hannah stated. He bowed his head and departed, looking back at Xel with a dimpled smile. Once he was gone, her mother started on her salad, sighing gently as she moved the leaves around to get the dressing spread out. “I imagine this turian will be your plus one then?”

            “Plus one?” Xel’s brows jerked upward and Hannah nodded, chewing a mouthful thoughtfully before licking her lips and looking at her daughter.

            “You have a plus one, as a guest. Did you not read my message?”

            “I’m… I skimmed it, I’m sorry,” Xel swallowed hard. “I won’t bring anyone–”

            “No, bring the turian,” Hannah said and speared another leaf. “I wish to meet him.”

            “He’s not–”

            “Xelvadora,” her mother’s gaze froze her in place. “I want to meet the turian traveling with my daughter. I may not like them, but I am not a savage.”

            “I would never call you such a thing,” Xel whispered and her mother nodded, placing her fork down.

            “You would never say a great many things others have.”

            “I am not others.”

            “I know that. Somehow I was… blessed with you.” Her mother sighed. “Do you remember when you were a girl…?” Hannah said softly, her gaze far away as she stared at the table. “Before your father died. You were telling me about a child in your class, and how their mother was not pretty. I think you compared her to the drawing of a witch in one of your little books, do you remember?”

            “I do,” Xel nodded, her brows tugging together. It wasn’t often her mother spoke like this, and I always caught her off guard. It was easy to forget how very human Commander Hannah Shepard was.

            “You told me that you wondered what it was like to have a mother that was not beautiful. To have one that looked like a witch. You never told the other children their mothers were not pretty, but you told me you felt sorry for them and wondered if they knew.”

            Xel felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes and she bit her lip, looking away from the woman across from her. “I love you, mother, I always have.”

            “I know that, Xelvadora. You never told me you hated me, not like most children do. You never told me you wished I wasn’t your mother. You never named me something horrible like so many of your peers have their mothers.” Hannah sat up straighter and sighed, the emotion wetting her eyes fading away. “And you know that I love you, right?”

            “Of course, mother. I’ve never doubted it,” she breathed, meeting her mother’s stare.

            “Good.” Hannah picked up her fork and took a moment to eat a leaf and sliver of chicken. When she swallowed she continued, “Then you’ll bring the turian. Dressed up, not in whatever they normally wear.” She waved her hand and chewed on more chicken. “There is a shop in the central mall that has suits for all species. I’ll assume that they have something for… him.”

            Xel didn’t know what to do about this. Nihlus was in the Artemis Tau cluster looking for Doctor Liara T’Soni. Garrus wouldn’t want to go to a human Alliance promotion celebration. Why would he? The boy hated rules and regulations and as great as that was for her mission, that was the exact opposite of what she needed while being around her _mother_. “I’m not sure if he can come.”

            “What is he doing that he can’t accompany you?” her brows drew together.

            “Our mission is very important–”

            “You’re here, and the celebration only lasts for the night. Take the day, whatever it is, it can wait.” Hannah grinned at her daughter, “For me.”

            “Of course, mother.”

            “At least ask him. I look forward to meeting him.”

            “I will when I get back to the hotel.” She sighed and looked at her untouched salad. “Who will pin you?” Xel shifted conversation topics.

            “Admiral Hackett,” Hannah stated and finished her bowl, washing it down with some water after she squeezed the lemons into it. “I must be going, Xelvadora. I have several things to take care of before tonight.” When her mother stood, Xel followed and stepped around the table. Her mother rested a hand on her shoulder and looked into her eyes. “I will see you tonight. You have the address, correct?”

            “Yes,” Xel nodded and her mother’s lip quirked.

            “Good. Cocktails start at 1700, but the meal begins at 1800, anytime in there is fine for you to show up.” She tilted her head while looking at her daughter and then dropped her hand. “Thank you for coming, Nelwyn.”

            A smile spread over Xel’s lips and she shook her head, “If only dad could see this.”

            “I like to think he’d be proud.”

            “He would be, mother,” she promised. “I’ll finish up here, you get on and do your important things.”

            “I will see you and the turian tonight,” Hannah stated and left. Xel swallowed hard and watched her leave before sitting back down and pushing her salad around.

 

 

            Xel knocked on the hotel door and waited in the hall, hands behind her back. She rehearsed what she was going to say one more time. The last thing she wanted was Garrus thinking this was something other than what it was. She didn’t _need_ him to do this, she could always just tell her mother the truth –something she’d attempted to do earlier but couldn’t get out. Not to mention how pissed her mother would be if she learned that Xel had left the Normandy in the command of a turian Spectre.

            Hannah’s imaginary reaction to that was enough to make Xel wince just as the door opened.

            The door slid into the walls to give her a complete view of the blue-eyed turian standing in front of her in a towel. He didn’t even have his visor on, which made her do a double take. Her brows jerked up. “Bad time?”

            “I needed a shower and Wrex made me aware of his routine, I thought I’d get it out of the way now while I had… time and hot water,” his mandibles spread wide and he laughed. He must have just gotten out of the shower if he hadn’t dried off yet, his plates still shined with their dampness and his fringe dripped down his carapace. “What can I do for you, Shepard?”

            Garrus’ hand rested on his hip, holding the towel’s ends in place. His silver plates were different than Nihlus’ mostly because he did not have the sheer amount of scaring the other turian did. He looked younger this way, and she estimated he was probably younger than her as well. “I seem to be in need of a turian plus one for my mother’s promotion celebration tonight,” she stated and met his blue eyes. They were a so different from her mother’s, rather than icy they looked like calm waters.

            “Is that so?” his mandibles pulsed and he purred, tilting his head at her. “How did this happen?”

            “Lunch with my mother turned south. She insisted Nihlus come with me,” Xel stated and Garrus chuckled.

            “So you need me to pretend to be a Spectre?”

            “No, I just need you to put on a suit and stand next to me,” she stated. “You don’t have to come, I’ll just tell her the truth.”

            Garrus' brow plates slid together. “Why haven’t you already?”

            “You’ve not met my mother.”

            He nodded and his mandibles pulsed a few times as he looked over his shoulder back into the room. She could barely make out the sound of a program being watched. It sounded like ‘Dog or Not’. It wasn’t too hard to believe that Wrex would make him go to the door in a towel while he rested on the bed watching the intergalactic hit show. “I’ll do it, for you Xel,” Garrus grinned, splaying his mandibles at her. The moment of thought she realized wasn’t hesitation, but a thoughtful pause. He had no intention of saying no.

            “ _What_? That was a dog!”

            Both Garrus and Xel flinched at the outburst from the krogan within the room. “You’ll need a suit,” she said and smiled. “I’ll buy, meet me downstairs when you’re dressed.”

            “Yes, Commander.”

           

 

            “How do I look?”

            Xel stood up from the chair she’d been sitting and her lips parted. Garrus stepped out into view as he straightened the jacket he was wearing. The salesman came up and adjusted the collar before smoothing the black jacket down over his carapace and then stepped back, letting Xel look at the turian. He was black from shoes to shoulders with a white shirt. The suit fit him perfectly, probably better than the armor he wore, and made him look several years older. Or at least more mature.

            “You just need a tie,” she smiled and wet her lips, coming forward as she inspected him more. “And maybe a little handkerchief in the pocket.”

            “What color, ma’am?” the salesman asked.

            “Blue,” she decided and Garrus chuckled.

            When the man departed to get the last two articles of clothing, the turian turned to look in the tall mirror beside him. He pulled at the jacket, not used to how it fit on his shoulders and chest. “We don’t wear this kind of thing on Palaven.”

            “No?” she tilted her head.

            He glanced sideways at her and shook his head. “No: too hot.”

            “You won’t be wearing this will you?” she grinned and tapped on his visor. Garrus chuckled and turned to her.

            “If you don’t want me to, I won’t. I shouldn’t need it tonight.”

            “‘Shouldn’t’ being the key word.” She grinned and folded her arms. “How often do things go according to plan?”

            “Are side arms acceptable?” he asked and she shook her head, smiling.

            “Here we are,” the salesman returned and offered over different ties. Garrus tilted his head at them and Xel picked up a solid one that matched the color of the armor he normally wore.

            “What do you think of this one?”

            “I think it goes well with your dress uniform,” the turian breathed and she noticed it did. Her cheeks warmed and she helped him put it on while the salesman folded the handkerchief and waited with a wide smile.

            “You two make quite the couple,” he stated and handed over the blue cloth. Xel blinked and gulped.

            “Oh, no, we’re just–” she looked over at Garrus who looked just as surprised. “Friends, um, co-coworkers?”

            “We work on the same ship,” the turian supplied and she nodded, looking at the salesman who was smirking between them.

            “Of course, my apologies.”

            He backed away to give them a moment and Xel touched her forehead. “I’m sorry.”

            “There’s nothing for you to apologize for, Shepard,” the sniper watched her as she tucked the blue fabric into his chest pocket. “What is this for?”

            “Um… decoration, really, unless someone needs it to…” she grinned a little, “Blow their nose or wipe away a tear.”

            He nodded and lifted a three-fingered hand to touch the fabric. The pad on his fingertips brushed over it to feel. Then he looked at the talon on the end. “Perhaps gloves as well?” Xel nodded and they walked together to a table to pick out a pair. “What relationship is your mother going to assume between us?”

            She glanced at him sideways and shrugged, “I have no idea. I don’t know what she knows and what she thinks. All she knows is that I was mentored into the Spectres by a turian and it completely overshadowed the fact I made it. I mentioned I wasn’t looking for… anything romantic,” Xel said slowly. “Because I already have someone. She jumped to the assumption it was a turian.”

            “And she thinks I’m that turian?” Garrus pulled on a pair of gloves and looked at how they fit.

            “She probably will, yes.”

            He nodded and rolled his shoulders, spreading his mandibles as he looked at her. “Tonight should be fun.”

            “Yeah,” she nodded and looked him over again. He wore the suit well, and she couldn’t help but think about how it made him look. He didn’t have to do this, she was pretty sure that Nihlus wouldn’t have had she asked him. He may have surprised her, but Garrus didn’t hesitate. Just a confirmation thought and he was at her back. Just like when they joined up together on the Citadel. “Thank you for this, Garrus. It means a lot.”

            He turned to face her square. “It’s not exactly what I imagined I’d be doing when traveling with a Spectre, but,” he tilted his head at her, “It still beats C-Sec. I imagine this will be far more entertaining than the balls I never went to on the Citadel.”

            Xel smiled and laughed, shaking her head, “I don’t know, they might not have anything for you to eat…”

            “That’s fine, I can go a few hours without eating,” he held his elbow out to her. “Besides, with me at your side, I doubt anyone will be eating anything but their hearts.”

            Xel slipped her arm through his and quirked a brow at him. “Did… did you just try to make a joke?”

            “Yes, isn’t that a human saying?”

            Shepard laughed and covered her mouth, shaking her head, “The saying is ‘eat one’s heart out’, but I suppose you could say it that way as well. It just… sounds more cannibalistic.”

            Garrus laughed, the sound reverberating in his chest, “I see my mistake.”

            “Come on, let’s pay for this monkey suit and get to the party.”

            “Of course, Shepard…. What’s a monkey?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this got really long fast. The next chapter shall be fun and games xD


	16. Dance Thumbkin Dance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You find dancing funny?” he tilted his head. 
> 
> “More so everyone else finds my dancing funny.” She flushed brightly and looked away. “I’m far better at shooting and avoiding fire than I am at doing anything to the rhythm of a song.”
> 
> The turian lifted his head and spread his mandibles wide. “I look forward to seeing it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dance, thumbkin, dance!
> 
> Dance, thumbkin, dance!  
> Thumbkin cannot dance alone,  
> So dance, my merry men, ev'ry one,
> 
> And dance, thumbkin, dance!

            Xel was surprised when Garrus offered his hand to help her out of the taxi. So surprised that she couldn’t hide the smile that curved the corners of her lips. Once she was on her feet she placed her hat on her head, adjusting the hair she had tied down at the back of her head so that she could be in her full dress uniform. Normally her auburn locks were piled on top of her head out of the way and she didn’t have to worry about them, but tonight she had to wear the weight lower toward the nape of her neck so that it didn’t conflict with her headwear.

            Garrus had left his visor at the hotel with his clothes leaving his face bare save for the colony markings along his nose, cheek plates, and mandibles. The color matched his eyes, tie, and her blues. He looked nice, far better than what she could imagine Nihlus wearing. The Spectre probably would have insisted on wearing his armor.

            The turian held his elbow out to her and she took it, grinning. “Been watching human vids?”

            “One or two,” he chuckled. “I’m not completely unaware of human customs.”

            “I’m sure you know more about humans than I do about turians,” she grinned, taking the offered arm and walking with him up the steps to the building.

            “You said you dated a turian?” he looked over at her as they approached the door. Reflexively they both reached for it but opened it together rather than either letting go.

            “Yeah, for about a year,” she nodded. The foyer was elegant and had two low ranking alliance soldiers in their blues giving directions. Both blinked at Garrus, but neither had any other reaction and pointed them to an open room for cocktails.

            “I’m sure you’re far more acquainted with my people than I am with yours then,” he relaxed his arm when she withdrew her touch and they shared a glance before Xel sucked in a breath and tried to locate something to drink.

            “I’m not sure where my mother is, but it looks like half the Alliance is here.” Just as she finished speaking several familiar faces turned to her and struck up a conversation. The cocktail hour flew by with smiles and laughs between her and officers she hadn’t seen in months or years. It felt so different from being on Feros only a few days ago.

            A waiter brought out a dextro drink for Garrus, apparently, they’d been told that a turian would be here and they had food prepared for him as well when the meal was served. Xel really should have expected it. Her mother knew a turian was coming so she had them accommodate him. It wasn’t a bad thing, but she was happy she’d brought Garrus because it would have been a waste of expensive food otherwise.

            Near the end of the hour, Admiral Hackett stopped to speak with her, offering Garrus a firm handshake upon starting the conversation. Xel expressed her pleasure at seeing him again so soon, and how happy she was that he was going to be the one pinning her mother for promotion.

            “It should be you,” the Admiral said casually, nodding to another guest as they passed by. His voice was distinctive and unmistakable. “I told Shepard as much, but she insisted you would rather I be the one.”

            Xel felt her heart ache at that and she nodded, “I think she didn’t want to impose, in case I couldn’t make it. I didn’t know for sure until last minute –when I accepted the Luna Base mission, actually.”

            Hackett nodded and sipped on his drink. He was a tall, imposing man a few years older than her mother, with a long, old scar running down his face stern. If she remembered right the scar was actually from the First Contact War, but she wasn’t sure about that. “In any case. I must find your mother, I need to confirm a few things before the speeches.”

            “Of course, sir,” Xel straightened and he waved to her before departing. Garrus shifted, catching her eye and she glanced over at him.

            “This is all very…” the turian turned to look at the sea of human faces around him.

            “Over the top? Wait till we get to the dancing…” Xel sighed.

            “It’s not normally like this?” he asked, turning back to her.

            “Oh no,” she shook her head and laughed lightly. “My promotion to Commander was in an on-base rec-room and everyone wore casual clothes or their uniforms. I had offered drinks afterwards –but nothing alcoholic– with some finger food, and there definitely wasn’t dancing.” She laughed again and gently covered her mouth.

            “You find dancing funny?” he tilted his head.

            “More so everyone else finds _my_ dancing funny.” She flushed brightly and looked away. “I’m far better at shooting and avoiding fire than I am at doing anything to the rhythm of a song.”

            The turian lifted his head and spread his mandibles wide. “I look forward to seeing it.”

            “Oh no,” she shook her head. “Not happening, Vakarian.”

            Before he could reply someone called for everyone’s attention and they were instructed to move on into the next room where they would have their choice of three meals and the speeches would begin. Xel and Garrus sat in their designated seats, close to the platform where Hackett and her mother would be speaking. Her name tag, _Commander Shepard, X._ , sat next to one reading _Commander Shepard, X. +1._ The font was quite nice, it looked handwritten, almost like her mother’s penmanship.

            “White tablecloths and centerpieces…” Garrus stood behind Xel’s chair and tipped his head to the side, “Are you sure you actually had a promotion party? It sounds like two different events from what I imagine.”

            “My mother couldn’t make it to mine, otherwise it would have been nicer,” she said as he pulled her chair out for her and then took his own. It really surprised her how attentive he was being despite not being familiar with human customs. When Xel sat down she peeked at the name tag next to her. Admiral Hackett’s plus one, and the next one over was Admiral Hackett’s. Her brows drew together and she turned to Garrus. “Who’s sitting beside you?”

            He leaned over and read the tag, “Commander Shepard H.”

            “Fantastic…”

            Garrus looked back at her, “Your mother I presume?”

            “Xelvadora.”

            Immediately Xel was on her feet and had spun around, “Mother.”

            Hannah Shepard was dressed in her blues with her hair styled beautifully on top of her head, allowing for her hat to be worn while outside, but here it wasn’t needed and it allowed her to show off the auburn locks. Her blue gaze flicked from her daughter to the turian who now stood just behind Xel. “So this is the turian crossing the galaxy with my daughter,” she said with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

            Garrus stepped up to Xel’s side and offered his hand to the other woman, “Garrus Vakarian, it’s a pleasure to meet you, Commander Shepard.”

            Her mother took the hand offered and gave it a firm shake. “Please, you’re not Alliance, Hannah is fine.”

            His mandibles splayed and he tilted his head slightly, “It appears we’ll be sitting side by side.”

            “Yes. I thought it would help me get to know you better,” she said and glanced at Xel. “Not much has been shared with me about you.”

            “I’m afraid there isn’t much to share,” the turian replied casually.

            “You do appear to be younger than I imagined,” Hannah’s brows drew together. “And I thought you said the Spectre who mentored you had a different–”

            The elder Shepard was cut off by a mic being tapped to catch everyone’s attention. Hannah excused herself, her thoughts already having moved on from the conversation they were having as she headed toward the stage to stand beside Admiral Hackett. Xel felt her breath rush out of her lungs as she hadn’t realized she’d been holding it.

            “You all right, Shepard?” Garrus asked lowly. A woman came to their table and smiled, sitting in Hackett’s plus one seat. She was older, around her mother’s age, but didn’t wear it the same, rather, her hair was dyed blonde, and she wore makeup to help ease the lines creasing her face. She was pretty, but she lacked the confidence that her mother had. Xel smiled at her and then turned to the turian, nodding.

            “Yeah, I just… don’t know how she’d take the news you’re not the right turian and…” she shook her head. Garrus chuckled and they sat down.

            “I don’t know Nihlus well, but I think we can agree this would not be the place for him.”

            “No it would not,” she concurred.

            As the Admiral spoke, waiters came around and silently placed plates to keep from being a distraction. The appetizer was a shaved beet and citrus salad with pine nuts and balsamic vinaigrette that looked very nice. The choice of meals had been offered on the RSVP mail and was either prime rib with a béarnaise sauce, grilled zucchini and au gratin potatoes, chicken breasts stuffed with mushrooms and Gorgonzola, or a lentil and mushroom stroganoff. Dessert was a strawberry and lime sorbet. She noticed how Garrus’ brow plates shifted as he looked at the unfamiliar-to-her mixture of food, before splaying his mandibles: it was a good.

            Summoning up a smile she took her salad from the waiter and then looked up at the stage where the Admiral was speaking about Hannah.

            “Soldiers are not promoted for what they’ve done –that’s what awards and medals are for,” he stated firmly, his gaze rolling over the crowd. “Soldiers are promoted for their potential for more responsibility. For what they are capable of achieving.”

            “It seems our militaries have more in common than they’d care to admit,” Garrus whispered lowly, not looking at her. Xel didn’t take her eyes off the Admiral until he stepped back and Hannah came up to him, standing straight and professional.

            Icy blue eyes locked straight ahead as Admiral Hackett turned to her and was joined by a Marine lance corporal holding a tray. The soft shutter of cameras and flash of lights alerted Xel to the presence of cameras she’d somehow missed. Hannah didn’t move or blink, the picture of a perfect soldier standing gracefully as she was given a great honor.

            Her downturned lips and high arched brows made her resting face appear angry to anyone who didn’t know her, so for this she allowed herself what Xel knew to be a joyless grin. It was a practice she had taken on for pictures taken of her for the Alliance or when news cameras had a shot of her. With her lips evened out she looked professionally content, just as Admiral Hackett did while he removed the old rank on her uniform to clip the new shoulder boards on.

            When he was done, the Admiral stepped back and Hannah turned to him, saluting. He returned it and then offered his hand, she took it in a firm handshake that would make for an excellent photograph. Xel was one of the first to clap for her mother, an honest, proud smile pulling her lips up.

 

 

            By the time the main course made it to the table, Hannah and Hackett had returned as well. Many people stopped them to speak and congratulate the new Captain Shepard. While that went on, Xel and Garrus spoke with Mrs. Hackett who was lovely and kind. The table became tense when Hannah sat down beside the turian, though, and Xel watched her carefully, her peripheral locked on her squadmate as well.

            “That was a fantastic speech, Captain,” Xel said and Mrs. Hackett nodded her agreement.

            “Yes, very good. I liked how you included that part about your husband. I am sorry he could not be here,” the Admiral’s wife added quietly while Hackett lowered his head. Hannah nodded.

            “John would have enjoyed this I think,” she stated, her voice carefully devoid of emotion. Xel let out a light laugh, though, and all eyes flicked to her. She shook her head.

            “We both know he would have been miserable, mother. Dad hated these sit down dinners and fancy glasses. He would take the mess hall every time.” At that her mother smiled, a genuine, wide thing that actually struck Xel in the heart. Trying to distract herself, the Commander reached for her drink and sipped at the wine, appreciating the warmth it trailed down her throat.

            “Yes, he did like the simple things didn’t he? He only indulged in this sort of entertainment when I insisted,” her blue gaze flicked to the turian beside her who was politely staying out of the conversation and had yet to touch his main dish. The only reason she could think was he was waiting for her or her mother to start eating first. Hackett and his wife had already started on theirs and the Admiral even gave his approving nod with thoughtfully furrowed brows. “Much like you, Xelvadora,” her mother’s gaze landed on her with laser focus.

            Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the turian’s mandibles twitch at her name and she wondered if he was thinking about his mispronunciation of it on their first meeting. Xel nodded, though and gave her mother a grin, “I’m just a grunt at heart. I don’t think I’ll be very happy the day I have to give up a ship in favor of a desk. Even if the views on the Presidium are beautiful.”

            Finally her mother forked some of her chicken and slipped it into her mouth, a thoughtful furrow to her brows as she turned her attention to the suited man between them. “Garrus was it?”

            “Yes, ma’am,” he replied, allowing his hands to casually rest on either side of his plate holding utensils ready to eat, but still clean as he hadn’t had the chance.

            “Do you spend much time on the Citadel?” Hannah asked, seeming to ignore –though not disapprove– of him not using her name despite consent give, and the turian nodded once.

            “Yes. After my service to the Hierarchy I moved to the Citadel to follow in my father’s footsteps as a C-Sec officer,” he explained and Admiral Hackett lifted his cold blue eyes.

            “How long have you been on the force?”

            “I was a C-Sec agent for six years,” he said and Xel noticed he was avoiding telling a lie but was still managing to keep Hannah’s impression of him being the turian Spectre she thought he was. Not wanting to draw attention to the turian’s lie by omission, Xel started on her prime rib, pushing the zucchini to the side, as she didn’t plan on eating them.

            Of course, her mother being her mother, noticed. “Still afraid of your vegetables, Xelvadora?”

            Xel forced up a smile, though it ended up a smirk, “They say you are what you eat, I’d rather be meat than a plant.”

            At that Garrus let out a laugh and both Hacketts joined. Her mother allowed a smile to curve her lips, but her icy eyes were not amused. The turian cut in, though. “This is fantastic, and completely unexpected, Captain,” he said and turned over a thick slab of meat on his plate. “I never would have guessed the best dextro meal I’d eat would be on Earth.”

            Hannah allowed her pride to show in that smile now and she looked at the man, right in the eyes, but he didn’t even blink. “I wanted to make a good impression. It would have looked very bad for the Alliance’s only dextro guest’s meal to be sub par.”

            “I’m not even sure I could find a place on Palaven that was this divine,” he stated and sounded honest even to Xel.

            “I am very happy you’re enjoying it, Garrus.”

            Mrs. Hackett spoke up now, her lips pursing. “Citadel Security for six years? Why did you leave?”

            “Several reasons,” the turian said after finishing a bite of his food, careful not to eat too much at once. With the razor teeth he had, he could not chew, so like the carnivorous dinosaurs that Xel had studied so much as a child, or even the megalizards of Earth, he tore the meat –or cut it with his knife and fork– before putting it in his mouth and then let his stomach to the rest. She found it fascinating, but a lot of humans were disgusted when a turian put a slab of meat into their mouth and ripped it apart with their teeth, or just swallowed the piece whole. Their mandibles could hide most of it, but not like human cheeks. “When I was nominated for Spectre my father was… upset, to put it mildly, and he had… many protests.”

            “I can understand that,” the Admiral said and then took a small bite of food, chewing it quickly. “Some say they have too much freedom. No true power, but they can bend every rule in Citadel Space and the Council won’t bat an eye.”

            “Which is why my father… dislikes them,” Garrus stated and Hannah shifted in her seat.

            “So you defied him to become a Spectre?” she lifted a brow and Garrus hesitated just long enough for her to continue. “I can only imagine what that’s done to your relationship.”

            “Actually no,” he said and looked down at his plate, “I turned down the nomination. I left C-Sec because I wanted to work with a Spectre, though, and I knew Commander Shepard was well on her way.”

            Xel had to hold her breath. If she didn’t the sigh of defeat would leave her. There was no negative feeling in her body, she wasn’t mad at Garrus for telling the truth –she would never ask him to lie about this– but she had hoped it wouldn’t come up. Honestly, she should have known better and been the one to tell her mother, it would have made the gelid stare she was giving her now easier to withstand. “Thanks Garrus,” she said and looked at him now.

            His mandibles splayed and then Mrs. Hackett leaned forward, a curious look in her eye. “I’ve not been to the Citadel. You must have some stories about your time there…”

            The turian let out a happy sound that may have been a snort had he been human, but his subvocals made it musical and the spread of his mandibles was an obvious smile. “Do you want the good, the bad, or the disgusting?”

           

 

            The music for dancing kicked on just as Garrus finished a story about a huge red sand bust in one of the Wards his first year on the force. With dessert settling, Xel decided it was best to stay seated, but her mother and the Hacketts departed to being mingling with guests that had to leave or wanted to pick up conversations. She was more than happy to finally have a moment away from her mother’s icy stare.

            “I’m sorry.”

            Xel looked up quickly at the apology and lifted a brow, “What do you have to be sorry for?”

            He chuckled and sipped his drink, finishing the purple liquid. “I told her I wasn’t a Spectre.”

            “That’s fine, I didn’t want you to lie,” Xel sighed and rubbed her forehead where a headache was starting to make itself known. “If you don’t want to stay, we can go back to the hotel. We need to leave pretty early to catch the transporter. We’re meeting Normandy at Noveria.”

            Garrus nodded and stood up as Xel did, but he paused and tilted his head, looking at the dance floor. “Maybe one dance…”

            “You’re welcome to it,” she waved him on and he flicked a single mandible out in what had to be a smirk.

            “Oh no, Commander, you’re going to dance with me.”

            “What?” Xel blinked and the turian gently snagged her wrist and guided her over to where the others had started pairing up and swaying. “Oh no, you’re going to regret this, I’m a horrible dancer.”

            “Don’t worry about stepping on my feet,” he pulled her close and she shuddered at the sound of his flanging voice, “Even in boots, I doubt your toes hurt more than talons.”

            And then they were moving.

            Garrus held her close enough that he had a hand on her waist and the other linked with hers. Her free hand instinctively went to the turian’s collared shoulder. She could feel his carapace’s uneven texture there, where the metallic surface joined to his arm socket and collarbone. With splayed mandibles, he moved them, not easing into it.

            It had to be a turian dance because he knew it far too well, and Xel had never even _watched_ this series of movements. Garrus moved her forward and then to the side, pressed into her side to get her to turn, and then went backward. Her wide eyes flicked from the floor to his face and back again. His boots were near silent on the tile, but she stumbled, not so graceful.

            “Damn it, Vakarian, everyone’s staring,” she breathed and he chuckled lowly, his blue eyes like a welcoming sea.

            “I thought human girls liked this sort of thing,” he whispered, stepping closer now. She couldn’t watch his feet and had to feel and remember the movements now. Her hand holding his squeezed tighter out of fear of tripping. His three digits fit easily with her five, the soft fabric of the gloves making the rough pads of his hand more welcoming. “A man with a voice like this,” he growled lowly in her ear and she couldn’t help the shudder she knew he felt, “Coming to her rescue–”

            “My rescue?”

            “Have you forgotten so soon? Chora’s Den… the Ward alleys,” his hand on her waist slid behind her and he used the adjusted grip to turn her to face with him and strut to the beat of the music a few steps, and then backed them up the same number. “And Feros. Without me, you might have a few new scars… and bite marks.”

            Her cheeks were bright red, but the dim lighting helped hide it –she hoped. “Depending on the bites, they aren’t totally unwelcome.” The turian’s step faulted a beat, and she grinned, stepping to compensate now that her feet seemed to be picking up a rhythm. “Besides, I like scars.”

            “Is that so?” he hummed and turned her around into a three-sixty spin. Xel coughed when he pulled her back to him and they looked into each other’s eyes. Her breath left her and she felt her heart hammer in her chest.

            In her mind, they were the only ones here. She couldn’t even fathom what the other guests were currently doing, but she didn’t care. The silver turian looking down at her now was the only thing on her mind. “Don’t get many of those being a sniper though,” she stated out of breath.

            His mandibles flared and he rolled his shoulders in a shrug, “Being the best sniper in the galaxy has its disadvantages, too.”

            Her brows shot up, “The _best_ sniper in the _galaxy_?”

            He chuckled and they resumed their dance, slower now, closer with their chests together. She didn’t really notice, and he didn’t either. “I’m sorry, Shepard, but Feros proved it. You missed that charging krogan, if it hadn’t been for me, then Alenko would be a –oh, what’s it called, that flat breakfast disc humans eat?”

            “A pancake,” she supplied and shook her head. “You were farther back,” she tried to defend herself.

            “All you had to do was point and shoot,” he said, his head bowed so that his words were humming musically in her ear. “But it’s okay, I won’t tell anyone.”

            “Ah, gee, thanks,” she shook her head and looked at him. They were so close, her face just an inch from his with him bent this way. She didn’t realize they’d stopped again, and now they were on the sidelines, off the dance floor. “You said one dance, I think whatever that was counted.”

            He stepped back from her, leaving her feeling cold, and nodded once, “You’ll get better with practice, Xel.”

            Shaking her head she let her disagreement go unsaid and opted to find her mother and wish her a good night before leaving. As if the thought alone summoned her, Hannah Shepard appeared beside Xel, causing her to jump. “Mother, I was just looking for you, we have to be going. We leave early for Noveria.”

            Her nose crinkled at the name but she nodded her understanding. Then she looked at Garrus. “I just have one question. If you aren’t the Spectre then what do you do now that you aren’t a Citadel agent? Do you have a source of income?”

            “Mother,” Xel frowned, appalled by the woman’s callous statement and implication.

            “It’s okay, Commander,” he waved at her to show he wasn’t offended. “I’m sorry, Captain, if I’ve given you a negative impression. I don’t have a reliable source of income as of now, and doubt I will have one until your daughter and her team catches former Spectre Agent Saren Arterius. I was assigned to her case before she was a Spectre, and I couldn’t find anything in his classified activities. But I had a gut feeling,” he let the human saying roll of his tongue, and Xel was happy that he used it right. “I left C-Sec to join her so that I could help put an end to his attack on human colonies. He is a traitor to the Council and a disgrace to my people.” The words were familiar, spoken to her when she recruited him back on the Citadel, and now they were used to defend his actions. Leaving a good job to become a ship rat on an Alliance ship to travel the galaxy to stop one of his own. Xel hadn’t stopped to think about that, but now that she did, she realized there was far more to this young turian than she had originally thought.

            Hannah nodded once, her arched brows pushed together to pucker the space between them. Her downturned lips made the expression look more hostile, and Xel wondered how good Garrus was at reading human expressions. After a few breaths, she spoke her voice low, “You seem like a decent turian, Garrus. I hope my daughter isn’t making a mistake by trusting you.”

            “I swore to uphold justice on the Citadel, and I wasn’t able to do the best I could with the resources I had. Because of your daughter, I can widen both my perspective and my resources. Commander Shepard will always have an ally in me –she’ll always have me to watch her back.” Garrus’ mandibles twitched into what looked like a grin, and her mother’s brows eased.

            “Bring her home to me when this is all said and done then,” Hannah Shepard stated and it almost sounded like a threat. Six years at C-Sec told Garrus the same thing and he nodded once to show his understanding.

            “Of course, Captain.”

            Hannah turned to Xel then, a sigh slipping from her lips and she rotated the wine glass in her grasp. “I expect to hear from you. I don’t want to learn about all this on the news,” she waved between them casually. “And… I’m happy you came, Xelvadora. I do enjoy seeing you,” she said with the implied ‘as much as it may seem otherwise’ left unspoken at the end.

            “I know, mother, I had fun.” She stepped forward and circled her arms around her in an awkward embrace. “Congratulation. Dad would have been proud.”

            “He would have, of you,” she whispered as she returned the embrace. Xel’s eyes prickled with sudden emotion. “Me making Captain was expected, but you making Spectre was…” a sigh left her and her hug tightened. “I’m sorry I don’t do this more.”

            “It’s okay, mom,” Xel murmured softly and they parted. “I’ll message you when I get back to the Normandy.”

            Hannah nodded and watched them leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but this was a long one and it was going to have another scene at the end, but this was already nine pages, so I'll probably just include that scene another time, adapted to a new situation. Thoughts? Who thinks Garrus is better for her than Nihlus? xD Should I add a new tag? Hmmm...


	17. Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have.”
> 
> “Ah, fuck,” Nis whispered and Xel felt a frozen drop trail down her spine.
> 
> Nihlus flicked a mandible out and raised his shotgun, “You won’t look so smug with a hole in your head.”
> 
> “Your insolence is a poor mask for your fear,” she seethed and lifted a biotic hand.
> 
> Then they fired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo
> 
> Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Mo,  
> Catch an alien by their toe,  
> If they holler,  
> Let them go....

            Noveria: one of the worst places in the galaxy for anyone with a conscious. Well, Omega and Illium definitely rivaled it, but those both – _usually_ – dealt with more blood and fewer politics. Blood was something Shepard could handle. There was a reason Xel had never come to Noveria before now.

            “Turians… don’t like the cold. Have I mentioned that?”

            “Only five times, Vakarian,” Nis cut in sharply and the turian chuckled. The Mako was packed tightly, but it was a welcome relief from the mess they’d left behind at the Noveria docks.

            This whole day had been one big cluster-fuck.

            Xel had landed with Garrus and Wrex just in time to walk in on Nihlus about to start a war with Noveria Security. Somehow his Spectre clearance wasn’t showing up and they tried to strip him and her crew of their weapons before allowing them into the base. _That_ would have been enough to give her a headache, but then they learned that Benezia was still on world, on the other side of a three-hour drive through the mountains plagued with a snowstorm.

            If that wasn’t exhausting the six-hour run-around she and Nihlus had to do before getting a garage pass to get to the Mako, was a mission of its own.

            Nine hours and they were just now pulling up to the Peak 15, getting ready to hop out and storm the place to find this asari matriarch. The whole time, Shepard had gone from trying to stop watching the new asari –Doctor Liara T’soni, daughter of Matriarch Benezia– and staring at the red turian who had barely looked at her since their reunion.

            She wasn’t normally the kind of woman to get insecure about herself –not with relationships at least– but she wasn’t exactly sure what was between her and Nihlus. Now she worried she’d done something to cause the turian to be so distanced.

            The Mako came to a stop and her team filed out in a practiced style she hadn’t expected. Her gaze immediately flicked to Nihlus as he came to her side and watched them secure the perimeter. Most notably, Ashley was saying something to Nis, while allowing the asari to rest her hand on the Chief’s shoulder.

            “They seem to be getting along well,” she commented and the turian’s mandibles twitched, his green eyes rolling down to her almost playfully.

            “We were busy while you were away. Several worlds had Thorian creepers infesting them. So I took the time to do some… team building.”

            Xel grinned at him, “Team building? _You_?”

            “Excuse you, Agent Shepard,” he growled and then strode down the Mako’s ramp to follow the team.

            Wrex and Garrus were hanging back, watching the rest with interest similar to hers, and when she came to their sides, the krogan grunted. “What’d he do to them?”

            Shepard grinned and pulled her rifle from over her shoulder, “Team building.”

 

 

            Nis ripped her omni-blade out of the rachni’s body and flicked her wrist to get the blood off. Ashley wrinkled her nose and gestured with her gun, “I’m not sure how you can stand to touch those things.”

            She grinned at the human and tilted her head thoughtfully, “You think rachni are bad? Wait till you see a vorcha undress…”

            “Disgusting.”

            “I agree,” Nihlus growled and passed them both, lifting a brow plate as he kicked the animal over to look at it.

            “A what?” Ashley stared wide-eyed, but no one answered her.

            Wrex had been oddly quiet since they discovered the rachni, and Shepard thought it may have to do with his past. She let it be, not wanting to bring up any more memories than already occurred for him. He wasn’t the kind of man to let you draw conversation out of him he didn’t want to tell you anyway.

            The others were almost having fun with the slaying of the insects. They’d left Tali and Kaidan with the Mako, also to cover that entrance and keep them updated should anyone try to enter or leave. Garrus and Shepard kept back with their sniper rifles while Nis and Wrex charged the front. Nihlus, Vator, and Ashley kept between, catching the overflow from the tanks. It was a good system that got them deep into the Peak 15 –until they reached people.

            Two trips up the elevator got the whole team up to meet Captain Ventralis. He seemed nice enough, but Nihlus looked on edge the whole time they spoke. He told them about the rachni coming in through the ducts, right into the kill zone despite it obviously not working. The Captain’s attitude shifted slightly when he learned Shepard and Kryik were Spectres. And then he informed them that the Matriarch had gone down into the Hotlabs and not returned since.

            “That’s our next stop,” Xel shifted her sniper rifle and looked up at Nihlus who nodded, but his green eyes flicked over the captain’s face and then the others around him.

            “One of us should stay here with part of the crew. There are too many of us for the elevators anyway.”

            Liara stepped forward then, “Benezia is powerful, we should all go together.”

            The turian’s green eyes had become familiar to her by now, she could tell he was calculating. He wasn’t telling her everything, which meant she was missing something important. “Together it is,” he growled, reluctantly.

            It took two more trips down to the transit level and to the Hotlabs. They were only able to because of the card the captain gave them. The elevator down to the labs was larger –probably meant to make it easier to transport supplies. They all fit, but it was packed tighter than cargo on a freighter.

            Xel almost kicked herself when they all got to the lab and the single remaining scientist that explained to them what was really going on. Benezia wasn’t there, hadn’t been down in the labs at all. But the rachni came from an egg they managed to hatch after they found it on a derelict ship. They had plans to clone it but learned it was a queen. Of course, this meant they could just breed more because apparently rachni don’t need a partner to reproduce. And to control them, they separated the babies from the queen –because that was the smartest idea in the Milky Way since medigel.

            _Shockingly,_ this made them feral.

            And now she and Nihlus stood in front of the scientist with heavy sighs and an agitated crew.

            Shepard rubbed her forehead and squeezed the bridge of her nose. “So… how do we kill them?”

            Nihlus folded his arms and looked the man over, “There’s some sort of decontamination protocol, isn’t there? In case something like this happens.”

            “Yes,” the man nodded and then hissed, grabbing his wounded side. Vator was doing his best, but a rachni drone had gotten one of its tentacles through him. “I have key and code,” he breathed heavily and went to stand, Vator was at his side to help him. “You will need to leave–”

            The scientist’s words were cut off by a grunt and cry. Xel spun back around to look at him just in time to watch Vator get thrown across the room by the rachni’s other tentacle. The creature lifted the scientist off his feet and then tossed him, screaming at them with is odd mouth. It looked like a beak, but it was split into multiple parts and spread like fingers when it opened.

            Nihlus’ shotgun blew its head open, but more were coming up the vents, breaking through the weak metal, and crawling into the room. Xel pulled out her pistol and fired as the others followed suit. The other Spectre ran for the scientist’s body and as he searched him, Shepard covered the turian.

            Finally, he got what he needed and stood up. “I’m going to get the purge started, go to the elevator, don’t wait for me,” he growled and pushed Xel to get her moving.

            “I’m not going to leave you,” she snarled and he showed his teeth in a flash of anger.

            “Don’t be stupid, Commander. Get your team out of here, I’ll be right behind you.”

            “I’ll stay with him,” Nis jumped up, burying her omni-blade into the torso of one of the rachni. “Go, Shep,” she nodded her purple head.

            Liara threw some of the insects away from the doorway with her biotics and Vator lifted others out of their way, but he was leaning against Garrus for support. The team moved together well, despite the large number of them and the cramped space. Shepard didn’t have time to be proud of them, though, because when she turned around she saw Nis take a hit from one of the rachni soldiers.

            Ashley shouted, “T’kanis is wounded!”

            “I got her!” the quarian pulled away from Garrus and jumped through the closing elevator doors just as Xel reached to stop him.

            “Damn it, Vator!” Shepard yelled and beat on the door with a heavy fist as it lifted them up and out of the Hotlabs. When the door opened at the top everyone filed out but Xel.

            “Commander, they’ll be fine,” Liara said softly and Shepard shook her head.

            “I’m going back down, to keep the door open for them when they leave.”

            “Shepard,” Garrus’ subharmonics were close behind her. “If something happens, we can’t lose you both.”

            He was right and she hated him for it. After a second, she backed up and pressed the button to send the elevator down. She hopped out and paced as she waited for it to return. No one spoke, which was good, because she probably would have snapped at them if they had. Nis and Vator were being stupid and irresponsible, but that didn’t compare to the recklessness of Nihlus. They could have done it together, some way, but this was…

            The elevator was moving and Xel froze, her pistol lifted at the door. They had to be prepared for anything. The three of them alive and fine. At least one of them on their dying breath. A rachni that got lucky with the elevator’s buttons. Anything.

            It opened and Vator stumbled out with Nis at his side, Nihlus was behind them, carrying what looked like one of Vator’s guns –probably having been dropped. Nis had a large, purple splotch taking over her right shoulder where a wound was bleeding profusely. The asari warrior went to the ground and hissed, the quarian knelt beside her.

            “I’ll live!” the asari laughed and halfheartedly pushed at the man hovering over her as he scanned her with his omni-tool and then started to go to work patching her up.

            “Can you move your arm?” the man in red asked.

            “If I swing my shoulders it moves, does that count?”

            “No. No it does not,” Vator growled at her and Xel rubbed her forehead.

            “You can’t continue with us like this.”

            “The hell I’m going back,” Nis growled and looked up at the Commander with narrowed magenta eyes. “I’m going to help you finish this, Shep. I’m not going back.” Then she turned to Vator. “Put it back in place and wrap it, I’ll be fine.”

            The quarian hesitated and the asari moved as if she was going to do it herself. Then he grabbed her hand to get her to stop and shifted around her to do the deed. Nihlus knelt down next to her to support her back and side while the quarian prepared her for the pain she was about to suffer.

            “Come on, Wanderer, I need this arm, just shove it in place and get it over with.”

            “You like the pain, don’t you?” he chuckled and shook his head. Just as she was about to give him a witty reply, the quarian jerked her arm to put it back with a pop and the asari cried out.

            “ _Ah–fuck the Goddess–!_ ” she screeched and Xel didn’t miss the soft gasp beside her from Liara. She growled a few more times, breathing heavily and quickly, and then nodded. “Now that… now that that’s out of the way,” she stood up with the aid of the other Spectre and then stepped away from him to show she was fine. “We can get on your way, yeah?”

            Shepard looked her over. “I want you in the back, with me and Garrus. I don’t want you fighting with the blade anymore.” When the asari looked like she was about to protest, Xel lifted her brows and the woman went quiet.

            “Fine.”

            “Don’t worry, kid, I’ll leave some for you,” Wrex grinned at her and patted her back, careful to avoid the quarian as he wrapped her shoulder and applied medigel.

            “Don’t move this when I get it wrapped up.”

            “Yes, doctor.”

            “Don’t call me that.”

            From then on they were more careful. The group was packed, but not tightly, allowing all units to swivel and work with their own little area. Nis grumbled the whole time they worked through the men that had tried to kill them off down in the Hotlabs. Xel didn’t feel bad at all for killing them. She could have helped them –spared them– if they’d only told her what was going on. But they had orders, and they followed them. Nihlus wasn’t going to stop and ask them to stand down, so, she followed in his footsteps and popped heads like melons.

            And when they finally reached the Matriarch, Shepard had gained back her confidence in the group. Nis wasn’t happy with standing back and firing left-handed, but she didn’t complain aloud. Benezia was standing in front of a large pod, her black clothing setting a mood tangled with misery in the low lighting of the laboratory.

            “You do not know the privilege of being a mother. There is power in creation. To shape a life. Turn it toward happiness or despair.” She seemed like she wasn’t speaking to anyone in particular, but she then turned to them. “Her children were to be ours,” she started to say, but Nihlus lifted his shotgun and fired. Xel almost sighed. He really was the shoot first kind of man. The Matriarch just lifted a hand glowing with biotics and the scattershot froze in place before dropping harmlessly to the floor. “They were to be raised to hunt and slay Saren’s enemies,” she continued as if she hadn’t been interrupted. The turian stepped forward and tried again. “I won’t be moved by sympathy. No matter who you bring into the confrontation,” she stated, her eyes locked, hard, on Liara.

            Each time the turian fired the asari blocked the fire, and then she used a throw to toss him back, knocking into Ashley and Vator behind him. Xel lifted her pistol. “Liara’s here because she wants to be. Not because I asked her to.”

            Wrex growled and started forward a step, his head lowering and she knew that meant he was going to charge. The Matriarch didn’t even pay him a glance. “Indeed? What have you told them about me, Liara?”

            “What could I say, mother? What you’re insane? Evil?” Liara’s voice rose in distress and she shook her hands as the krogan took a deep breath. “Should I explain how to kill you? What could I say?”

            Then Wrex charged, right up the steps and at the Matriarch. She stepped to the side and used a biotic push to throw him into the wall. The growling and groaning from him was out of anger, not pain, and he pushed himself to his feet as Benezia turned back to the main group. They all had their weapons drawn, waiting for Xel to give the order to fire despite the two previous outbursts. “Have you faced an asari commando unit before? Few humans have.”

            “Ah, fuck,” Nis whispered and Xel felt a frozen drop trail down her spine.

            Nihlus flicked a mandible out and raised his shotgun, “You won’t look so smug with a hole in your head.”

            “Your insolence is a poor mask for your fear,” she seethed and lifted a biotic hand.

            Then they fired.

            It was a mess. Xel’s body froze, a field surrounded her, causing her to go stiff and unable to move. At her side, Nihlus was also frozen, but the others charged forward, engaging the Matriarch as other asari poured into the room. Gunfire and the whir of biotics filled the air, and Shepard wasn’t able to follow what all was happening before she was freed from the stasis field and immediately opened fire on the unfamiliar faces in the room.

            Nihlus recovered a moment after her and ducked with her behind a box. “She’s too powerful to attack directly,” he said lowly and they both watched as she blocked incoming fire and threw their unit around simultaneously.

            “She’s a _Matriarch_ ,” Xel stated flatly and the turian nodded.

            “I’ve survived a Justicar, I’m not letting a Matriarch get me.” Before she could ask what that was, he was moving. Xel checked her scope, searching for commando targets. It took her down two for one to take an interest in her.

            One of the asari came at her, biotic fist glowing brightly. Xel gulped as she jerked the bolt on the sniper rifle and put the barrel to the woman’s stomach. Her fist was just about to connect with Xel’s helmet when a blur of purple knocked her off the weapon. A second later she fired and the shot struck another asari coming her way in the neck. Her brows jerked up –she hadn’t caught that one.

            A bloody rip and a groan pulled Xel’s attention back over to the pile of asari beside her. Nis had knocked her arm out of the socket again, but now her blade was buried deep into the woman she’d taken out.

            “What did I say about that blade?” the Commander growled.

            Nis rolled her eyes so high her neck craned backward – _that_ was a human thing to do if Xel had ever seen one. “You’re welcome.”

            “I had her.”

            “Not the one behind her.”

            Shepard’s jaw tightened and she nodded. “Stay behind me.”

            “Aye aye.”

            But that didn’t last long. Geth poured into the room and as numerous as her team was, the cramped space had filled with too many hostiles. They weren’t going to be able to handle much more. Benezia was the key, though. Her biotics were the most troublesome. Liara, Vator, and Wrex were able to match what was being used against them, while Ash, Garrus, and Nihlus did their best to avoid the biotics and take out the foot soldier geth.

            “Nis,” Shepard turned, ducking down behind a box. The asari was holding an assault rifle she’d picked off a commando. It was awkward on her left arm, but she did a good job hiding her pain. “We’re going to take out the Matriarch.”

            “I like it, just tell me what I need to do.”

            “Cover me.”

            “Awe–no,” the complaint was cut off with realization. “You’re not going in alone, Commander. We can’t afford to lose you to this bitch. I’ll get her, you cover me.”

            Xel grabbed her, but her fingers only caught air. Nis was gone, rushing ahead. Xel lifted her pistol and fired, not downing enemies so much as keeping them behind cover. “Damn it,” she growled and ran after the asari.

            Her left shoulder jerked and stung like she’d been shot –she probably had been– but she kept close after Nis. She wasn’t fast enough, though, and the purple woman reached her target before the Commander could stop her.

            Benezia easily knocked away Nis, but she didn’t have enough time to recover and stop Shepard from getting several shots on her before throwing her back into one of the boxes they used for cover. Her breath left her and she sputtered, trying to get it back. Faintly, she could see a commando coming her way, but Xel could barely lift her hand, let alone grab her gun. Instead, she flung up her omni-tool and tapped a control, sending out a shock to the commando’s weapon. It overheated and she dropped it with a yelp. Someone from her team shot her.

            “Mother!”

            Xel looked up to see Liara running for Benezia. The woman in black was lying on the ground, hands on her chest and stomach as she tried to keep a hold on whatever violet blood was seeping out of her. The daughter flung a geth with her biotics without looking at them and grabbed one of her mother’s bloody hands.

            “Mother, look at me!”

            “I… wasn’t strong enough to resist it, Liara,” the woman whispered and lifted her hand to touch her daughter’s cheek. Xel slowly stood up, looking around her for any remaining commandos or geth. “The in… indoctrination is… final.”

            “Mother, we can help you,” Liara whispered.

            “No, it’s too late.” Benezia shook her head and Xel came closer, limping slightly, a hand on her side to aid her breathing. “I forwarded Saren the information for the Mu Relay, you have… you have to stop him.”

            “I don’t understand,” Xel coughed. “Why are you trying to help us now?”

            “I sealed away a part of myself when I sensed the indoctrination.” Benezia winced and grabbed her side. Xel frowned, but waited for her to continue while the rest of her team circled them, waiting for an order. “I knew it was too late for me, but I could help stop him. I need you to take the information I gathered from the rachni queen,” her eyes rolled over to the massive insect and everyone else followed suit.

            “The rachni knew where the relay was?”

            “The location was lost long ago,” she coughed and clutched her side.

            “Mother, hush,” Liara’s eyes were rimmed with tears. Xel could tell they weren’t close, much like her and her own mother.

            “Here,” she lifted an OSD and Liara took it. “That’s… the data,” she whispered. Her voice was getting weaker and weaker.

            “Knowing the location of the Mu Relay isn’t enough,” Nihlus stepped forward, his shotgun held at ease. “Do you know where he plans to go from there?”

            “No,” it was barely a breath. “He didn’t… wouldn’t tell me….” The Matriarch winced again and grabbed her side, sucking in a breath that made the pain of her face twist more.

            “Mother!” Liara grabbed her, trying in vain to find a way to help. “Vator, can you do nothing?”

            The quarian looked between Nihlus and Xel, but before either could say anything, Benezia shook her head, “It is… too late. You’ve… always made me proud, Liara.” She looked to Nihlus and then Xel, “You must stop him.”

            “First you turn on the Council, and now Saren,” Nihlus lifted his chin slightly to look down at the asari, “You’re not loyal to anything, are you?”

            Liara gasped but Benezia let out a thoughtful noise, unbothered, “I suppose that is how history will know me.” Then she looked up to Liara, “Good night, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn.” The Matriarch slumped against her daughter, succumbing to her wounds.

            Liara let out a soft cry and squeezed her mother tight against her chest. Xel looked to Nihlus, but he was looking behind her, his mandibles pressed hard against his mouth and his brows lowered to darken his eyes. Xel turned around and her heart dropped.

            Nis’ body lied crumpled up on the ground where Benezia had thrown her.

            Ashley ran over then, hitting the ground hard enough the Commander knew it had to hurt. “Nis!” the soldier straightened her out and tried to get her to open her eyes. She was covered in violet blood, her uniform so damp it dripped. “Wake up, damn it!”

            Vator ran over then. Garrus stood beside Nihlus and Wrex, watching with concerned blue eyes, none of them crowded the asari though. Xel put her pistol back on her hip and pinned both hands behind her head, opening her chest for deeper breaths. They were losing a soldier, they’d lost Benezia, and all they got was the location for a relay and they didn’t even know where to take it.

            Noveria was proving itself far more trouble than it was worth.

            Nis’ eyes snapped open then, but her gaze was glazed, like glass. She sat up, pushing away Vator and Ashley. “What’s–?” the soldier scrambled to stand with the asari as she made her way toward Shepard. Xel’s mauve eyes widened and she stepped aside when Nis continued past her. Toward the rachni queen.

            Xel grabbed her pistol and Nihlus lifted his shotgun. Beside him, Garrus and Wrex readied their assault rifles. Nis turned around and the rachni queen slammed a tentacle against the glass. “This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless,” Nis spoke, but she shook, her face contorted and her body unnaturally tense. Blood pooled at her feet, but she didn’t seem to notice.

            “You’re the queen?” Nihlus growled, stepping forward.

            “We are the mother. We sing for those left behind. The children you thought silenced. We are rachni.”

            Nihlus stepped around Nis and looked at the glass cage where the queen stood, looking at them, head tilting to the side in what might have been concentration. “How are you speaking through her?” he lifted a thumb toward Nis.

            Xel was about to reach out to Nis but Ashley beat her to it. “Come on, Nis, we were just starting to get along,” she snapped in front of her face and patted her cheek. Nihlus turned and growled at her.

            “Leave her, Chief.”

            The soldier looked like she was about to bite back but Xel cleared her throat. Nis spoke then, her face remaining unchanged, “Our kind sing through touchings of thought. We pluck the strings, and the other understands. She is weak to urging. She has colors we have no names for. But she is ending. Her music is bittersweet. It is beautiful.”

            Ashley’s face was twisted in anger and she gripped her weapon tightly. “We could be fixing her,” the words were low and hard.

            “You are not in harmony with those who hoped to control us,” Nis continued. “What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?”

            Nihlus looked at Xel then, his face unreadable. But it was Wrex who spoke, “There are acid tanks rigged up on that thing. Set them off. Millions of my ancestors died to put these things down. Don’t let them come back.” Both Spectres looked at the krogan. He crossed his arms and looked at them with his face lowered so his red eyes peeked at them with his forehead plate looking heavy.

            Liara shook her head, “I disagree. We made a mistake,” she didn’t look up from her mother. “We let the krogan go too far. This is a chance for us to atone. She has done nothing to us.”

            “She’s controlling Nis,” Ashley turned on her. “She can raise an army!”

            Garrus lifted his chin, “I agree with Liara. We can’t make this sort of decision, it has to be left up to the Council.”

            Vator folded his arms, “I’ve read about the rachni wars, and you heard that scientist before: a queen can grow a colony in days…. _But…_ I’m not comfortable participating in wiping out a species I don’t understand.”

            “But you’ll wipe out the geth?” Ashley snapped at him. The quarian’s glowing eyes narrowed and he looked at her, his helmet tilted so his chin was up.

            “I understand the geth, but I do not approve of our war with them.”

            “That why you and Tali won’t talk?” she narrowed her eyes at him.

            Vator stepped forward to say something, but Nihlus lifted a hand to silence them. “Not the time,” he growled.

            “Your companions hear the truth. You have the power to free us,” Nis cut in, her body shuddering, “Or return our people to the silence of memory.”

            Nihlus looked at the control panel but Xel stepped forward. “We need more information,” she turned away from him to the queen. “Are you a survivor of the war? Or a clone?”

            “We do not know. We were only an egg, hearing Mother cry in our dreams. A tone from space hushed one voice after another. It forced the singers to resonate with its own sour yellow note,” Nis said the words slowly, lowly, and it sent a shudder down Shepard’s spine. “When we awoke, in this place. The last echo of those who came out from the Singing Planet. The sky is silent.”

            “If we let you live, you attack other races again?”

            “No. We –I do not know what happened in the war. We only heard discordance, songs the color of oily shadows. We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return.”

            Xel touched her chin, her brows screwed, “You could have calmed them if I hadn’t set off the purge?”

            “No. Our minds are not as yours. We can only learn to sing in harmony. Without a mother, children are lost to silence. You should not sing of them in grey and violet. We would have stilled them ourselves.”

            “Shepard, we cannot allow them to live,” Nihlus growled, hand above the button. He turned green eyes over to the queen, “Make your peace with the galaxy. The rachni are a dead race.”

            “No!” Xel jumped over to him and shoved him away from the console. The Spectre wasn’t expecting it and stumbled back. She lifted her pistol and her team lifted their weapons to point them at the turian. He looked at them, each got his emerald eyes set on them. Whatever team building they’d done with him, whatever conflict they felt with the life of the queen, it didn’t matter now, because they were her crew, and they stood behind _her_ decision, not his.

            The Spectre nodded once and kept kneeling where he was, allowing her to proceed. Shepard turned back to the queen and then looked at Nis. “Is the asari going to make it?”

            “No.”

            “Was there anything we could do?”

            “No.”

            Seeing and hearing Nis be the one to answer only made her words more sickening. Xel nodded, though, and looked down at the console. “I’m not going to kill you.”

            Shepard pressed the button to let the rachni queen go, and listened to Nis’ body drop to the ground in a limp heap. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Such a long break to come back to a death...


	18. If Wishes Were Horses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If I didn’t want to be here, I’d be gone already,” he assured her.
> 
> “Well, that’s comforting.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but there it was. It did make his mandibles twitch in what she thought might have been a smile, though.
> 
> “So…” his mandibles flared in curiosity. “You wanted to talk?”
> 
> “Yes I did,” she nodded and took a deep breath. “About what happened on Noveria.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.  
> If turnips were bayonets, I'd wear one by my side.

           Xel sat on the edge of her bed, face in her hands, and breath uneven. The mission was a success, but it didn’t feel like it. The Council was upset the rachni were allowed to live –Nihlus had been scolded for allowing it to happen, but he accepted it without a word– despite what she said in the queen’s defense. It came down to the responsibility and consequences resting on Xel’s shoulders. She was fine with that, but the knowledge that Nis’ life also rested on her made that weight crippling.

        Nihlus promised they’d update the Council with any other news on Saren. Since then, she hadn’t heard a word from him.

        It called into question what their relationship was. She was normally good about separating work from her personal life, but this was a new field. She had no idea what Nihlus was thinking, and it left her with only her imagination –which wasn’t kind.

        A knock on her door made her jump up and Xel answered it, rather than calling to the visitor to allow them entry. When the door slid open, she met blue eyes resting deep in silver plates. The turian’s mandibles beat a few times as he avoided eye contact.

        “I came by to check on you. Since Nis… nobody seems to want to talk…. Even Joker’s been… well,” Garrus cleared his throat and shifted his stance. He was wearing what looked to be an Alliance uniform, matching hers in color and style, but fitted for a turian. She decided she wanted to change the subject and gestured to him.

        “Where’d you get the clothes?”

        “Nihlus got them while we were away,” he said, taking the shift in stride. “He said we’d feel more like a team if we all were ‘afforded the same amenities as the Alliance soldiers.’ Of course, some of us like it better than others. Wrex doesn’t believe blue’s his color.” Xel grinned and crossed her arms.

        “I’m sure _cloth_ isn’t really his thing either.” The turian chuckled, his mandibles splayed. Her smile widened and she sidestepped to allow him in. “You sure don’t mind blue, though.”

        “Always has been my color, I think,” he said softly and touched the markings on his face.

        “I agree,” she pulled out her bun and retied it as he sat down. She didn’t miss how he watched her, his gaze locked on her fingers. “I think it’s the only color that complements me, honestly. My mother always told me red looked better, but,” she shrugged and sat down across from him, leaving the statement unfinished.

        He lifted his chin, curious, “Red? I could see that.”

        Her cheeks warmed and shook her head. “I don’t have anything in red.”

        “Maybe someday.”

        “Maybe,” she took an interest in the ceiling and sighed. “Red camouflage, just to mess with people.”

        Garrus laughed and nodded his approval, “I would be… _very_ confused if someone came at me in red camouflage. Unless we were on Tuchanka.”

        “Unless we were on Tuchanka,” she agreed.

        The mood settled, leaving them in a comfortable silence until the turian sighed. “For not liking aliens, Ashley isn’t taking Nis’ death very well.”

        “I don’t think any of us are…”

        “Yeah…” Garrus’ practiced gaze locked on her, his years at C-Sec telling him more than she wanted. “It’s not your fault, Commander. She was reckless and wouldn’t listen. She knew she couldn’t take on Benezia herself…”

        “That’s why she did it. She was giving me the shot. She knew she wasn’t going to make it out of there.”

        Garrus shifted in his seat as he shook his head. There was nothing else to say. There were no magical words to make the pain go away, and there were no excuses to make what happened okay. There wasn’t a promise to do better that would bring back the asari.

        “Thanks for coming by, Garrus. Do you know where Nihlus is?” What she really wanted was some alone time, but that wasn’t going to happen.

        “I believe he’s in the conference room.” Then he added, “He hasn’t said much since we got back from Noveria.”

        “Yeah,” she stood up and straightened her blouse, her thoughts drifting to the red turian.

        “Oh, before I forget,” Garrus stood up and scratched at the tough hide of his neck. “Wrex and Nis were talking about something before… um, it sounded important.”

        “Thank you for telling me, I should go check on him.”

        The turian left with a bow of his head. She watched him go, feeling a little bit of warmth leave with him.

        Shepard stood there for a few minutes, just… feeling the ship. Tonight wasn’t going to be a peaceful night’s sleep –she probably wouldn’t get another for weeks. An ache centered in her right frontal lobe, and when it pulsed, she touched it, wincing. The want to go to bed almost outweighed her need to check on her crew, but she couldn’t afford to let this fester. They needed to see her.

        Wrex was sitting at the table in the mess, a cup of something boiling between his hands. He stared at the bubbles, watching them pop and sputter droplets onto the table’s smooth surface. He wasn’t alone, all Alliance staff had given him a wide berth save Ashley who sat across from him with what looked like a cheap bottle of whiskey. Xel wasn’t sure where that came from but didn’t say anything as she approached them and stood at the end of the table, looking down between them until Williams tilted her gaze upward.

        “Commander.”

        “Chief.”

        Ashley looked back down at the bottle she was gripping and frowned, “Why did she have to do it?”

        “She wasn’t thinking. She saw what needed to be done, and did it.”

        Both women looked at Wrex and Shepard frowned. “You approve?”

        “She got everyone else out,” the krogan stood up and threw back the hot liquid. “She didn’t think about herself, she thought about the mission.” Xel met his scarlet eyes and saw them shine with what she could only assume were forbidden tears. “It was the right thing to do. The _krogan_ thing to do.”

        The massive man turned away from them and dropped his cup into the cleaning unit. Xel walked over to him, keeping close as he grabbed the counter to steady himself. His jaw was strained, pressed so hard she could see the muscles and tendons twitch.

        “I can’t believe you let those wretches live.” His voice was broken, thick and deep in his throat.

        “The rachni didn’t kill her,” she said softly, but the krogan’s head snapped up and he growled at her, cutting her off.

        “They might as well have,” Wrex snarled. “That witch wouldn’t have been there if it wasn’t for the queen. They wanted an army? That worked so well the first time around!”

        Xel backed up when he faced her, his body tense under the blue uniform he wore. The lack of armor did make him smaller, but no less imposing. He could kill her, easily, if he charged her right into the wall of the medical bay. “I wasn’t going to condemn that queen to death for a past she had no part in. She understood why her people died, and she will not make the same mistake.”

        “You’ll regret that, Shepard,” his fingers were curled up into fists. “Mark my words.”

        With her back straight, she kept his glare. He didn’t want to be comforted, he didn’t want to be told it was all right to cry about someone he cared about. He was krogan, and that meant he needed to hit something. “I take full responsibility for what happened, and you will remember on whose ship you stand.”

        His back stiffened and he wrinkled his snout, bunching the skin under his forehead plate. “Yes… _Commander_.”

        When he turned to leave, Xel felt a wave of regret.

        Ashley spoke up, her voice soft, “He’s just pissed, Shepard.”

        “Everyone is.”

 

 

        Xel’s butt and legs had long since fallen asleep by the time the meeting doors opened. The red turian paused in the doorway, regarding her with a perked brow and pulsing mandibles.

        “How long have you been there?”

        “I’m not sure,” she replied honestly, noting his voice was flat. She tried to stand and found the action nearly impossible. Nihlus caught her arm and helped her up. “My butt says an eternity, but my legs say forever,” she took a stab at humor to see if he would take the bait.

        “Why not wait somewhere more comfortable?” It wasn’t quite the reaction she was hoping, but he was speaking to her, which was better than she’d feared.

        “I didn’t want to risk you taking off in an escape pod before we talked.” Again, she smiled to show it was a joke, but she knew her eyes betrayed the stress she felt.

        “If I didn’t want to be here, I’d be gone already,” he assured her.

        “Well, that’s comforting.” She hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but there it was. It did make his mandibles twitch in what she thought might have been a smile, though.

        “So…” his mandibles flared in curiosity. “You wanted to talk?”

        “Yes I did,” she nodded and took a deep breath. “About what happened on Noveria.”

        “I imagine you had a specific incident in mind?”

        Well, he was feeling coy. She tried to keep her eyes from narrowing too much and replied with, “Yes, the Rachni Queen. I wanted to make sure we were… okay,” she felt her worry starting to seep into her words. “Things got… tense down there.”

        “We?” his dark mandibles drew in closer to his face. “I may not agree with how you handled it, but I don’t hold any of what happened against you. At first I was a bit bothered,” he confessed, “Once I cooled down and thought about it from your perspective; it made sense. The Council races were all involved in the Rachni Wars and humans weren’t.” His emerald eyes focused on her. “While I still stand by my actions, I’m not upset with you for your decision, or the crew’s choice to stand by you.”

        Her shoulders relaxed some, relieved of a tension she hadn’t been aware of. “Thank you, Nihlus.”

        “Was there anything else you wanted to talk about?” he seemed to relax as well.

        “I…” she hesitated, but made it a point to keep her gaze on his face. “I want to know what we are, and what you want out of this relationship. I think that will help ease my mind.” The last bit was added after a pause. She hoped that this didn’t run him off. That’d be just what she needed right now.

        His mandibles fluttered and he looked away briefly. “I won’t lie and say I had a specific intent in mind when we first… came together.” He chose his words carefully, in case someone overheard. “I haven’t pursued relationships often. Anyone who isn’t a Specter just doesn’t understand the time commitment and stress that comes with the job. But now…” he moved closer to her, close enough that she could kiss him.

        A smile twitched at her lips and she tilted her face up to him, leaving half a breath’s distance between them. “But now…?”

        “You…” he pressed his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. “You change things. I want to try it. Damn the risks.”

        Xel touched his mandible and closed her eyes. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.” She sighed, smiling, “I’m sure it doesn’t seem that way sometimes, but I couldn’t have done this without you, Nihlus.”

        “Yes, you could have. It’d just take you longer.” Then he added, “And you’d have fewer orgasms.” His words were growled lowly, his subharmonics luring her in.

        Her breath left her in something between a huff and startled laugh. “Is that so?” She met his emerald eyes and perked a brow curiously. “Did you want to add another to the list?”

        “Or two,” he stepped back from her, heading toward the stairs. She followed him. “Or three.”

        They made it to her quarters without notice, and in moments they were stripped bare. Shepard hit the bed with a bounce and Nihlus pulled her to the edge, leaning over her so that he could see her face. She smiled and licked her palms before grabbing his horn. She massaged it up the rest of the way, until it was firm in her hand, then she shimmied her hips closer.

        She ran his head through her slick and watched his face. His mandibles pulsed and his green eyes rolled back. That was a sight. Xel hooked her legs on his hips and pulled him to her, sinking his horn into her soaked folds. They both sighed and he adjusted his arms so he supported himself above her, but cradled her to his chest. Her legs kept his hips pressed to her and her arms circled him, holding him close.

        It was the most intimate they’d ever been. Her face buried in his neck, taking in his scent and that lovely hormone, his growling subharmonics in her ear, and his thrusts short but strong into her. His talons dragged over her skin, light, almost teasing. They should have been a threat, but it felt more like a promise.

        He won’t hurt her.

        Xel clamped down on him and his rhythm faltered with the new resistance. He growled and placed a hand on her hip, holding her as he changed pace and angle. Now he pushed in, running the spines along his horn over her clit. Each one ticking by as a tantalizing flick. She arched her back against him and received an approving rumble.

        Nihlus ran his teeth over her neck and traced his tongue down her sternum, between her swaying breasts. The heat of his breath washed over her sweaty skin, making her shudder.

        Xel let out a strangled moan and her toes curled. She was getting so close. Just having him was enough it seemed. He barely had to do anything more than _take_ her and she unraveled. Feeling his plates against her skin. Tasting his tongue on hers. Hearing his melodic sounds. Breathing in his hormone. And seeing he was experiencing it all, too…

        **_Knock, knock, knock_**.

        Xel jumped but Nihlus held her tight, almost protectively below him, turning his head toward the door.

        “Shepard? You… ya got minute?” Wrex asked through the door.

        Xel gasped and tried to move, but Nihlus growled and stubbornly held his ground. “Just ask him what he needs,” the turian whispered.

        She could feel his cock twitch inside her and she realized just how this was going to go. “W-what is it that you need, Wrex?”

        There was a pause. “I should apologize for earlier. It’s just…”

        Nihlus started moving again, his rhythm slow and hard. “I understand,” she called out as the turian put his teeth on her throat. His back arched as he put more power into the thrusts.

        “Thanks, Shepard.”

        There was a pause.

        “Garrus… well, Garrus said you were interested in what Nis and I were talking about.”

        “Yes, yes of course,” she tried to make the words come out naturally. They were more so pounded out of her as Nihlus picked up his pace, seeming as if he was coming close to his end. She had to admit it was driving her higher.

        “You okay, Shepard?” the krogan growled.

        “Y-yes, Wrex, just,” she groaned as Nihlus plunged deep and came. “Suddenly… unsteady. I apologize.”

        “You humans aren’t as strong as you pretend to be,” he sounded like he was smiling. “Should go easier on yourselves.”

        “You know I can’t,” she sighed as the turian ran his tongue over her perked breast and pulled out of her, sinking lower with his wandering mouth.

        “Yeah. Anyway, what we were talking about,” the krogan grunted, “There’s this set of armor, right? And… well, I don’t really think telling a door about this is really…”

        “I understand, let me just…” Nihlus buried his face in her folds and she yelped.

        “Take care of yourself, Commander, I’ll be in the mess.”

        “On it,” Shepard barked. When there wasn’t a reply, she assumed the krogan left. It was a welcome relief, especially since Nihlus was working her with his tongue. Lip plates pressed against her swollen clit, massaging it as he tilted his head back and forth. Growling subharmonics vibrated, driving the high straight up.

        Her toes curled and she saw white.

       She barely heard him say he was going to get something to clean them up. Her thoughts were lost in the high of knowing she had Nihlus, that they were together and that wasn’t looking to change, even with Saren. They were going to be happy. As happy as two Spectres could be.

        When she could feel everything again, Xel rolled over and watched as the other Spectre stood in front of her desk holding the picture frame of her family. He was regarding it with a tilted head when he seemed to notice she was looking at him. “You’ve mentioned your mother, what about your father?”

        “He’s gone.”

        He hummed and sat the picture down. “You look like them –a healthy mix.” He gestured to his eyes, “Your father’s eyes.” Then he waved his hand from the top of his head to his shoulder, “Your mother’s hair.”

        She nodded and wet her lips, looking at the picture, but the image had flicked to black. “I was always told I look more like my mother, but I thought I looked like my dad…”

        “How was your relationship with him?”

        The question went deeper than he could have known. Her father had been with her through all of her training, he’d been there for the Skyllian Blitz, and he’d been the only one who knew how Akuze really affected her. He didn’t try to comfort her, make it okay, or tell her just to live and learn. “He was my best friend,” she said, the words a whisper. “He always knew that my choices were based on more than a whim. He _knew_ me.” She looked up and forced a smile to the red turian, standing nude at the foot of her bed. “He accepted me for everything I was and never tried to make me different. He would have… encouraged me in this relationship, not questioned it…” she stopped speaking but _like my mother_ hung on the end.

        “I’m sorry, Xelvadora. I shouldn’t have brought him up.” His thumb ran over her cheek and she realized she was crying.

        She looked up at him and shook her head, “It’s fine. I just… mom doesn’t talk about him much. I… I don’t talk about him much. He–” she took a deep breath. “He died a year after Akuze. A stupid kid thought he’d impress his girlfriend, he was showing off his dad’s old pistol, it scared her, he was pointing it at her. He took the mag out but… he didn’t…” she wet her lips and squeezed her soaked eyes shut. “My dad ran up. It was the middle of the day and these kids were sitting out on his front porch, but you can’t just go waving a gun at someone. Not with an Alliance soldier walking by.”

        “He wanted to save the girl.”

        “She was scared because he was pointing a gun at her, he said it was empty and my dad came running up, telling him to stop. He pointed it at him instead and–and he called my dad a _dumbass_ for being in the Alliance and not knowing when an arm was empty.” Xel cleared her throat and rubbed her eyes. “He shot him to prove it was empty. The bullet hit my dad right in the neck. There… there was blood _everywhere_. All over his uniform…”

        Nihlus sat down on the bed and pulled her to his chest. She cried some more. It had been five years, but it hurt every time he was brought up. It was a badly healed wound. Her mother had shut down, backed off, and grown colder after what happened. This was the first time she had told the whole story to someone.

        “I–I’m sorry.”

        “You don’t have to be,” he whispered, his deep voice comforting as he pressed his face into her neck. “Thank you for trusting me enough to share that with me.”

        Xel cried again, but she knew some wounds needed to be reopened to heal properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the long wait, I hope this was satisfactory!


	19. Little Miss Muffet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's just say the title SHOULD be "Little Mr. Kryik" and the curds and whey is Xel, and the spider is... well, you'll see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little Miss Muffet  
> Sat on a tuffet,  
> Eating her curds and whey;  
> Along came a spider[2]  
> Who sat down beside her  
> And frightened Miss Muffet away.
> 
> So, so, so, so sorry for the long wait, school's been kicking my ass and I've been sitting on this chapter 3/4 of the way done for a month and I just COULD NOT GET THE SMUT TO FLOW. Well, I fixed that like an hour ago and now I have it done! Please enjoy as the plot thickens!

            Wrex was smiling when Xel made it out to him. She tried to ignore it, but then he looked up at her and flat out laughed.

            “That turian has quite the quad on him.”

            “What’s the supposed to mean?” she snorted and took the chair across from him.

            “You two aren’t as quiet as you think –not to krogan ears,” the old man smirked. “Anyway. Like I said,” he started getting right to business, “there’s this set of armor. It’s important to my fami– well me. It belonged to my ancestors before the rebellions. Long story short, a turian’s got it and I want it back.”

            “Done,” Shepard smiled at him and the krogan blinked, surprised.

            “Done? You don’t want any other information?”

            “Nope,” Xel stood up and shrugged. “You want it back and it was your family’s. That’s good enough for me. Do you know where it is?”

            “Yes,” he stood up too quickly and his chair screeched. Both of them ignored it. “I know right where it is.”

            “Then let’s go get it back,” she stuck her thumb over her shoulder. Wrex bared his teeth in a wide smile

 

 

            The turian’s name was Tonn Actus, and he was _very_ surprised to be visited by two Spectres in the company of a turian sniper and krogan mercenary. Being a pirate, he shot them on sight instead of trying to negotiate. It made running his men over with the Mako more fun though.

            Shepard grinned as Wrex turned the limp turian over so he could look at him before spitting on his helmet. Garrus and Nihlus weren’t the least bit uncomfortable killing their own kind, and both took advantage of the break in fighting to loot the bodies of ammo and valuables. Xel accompanied Wrex upstairs as they searched through the collection of krogan artifacts.

            “Did you want to send any of this back to Tuchanka?” she asked, looking at some of the pieces that looked fairly expensive.

            “No, if they want their stuff back, they can come get it,” Wrex grunted as he flipped through the ledger on a datascreen. “I came here for myself…”

            The way he said that she didn’t quite believe him. “Nis helped you find this guy didn’t she?”

            “Yeah.”

            That was all he said and she didn’t think it wise to press him for more. It took some time, but eventually the krogan let out a confirmation noise and marched off in a particular direction. Shepard followed with their turians in tow.

            The room that had Wrex’s family armor was small, and the safe it was contained in needed decoding. Garrus knelt in front of it and pressed his omnitool up to it before he started tapping away. The krogan looked like he wanted to throw him aside and just break it open, but he kept himself still and waited.

            It probably felt like an eternity to him, but to Xel it was just a few breaths.

            Then it was unlocked, and Garrus stepped away before he could get shoved. Wrex was on the door, opening it with surprising care, as if he was worried it would hurt the contents. And then he picked up the armor and turned to them.

            His expression was thoughtful for a brief second, and then he seemed to snap out of it and glanced up at the company around him. “All right, we got what we came for. Let’s go save the universe.”

 

 

            The Council was actually helpful. The revelation was shocking, but not altogether unwelcome. Nihlus was sharp with them, reminding them of the verbal thrashing they’d given him only to turn around and need him and Shepard to check on a special ops team on Virmire.

            Shepard just stood back and let the turian handle them. They ended up reminding him this wasn’t a hard lead and if nothing came of it they didn’t want him coming back on them. He made no promises, and then hung up on them.

            “I like when you get a little defiant,” Xel smirked.

            “Is that so?” he turned to her and lifted his chin.

            “Yeah, don’t get to see naughty turians all the time. Too many of you have a stick up your ass,” she grinned playfully. They were both in a good mood, but that was probably because of the alone time they’d gotten after returning from Wrex’s mission.

            “Joking aside, we should check on the lead. It’s all we have on Saren right now, and I don’t think we can afford to leave it be.”

            “I agree. If nothing else, it may be a team that needs help,” she added and the turian nodded.

            “Did you catch that Joker?” Nihlus glanced upward.

            _“All of it, yup.”_

            Xel sighed and rubbed her forehead. “Good to know,” she called up.

            _“Hey, I’m just happy you two aren’t killing each other,”_ the Flight Lieutenant chuckled and she heard the comm shut off.

            “He’s a good kid,” she tried but the turian wasn’t bothered.

            “We should go down to the armory and make sure everything’s set. We can’t know what we’re going to run into on Virmire.”

            “I agree.”

            They walked together down to the elevator that then took them into the cargo hold. Williams was in the back tinkering with a gun while Garrus and Wrex were on the mats. At this moment, the young turian was _trying_ to get a reach on the krogan. But the larger man simply held his palm out and gripped the boy’s forehead, holding him at arm's length in a rather comical pose.

            It only lasted a second before he rolled away and sprung onto the hulking man’s back.

            Xel smirked and glanced sideways at Nihlus who was watching with interest. “I’m craving a rematch,” she admitted and watched the turian’s brow plates shift curiously and his emerald gaze flick to her.

            “Is that so?”

            “Any tips?”

            “He relies on his reach, use your flexibility,” he looked back at the younger man, his eyes thoughtful. “He won’t hurt you, he respects you: show him you won’t back down, and he might just relent.”

            “I don’t want him to let me win.”

            “This isn’t about him letting you win, it’s about getting him to show his respect for you.” Nihlus looked over at her, his expression one of a teacher. “He won’t hurt you, it’s a simple fact. So either he pins you and humiliates you –not his intention but the result nonetheless– _or_ you show him you won’t allow him to pin you so he will have to relent or hurt you. Seeing he won’t willingly cause you harm…” he left her to the conclusion and she nodded, understanding now.

            “All right, so, keep him from getting a hold on me,” she frowned a little, her mauve eyes narrowing in thought. “He reaches with his right arm.”

            “You’re left handed, right? Use it.”

            She was surprised he caught it. She didn’t really show it, that she thought at least, most things she did she ended up doing ambidextrously. “All right.”

            “Vakarian,” Nihlus hollered, his subharmonics backing the call.

            The silver turian spun around and perked a brow plate at his name. Wrex took the chance to give him and good shove right in the carapace, knocking the young man to the mat. Xel covered her smile and tried not to laugh, which resulted in a snort. Garrus lifted his head and glared momentarily over his shoulder at Wrex. The krogan simple smiled and strolled away.

            Vakarian was on his feet; bouncing to keep his blood flowing and he splayed his mandibles at Shepard. “Something I can do for you?”

            “Rematch,” she nodded and unbuttoned her blouse. Under it, she was in a white tank top which showed her black bra, but neither Garrus nor Nihlus paid it any attention. The silver turian simply readied himself, pulling his gloves back on –apparently, Wrex wasn’t threatened enough by the talons to require their use. She was dressed in her cargo pants, so she hiked them up to her calf to give her legs some flexibility, and kicked her boots off.

            “You’re sure, Shepard?” Garrus asked, rolling his head to work his neck. His fringe skirted the arch of his carapace, hovering just above it from practiced repetition.

            “Absolutely,” she came forward, bounding onto the mat. “Come on, Vakarian, you’re not worried, are you?”

            “If you’re going to call me a chicken,” he said with splayed mandibles, “I’ll have you know I’ve done some research and I find that mildly offensive.”

            She grinned at him, “I would never mean it.”

            “I know,” his voice was low as he drew close. Xel lost track of where Nihlus was, her focus zeroing in on the silver turian.

            “I’ll think of something better,” she perked a brow at him. “Give me some time.”

            “You have until we die, Shepard,” he purred and lunged.

            Xel barely rolled out of the way to keep from getting taken right down. As she turned, the turian was there. Lifting her arms, she blocked his strikes, knocking away his gloved hands so that he couldn’t get a hold on her. It wasn’t going to last, though, he was going to wear her out at this rate.

            Shepard threw a punch at his side, behind the stomach plates lining his abs, in the soft side. The scales of his back scratched her knuckles, but she hissed and moved on, watching the turian shifted at the harsh contact. He felt it, but it didn’t do much beyond that.

            Vakarian blocked her next shot, knocking her fist away almost effortlessly, and crowded her, getting too close for her to know what to do with. His digitigrade leg slipped between hers, the spur caught her calf, and when he shifted, she tripped, forced down to the mat. The turian was over her, pinning her down as she attempted to struggle out of his grip. A soft hum rumbled low in his chest, behind her ear.

            It was a sound she’d heard before, but not from Garrus. She couldn’t quite place it. The subharmonics made it melodic and for a moment her mind started to drift.

            She thought about all the times she’d been with Nihlus, how he’d made these sounds, and her ecstasy was driven higher by a pheromone put off by the male.

            A roar ripped through the air and Garrus was torn from Xel.

            Startled, she rolled over and nearly had a heart attack. Nihlus was positioned low, arms held out with talons curled, mouth wider than she’d ever seen a turian manage, and mandibles parted wide to show those needle teeth. But he wasn’t looking at her, he was looking at Garrus, his emerald eyes wide, piercing. The rumbling in his chest was thunderous, low enough it quaked Shepard’s bones and rattled her eardrums, but it paired with a hiss that threaded from his throat in a continuous stream.

            Quickly, she looked at Garrus and found him taking a similar pose, but not nearly as offensive. He had a fresh wound on his neck from Nihlus’ talons, two deep gashes on the right, one on the left. Inky blue blood started filling the lacerations, spilling into the lip of his carapace, falling to the point of his chest. The blue stood out against the tan and silver of him, just darker than his eyes because of the thickness of the liquid.

            Shepard took in everything and jumped to her feet. “What the hell,” she shouted at the red turian, her expression dark. “Kryik,” the word was little more than a snarl –though it held little weight compared to theirs.

            It took a moment, but the other Spectre turned to look at her, his expression softening right away. Garrus also straightened, seeming to relax until he touched his neck and felt the blood. Nihlus looked at his talons, watching the blood drip from their curved tips.

            “I’m going to medbay,” Garrus breathed and took off, his steps looking uneven and wobbly. Xel glared at Nihlus before running to the silver turian’s side.

            “Vakarian, let me help you.”

            She made it to the elevator and cut through the doors, causing them to open back up before coming closed. As the doors shut, she met Nihlus’ glare with her own.

            The silver turian didn’t look at her, instead, he kept his eyes closed and hands pressed to his neck, hard. Xel reached for him, but shied away, unsure of what to do, or if she could help. “What was that about? What happened?”

            His blue eyes peeked sideways at her and then squeezed shut. “I… it was a…” his voice was coming out a little too low and she waved her hands, before lying them on top of his, adding pressure to the wounds.

            “Never mind, don’t speak until Chakwas gets a look at you.”

            The elevator opened and they moved quickly into the sickbay. Chakwas was in the middle of comparing notes with Vator over something, but both were quiet when the doors cycled open and the bleeding man all but fell through with Shepard supporting as much of his height as she could.

            “By God, what happened?” the doctor rushed forward and Vator cleared a space for him to lie down.

            “We were sparring,” Garrus grunted, “Nihlus wasn’t wearing gloves.”

            Shepard was about to correct the story, but Chakwas huffed, “I know you boys are used to turian ships and how they’re run, but you two really should wear the protective gear no matter who you’re sparring with.” Then she turned on Xel. “And I believe the sparring should be done with altogether. It’s dangerous and we can’t risk crew like this, with what’s at stake.”

            Shepard opened her mouth to speak, but Garrus cut in, “It won’t happen again.”

            Chakwas nodded and turned to Vator, getting what they needed to close the wounds. They weren’t all that deep, and it looked like the bleeding had slowed. Nothing major had been cut, but Shepard still bent over the turian lying on the table with his head turned so as not to put pressure on his fringe.

            “When they’re done with you, I need to talk to you about this,” the tone of her voice was final and he nodded once. The blue of his eyes seemed to pale, either in fear or blood loss. She straightened up and marched out of the medbay, keen on finding the other Spectre.

            Ten minutes later and she was tapping her foot with crossed arms, glaring up at the red turian in the dim lighting of her quarters.

            “Explain. Now.”

            Nihlus looked everywhere but at her. It was a casual avoidance that she almost mistook for disinterest. He stared at her model ship, using a talon to pick up the nose and turn it for inspection. Right when she sucked in the breath to speak, he cut her off with, “It was a dominance display.”

            “Excuse me?”

            “He,” Nihlus lifted his head, thinking. “He needed to know you’re mine.”

            Shepard dropped her arms and crossed the room, looking him in the face. “So you cut open his neck?”

            “You know what he was doing,” the turian growled, narrowing his eyes at her. “You liked it, I could smell it on you.”

            “What’re you–?”

            He cut her off as his head tilted, his eyes rolled over her face. “You really didn’t notice, did you? What were you thinking about? Me?” His questions came too quickly for her to reply, but she opened her mouth nonetheless. Nothing came out, but at least she made the effort. “He was trying to claim you. He didn’t know we were serious, and you were letting him, at least in his mind.”

            Nihlus lifted a hand and ran the back of his knuckles down her cheek. His mandibles twitched and he tilted his head to the other side, looking at her with what could only be a crooked smile. Finally, Xel found her voice. “You liked showing your dominance.”

            “I missed it,” he admitted and shifted closer, crowding her, but she liked it. Looking up into those green eyes of his, she couldn’t think of anything else.

            She wanted to say something else, but Nihlus was on her, his mouth pressed against hers and his hands sliding down her sides. He’d gotten pretty good at massaging her lips with his plates. It was different from kissing a human, but it had its own draw. And when his tongue snaked out she lost it.

            Her hands went to his neck, grabbing him for support as he leaned forward, over her. A growl reverberated in his chest, humming low so it sent a shiver down her spine.

            He backed her up to the bed, her calves bumped the mattress. The turian turned her around and trailed his teeth down her neck, brushing her hair out of the way with a hand. It was falling out of its bun, so she took it the rest of the way down. This invited him to grab a handful at the roots and tip her head to the side. His tongue traced the tendon of her neck, and his teeth grazed over the surface.

            Nihlus’ hands were busy, moving to the front of her blouse, working on the buttons as she ground her rear against his front. He growled at her as his teeth rested on her skin. It was an idle threat, one that excited her, and he knew it. No doubt he could smell everything she was feeling, and that damned pheromone on him clouded her thoughts.

            Air wafted over her stomach when her blouse was opened. Xel sucked in a surprised breath and opened her eyes. He cupped her breasts, massaging them over the bra. She grinned, but he quickly removed his hands and ripped her blouse from her shoulders. Nihlus tossed it aside and then knelt behind her.

            He ran his plated lips down her spin and gripped the hem of her pants, holding them there as he pressed a kiss to the small of her back. The surprising tenderness shocked her and then he struck.

            Nihlus yanked her pants down over her rear, past her legs, and to her ankles. The cool air of her room made her jump and he chuckled, pressing his lips into the curve of her ass. Shifting, she stepped out of the pants and turned to face him.

            “You’re more affectionate now,” she commented and watched his painted brow lift, as if surprised.

            “Am I?” he growled and stood. When he looked down at her she grinned and ran a finger down his mandible, tracing the design.

            “I like it.”

            Nihlus took her to the bed, roughly. They bounced, but a laugh came from Xel nonetheless. The turian turned her over and lifted her hips so he could bury his face between her cheeks. His tongue lapped at her clit and up her slit. A groan fell from her lips when he plunged in and wiggled around. For only a moment he pulled away to say, “Already soaked, Commander,” and went right back in.

            Xel’s cheeks burned and she pressed her face into the crook of her arm to muffle her pleasured sounds. He growled at her, though, and squeezed her ass cheek. She tilted her head and let out a low sigh. He rewarded her with a knuckle rubbing her clit.

            This time she gave him a louder noise and he pressed his face into her hard, sinking his tongue as deep as he could. The sensation was like no other and she whimpered for more. Then he pulled away and she almost cried.

            “Speak, Xelvadora.”

            “More,” she barely got out and peeked over her shoulder at him. She could see his face hovering above her rear. He held her hip in one hand and the other massaged her clit, making her legs shake.

            “More what?”

            “I need,” she cleared her throat. “I need more inside me.”

            He splayed his mandibles and his finger moved from her clit up to her dripping lips. “You need more _what_ inside you?”

            “You.”

            “Say who, Xelvadora.”

            “I need you, Nihlus.”

            A rumbling growl resonated in his chest and he plunged his finger into her. The curve of his claw pressed her walls, but the point avoided opening her. The threat was almost enough to pull her from her ecstasy, but the feeling of him moving his thick digit into her and dragging it out, brushing her clit as he went…

            “You’re mine, Xelvadora, do you understand?” his grip on her tightened and his hand moved faster. Wet sounds filled the air, mixing with his flanging growl and her whimpers and moans.

            “Yes,” she breathed, arching her back. He was hitting her just right, and he knew it. No doubt he could feel her body react.

            “That boy doesn’t get to _touch_ you like this,” he growled, leaning in behind her ear so she could only hear his voice.

            “No he doesn’t,” she agreed. She was so close. She was just on the edge, she just needed a little more from him.

            “He couldn’t do this for you,” Nihlus snarled. The vibration was almost enough. “He couldn’t make you feel the way I do, Xelvadora. Say it.”

            “He can’t,” she tried and gripped the sheets in tight fists. Her whole body was going tense. She could feel it coming. “He can’t do this,” she tried to get the words out but her mind was just too cloudy.

            “Who does this for you? Who gets you off?”

            “Nihlus,” she cried and came. Her body quivered and she arched back, tossing her head so she could suck in air.

            The red turian didn’t stop his pace, though, the brutal pounding worked her right through the high until she was face down on the mattress.

            Hair matted and brow damp, she tried to form a thought, but was distracted by a new sensation at her tight pussy.

            Nihlus’ horn slid down her entrance, dipping to brush her engorged clit. He held her hips in a hand so she was upright for him. The other guided his length to her damp opening. Xel bit her lip and swayed her hips. She wanted more.

            “Ready?” Nihlus growled, hand sliding down her back, following her spine. She nodded and he hummed a melodic sound. His horn found her tight entrance and he used both hands on her hips to pull her back onto him.

            Xel’s head snapped back when he completely sheathed himself inside her. She gasped and gripped the sheets, clamping down on him as well. He growled and his nails pressed into the flesh of her rear. A dazed smile split her lips and she pressed back against him, forcing him just a little deeper.

            “Seems like you really wanted that,” he stated and slid a hand up her side to her shoulder. Xel grabbed her hair from her neck and offered it to him. He took it and gave it a test pull.

            Her eyes rolled back and she groaned. “Yes.” The relief of hot hair off her sweating neck was just as nice as the sting of her roots prickling when he pulled her back. The turian’s other handheld fast on her waist, holding her right up to him.

            “You wanted me to fuck you.”

            “Yes.”

            “Say it, Xelvadora.”

            “I wanted you to fuck me, Nihlus.”

            “Good,” he snarled and pushed her down into the mattress gripping her hair tight. She gasped and bit her lip as he drove himself into her, fucking her hard and fast.

            The slapping of his hips against her ass stung, he was more bone and plate than flesh, but it was a good sting. The grip he had on her hair was controlling, but not painful. The hand he had on her hip kept her at just the right angle to keep his horn dragging right along her most tender walls.

            He was all she could feel, smell, taste, and think of.

            Xel came while he fucked her. The sensation being too much and she said his name in a broken cry. He growled, his own pleasure spiking at that.

            The pheromone off of him was thick enough to make it hard to breathe, but that was a feeling all its own. The turian dominating her got his own pleasure from the whimpering and moaning woman beneath him.

            It didn’t take either of them long to find their end this time around. And when he did, he filled her up, coming deep inside her so she could feel the pulse of his horn.

            That did it for her, again, and she came one more time. Her walls flex, milking him as her body greedily kneaded him.

            Xel’s body went limp before Nihlus pulled out of her. A soft growl of protest left him and he dropped onto his hands so he could crawl up next to her.

            She smiled at him and tried to think of something to say. He lowered his head and pressed his forehead against hers. Her heart leaped and she lifted a hand to hold him there.

            Nihlus shifted, lying down next to her, and kept his face to hers, moving gently so that he could give her little kisses with his plated lips, and then return her forehead to his. He ran a hand along her arm and down her side, over her hips and back up. The touch was delicate and sweet, and it made her heart swell.

            When their breathing came back down, she hooked a leg over his hip and brushed her fingers under his mandibles and fringe. A soft purring sound echoed in his chest and she felt his horn press against her lower lips again. She was soaked still, wet with the mix of their ecstasy. It made it easy for him to slide right back into her.

            This time they moved together, slow and soft. Her hips rocked and he held her close, their faces pressed together so that their breathing mixed. Neither opened their eyes, instead, they focused on the feeling of the other. Hands holding on tightly, needing. Her walls clamping around him, and his horn filling her, the bristles along the top running along her clit.

            This time she rolled them over and straddled him, sitting down on him so that he filled her. They didn’t part, though, keeping close to each other. It felt like they both needed that.

            Xel whimpered and his name fell from her lips. He growled hers in reply and they came undone together, the slow love making doing even more than the previous fuck.

            She lied on his chest, feeling him grow soft inside her. Xel lifted her face and looked him in the eye. He tipped his chin up, looking her over as if to make sure she was fully satisfied.

            Her heart leaped and she whispered, “I love you.”

            The Spectre under her went stiff and Xel realized just what she’d done.

            Nihlus looked away from her and made a sound in his throat. “I, uh,” he gently rolled them over so Xel no longer was on top of him and he fled the bed, going to the ensuite. She stared after him, sitting up with wide mauve eyes, filling with fear and regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "L" word scares some people.


End file.
